Jump to content

Dilemma
Please help...


  • Please log in to reply
39 replies to this topic

#26 sleeplessmamma

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:37 PM

I totally agree with everyone else here, I had an emergency c-section with DS and some people still ask to explain why, I am having an elective c-section with this one due to the first. But the reason I am replying is that a friend has the symptoms you describe, possibly resulting from her first pregnancy and would love to get pregnant again but is scared to so reading your (and other PP's) stories is absolutely fantastic to hear. I've told her to come on EB to see if anyone else can understand what she's going through and to give her advice and support as well, and this thread proves it! Good luck hope it goes well, I'm booked in for the 19th April!

#27 Crodka

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:39 PM

You dont need to tell them anything. I dont ask people how they delivered and I really hope people dont tell all the gory details anyway.
I would only ask my very best friend reason for a caesar.

#28 lynneyours

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:51 PM

QUOTE (Cacti @ 25/03/2012, 07:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
C&H, just because someone asks doesn't mean you need to tell them. If they ask why you had the caesar, I'd say, "The doctors thought it was the best option, and we agreed" and say nothing further.


I like this advice.  Just announce the birth as normal - no mention of how.  ie
we are proud to announce the safe arrival of (name) on (date/time), weighing (x) etc.  Mum and baby both doing well.  


If people ask WHY you had a caesar, you could just say "why do you want to know?"  It is a pretty rude question.

#29 JECJEC

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:56 PM

QUOTE (Cacti @ 25/03/2012, 05:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
C&H, just because someone asks doesn't mean you need to tell them. If they ask why you had the caesar, I'd say, "The doctors thought it was the best option, and we agreed" and say nothing further.



Words of wisdom. If they press just remember is is nothing but idle gossip to them.

#30 countrychic29

Posted 26 March 2012 - 03:45 PM

Hi OP, i too suffer from VVS and have suffered at varying degrees over the last 8 years. Finally at a stage where it is not nearly as painful (but as you know we just seem to live with it) we just decided to TTC and low and behold now almost 5 weeks pregnant after one month.
So i have the same dilemma, go natural and risk being back at square one. Or Elective which i'm leaning towards...i will be going with the breech version i think original.gif or just telling no one and say it was an emergency due to labour not progressing shrug.gif
I wish you all the best OP and please dont worry about anyone else but yourself and your baby.  good luck biggrin.gif

#31 Stephvfr

Posted 26 March 2012 - 04:30 PM

My sister told people that she had a narrow pelvis and that's why she had to have a c-section. (I couldn't believe it as she is not a petite lady). Turns out just elective... and I say each to their own, especially after 2 natural births original.gif

I think saying due to a medical condition would be fine. I can't imagine people asking you to go into details. Or even "it was better for everyone" and leave it at that.

#32 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:29 PM

QUOTE (cardamom @ 26/03/2012, 02:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Clucky, thank you for your offer of a PM, I'm trying to send one but the system doesn't seem to be working for me sad.gif I'll contact mods now, and hopefully be able to message you tomorrow, if that's okay!


It's completely okay!! Let me know how you go with the mods biggrin.gif

#33 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:31 PM

QUOTE (spersephone @ 26/03/2012, 02:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have this as well, but didn't have a Caesarean.  However, perhaps if I did, it wouldn't be such an issue for me now.  I wouldn't be telling anyone, I certainly haven't gone out of my way to tell people that my sex life is crap because it hurts so much, that I simply "put up" with it and get nothing out of it myself.

I think it depends on who you're talking to, and whether there is honestly any reason to disclose this to them.  Otherwise, just say it's been recommended by your doctor due to another medical condition you have.


Hi spersephone, sorry to hear that you also have this issue. Do you mind me asking how your experience was with giving birth naturally?

I hope you are feeling better and getting the treatment that you need.

#34 Escapin

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:37 PM

I'm with the PPs who say not to tell anyone beforehand what your plan is. When people ask, you can just say 'whatever is best for me and the baby'. Congratulations BTW original.gif

#35 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:41 PM

Sorry for my many posts, I'm still not sure how to quote more than once in the same post?!

I just wanted to say thank you SO much for all of your comments, it has meant the world to me. And to those fellow VVS sufferers and the like, many thanks for being brave enough to step forward and share your experiences. I have felt so alone with this condition and I hope we can help each other out in the future! I hope you are all doing well in this journey and that you are getting the treatment, love and attention that you deserve. I'm always here if you ladies need a vent.

~A Poetic Winter~ - I'm so sorry to hear that your tear with the birth of your DS brought on so much pain. I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better. It sounds like you are pregnant again? (sorry was just assuming when you said you were planning for the next one to be a natural birth?) If you are, I wish you all the best with it all and I hope it's a beautiful experience for you.

countrychic29 - congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope you are having an amazing experience and that the pain has been close to non existent. It sounds like you are doing well with it though, I too have struggled with it but have managed the pain very well considering! Good luck with your decision in terms of the birth, I hope this thread has helped you also!!

xxx

#36 spersephone

Posted 27 March 2012 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (Cluckyandhopeful @ 27/03/2012, 02:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do you mind me asking how your experience was with giving birth naturally?


I think mine is somewhat psychological.  I enjoyed most of my three births, but I really really really really really hated the pushing.  I felt like I was going to tear apart.  I did tear, and that was fine, it healed well.  It turns out that the tear has not left any sort of damage which might explain my issue.

A gynaecologist gave me some cortisone like cream to use which has helped slightly, but basically the moment anything goes near that area, I'm tense and it hurts.  Because it hurts, I don't relax, and I certainly can't get in the mood.

It's been going on since my last baby, but I had it to some extent since my first in 1996, periods of it on and off.  

So it's been 3 1/2 years so far, and all I can do is hope that one day it gets better.


#37 Cluckyandhopeful

Posted 28 March 2012 - 09:54 AM

QUOTE (spersephone @ 27/03/2012, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think mine is somewhat psychological.  I enjoyed most of my three births, but I really really really really really hated the pushing.  I felt like I was going to tear apart.  I did tear, and that was fine, it healed well.  It turns out that the tear has not left any sort of damage which might explain my issue.

A gynaecologist gave me some cortisone like cream to use which has helped slightly, but basically the moment anything goes near that area, I'm tense and it hurts.  Because it hurts, I don't relax, and I certainly can't get in the mood.

It's been going on since my last baby, but I had it to some extent since my first in 1996, periods of it on and off.  

So it's been 3 1/2 years so far, and all I can do is hope that one day it gets better.


Hi spersephone, thank you so much for responding. I can completely understand about the pushing, it's something that I have always been worried about as well. I'm so happy to hear that your tear healed well, this is something that I worry about too with having this condition.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been officially diagnosed yet?

I have undertaken treatment for VVS and have felt SO much better. Because of this I have been able to resume a much more 'normal' sex life. I don't know how I'll be after our baby is born, but I now have the tools to try and manage the pain. I have tried the creams, ointments and numbing gel but never found these to help over a long term period. The treatment I have been having has helped with the source of the pain.

Am more than happy to PM you with more details if you're interested? Of course I don't mean to pry, so please don't feel like you have to answer! I understand this condition can be very tricky and it's very private  original.gif

#38 spersephone

Posted 28 March 2012 - 10:03 AM

Yes, I went to a specialist, who confirmed that there is no physical problem, as I had hoped was the simple answer. So now I just get on with my life and wait to see if it gets better one day.

#39 PrincessPeach

Posted 28 March 2012 - 10:17 AM

Came in through recent topics, but just some info to help with any sticky beack questions - my aunt ended up having a c/s because her waters had broken & labour had not started (even with drugs) after 24 hours.

Also my friend's litlle boy decided he wasn't going to engage after breaking her waters. Turns out his foot was stuck in her ribs & his cord was wrapped around his neck & body 3 times. Her ob was glad they decided to go the c/s route.

#40 crankybee

Posted 28 March 2012 - 10:22 AM

I didn't tell the world I had a C section...my immediate family knew but it wasn't any one else's business. I would just say as was recommeded by others here - that it was the recommendation from the OB and "it's a long story" and not one you want to go into...




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.