Jump to content

Is this not the norm?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Witchipoo

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:20 PM

Our neighbours moved in nearly a year ago.  We get along well.  The boys chat whenever they see each other in the driveway and she has visited with their 15 month old about half a dozen times.

A couple of days ago his brother passed away.  People have been coming and going from their house ever since and a few have been staying with them.

This morning I told DF that I was going to make something for them and he told me that they had enough people over there to help them with things and that I should leave them alone.  I made a lasagna and did some baking and took it over to them.  She seemed quite shocked and not too sure whether to accept it or not.  Maybe she was overwhelmed by the gesture?

Anyway, when DF came home and I told him what I had done he couldn't believe it.  I told him that what I had done was normal and that most people would do the same thing and he told me that it wasn't.  The neighbours reaction and DF's comments have now got me thinking that maybe it isn't normal.  What do you think?

Edited because of typo

Edited by Witchipoo, 20 March 2012 - 09:22 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:23 PM

Of course what you did was normal.

Well in my book anyway.

#3 ali27

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:24 PM

I think you did the right thing OP. Something I have done and also received. Maybe she is too upset at the moment to react in the way she normally would, but give her time. I think it was kind and thoughtful.

#4 MrsNorthman

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

Yep I'm in the normal (and a lovely gesture) camp.

#5 Escapin

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

Normal in my little neighbourhood too. I think it's lovely original.gif

#6 cheekymonkey

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

It isn't normal these days. Just like common sense is no longer common.

However, it's still a really nice gesture and you were lovely to think of doing that for them. Much more helpful than a bunch of flowers (though the thought behind those is nice too).

#7 ~Jodama_Feral~

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

I would do the same thing but when I said to a group of friends recently I was doing it for my neighbor who had lost someone they all were shocked and said it wasnt normal. So now I wonder.

Edited by kriattica, 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM.


#8 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

I think it was thoughtful and kind. Not abnormal.

#9 podg

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

Of course it's normal. Good for you.

#10 libbylu

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:31 PM

I think it is perfectly normal to cook for people in times of hardship.  A new baby, an ill child or spouse etc..   I suppose death of a brother (I assume you mean the husband's brother), while it would be devastating, might not necessarily be quite the same, just because the couple themselves may not have a heavy role to play in making the arrangements and so may not be taken away from their normal tasks too much.  And even if the husband was heavily involved in all the planning and very badly affected, the wife would still be able to do most of her her normal household activities.  Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture which I am sure will be appreciated.  Perhaps she might even pass it on to the brother's wife (if he had one) as she would surely be in need.

#11 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:35 PM

Totally normal. Your DH is odd.

#12 *Lib*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:55 PM

Unfortunatley not normal anymore. But it should be. Its a shame sad.gif You've done a lovely thing. Hold your head high. Don't doubt yourself. Its a pay it forward type gesture.

Edited by *Lib*, 20 March 2012 - 09:56 PM.


#13 MummaDiva

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:01 PM

A lovely gesture, however, unfortunately, not considered "the norm" any more. Good on you.

#14 my serenity

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:02 PM

You did a wonderful thing original.gif  emotions are high and hard to judge but undertstand she was very appreciative

#15 OTP

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:05 PM

Yes of course it is normal, standard behaviour, why even ask  shrug.gif



#16 Liadan

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:07 PM

I don't think it is NOT normal, but kind gestures like that do seem to be rare.

If I was her, I would have been shocked and pleasantly surprised by the lovely kind gesture.

You did the right thing, don't second guess yourself.

#17 Honeymummy

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:12 PM

Very, very normal!


#18 scooty

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:16 PM

I had my DS2 only a few weeks ago and my friends from my Mothers group all made me wonderful homemade meals. I was overwhelmed at these unexpected gifts of food, but it made me feels so special and appreciated. They had all realised we had been doing it tough this year and my pregnancy was horrible. The gesture was so sweet, I will definetly be paying it forward to others too.

I say well done to you!!

#19 jojonbeanie

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:17 PM

Very normal and very kind.

#20 Zebette

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:21 PM

When my Dad passed away my mother was taken to hospital within 48 hours (the shock of it all really) and my Uncle brought over a Shepherds Pie for myself, DH,brother, sister and brother in law. It was fantastic as we were all over the place with things and we actually sat together and ate a meal.
In general my Uncle is not my favourite person...but it was the kindest thing and most appreciated thing he ever did for us.

I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do to be honest.

#21 DadOfPidgeons

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:23 PM

Well I'm with your DH.  My reasoning is that it was the woman's BIL and they may not have been overly close so she may be functioniing fine, just dealing with her DH's grief (at losing his bro), but still keeping the house ticking over okay.

And TBH I'm suspicious of people bearing gifts.  In my experience, they nearly always expect something in return!

#22 Tree Sage

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:24 PM

WHen my mum died my neighbour made us lasagne. We had a house full of people, and I cant tell you how grateful I was to not have to worry about dinner that night.

Three months later I realised that in my grief I never actually thanked her for that.

I wouldnt worry about your neighbours reaction. She is greiving and stressed and when you lose a loved one it is very hard to react to anything when you are consumed with grief.

#23 Bedge

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:25 PM

I think its great. Good on you for taking time out of your day, and making effort for your neighbours who are obviously going through a hard time.

And I am sure this aspect of your nature and personality, is why your husband married you .... you are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person (amongst other things!!!). So he really shouldn't be so shocked that you did something nice.  smile1.gif

#24 Gegemite

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM

I don't think it's a case of normal or abnormal it's probably just uncommon.

I've made a few meals for people in times of need and also accepted them, it's never been considered odd.

Maybe your neighbour was a little surprised there are still people kind enough to do things like this? Or maybe she has a face like me where I look perplexed when I'm caught by surprise as my mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of what to say wink.gif

#25 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:34 PM

normal in our neighbourhood, and lovely.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.