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How did you decide what sort of father you wanted to be?
6 replies to this topic
Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:39 AM
I am about 8 weeks away from becoming a dad for the first time.
I'm nervous without being ridiculously so but am now at a point where I am thinking about what type of father I want to be and how best to facilitate that and who do I want to model my behaviour on.
I love my dad and am grateful for everything that he has done for me and provided for me during my childhood and beyond. However I can see straight away things that I want to do very differently for my child.
There was never a lot of affection in our house. Plenty of help when needed, a very stable family life, "normal" arguments between parents but there wasn't a lot of talk or vision of emotion or feelings. I guess when I was growing up that may have been par for the course in most homes.
So I guess there are things that I wish I had have had that I want to be able to give however those things are things that will necessarily come naturally to me so it will be a learning process all round.
Who apart have been your main parenting role models?
Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:51 AM
Its great that you have recognised the things that you want to do different, i would just keep those in mind. I think as you bond with your little one it will come naturally to you. My DH was also very nervous about becoming a dad as his father passed when he was very young, he never had a 'father figure' growing up and he had never had aything to do with babies/ kids before. DS is now 14 months and he is a great dad to him. He was nervous with him as a tiny baby but once he became more interactive he really relaxed and enjoyed spending time with him. The best advice i can give you is to be hands on in the early days with bathing, feeding, settling as this will help you to bond with your bubba and find your own way of parenting. Goodluck and congrats on your little one
Posted 14 March 2012 - 10:27 AM
My Dad is a calm, rational even tempered man, who thinks things through before saying or talking. Unfortunately I take after my natural father in temperament. So I use my Dad (whose been my Dad for 28 years) as my role model to temper my natural inclinations. He's been fantastic.
I think the best way to impart how your want your kids to behave emotionally is to live that way. Easier said than done, and the missus and I have certainly had moments where that hasn't happened, but I think as our girls grow older, if we show that sort of role model behavior they will feed off it.
The fact that you are thinking about these things now, and intend to act on them is great. Perfection is unattainable when it comes to bringing up kids, but positive thinking and acting in an emotionally stable environment is a great start! Enjoy yourselves, and make sure you make time for your baby and wife when they come. Mine are now 1 and 3, I was only looking back today at 7-8 mnth old photos of a baby trying to crawl around, who now walks to the door to greet me with a massive smile when I get home. I miss that crawl!
Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:43 PM
Growing up, my Dad was a night shift worker, so as I was leaving the house for school in the morning, he'd only just got home. When I got home he would be asleep, get up for tea then go to work. Also my Dad was one of 10 kids himself, so from all that affection wasn't high on his agenda. It's not that he didn't love us or care for us, but had difficulty in showing and expressing that.
That was the main thing I wanted to change for my kids. I'm fortunate in that I'm a "touchy feely" type and don't mind showing my emotions.
Things I want to emulate - his hard working ethic, honesty, loyalty.
Posted 21 March 2012 - 08:55 AM
Sadly for me... my dad taught me 1 thing... "How NOT to be a dad".
He was hardly there and I don't recall any fond memories.
My parents got divorced when I was only 11 and so was essentially raised by my mum.
I grew up wanting a family of my own and now that I have, I am driven to do everything that my dad did not. So in a way I must thank him for providing me with so much passion to do better for my own family. It's sort of like learning from someone's past mistakes I guess.
Posted 14 April 2012 - 05:04 PM
My own dad told me of this exact dilemma when he first became a dad. His father would call him "Boy" and wasn't big on affection, even to us grandkids. Dad didn't want to be like that so he raised us with lots of love and affection, sure he was firm, but it was only when required.
I love my dad to bits, and I know my son loves me (he tells me so). My father being involved in what I like, and involving me in what he likes has meant that he has earned my respect a thousand times over. I would love to think that one day my son will sit a computer and type similar things about me.
+ Be involved
+ Show love
+ Don't care what others think
+ Keep calm and carry on! (A very good saying)
+ Be prepared to sometimes be "The Tough One"
+ ...pooey nappies, sometimes you just have to get your hands dirty (there is soap for a reason)
Remember that children learn from copying you, watch your language, anticipate needs rather than wants, and finally, enjoy...
Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:10 PM
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just do your best and be patient
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