Is this not the norm?
, Mar 20 2012 09:20 PM
70 replies to this topic
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:20 PM
Our neighbours moved in nearly a year ago. We get along well. The boys chat whenever they see each other in the driveway and she has visited with their 15 month old about half a dozen times.
A couple of days ago his brother passed away. People have been coming and going from their house ever since and a few have been staying with them.
This morning I told DF that I was going to make something for them and he told me that they had enough people over there to help them with things and that I should leave them alone. I made a lasagna and did some baking and took it over to them. She seemed quite shocked and not too sure whether to accept it or not. Maybe she was overwhelmed by the gesture?
Anyway, when DF came home and I told him what I had done he couldn't believe it. I told him that what I had done was normal and that most people would do the same thing and he told me that it wasn't. The neighbours reaction and DF's comments have now got me thinking that maybe it isn't normal. What do you think?
Edited because of typo
Edited by Witchipoo, 20 March 2012 - 09:22 PM.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:23 PM
Of course what you did was normal.
Well in my book anyway.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:24 PM
I think you did the right thing OP. Something I have done and also received. Maybe she is too upset at the moment to react in the way she normally would, but give her time. I think it was kind and thoughtful.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:26 PM
Yep I'm in the normal (and a lovely gesture) camp.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM
Normal in my little neighbourhood too. I think it's lovely
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM
It isn't normal these days. Just like common sense is no longer common.
However, it's still a really nice gesture and you were lovely to think of doing that for them. Much more helpful than a bunch of flowers (though the thought behind those is nice too).
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:28 PM
I would do the same thing but when I said to a group of friends recently I was doing it for my neighbor who had lost someone they all were shocked and said it wasnt normal. So now I wonder.
Edited by kriattica, 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM
I think it was thoughtful and kind. Not abnormal.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM
Of course it's normal. Good for you.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:31 PM
I think it is perfectly normal to cook for people in times of hardship. A new baby, an ill child or spouse etc.. I suppose death of a brother (I assume you mean the husband's brother), while it would be devastating, might not necessarily be quite the same, just because the couple themselves may not have a heavy role to play in making the arrangements and so may not be taken away from their normal tasks too much. And even if the husband was heavily involved in all the planning and very badly affected, the wife would still be able to do most of her her normal household activities. Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture which I am sure will be appreciated. Perhaps she might even pass it on to the brother's wife (if he had one) as she would surely be in need.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:35 PM
Totally normal. Your DH is odd.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:55 PM
Unfortunatley not normal anymore. But it should be. Its a shame
You've done a lovely thing. Hold your head high. Don't doubt yourself. Its a pay it forward type gesture.
Edited by *Lib*, 20 March 2012 - 09:56 PM.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:01 PM
A lovely gesture, however, unfortunately, not considered "the norm" any more. Good on you.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:02 PM
You did a wonderful thing
emotions are high and hard to judge but undertstand she was very appreciative
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:05 PM
Yes of course it is normal, standard behaviour, why even ask
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:07 PM
I don't think it is NOT normal, but kind gestures like that do seem to be rare.
If I was her, I would have been shocked and pleasantly surprised by the lovely kind gesture.
You did the right thing, don't second guess yourself.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:12 PM
Very, very normal!
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:16 PM
I had my DS2 only a few weeks ago and my friends from my Mothers group all made me wonderful homemade meals. I was overwhelmed at these unexpected gifts of food, but it made me feels so special and appreciated. They had all realised we had been doing it tough this year and my pregnancy was horrible. The gesture was so sweet, I will definetly be paying it forward to others too.
I say well done to you!!
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:17 PM
Very normal and very kind.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:18 PM
Normal and lovely. When my DD was about 4 weeks old our neighbour came up to meet her and took one look at me and knew I was struggling. She sent me for a shower while she stayed with DD and then went home and cooked us a meal big enough for two nights. I was more grateful than you can imagine.
If your neighbour has a houseful of people coming and going (and some staying) then it would be a wonderful thing to receive.
Good on you, ignore DP.
ETA: it made me think to do the same for a friend at MG who had a horrible labour and then emergency surgery. I took her a meal for her family about 3 weeks in when DH was back at work and family were not around so much. Kind acts are always worth it.
Edited by Isabelle Thomas, 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:21 PM
When my Dad passed away my mother was taken to hospital within 48 hours (the shock of it all really) and my Uncle brought over a Shepherds Pie for myself, DH,brother, sister and brother in law. It was fantastic as we were all over the place with things and we actually sat together and ate a meal.
In general my Uncle is not my favourite person...but it was the kindest thing and most appreciated thing he ever did for us.
I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do to be honest.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:23 PM
Well I'm with your DH. My reasoning is that it was the woman's BIL and they may not have been overly close so she may be functioniing fine, just dealing with her DH's grief (at losing his bro), but still keeping the house ticking over okay.
And TBH I'm suspicious of people bearing gifts. In my experience, they nearly always expect something in return!
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:24 PM
WHen my mum died my neighbour made us lasagne. We had a house full of people, and I cant tell you how grateful I was to not have to worry about dinner that night.
Three months later I realised that in my grief I never actually thanked her for that.
I wouldnt worry about your neighbours reaction. She is greiving and stressed and when you lose a loved one it is very hard to react to anything when you are consumed with grief.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:25 PM
I think its great. Good on you for taking time out of your day, and making effort for your neighbours who are obviously going through a hard time.
And I am sure this aspect of your nature and personality, is why your husband married you .... you are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person (amongst other things!!!). So he really shouldn't be so shocked that you did something nice.
Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM
I don't think it's a case of normal or abnormal it's probably just uncommon.
I've made a few meals for people in times of need and also accepted them, it's never been considered odd.
Maybe your neighbour was a little surprised there are still people kind enough to do things like this? Or maybe she has a face like me where I look perplexed when I'm caught by surprise as my mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of what to say
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!
Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.
While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?
Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.
As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.
Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.
A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.
You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.
We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.
Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.
The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found.
As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?
Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.
Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.
In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.
The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.
A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.
A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.
Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.
A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.
A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.
Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.
Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.
Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.
Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?
I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.
February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.
This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.
Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.
A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.
She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.
Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.
I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.
If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?
With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.
We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.
Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.
If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.
A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.
Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.
Win a KitchenAid Mixer
To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.