Jump to content

Is this not the norm?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Witchipoo

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:20 PM

Our neighbours moved in nearly a year ago.  We get along well.  The boys chat whenever they see each other in the driveway and she has visited with their 15 month old about half a dozen times.

A couple of days ago his brother passed away.  People have been coming and going from their house ever since and a few have been staying with them.

This morning I told DF that I was going to make something for them and he told me that they had enough people over there to help them with things and that I should leave them alone.  I made a lasagna and did some baking and took it over to them.  She seemed quite shocked and not too sure whether to accept it or not.  Maybe she was overwhelmed by the gesture?

Anyway, when DF came home and I told him what I had done he couldn't believe it.  I told him that what I had done was normal and that most people would do the same thing and he told me that it wasn't.  The neighbours reaction and DF's comments have now got me thinking that maybe it isn't normal.  What do you think?

Edited because of typo

Edited by Witchipoo, 20 March 2012 - 09:22 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:23 PM

Of course what you did was normal.

Well in my book anyway.

#3 ali27

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:24 PM

I think you did the right thing OP. Something I have done and also received. Maybe she is too upset at the moment to react in the way she normally would, but give her time. I think it was kind and thoughtful.

#4 MrsNorthman

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

Yep I'm in the normal (and a lovely gesture) camp.

#5 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

Normal in my little neighbourhood too. I think it's lovely original.gif

#6 cheekymonkey

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

It isn't normal these days. Just like common sense is no longer common.

However, it's still a really nice gesture and you were lovely to think of doing that for them. Much more helpful than a bunch of flowers (though the thought behind those is nice too).

#7 ~Nasty_Jodama~

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

I would do the same thing but when I said to a group of friends recently I was doing it for my neighbor who had lost someone they all were shocked and said it wasnt normal. So now I wonder.

Edited by kriattica, 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM.


#8 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

I think it was thoughtful and kind. Not abnormal.

#9 podg

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

Of course it's normal. Good for you.

#10 libbylu

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:31 PM

I think it is perfectly normal to cook for people in times of hardship.  A new baby, an ill child or spouse etc..   I suppose death of a brother (I assume you mean the husband's brother), while it would be devastating, might not necessarily be quite the same, just because the couple themselves may not have a heavy role to play in making the arrangements and so may not be taken away from their normal tasks too much.  And even if the husband was heavily involved in all the planning and very badly affected, the wife would still be able to do most of her her normal household activities.  Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture which I am sure will be appreciated.  Perhaps she might even pass it on to the brother's wife (if he had one) as she would surely be in need.

#11 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:35 PM

Totally normal. Your DH is odd.

#12 *Lib*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:55 PM

Unfortunatley not normal anymore. But it should be. Its a shame sad.gif You've done a lovely thing. Hold your head high. Don't doubt yourself. Its a pay it forward type gesture.

Edited by *Lib*, 20 March 2012 - 09:56 PM.


#13 MummaDiva

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:01 PM

A lovely gesture, however, unfortunately, not considered "the norm" any more. Good on you.

#14 my serenity

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:02 PM

You did a wonderful thing original.gif  emotions are high and hard to judge but undertstand she was very appreciative

#15 OTP

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:05 PM

Yes of course it is normal, standard behaviour, why even ask  shrug.gif



#16 Liadan

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:07 PM

I don't think it is NOT normal, but kind gestures like that do seem to be rare.

If I was her, I would have been shocked and pleasantly surprised by the lovely kind gesture.

You did the right thing, don't second guess yourself.

#17 Honeymummy

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:12 PM

Very, very normal!


#18 scooty

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:16 PM

I had my DS2 only a few weeks ago and my friends from my Mothers group all made me wonderful homemade meals. I was overwhelmed at these unexpected gifts of food, but it made me feels so special and appreciated. They had all realised we had been doing it tough this year and my pregnancy was horrible. The gesture was so sweet, I will definetly be paying it forward to others too.

I say well done to you!!

#19 jojonbeanie

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:17 PM

Very normal and very kind.

#20 Zebette

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:21 PM

When my Dad passed away my mother was taken to hospital within 48 hours (the shock of it all really) and my Uncle brought over a Shepherds Pie for myself, DH,brother, sister and brother in law. It was fantastic as we were all over the place with things and we actually sat together and ate a meal.
In general my Uncle is not my favourite person...but it was the kindest thing and most appreciated thing he ever did for us.

I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do to be honest.

#21 DadOfPidgeons

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:23 PM

Well I'm with your DH.  My reasoning is that it was the woman's BIL and they may not have been overly close so she may be functioniing fine, just dealing with her DH's grief (at losing his bro), but still keeping the house ticking over okay.

And TBH I'm suspicious of people bearing gifts.  In my experience, they nearly always expect something in return!

#22 Tree Sage

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:24 PM

WHen my mum died my neighbour made us lasagne. We had a house full of people, and I cant tell you how grateful I was to not have to worry about dinner that night.

Three months later I realised that in my grief I never actually thanked her for that.

I wouldnt worry about your neighbours reaction. She is greiving and stressed and when you lose a loved one it is very hard to react to anything when you are consumed with grief.

#23 Bedge

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:25 PM

I think its great. Good on you for taking time out of your day, and making effort for your neighbours who are obviously going through a hard time.

And I am sure this aspect of your nature and personality, is why your husband married you .... you are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person (amongst other things!!!). So he really shouldn't be so shocked that you did something nice.  smile1.gif

#24 Gegemite

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM

I don't think it's a case of normal or abnormal it's probably just uncommon.

I've made a few meals for people in times of need and also accepted them, it's never been considered odd.

Maybe your neighbour was a little surprised there are still people kind enough to do things like this? Or maybe she has a face like me where I look perplexed when I'm caught by surprise as my mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of what to say wink.gif

#25 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:34 PM

normal in our neighbourhood, and lovely.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Mum's message to son after Manchester attack

The horrific terrorist attack in Manchester, killing 22 people and injuring many others, including children, has impacted people throughout the world.

Bonds announces new personalised Zippy onesies

Now you can have your baby or toddler's name printed on their Bonds Zippys.

Mum's warning about Owlet monitor after baby receives burn

A mum has taken to Facebook to warn parents of the dangers of a popular baby monitor after her daughter sustained a burn to her foot.

The new advice on when to give juice to young children

Children under the age of one should not be given fruit juice, according to new advice issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

'Mummy, put your phone away': one mum's wake-up call

One of the weirdest things about your little kids getting older, I find, is when they start to be able to hold full conversations with you.

Aspirin being used to treat pre-eclampsia

Aspirin and early detection are helping to save the lives of Australian women and babies at risk of dying from the pregnancy complication pre-eclampsia.

Postnatal depletion: what is it and how can we recover?

Some mums are left physically and emotionally depleted, with nothing left to give, long after giving birth.

'Flushing' blocked fallopian tubes can improve fertility, study finds

A technique that effectively "unblocks" a woman's fallopian tubes by flushing them with liquid to help her conceive has been used for decades, with varying levels of success. Now a study has confirmed that the method significantly improves fertility, and that a certain type of fluid – one that is oil-based rather than water-based – shows strong results.

Watch these pregnant mothers make their bellies disappear

Chances are you've heard of body pump, but have you heard of belly pump?

The initiative to help job-hunting mums explain the 'resume gap'

It's a common problem faced by mums returning to work after an extended period of maternity leave. How do I account for the gap that years at home caring for babies has left in my resume?

Every parent will relate to this dad's hilariously messy 'pooplosion' tale

Make sure you aren't eating while reading this post.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.

 

Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.