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Big age gap?

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#1 yoohooyou

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:19 PM

Hi can someone reassure my constant worry about age gaps please? I'm a worrywart on this topic!

We have been on the family building road for a long time, first with TTC on our own, then IVF and after that adoption.

Our daughter is nearly six. We've been waiting for an second adoptive placement for a while now and are turning our attention to permanent care (in Vic) for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that I am worried about a big age gap we would most certainly have with another adoption and the kids would not be able to play together. If we went with PC we could request to only be considered for kids 2-4 years or similar.

To top it off my dd is not interested in babies at all. She's a real nature lover and has told me numerous times she'd rather have a puppy than a new brother or sister, so it is going to be a ashock for her either way if it happens.

Has anyone go a six year or bigger gap between kids and how do you find it?

Edited by tkm, 17 March 2012 - 03:25 PM.

#2 my serenity

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:29 PM

Well when my DD was born my sons were 9 and 6... Though they werent keen on the idea of a baby/sibling as soon as she was here they were in love. The best thing about a big gap os the older one is more independent and doesnt need you to do everything so if your busy with baby a screaming toddler she can look after herself. They were handy to keep an eye on her when i showered etc and as they got older i was able to pop to the shop  they were ok for 10 mins. Now they are 15 13 and 6 and its lovely. I have enjoyed it so much im looking at an even bigger gap with number 4
Of course they all do have their moments and conflicts most of the time they are very close original.gif and they like teaching her things both good and bad lol

#3 No girls here

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:36 PM

My older boys were 7 and 5.5 when DS3 was born.  He's now 9 months.  I have found it fantastic actually.  The boys are so much help at entertaining him and looking after him when I need to get something done.  Of course there are downsides - the youngest will never have a sibling a similar age to play with and family holidays could be a little trickier trying to cater for different age groups for example.  But there are positives and negatives to everything.

#4 ali27

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:42 PM

With my own children, I have a two year gap, but between my brothers and me, there is a 9 year and 5 year gap. Although we didn't play together much when we were kids, they were always super supportive of me and helped me learn to ride a bike, do maths etc etc. As we are now all adults, it is totally irrelevant.

Good luck OP I hope it all works out for you.

PS Don't worry about DD saying she'd rather have a pet, if and when it happens, I guarantee she'll be excited.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:43 PM

I have almost 7 years between DD1 and DD2. I found it wonderful. DD1 was not in the slightest bit interested in babies but that soon changed as she got used to the idea of being a big sister.

Having the large age gap was also alot easier for me as DD1 was able to help when I needed her to. She didn't require as much supervision, she was much better at entertaining herself if I was busy.
It also meant I could spend quality time with my new baby without having to worry about what she was up to. DD1 also loved having her 1 on 1 time also.

Now they are 10 and 3, DD2 absolutely adores her big sister and looks up to her. For the most part they get along great. Sure they fight sometimes but it's not that bad, as DD1 usually recognises that DD2 is  younger and then shows more patience towards her.

DD1 actually said to me the other day that she couldn't imagine life without DD2, and doesn't want to ever be away from her wub.gif  Of course that may change in teenage years, but for now they adore eachother.

#6 boy0hboy

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:43 PM

Our boys were turning 7 and 9 when our last son was born. It was a bit of a shock to the system to go back to the baby thing after so long but we are loving it now 9 months on. Our big boys are so great with him and love him so much - they're even asking me for another sibling (not happening!) and said "it doesn't even matter if it's a girl"!! They entertain him and help out with him so much - it's been so much easier. And for us it's like having a first child again but with the benefit of hindsight and knowing how fast they grow up.

It was the best decision we've made, so happy we decided to go again!

#7 Carmen02

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:47 PM

DD was 8 and DS1 was 6 when DS2 was born n things have been fantastic for us DS2 is 16mths old now and adores his older brother n sister n they adore thing they love playing with him n are extremely protective of him. Only downside for us when DS2 was first born he was 6 weeks premmie and didnt feed at all had a 3 week stay in SCN DD didnt cope to well then

#8 yoohooyou

Posted 17 March 2012 - 04:45 PM

Wow such beautiful families!

I think the biggest thing for me is that I am from a large family and we are all close together in age so it completely outside my realm of knowledge. If everything had worked out as originally planned we would have had a three year max age gap between kids, but I am so grateful that it didn't or I would never have met dd.

I think I am focused too much on the negatives of not being able to play together, one starting high school and the other finishing etc but I should really be focussing on more time with each child, not having both go through the teenage phase together, financially not as difficult etc etc.  It is so hard to know what to do because so much of it is out of our hands and the bits we can control are such tough questions!

Edited by tkm, 17 March 2012 - 04:47 PM.

#9 Stronger

Posted 17 March 2012 - 06:59 PM

Thanks for posing the question OP and for everyone sharing their stories - it is good to hear positives as we will have an at least 6yr age gap between DD and her sibling which I was a bit worried about as we always thought we would have about a 3yr gap. But secondary infertility has changed our plans and so hearing good stories is a welcome relief!!

OP good luck - I hope you have some success soon!

#10 my serenity

Posted 18 March 2012 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE (tkm @ 17/03/2012, 05:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow such beautiful families!

I think the biggest thing for me is that I am from a large family and we are all close together in age so it completely outside my realm of knowledge. If everything had worked out as originally planned we would have had a three year max age gap between kids, but I am so grateful that it didn't or I would never have met dd.

I think I am focused too much on the negatives of not being able to play together, one starting high school and the other finishing etc but I should really be focussing on more time with each child, not having both go through the teenage phase together, financially not as difficult etc etc.  It is so hard to know what to do because so much of it is out of our hands and the bits we can control are such tough questions!

The good outweighs everything else. My sons are so loving and protective of their sister. When she starts highschool one son will be 22 and one will be 20 probably out working and who knows family of their own. She will have lots of people to rely on and be there for her . and look out for her.
I have been able to give more of myself to her as its like shes an only child whereas with the boys i was definatley more divided and short for time fairly with both. i actually find it easier now. As for playing they all still play together and the boys have even played barbies and dolls with her on many occasions my fave memory was the boys at the table having a tea party with her about 2 yrs ago with dolls fairy wings and princess crowns. BEAUTIFUL. and mostly now shopping trips consist of me hubby and daughter as the boys are happy to stay at home. Its a strange dynamic but lovely all the same.  
when the time comes you will see all these thoughts you were having were all crazy lol

#11 Guest_Hoggle_*

Posted 18 March 2012 - 02:02 PM

The two of my sisters that lived at home when I was born were 11 and 13. They loved helping to look after me and growing up it was fun for me too. They were almost like second parents by the time I was in school.

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