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Dilemma
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39 replies to this topic

#26 sleeplessmamma

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:37 PM

I totally agree with everyone else here, I had an emergency c-section with DS and some people still ask to explain why, I am having an elective c-section with this one due to the first. But the reason I am replying is that a friend has the symptoms you describe, possibly resulting from her first pregnancy and would love to get pregnant again but is scared to so reading your (and other PP's) stories is absolutely fantastic to hear. I've told her to come on EB to see if anyone else can understand what she's going through and to give her advice and support as well, and this thread proves it! Good luck hope it goes well, I'm booked in for the 19th April!

#27 Crodka

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:39 PM

You dont need to tell them anything. I dont ask people how they delivered and I really hope people dont tell all the gory details anyway.
I would only ask my very best friend reason for a caesar.

#28 lynneyours

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:51 PM

QUOTE (Cacti @ 25/03/2012, 07:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
C&H, just because someone asks doesn't mean you need to tell them. If they ask why you had the caesar, I'd say, "The doctors thought it was the best option, and we agreed" and say nothing further.


I like this advice.  Just announce the birth as normal - no mention of how.  ie
we are proud to announce the safe arrival of (name) on (date/time), weighing (x) etc.  Mum and baby both doing well.  


If people ask WHY you had a caesar, you could just say "why do you want to know?"  It is a pretty rude question.

#29 CEJCEJ

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:56 PM

QUOTE (Cacti @ 25/03/2012, 05:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
C&H, just because someone asks doesn't mean you need to tell them. If they ask why you had the caesar, I'd say, "The doctors thought it was the best option, and we agreed" and say nothing further.



Words of wisdom. If they press just remember is is nothing but idle gossip to them.

#30 countrychic29

Posted 26 March 2012 - 03:45 PM

Hi OP, i too suffer from VVS and have suffered at varying degrees over the last 8 years. Finally at a stage where it is not nearly as painful (but as you know we just seem to live with it) we just decided to TTC and low and behold now almost 5 weeks pregnant after one month.
So i have the same dilemma, go natural and risk being back at square one. Or Elective which i'm leaning towards...i will be going with the breech version i think original.gif or just telling no one and say it was an emergency due to labour not progressing shrug.gif
I wish you all the best OP and please dont worry about anyone else but yourself and your baby.  good luck biggrin.gif

#31 Stephvfr

Posted 26 March 2012 - 04:30 PM

My sister told people that she had a narrow pelvis and that's why she had to have a c-section. (I couldn't believe it as she is not a petite lady). Turns out just elective... and I say each to their own, especially after 2 natural births original.gif

I think saying due to a medical condition would be fine. I can't imagine people asking you to go into details. Or even "it was better for everyone" and leave it at that.

#32 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:29 PM

QUOTE (cardamom @ 26/03/2012, 02:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Clucky, thank you for your offer of a PM, I'm trying to send one but the system doesn't seem to be working for me sad.gif I'll contact mods now, and hopefully be able to message you tomorrow, if that's okay!


It's completely okay!! Let me know how you go with the mods biggrin.gif

#33 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:31 PM

QUOTE (spersephone @ 26/03/2012, 02:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have this as well, but didn't have a Caesarean.  However, perhaps if I did, it wouldn't be such an issue for me now.  I wouldn't be telling anyone, I certainly haven't gone out of my way to tell people that my sex life is crap because it hurts so much, that I simply "put up" with it and get nothing out of it myself.

I think it depends on who you're talking to, and whether there is honestly any reason to disclose this to them.  Otherwise, just say it's been recommended by your doctor due to another medical condition you have.


Hi spersephone, sorry to hear that you also have this issue. Do you mind me asking how your experience was with giving birth naturally?

I hope you are feeling better and getting the treatment that you need.

#34 Escapin

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:37 PM

I'm with the PPs who say not to tell anyone beforehand what your plan is. When people ask, you can just say 'whatever is best for me and the baby'. Congratulations BTW original.gif

#35 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:41 PM

Sorry for my many posts, I'm still not sure how to quote more than once in the same post?!

I just wanted to say thank you SO much for all of your comments, it has meant the world to me. And to those fellow VVS sufferers and the like, many thanks for being brave enough to step forward and share your experiences. I have felt so alone with this condition and I hope we can help each other out in the future! I hope you are all doing well in this journey and that you are getting the treatment, love and attention that you deserve. I'm always here if you ladies need a vent.

~A Poetic Winter~ - I'm so sorry to hear that your tear with the birth of your DS brought on so much pain. I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better. It sounds like you are pregnant again? (sorry was just assuming when you said you were planning for the next one to be a natural birth?) If you are, I wish you all the best with it all and I hope it's a beautiful experience for you.

countrychic29 - congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope you are having an amazing experience and that the pain has been close to non existent. It sounds like you are doing well with it though, I too have struggled with it but have managed the pain very well considering! Good luck with your decision in terms of the birth, I hope this thread has helped you also!!

xxx

#36 spersephone

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (Cluckyandhopeful @ 27/03/2012, 02:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do you mind me asking how your experience was with giving birth naturally?


I think mine is somewhat psychological.  I enjoyed most of my three births, but I really really really really really hated the pushing.  I felt like I was going to tear apart.  I did tear, and that was fine, it healed well.  It turns out that the tear has not left any sort of damage which might explain my issue.

A gynaecologist gave me some cortisone like cream to use which has helped slightly, but basically the moment anything goes near that area, I'm tense and it hurts.  Because it hurts, I don't relax, and I certainly can't get in the mood.

It's been going on since my last baby, but I had it to some extent since my first in 1996, periods of it on and off.  

So it's been 3 1/2 years so far, and all I can do is hope that one day it gets better.


#37 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 28 March 2012 - 09:54 AM

QUOTE (spersephone @ 27/03/2012, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think mine is somewhat psychological.  I enjoyed most of my three births, but I really really really really really hated the pushing.  I felt like I was going to tear apart.  I did tear, and that was fine, it healed well.  It turns out that the tear has not left any sort of damage which might explain my issue.

A gynaecologist gave me some cortisone like cream to use which has helped slightly, but basically the moment anything goes near that area, I'm tense and it hurts.  Because it hurts, I don't relax, and I certainly can't get in the mood.

It's been going on since my last baby, but I had it to some extent since my first in 1996, periods of it on and off.  

So it's been 3 1/2 years so far, and all I can do is hope that one day it gets better.


Hi spersephone, thank you so much for responding. I can completely understand about the pushing, it's something that I have always been worried about as well. I'm so happy to hear that your tear healed well, this is something that I worry about too with having this condition.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been officially diagnosed yet?

I have undertaken treatment for VVS and have felt SO much better. Because of this I have been able to resume a much more 'normal' sex life. I don't know how I'll be after our baby is born, but I now have the tools to try and manage the pain. I have tried the creams, ointments and numbing gel but never found these to help over a long term period. The treatment I have been having has helped with the source of the pain.

Am more than happy to PM you with more details if you're interested? Of course I don't mean to pry, so please don't feel like you have to answer! I understand this condition can be very tricky and it's very private  original.gif

#38 spersephone

Posted 28 March 2012 - 10:03 AM

Yes, I went to a specialist, who confirmed that there is no physical problem, as I had hoped was the simple answer. So now I just get on with my life and wait to see if it gets better one day.

#39 PrincessPeach

Posted 28 March 2012 - 10:17 AM

Came in through recent topics, but just some info to help with any sticky beack questions - my aunt ended up having a c/s because her waters had broken & labour had not started (even with drugs) after 24 hours.

Also my friend's litlle boy decided he wasn't going to engage after breaking her waters. Turns out his foot was stuck in her ribs & his cord was wrapped around his neck & body 3 times. Her ob was glad they decided to go the c/s route.

#40 crankybee

Posted 28 March 2012 - 10:22 AM

I didn't tell the world I had a C section...my immediate family knew but it wasn't any one else's business. I would just say as was recommeded by others here - that it was the recommendation from the OB and "it's a long story" and not one you want to go into...




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