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Man only zones
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Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:32 PM
DH has a couple of rooms that are designated man only Does anyone else do this? Anyway I want to organise them a bit better as they end up dumping zones for all of his man stuff (which is part of the reason he's allocated the space in the first place) and he's getting twitchy. Any suggestions how to "help" him? He's happy for these spaces to get a thorough clean every now and then (they get really grotty), but he's not so happy if I ask him up front. IMO there's little difference but I think it's more respectful to ask him up front. It's just that he gets agitated at the thought, whereas if it just happens then he appears to love it Yes he's weird and it's the quirkiness that I love but WWYD?
Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:38 PM
Maybe Ikea storage things ? Kind of like those tool walls with the shape of the tool drawn on them that men seem to need in the garage, a unit thing with designated spaces for 'stuff'
Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:39 PM
My respect flies out the window when there is dirt and mess involved, and I don't care if he feels like he is being disrespected, I really don't have the patience to tip toe around someone elses ego. Pick up your sh*t and put it away. Part of being a functional adult and living in a shared household. Although, we do have somewhere to put things. His army gear belongs in the large closet in the spare room, bike and gear in the garage, etc etc. Thankfully, it's not much of an issue, because mess bugs he hell out of me.
Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:40 PM
DH has a sound proof music room.
It's a festy man-cave. I don't go inside which suits both of us just fine.
Guest_Buy Me A Pony !_*
Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:41 PM
Thanks for the suggestions LambChop. I'm clear about how to organise the space, just dealing with the ego is (as virtuallotus has mentioned) is what I'm not so sure about. I have moments where a hissy fit seems to be the only appropriate response but he's a delicate thing and that isn't the best method for us
Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:48 PM
I would just do it and deal with it later.
Saying that though, we have a different dynamic at our place. If DH complains i tell him i'll sell his toys and it quickly get's done.
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:00 PM
My advice then is... close the door Problem out of sight.
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:01 PM
I organise and tidy his cupboards and his room once a year. If he gets upset, too effing bad. He gets fair warning that he is approaching maximum chaos and it needs sorting.
He also has major organisational issues and attentional issues and stuff goes invisible to him so I just see it as a support issue that I go in there and do stuff.
I don't toss stuff though. Hilariously he has still got the piles of paper from the last 3 sort outs under his bed awaiting his attention.
So, yeah, I go the blunt, dude, this needs doing route. He hates it either way.
Guest_Buy Me A Pony !_*
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:08 PM
Oh I'm hearing you F&E. I'm always asking "can't you see the mess?". He cleans up around the mess - even in the main parts of the house that are more communal.
I wouldn't extend to tossing either, but his parents yesterday offered him yet more boxes of university notes from over 15 years ago! It seems like an endless task that his family are feeding. He won't throw out anything Mind you his parents are hoarders as well and are constantly boasting about the stuff they've had for 40+ years so it's a tricky one. He even pulled out a burnt out candle jar I'd tossed into recycling the other day. I feel like I'm constantly putting the same things in the bins. He has a special attachment to Jalna yoghurt tubs and Homer Hudson ice cream containers. Hopefully I've weaned him off buying the Jalna for a while.
Edited by Buy Me A Pony !, 14 March 2012 - 04:10 PM.
Guest_Buy Me A Pony !_*
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:19 PM
i was at the university notes. They've moved house twice since he finished university. I thought EVERYONE tossed them on graduation Mind you his dad won't throw out his own university text books which he dragged across the Tasman over 30 years ago.
Is there a hoarding gene? I'm hoping to switch it off in all of our offspring as I've seen the problems it can create.
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:22 PM
DH doesn't have a room anymore (it's gone from man cave to baby boy cave) but he does have a corner of our bedroom and a man wardrobe. I'm in the midst of a 3 month stand off of requests that he please find room in his wardrobe for his clothes. But no, I just keep piling the folded washing on top of last weeks pile. It's one step forward as he wears it and then two steps back on wash day.
Every now and then I take the whole pile and shove it into the wardrobe and shut the door. That pile has recently spilled onto the floor so that the door no longer closes.
He just has no interest whatsoever. I reckon it will take another 3 months. The most helpful thing for me is to learn to let it go. It's not my problem. It's not in my control. Yes it's a pain but no I do not want to clean up after my busy but more than capable husband. Breathe in. Breathe out. In. Out.
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:31 PM
DH has the shed and carport as his man areas. It was literally overflowing with junk. We couldn't park any of our cars undercover, valuable power tool were just sitting around and he was buying things as he couldn't find the one's we already owned. it was driving me batty.
I organised a decent amount of cabinets and storage shelves work was tossing and had DH pick them up on his way home from work. Then I said 'I'll help you clean it every afternoon for 1 hour until it's done starting next week' I think the idea of me going through all his stuff and complaining about how much crap there is scared him off enough and he ended up doing in all himself one night i was working late (over 6 hours). looks great and if it starts to get messy i go and ask him for everything left out 'when did you buy this, don't you already have a similar one, what a rip off, you should Ebay it, where does it belong, why do you put it there' He knows I'm just grilling him but it's annoying as hell so he puts the stuff away when he sees me circling
Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:33 PM
My DH is slowly taking over the whole house with his crap. The most annoying thing is, that he loves being in an organised space, he just won't do it himself. Eg. We have a separate downstairs area (external stair access). I was starting my Masters, so decided to clean and paint it (and buy nice desk and rug etc) to turn it into a dedicated study. DH fell in love with it, and next thing you know has started working from home, and declared it his office!
(Thing is, he does work full-time from home, and needs the space now, so it doesn't make sense for me to claim it back as I am now finished aforementioned Masters).
The office part of downstairs that I organised remains beautifully organised. The rest of the downstairs area is a foot deep pile of crap over the entire floor spamce. I tried to talk DH into buying aome storage cupboards, but he says we have no where to put them. *facepalm*
Posted 14 March 2012 - 05:15 PM
If they "his rooms" then I wouldnt even bother about it, until one day you see rats or a strange vapour seeping under the door..
The other thing is if he doesnt want it organised then why do it? I prefer to organise my own stuff. If I said No and my DH came in and did it, then yes it would bug me. Not worth the fight or aggro just because one person likes it clean. As long as his stuff doesnt come out into the rest of the house.
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