Jump to content
How did you decide what sort of father you wanted to be?
6 replies to this topic
Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:39 AM
I am about 8 weeks away from becoming a dad for the first time.
I'm nervous without being ridiculously so but am now at a point where I am thinking about what type of father I want to be and how best to facilitate that and who do I want to model my behaviour on.
I love my dad and am grateful for everything that he has done for me and provided for me during my childhood and beyond. However I can see straight away things that I want to do very differently for my child.
There was never a lot of affection in our house. Plenty of help when needed, a very stable family life, "normal" arguments between parents but there wasn't a lot of talk or vision of emotion or feelings. I guess when I was growing up that may have been par for the course in most homes.
So I guess there are things that I wish I had have had that I want to be able to give however those things are things that will necessarily come naturally to me so it will be a learning process all round.
Who apart have been your main parenting role models?
Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:51 AM
Its great that you have recognised the things that you want to do different, i would just keep those in mind. I think as you bond with your little one it will come naturally to you. My DH was also very nervous about becoming a dad as his father passed when he was very young, he never had a 'father figure' growing up and he had never had aything to do with babies/ kids before. DS is now 14 months and he is a great dad to him. He was nervous with him as a tiny baby but once he became more interactive he really relaxed and enjoyed spending time with him. The best advice i can give you is to be hands on in the early days with bathing, feeding, settling as this will help you to bond with your bubba and find your own way of parenting. Goodluck and congrats on your little one
Posted 14 March 2012 - 10:27 AM
My Dad is a calm, rational even tempered man, who thinks things through before saying or talking. Unfortunately I take after my natural father in temperament. So I use my Dad (whose been my Dad for 28 years) as my role model to temper my natural inclinations. He's been fantastic.
I think the best way to impart how your want your kids to behave emotionally is to live that way. Easier said than done, and the missus and I have certainly had moments where that hasn't happened, but I think as our girls grow older, if we show that sort of role model behavior they will feed off it.
The fact that you are thinking about these things now, and intend to act on them is great. Perfection is unattainable when it comes to bringing up kids, but positive thinking and acting in an emotionally stable environment is a great start! Enjoy yourselves, and make sure you make time for your baby and wife when they come. Mine are now 1 and 3, I was only looking back today at 7-8 mnth old photos of a baby trying to crawl around, who now walks to the door to greet me with a massive smile when I get home. I miss that crawl!
Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:43 PM
Growing up, my Dad was a night shift worker, so as I was leaving the house for school in the morning, he'd only just got home. When I got home he would be asleep, get up for tea then go to work. Also my Dad was one of 10 kids himself, so from all that affection wasn't high on his agenda. It's not that he didn't love us or care for us, but had difficulty in showing and expressing that.
That was the main thing I wanted to change for my kids. I'm fortunate in that I'm a "touchy feely" type and don't mind showing my emotions.
Things I want to emulate - his hard working ethic, honesty, loyalty.
Posted 21 March 2012 - 08:55 AM
Sadly for me... my dad taught me 1 thing... "How NOT to be a dad".
He was hardly there and I don't recall any fond memories.
My parents got divorced when I was only 11 and so was essentially raised by my mum.
I grew up wanting a family of my own and now that I have, I am driven to do everything that my dad did not. So in a way I must thank him for providing me with so much passion to do better for my own family. It's sort of like learning from someone's past mistakes I guess.
Posted 14 April 2012 - 05:04 PM
My own dad told me of this exact dilemma when he first became a dad. His father would call him "Boy" and wasn't big on affection, even to us grandkids. Dad didn't want to be like that so he raised us with lots of love and affection, sure he was firm, but it was only when required.
I love my dad to bits, and I know my son loves me (he tells me so). My father being involved in what I like, and involving me in what he likes has meant that he has earned my respect a thousand times over. I would love to think that one day my son will sit a computer and type similar things about me.
+ Be involved
+ Show love
+ Don't care what others think
+ Keep calm and carry on! (A very good saying)
+ Be prepared to sometimes be "The Tough One"
+ ...pooey nappies, sometimes you just have to get your hands dirty (there is soap for a reason)
Remember that children learn from copying you, watch your language, anticipate needs rather than wants, and finally, enjoy...
Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:10 PM
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just do your best and be patient
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."
When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.
They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.
Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.
"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."
Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.
The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.
We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.
I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.
As long as pregnant women do their research, travelling during pregnancy can be done safely.
"It's not really something you ever want or think could happen. To have my mum going through it with me is probably the most special, amazing thing ever.”
I'm glad she wasn't my first child, or I would have thought that this was normal.
Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.
A mum's complicated, gruelling labour gave birth to two lovely beings: her daughter and her delightful podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.
My wife is nine months pregnant and we are planning a home birth - but we've had late problems with our midwife team.
A new book released this month will be sure to have parents nodding and giggling in recognition the world over.
Everyone has heard of people power, but what about passionate babywearing power?
When people ask about how my labour went, I usually respond: "Good, I think? Four hours long, and yeah it hurt, but I dunno, it's labour, it's giving birth, it's painful... but I guess it was good? As good as good gets?"
From Harry Potter to Shakespeare and everything in between, we've scoured the library shelves for literary baby name inspiration.
Thinking about having your kids at the birth of your baby? Here are some things to consider.
When Kimberlee King's waters broke nine weeks before her triplets were due, she went into autopilot as she packed her hospital bag.
Motherhood teaches us that we can be more tolerant, patient, and loving than we ever thought possible - and can also show us that we're innovative, creative and entrepreneurial, too.
A dad ponders how his toddler daughter can change so much in just one 24 hour period.
A heartbreaking video shows a new dad singing 'Blackbird' to his dying son just days after losing his wife.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!
I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.
There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.
Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".
They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.
New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.
The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.
Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.
Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.
In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.
Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.
Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.
A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.
A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.
Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.
This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.
Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.
Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.
Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.
It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.
Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.
Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.
Parents who treat their depression are "cowardly", feminists are baby haters with a "psychoneurotic disorder". Really, Mark?
How many weeks til Christmas?
Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.