Jump to content

How did you decide what sort of father you wanted to be?


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 matt1972

Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:39 AM

I am about 8 weeks away from becoming a dad for the first time.
I'm nervous without being ridiculously so but am now at a point where I am thinking about what type of father I want to be and how best to facilitate that and who do I want to model my behaviour on.
I love my dad and am grateful for everything that he has done for me and provided for me during my childhood and beyond. However I can see straight away things that I want to do very differently for my child.
There was never a lot of affection in our house. Plenty of help when needed, a very stable family life, "normal" arguments between parents but there wasn't a lot of talk or vision of emotion or feelings. I guess when I was growing up that may have been par for the course in most homes.
So I guess there are things that I wish I had have had that I want to be able to give however those things are things that will necessarily come naturally to me so it will be a learning process all round.

Who apart have been your main parenting role models?

#2 mum2jp

Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:51 AM

Hi,
Its great that you have recognised the things that you want to do different, i would just keep those in mind. I think as you bond with your little one it will come naturally to you. My DH was also very nervous about becoming a dad as his father passed when he was very young, he never had a 'father figure' growing up and he had never had aything to do with babies/ kids before. DS is now 14 months and he is a great dad to him. He was nervous with him as a tiny baby but once he became more interactive he really relaxed and enjoyed spending time with him. The best advice i can give you is to be hands on in the early days with bathing, feeding, settling as this will help you to bond with your bubba and find your own way of parenting. Goodluck and congrats on your little one original.gif

#3 EoinCuinn

Posted 14 March 2012 - 10:27 AM

My Dad is a calm, rational even tempered man, who thinks things through before saying or talking. Unfortunately I take after my natural father in temperament. So I use my Dad (whose been my Dad for 28 years) as my role model to temper my natural inclinations. He's been fantastic.

I think the best way to impart how your want your kids to behave emotionally is to live that way. Easier said than done, and the missus and I have certainly had moments where that hasn't happened, but I think as our girls grow older, if we show that sort of role model behavior they will feed off it.

The fact that you are thinking about these things now, and intend to act on them is great. Perfection is unattainable when it comes to bringing up kids, but positive thinking and acting in an emotionally stable environment is a great start! Enjoy yourselves, and make sure you make time for your baby and wife when they come. Mine are now 1 and 3, I was only looking back today at 7-8 mnth old photos of a baby trying to crawl around, who now walks to the door to greet me with a massive smile when I get home. I miss that crawl!






#4 Buff Daddy

Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:43 PM

Growing up, my Dad was a night shift worker, so as I was leaving the house for school in the morning, he'd only just got home.  When I got home he would be asleep, get up for tea then go to work.  Also my Dad was one of 10 kids himself, so from all that affection wasn't high on his agenda.  It's not that he didn't love us or care for us, but had difficulty in showing and expressing that.

That was the main thing I wanted to change for my kids.  I'm fortunate in that I'm a "touchy feely" type and don't mind showing my emotions.

Things I want to emulate - his hard working ethic, honesty, loyalty.

Buff   biggrin.gif

#5 debut dad

Posted 21 March 2012 - 08:55 AM

Sadly for me... my dad taught me 1 thing... "How NOT to be a dad".

He was hardly there and I don't recall any fond memories.

My parents got divorced when I was only 11 and so was essentially raised by my mum.

I grew up wanting a family of my own and now that I have, I am driven to do everything that my dad did not. So in a way I must thank him for providing me with so much passion to do better for my own family. It's sort of like learning from someone's past mistakes I guess.

#6 Teacherman

Posted 14 April 2012 - 05:04 PM

My own dad told me of this exact dilemma when he first became a dad. His father would call him "Boy" and wasn't big on affection, even to us grandkids. Dad didn't want to be like that so he raised us with lots of love and affection, sure he was firm, but it was only when required.

I love my dad to bits, and I know my son loves me (he tells me so). My father being involved in what I like, and involving me in what he likes has meant that he has earned my respect a thousand times over. I would love to think that one day my son will sit a computer and type similar things about me.

Simply:
+ Be involved
+ Show love
+ Don't care what others think
+ Keep calm and carry on! (A very good saying)
+ Be prepared to sometimes be "The Tough One"
+ ...pooey nappies, sometimes you just have to get your hands dirty (there is soap for a reason)

Remember that children learn from copying you, watch your language, anticipate needs rather than wants, and finally, enjoy...

#7 Mike shore

Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:10 PM

Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just do your best and be patient




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.