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Is this not the norm?


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#1 Witchipoo

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:20 PM

Our neighbours moved in nearly a year ago.  We get along well.  The boys chat whenever they see each other in the driveway and she has visited with their 15 month old about half a dozen times.

A couple of days ago his brother passed away.  People have been coming and going from their house ever since and a few have been staying with them.

This morning I told DF that I was going to make something for them and he told me that they had enough people over there to help them with things and that I should leave them alone.  I made a lasagna and did some baking and took it over to them.  She seemed quite shocked and not too sure whether to accept it or not.  Maybe she was overwhelmed by the gesture?

Anyway, when DF came home and I told him what I had done he couldn't believe it.  I told him that what I had done was normal and that most people would do the same thing and he told me that it wasn't.  The neighbours reaction and DF's comments have now got me thinking that maybe it isn't normal.  What do you think?

Edited because of typo

Edited by Witchipoo, 20 March 2012 - 09:22 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:23 PM

Of course what you did was normal.

Well in my book anyway.

#3 ali27

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:24 PM

I think you did the right thing OP. Something I have done and also received. Maybe she is too upset at the moment to react in the way she normally would, but give her time. I think it was kind and thoughtful.

#4 MrsNorthman

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

Yep I'm in the normal (and a lovely gesture) camp.

#5 Escapin

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

Normal in my little neighbourhood too. I think it's lovely original.gif

#6 cheekymonkey

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

It isn't normal these days. Just like common sense is no longer common.

However, it's still a really nice gesture and you were lovely to think of doing that for them. Much more helpful than a bunch of flowers (though the thought behind those is nice too).

#7 ~Jodama_Feral~

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

I would do the same thing but when I said to a group of friends recently I was doing it for my neighbor who had lost someone they all were shocked and said it wasnt normal. So now I wonder.

Edited by kriattica, 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM.


#8 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

I think it was thoughtful and kind. Not abnormal.

#9 podg

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

Of course it's normal. Good for you.

#10 libbylu

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:31 PM

I think it is perfectly normal to cook for people in times of hardship.  A new baby, an ill child or spouse etc..   I suppose death of a brother (I assume you mean the husband's brother), while it would be devastating, might not necessarily be quite the same, just because the couple themselves may not have a heavy role to play in making the arrangements and so may not be taken away from their normal tasks too much.  And even if the husband was heavily involved in all the planning and very badly affected, the wife would still be able to do most of her her normal household activities.  Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture which I am sure will be appreciated.  Perhaps she might even pass it on to the brother's wife (if he had one) as she would surely be in need.

#11 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:35 PM

Totally normal. Your DH is odd.

#12 *Lib*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:55 PM

Unfortunatley not normal anymore. But it should be. Its a shame sad.gif You've done a lovely thing. Hold your head high. Don't doubt yourself. Its a pay it forward type gesture.

Edited by *Lib*, 20 March 2012 - 09:56 PM.


#13 MummaDiva

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:01 PM

A lovely gesture, however, unfortunately, not considered "the norm" any more. Good on you.

#14 my serenity

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:02 PM

You did a wonderful thing original.gif  emotions are high and hard to judge but undertstand she was very appreciative

#15 OTP

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:05 PM

Yes of course it is normal, standard behaviour, why even ask  shrug.gif



#16 Liadan

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:07 PM

I don't think it is NOT normal, but kind gestures like that do seem to be rare.

If I was her, I would have been shocked and pleasantly surprised by the lovely kind gesture.

You did the right thing, don't second guess yourself.

#17 Honeymummy

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:12 PM

Very, very normal!


#18 scooty

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:16 PM

I had my DS2 only a few weeks ago and my friends from my Mothers group all made me wonderful homemade meals. I was overwhelmed at these unexpected gifts of food, but it made me feels so special and appreciated. They had all realised we had been doing it tough this year and my pregnancy was horrible. The gesture was so sweet, I will definetly be paying it forward to others too.

I say well done to you!!

#19 jojonbeanie

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:17 PM

Very normal and very kind.

#20 KaffyViffy

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:18 PM

Normal and lovely.  When my DD was about 4 weeks old our neighbour came up to meet her and took one look at me and knew I was struggling.  She sent me for a shower while she stayed with DD and then went home and cooked us a meal big enough for two nights.  I was more grateful than you can imagine.  

If your neighbour has a houseful of people coming and going (and some staying) then it would be a wonderful thing to receive.

Good on you, ignore DP.

ETA: it made me think to do the same for a friend at MG who had a horrible labour and then emergency surgery.  I took her a meal for her family about 3 weeks in when DH was back at work and family were not around so much.  Kind acts are always worth it.

Edited by Isabelle Thomas, 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM.


#21 Zebette

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:21 PM

When my Dad passed away my mother was taken to hospital within 48 hours (the shock of it all really) and my Uncle brought over a Shepherds Pie for myself, DH,brother, sister and brother in law. It was fantastic as we were all over the place with things and we actually sat together and ate a meal.
In general my Uncle is not my favourite person...but it was the kindest thing and most appreciated thing he ever did for us.

I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do to be honest.

#22 DadOfPidgeons

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:23 PM

Well I'm with your DH.  My reasoning is that it was the woman's BIL and they may not have been overly close so she may be functioniing fine, just dealing with her DH's grief (at losing his bro), but still keeping the house ticking over okay.

And TBH I'm suspicious of people bearing gifts.  In my experience, they nearly always expect something in return!

#23 Tree Sage

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:24 PM

WHen my mum died my neighbour made us lasagne. We had a house full of people, and I cant tell you how grateful I was to not have to worry about dinner that night.

Three months later I realised that in my grief I never actually thanked her for that.

I wouldnt worry about your neighbours reaction. She is greiving and stressed and when you lose a loved one it is very hard to react to anything when you are consumed with grief.

#24 Bedge

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:25 PM

I think its great. Good on you for taking time out of your day, and making effort for your neighbours who are obviously going through a hard time.

And I am sure this aspect of your nature and personality, is why your husband married you .... you are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person (amongst other things!!!). So he really shouldn't be so shocked that you did something nice.  smile1.gif

#25 Gegemite

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM

I don't think it's a case of normal or abnormal it's probably just uncommon.

I've made a few meals for people in times of need and also accepted them, it's never been considered odd.

Maybe your neighbour was a little surprised there are still people kind enough to do things like this? Or maybe she has a face like me where I look perplexed when I'm caught by surprise as my mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of what to say wink.gif




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