Jump to content
How did you decide what sort of father you wanted to be?
6 replies to this topic
Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:39 AM
I am about 8 weeks away from becoming a dad for the first time.
I'm nervous without being ridiculously so but am now at a point where I am thinking about what type of father I want to be and how best to facilitate that and who do I want to model my behaviour on.
I love my dad and am grateful for everything that he has done for me and provided for me during my childhood and beyond. However I can see straight away things that I want to do very differently for my child.
There was never a lot of affection in our house. Plenty of help when needed, a very stable family life, "normal" arguments between parents but there wasn't a lot of talk or vision of emotion or feelings. I guess when I was growing up that may have been par for the course in most homes.
So I guess there are things that I wish I had have had that I want to be able to give however those things are things that will necessarily come naturally to me so it will be a learning process all round.
Who apart have been your main parenting role models?
Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:51 AM
Its great that you have recognised the things that you want to do different, i would just keep those in mind. I think as you bond with your little one it will come naturally to you. My DH was also very nervous about becoming a dad as his father passed when he was very young, he never had a 'father figure' growing up and he had never had aything to do with babies/ kids before. DS is now 14 months and he is a great dad to him. He was nervous with him as a tiny baby but once he became more interactive he really relaxed and enjoyed spending time with him. The best advice i can give you is to be hands on in the early days with bathing, feeding, settling as this will help you to bond with your bubba and find your own way of parenting. Goodluck and congrats on your little one
Posted 14 March 2012 - 10:27 AM
My Dad is a calm, rational even tempered man, who thinks things through before saying or talking. Unfortunately I take after my natural father in temperament. So I use my Dad (whose been my Dad for 28 years) as my role model to temper my natural inclinations. He's been fantastic.
I think the best way to impart how your want your kids to behave emotionally is to live that way. Easier said than done, and the missus and I have certainly had moments where that hasn't happened, but I think as our girls grow older, if we show that sort of role model behavior they will feed off it.
The fact that you are thinking about these things now, and intend to act on them is great. Perfection is unattainable when it comes to bringing up kids, but positive thinking and acting in an emotionally stable environment is a great start! Enjoy yourselves, and make sure you make time for your baby and wife when they come. Mine are now 1 and 3, I was only looking back today at 7-8 mnth old photos of a baby trying to crawl around, who now walks to the door to greet me with a massive smile when I get home. I miss that crawl!
Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:43 PM
Growing up, my Dad was a night shift worker, so as I was leaving the house for school in the morning, he'd only just got home. When I got home he would be asleep, get up for tea then go to work. Also my Dad was one of 10 kids himself, so from all that affection wasn't high on his agenda. It's not that he didn't love us or care for us, but had difficulty in showing and expressing that.
That was the main thing I wanted to change for my kids. I'm fortunate in that I'm a "touchy feely" type and don't mind showing my emotions.
Things I want to emulate - his hard working ethic, honesty, loyalty.
Posted 21 March 2012 - 08:55 AM
Sadly for me... my dad taught me 1 thing... "How NOT to be a dad".
He was hardly there and I don't recall any fond memories.
My parents got divorced when I was only 11 and so was essentially raised by my mum.
I grew up wanting a family of my own and now that I have, I am driven to do everything that my dad did not. So in a way I must thank him for providing me with so much passion to do better for my own family. It's sort of like learning from someone's past mistakes I guess.
Posted 14 April 2012 - 05:04 PM
My own dad told me of this exact dilemma when he first became a dad. His father would call him "Boy" and wasn't big on affection, even to us grandkids. Dad didn't want to be like that so he raised us with lots of love and affection, sure he was firm, but it was only when required.
I love my dad to bits, and I know my son loves me (he tells me so). My father being involved in what I like, and involving me in what he likes has meant that he has earned my respect a thousand times over. I would love to think that one day my son will sit a computer and type similar things about me.
+ Be involved
+ Show love
+ Don't care what others think
+ Keep calm and carry on! (A very good saying)
+ Be prepared to sometimes be "The Tough One"
+ ...pooey nappies, sometimes you just have to get your hands dirty (there is soap for a reason)
Remember that children learn from copying you, watch your language, anticipate needs rather than wants, and finally, enjoy...
Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:10 PM
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just do your best and be patient
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.
Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.
''I've delivered calves, lambs, dogs and cats, but nothing like this.'' This 'Super Gran' calmly peeled the amniotic sac over her great-grandson's head before discovering the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck ... twice.
It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.
Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.
It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.
One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.
Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.
For parents, having a child with microcephaly can mean a life of uncertainty.
Here are a few 'other' baby firsts you may not have been expecting, but you'll want to be ready for.
My son was born on the 1 July 2014. It's a fabulous birthday, don't you think? Not only does the first of July ring in a new financial year, but it also means we've hit the year's half way mark.
A naturopath whose treatment of a baby boy allegedly led to the infant being severely ill has pleaded not guilty to charges against her.
A teary-eyed Andy Murray promised pregnant wife Kim he'd be on the next plane home after his turbulent two weeks at the Australian Open came to an end.
A small boy in the US has struck up a quacking good friendship with an unlikely companion ... his pet duck.
Researchers have found that, contrary to prior belief, caffeine does not cause health-threatening heart palpitations.
I've always been one of the most maternal women I know.
For some couples you either both want to know the gender of your unborn baby, or you don't. For others, it's not that simple.
Tough new "no jab no play" laws could hurt children who have not been immunised due to family dysfunction, poverty, or poor access to medical support, experts warn.
Airlines and cruise companies across the world are offering refunds or travel credits to pregnant women who are scheduled to visit countries struck by the devastating Zika virus.
Not all women will require medication, but many will. And there isn't and shouldn't be any shame in that.
Top 5 Articles
Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.
Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?
She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.
A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.
Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.
It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement about the alphabet.
Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night.
An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.
It was all too much excitement for this dad.
The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.
The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.
Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.
Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.
Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.
One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.
Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!