Jump to content

How did you decide what sort of father you wanted to be?


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 matt1972

Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:39 AM

I am about 8 weeks away from becoming a dad for the first time.
I'm nervous without being ridiculously so but am now at a point where I am thinking about what type of father I want to be and how best to facilitate that and who do I want to model my behaviour on.
I love my dad and am grateful for everything that he has done for me and provided for me during my childhood and beyond. However I can see straight away things that I want to do very differently for my child.
There was never a lot of affection in our house. Plenty of help when needed, a very stable family life, "normal" arguments between parents but there wasn't a lot of talk or vision of emotion or feelings. I guess when I was growing up that may have been par for the course in most homes.
So I guess there are things that I wish I had have had that I want to be able to give however those things are things that will necessarily come naturally to me so it will be a learning process all round.

Who apart have been your main parenting role models?

#2 mum2jp

Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:51 AM

Hi,
Its great that you have recognised the things that you want to do different, i would just keep those in mind. I think as you bond with your little one it will come naturally to you. My DH was also very nervous about becoming a dad as his father passed when he was very young, he never had a 'father figure' growing up and he had never had aything to do with babies/ kids before. DS is now 14 months and he is a great dad to him. He was nervous with him as a tiny baby but once he became more interactive he really relaxed and enjoyed spending time with him. The best advice i can give you is to be hands on in the early days with bathing, feeding, settling as this will help you to bond with your bubba and find your own way of parenting. Goodluck and congrats on your little one original.gif

#3 EoinCuinn

Posted 14 March 2012 - 10:27 AM

My Dad is a calm, rational even tempered man, who thinks things through before saying or talking. Unfortunately I take after my natural father in temperament. So I use my Dad (whose been my Dad for 28 years) as my role model to temper my natural inclinations. He's been fantastic.

I think the best way to impart how your want your kids to behave emotionally is to live that way. Easier said than done, and the missus and I have certainly had moments where that hasn't happened, but I think as our girls grow older, if we show that sort of role model behavior they will feed off it.

The fact that you are thinking about these things now, and intend to act on them is great. Perfection is unattainable when it comes to bringing up kids, but positive thinking and acting in an emotionally stable environment is a great start! Enjoy yourselves, and make sure you make time for your baby and wife when they come. Mine are now 1 and 3, I was only looking back today at 7-8 mnth old photos of a baby trying to crawl around, who now walks to the door to greet me with a massive smile when I get home. I miss that crawl!






#4 Buff Daddy

Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:43 PM

Growing up, my Dad was a night shift worker, so as I was leaving the house for school in the morning, he'd only just got home.  When I got home he would be asleep, get up for tea then go to work.  Also my Dad was one of 10 kids himself, so from all that affection wasn't high on his agenda.  It's not that he didn't love us or care for us, but had difficulty in showing and expressing that.

That was the main thing I wanted to change for my kids.  I'm fortunate in that I'm a "touchy feely" type and don't mind showing my emotions.

Things I want to emulate - his hard working ethic, honesty, loyalty.

Buff   biggrin.gif

#5 debut dad

Posted 21 March 2012 - 08:55 AM

Sadly for me... my dad taught me 1 thing... "How NOT to be a dad".

He was hardly there and I don't recall any fond memories.

My parents got divorced when I was only 11 and so was essentially raised by my mum.

I grew up wanting a family of my own and now that I have, I am driven to do everything that my dad did not. So in a way I must thank him for providing me with so much passion to do better for my own family. It's sort of like learning from someone's past mistakes I guess.

#6 Teacherman

Posted 14 April 2012 - 05:04 PM

My own dad told me of this exact dilemma when he first became a dad. His father would call him "Boy" and wasn't big on affection, even to us grandkids. Dad didn't want to be like that so he raised us with lots of love and affection, sure he was firm, but it was only when required.

I love my dad to bits, and I know my son loves me (he tells me so). My father being involved in what I like, and involving me in what he likes has meant that he has earned my respect a thousand times over. I would love to think that one day my son will sit a computer and type similar things about me.

Simply:
+ Be involved
+ Show love
+ Don't care what others think
+ Keep calm and carry on! (A very good saying)
+ Be prepared to sometimes be "The Tough One"
+ ...pooey nappies, sometimes you just have to get your hands dirty (there is soap for a reason)

Remember that children learn from copying you, watch your language, anticipate needs rather than wants, and finally, enjoy...

#7 Mike shore

Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:10 PM

Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just do your best and be patient




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.