Jump to content

Is this not the norm?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Witchipoo

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:20 PM

Our neighbours moved in nearly a year ago.  We get along well.  The boys chat whenever they see each other in the driveway and she has visited with their 15 month old about half a dozen times.

A couple of days ago his brother passed away.  People have been coming and going from their house ever since and a few have been staying with them.

This morning I told DF that I was going to make something for them and he told me that they had enough people over there to help them with things and that I should leave them alone.  I made a lasagna and did some baking and took it over to them.  She seemed quite shocked and not too sure whether to accept it or not.  Maybe she was overwhelmed by the gesture?

Anyway, when DF came home and I told him what I had done he couldn't believe it.  I told him that what I had done was normal and that most people would do the same thing and he told me that it wasn't.  The neighbours reaction and DF's comments have now got me thinking that maybe it isn't normal.  What do you think?

Edited because of typo

Edited by Witchipoo, 20 March 2012 - 09:22 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:23 PM

Of course what you did was normal.

Well in my book anyway.

#3 ali27

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:24 PM

I think you did the right thing OP. Something I have done and also received. Maybe she is too upset at the moment to react in the way she normally would, but give her time. I think it was kind and thoughtful.

#4 MrsNorthman

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

Yep I'm in the normal (and a lovely gesture) camp.

#5 Escapin

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

Normal in my little neighbourhood too. I think it's lovely original.gif

#6 cheekymonkey

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

It isn't normal these days. Just like common sense is no longer common.

However, it's still a really nice gesture and you were lovely to think of doing that for them. Much more helpful than a bunch of flowers (though the thought behind those is nice too).

#7 ~Jodama_Feral~

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

I would do the same thing but when I said to a group of friends recently I was doing it for my neighbor who had lost someone they all were shocked and said it wasnt normal. So now I wonder.

Edited by kriattica, 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM.


#8 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

I think it was thoughtful and kind. Not abnormal.

#9 podg

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

Of course it's normal. Good for you.

#10 libbylu

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:31 PM

I think it is perfectly normal to cook for people in times of hardship.  A new baby, an ill child or spouse etc..   I suppose death of a brother (I assume you mean the husband's brother), while it would be devastating, might not necessarily be quite the same, just because the couple themselves may not have a heavy role to play in making the arrangements and so may not be taken away from their normal tasks too much.  And even if the husband was heavily involved in all the planning and very badly affected, the wife would still be able to do most of her her normal household activities.  Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture which I am sure will be appreciated.  Perhaps she might even pass it on to the brother's wife (if he had one) as she would surely be in need.

#11 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:35 PM

Totally normal. Your DH is odd.

#12 *Lib*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:55 PM

Unfortunatley not normal anymore. But it should be. Its a shame sad.gif You've done a lovely thing. Hold your head high. Don't doubt yourself. Its a pay it forward type gesture.

Edited by *Lib*, 20 March 2012 - 09:56 PM.


#13 MummaDiva

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:01 PM

A lovely gesture, however, unfortunately, not considered "the norm" any more. Good on you.

#14 my serenity

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:02 PM

You did a wonderful thing original.gif  emotions are high and hard to judge but undertstand she was very appreciative

#15 OTP

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:05 PM

Yes of course it is normal, standard behaviour, why even ask  shrug.gif



#16 Liadan

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:07 PM

I don't think it is NOT normal, but kind gestures like that do seem to be rare.

If I was her, I would have been shocked and pleasantly surprised by the lovely kind gesture.

You did the right thing, don't second guess yourself.

#17 Honeymummy

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:12 PM

Very, very normal!


#18 scooty

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:16 PM

I had my DS2 only a few weeks ago and my friends from my Mothers group all made me wonderful homemade meals. I was overwhelmed at these unexpected gifts of food, but it made me feels so special and appreciated. They had all realised we had been doing it tough this year and my pregnancy was horrible. The gesture was so sweet, I will definetly be paying it forward to others too.

I say well done to you!!

#19 jojonbeanie

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:17 PM

Very normal and very kind.

#20 Zebette

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:21 PM

When my Dad passed away my mother was taken to hospital within 48 hours (the shock of it all really) and my Uncle brought over a Shepherds Pie for myself, DH,brother, sister and brother in law. It was fantastic as we were all over the place with things and we actually sat together and ate a meal.
In general my Uncle is not my favourite person...but it was the kindest thing and most appreciated thing he ever did for us.

I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do to be honest.

#21 DadOfPidgeons

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:23 PM

Well I'm with your DH.  My reasoning is that it was the woman's BIL and they may not have been overly close so she may be functioniing fine, just dealing with her DH's grief (at losing his bro), but still keeping the house ticking over okay.

And TBH I'm suspicious of people bearing gifts.  In my experience, they nearly always expect something in return!

#22 Tree Sage

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:24 PM

WHen my mum died my neighbour made us lasagne. We had a house full of people, and I cant tell you how grateful I was to not have to worry about dinner that night.

Three months later I realised that in my grief I never actually thanked her for that.

I wouldnt worry about your neighbours reaction. She is greiving and stressed and when you lose a loved one it is very hard to react to anything when you are consumed with grief.

#23 Bedge

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:25 PM

I think its great. Good on you for taking time out of your day, and making effort for your neighbours who are obviously going through a hard time.

And I am sure this aspect of your nature and personality, is why your husband married you .... you are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person (amongst other things!!!). So he really shouldn't be so shocked that you did something nice.  smile1.gif

#24 Gegemite

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM

I don't think it's a case of normal or abnormal it's probably just uncommon.

I've made a few meals for people in times of need and also accepted them, it's never been considered odd.

Maybe your neighbour was a little surprised there are still people kind enough to do things like this? Or maybe she has a face like me where I look perplexed when I'm caught by surprise as my mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of what to say wink.gif

#25 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:34 PM

normal in our neighbourhood, and lovely.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.