Jump to content

Is this not the norm?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 Witchipoo

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:20 PM

Our neighbours moved in nearly a year ago.  We get along well.  The boys chat whenever they see each other in the driveway and she has visited with their 15 month old about half a dozen times.

A couple of days ago his brother passed away.  People have been coming and going from their house ever since and a few have been staying with them.

This morning I told DF that I was going to make something for them and he told me that they had enough people over there to help them with things and that I should leave them alone.  I made a lasagna and did some baking and took it over to them.  She seemed quite shocked and not too sure whether to accept it or not.  Maybe she was overwhelmed by the gesture?

Anyway, when DF came home and I told him what I had done he couldn't believe it.  I told him that what I had done was normal and that most people would do the same thing and he told me that it wasn't.  The neighbours reaction and DF's comments have now got me thinking that maybe it isn't normal.  What do you think?

Edited because of typo

Edited by Witchipoo, 20 March 2012 - 09:22 PM.


#2 JRA

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:23 PM

Of course what you did was normal.

Well in my book anyway.

#3 ali27

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:24 PM

I think you did the right thing OP. Something I have done and also received. Maybe she is too upset at the moment to react in the way she normally would, but give her time. I think it was kind and thoughtful.

#4 MrsNorthman

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

Yep I'm in the normal (and a lovely gesture) camp.

#5 Escapin

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

Normal in my little neighbourhood too. I think it's lovely original.gif

#6 cheekymonkey

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:27 PM

It isn't normal these days. Just like common sense is no longer common.

However, it's still a really nice gesture and you were lovely to think of doing that for them. Much more helpful than a bunch of flowers (though the thought behind those is nice too).

#7 ~Jodama_Forever~

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

I would do the same thing but when I said to a group of friends recently I was doing it for my neighbor who had lost someone they all were shocked and said it wasnt normal. So now I wonder.

Edited by kriattica, 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM.


#8 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

I think it was thoughtful and kind. Not abnormal.

#9 podg

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

Of course it's normal. Good for you.

#10 libbylu

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:31 PM

I think it is perfectly normal to cook for people in times of hardship.  A new baby, an ill child or spouse etc..   I suppose death of a brother (I assume you mean the husband's brother), while it would be devastating, might not necessarily be quite the same, just because the couple themselves may not have a heavy role to play in making the arrangements and so may not be taken away from their normal tasks too much.  And even if the husband was heavily involved in all the planning and very badly affected, the wife would still be able to do most of her her normal household activities.  Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture which I am sure will be appreciated.  Perhaps she might even pass it on to the brother's wife (if he had one) as she would surely be in need.

#11 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:35 PM

Totally normal. Your DH is odd.

#12 *Lib*

Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:55 PM

Unfortunatley not normal anymore. But it should be. Its a shame sad.gif You've done a lovely thing. Hold your head high. Don't doubt yourself. Its a pay it forward type gesture.

Edited by *Lib*, 20 March 2012 - 09:56 PM.


#13 MummaDiva

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:01 PM

A lovely gesture, however, unfortunately, not considered "the norm" any more. Good on you.

#14 my serenity

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:02 PM

You did a wonderful thing original.gif  emotions are high and hard to judge but undertstand she was very appreciative

#15 OTP

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:05 PM

Yes of course it is normal, standard behaviour, why even ask  shrug.gif



#16 Liadan

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:07 PM

I don't think it is NOT normal, but kind gestures like that do seem to be rare.

If I was her, I would have been shocked and pleasantly surprised by the lovely kind gesture.

You did the right thing, don't second guess yourself.

#17 Honeymummy

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:12 PM

Very, very normal!


#18 scooty

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:16 PM

I had my DS2 only a few weeks ago and my friends from my Mothers group all made me wonderful homemade meals. I was overwhelmed at these unexpected gifts of food, but it made me feels so special and appreciated. They had all realised we had been doing it tough this year and my pregnancy was horrible. The gesture was so sweet, I will definetly be paying it forward to others too.

I say well done to you!!

#19 jojonbeanie

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:17 PM

Very normal and very kind.

#20 Zebette

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:21 PM

When my Dad passed away my mother was taken to hospital within 48 hours (the shock of it all really) and my Uncle brought over a Shepherds Pie for myself, DH,brother, sister and brother in law. It was fantastic as we were all over the place with things and we actually sat together and ate a meal.
In general my Uncle is not my favourite person...but it was the kindest thing and most appreciated thing he ever did for us.

I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do to be honest.

#21 DadOfPidgeons

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:23 PM

Well I'm with your DH.  My reasoning is that it was the woman's BIL and they may not have been overly close so she may be functioniing fine, just dealing with her DH's grief (at losing his bro), but still keeping the house ticking over okay.

And TBH I'm suspicious of people bearing gifts.  In my experience, they nearly always expect something in return!

#22 Tree Sage

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:24 PM

WHen my mum died my neighbour made us lasagne. We had a house full of people, and I cant tell you how grateful I was to not have to worry about dinner that night.

Three months later I realised that in my grief I never actually thanked her for that.

I wouldnt worry about your neighbours reaction. She is greiving and stressed and when you lose a loved one it is very hard to react to anything when you are consumed with grief.

#23 Bedge

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:25 PM

I think its great. Good on you for taking time out of your day, and making effort for your neighbours who are obviously going through a hard time.

And I am sure this aspect of your nature and personality, is why your husband married you .... you are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person (amongst other things!!!). So he really shouldn't be so shocked that you did something nice.  smile1.gif

#24 Gegemite

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:33 PM

I don't think it's a case of normal or abnormal it's probably just uncommon.

I've made a few meals for people in times of need and also accepted them, it's never been considered odd.

Maybe your neighbour was a little surprised there are still people kind enough to do things like this? Or maybe she has a face like me where I look perplexed when I'm caught by surprise as my mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of what to say wink.gif

#25 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:34 PM

normal in our neighbourhood, and lovely.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'I will defend my son's right to wear a tutu'

Three-year-old boy Roo likes to wear tutus and, until now, it hasn't been a problem.

Chinese sign up toddlers for chief executive classes

CHILDREN as young as three are being enrolled in "chief executive courses" in China as pushy parents become obsessed with giving their offspring an advantage over their young peers.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The 'best little baby' and the police officer who rescued him

"And just in my head, I'm a father myself, and I couldn't sit there and let him ... I couldn't let him sit in that."

Olympian sells medal to pay for child's cancer treatment

An Olympian has sold his medal to help fund cancer treatment for a 3-year-old boy.

Family of mum who took her own life speak out about PND

From the outside it looked like Allison Goldstein was blissfully happy. She had a new baby, a loving husband, and was part of a close knit-family.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

BuggyCart solves the dilemma of shopping with a pram

Ducking to the shops for some groceries is a whole other ballgame once you have a baby.

Viral photo shows powerful moment before second baby's arrival

While our second baby was very much wanted, I wondered if I could love another baby as much as I loved my first.

What does a baby with whooping cough sound like? Sometimes like this

It's a heartbreaking video that's difficult to watch, but that's just what Sydney mum of two Sandra wants people to do.

Cheers! Why we're all happy to be bad mothers now

A new generation of mums is resisting the pressure to be "perfect" - and revelling in their naughty side?

Dealing with mealtime fussiness: mums share their tips

It can be frustrating, worrying, and turn into a battle of wills - but it doesn't have to be like that

Why having a puppy is like parenting a child

Despite being a dog owner and a parent, I've never been able to relate to the idea that the two have many similarities – until now.

Baby Joey is sleeping star in adorable photos

When photographer mum Laura Izumikawa puts her baby daughter down to sleep, the last thing on her mind is rest.

The necessity of 'Do not disturb' signs for napping babies

Needless to say, the last thing any mum wants is for someone to loudly knock on the door and wake their sleeping cherub.

Mum's brutal truth about c-section: 'This is not the easy way out'

A new mum has shared photos of her caesarean section scar to prove she did not "take the easy way out" when giving birth to her son.

Twins give birth in same hospital just hours apart

Leanne went into labour on July 28, and remarkably, her twin sister Natalie soon followed.

Goki Ride-On cars for toddlers

Toddlers just love to ride on anything with wheels but will often reject the pram once they can walk.

Letting your health slide as you look after the kids? Here's how to get out of the trap

It's time to start prioritising our own health, as well as the health of our children, to avoid longer lasting health challenges.

How to child-proof every room in your house

A guide to making your home a safer place for little ones.

Portable pool safety reminder after toddler's death

The drowning of a Hobart toddler has prompted a coroner to remind the community that even inflatable and portable pools must be fenced.

I have a clingy toddler - help!

"Nothing stops the clinginess - he cries when I put him down, no matter how long I hold him."

Woman sues after botched termination leads to motherhood

A 23-year-old mother is suing her GP and the public health system for thousands of dollars to support her son after her termination went wrong.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Ex-Perth model stuck with 12kg leg after limb doubles in size during pregnancy

"I often have strangers coming over to me when I'm out asking bluntly what's wrong with my leg. I often just laugh now and tell them I've been attacked by a shark and walk off, it definitely stumps people."

Same sex couple 'blessed' with triplets via surrogacy

They feared they would never get to be parents, but a same sex couple is now adjusting to life with newborn triplets.

Should children be given antibiotics in their first year?

Here are the the pros and cons of giving antibiotics to young babies.

Baby born on mum AND dad's birthday

The birth of a baby is always a special occasion, but one couple who welcomed their first child earlier this week had more reason to celebrate than most.

The joys (and benefits) of show and tell

Show and tell has been around for donkey's years. Well, at least since I was a kid, and according to my own children, I'm pretty old.

Loyal dog dies saving baby's life during fire

A baby was rescued from a house fire after her family's loyal dog used his body to shield the little girl from the flames.

How having a young baby or toddler changes your home decor

What to expect when living with an older baby or toddler - and how to manage the chaos.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

How baby Evelie was saved after being born without a heartbeat

Bethanie Millar didn't believe in miracles - until baby Evelie was born, that is.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

OvuSense: the new internal monitor helping predict ovulation

When a couple is trying to conceive it is easy for a woman to become obsessed about when she ovulates.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Adorable: App captures special moments of pregnancy and motherhood

There's something about motherhood that turns even the most reluctant photographer into a keen shutterbug as they strive to capture all the best moments of life with a baby.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

What I miss about commuting

A recent long commute for a job reminded me there are some potential positives to the experience.

 

SYDNEY SHOW - 23-25 Sept

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.