Jump to content

Is my MIL right?


  • Please log in to reply
101 replies to this topic

#1 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:01 PM

Just spoke to my MIL and she reckons I am better of Applying for emergency Acc through Dept of Housing, getting put where I get put and not having a choice of house.

I need to go back to work, but she reckons I should advertise and pay someone t have the kids while I work.

I need a job to be able to move from here (can't really afford the rent- until I get the time to start listing this on EBAY.

I am not having a garage sale selling DH"s stuff with kids at home and have no-one here who can look after them, they are going through serpartion issues, so not prepared to employed someone yet who they dont know.

WDYT?

I am doing AVon- althoug behind- MIL says "You can't keep doing Avon fullstop"

ETA I am thinking I am IT for my kkds and I need to work Yes, but I want to do something where if my kids are sick or need me I am there.

Edited by purpleblackqueen, 07 March 2012 - 01:03 PM.


#2 EssentialBludger

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:05 PM

I think you should do what YOU think is best for your family.

#3 Chasing daisies

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:07 PM

I think housing comission is a good idea...but you can choose your area....Explain to them your circumstances and im sure they will get you something as fast as they can.
In regards to work...are both your children in school?
If yes the i would try to find something that you can do while they are at school..so it doesnt cost you anything for childcare.
I would keep doing the Avon....atleast its something hey.
GOOD LUCK

#4 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:09 PM

QUOTE (Chasing daisies @ 07/03/2012, 02:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think housing comission is a good idea...but you can choose your area....Explain to them your circumstances and im sure they will get you something as fast as they can.
In regards to work...are both your children in school?
If yes the i would try to find something that you can do while they are at school..so it doesnt cost you anything for childcare.
I would keep doing the Avon....atleast its something hey.
GOOD LUCK


My ex friend asked this area- and got moved 2 hours out of. There is a 7 yr wait for this area. If I go back to work during school hours- I have no-one if they are sick, as they are both now.

#5 eachschoolholidays

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:09 PM

If you have two or less kids, I would think it would be cheaper to put them in long daycare / before & afterschool care, than to employ a nanny.

#6 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:12 PM

Agreed, do what you think is best.  My mother went and got details off internet sites for carers ('just in case you need a backup') even though she knows I'm flat-out against having my kids cared for in someone else's home who I don't know.  I also have people advising all sorts of things to 'help' my kids with separation issues since DP died (eg. my DS, 3.5, has been having nightmares - someone suggested he might be disturbed by losing his Dad and that I should only keep one photo out of DP - I argued the exact opposite, we should all be doing all we can to keep DP alive for the kids, this would be counterproductive to that).

Try your best to handle it diplomatically but as I found in my case, a few times I had to call a temporary 'time-out' on a few close relationships as the advice I was getting really wasn't appreciated and was actually upsetting me and making it more difficult to deal with my grief (another example was someone asking a third party if I'd mentioned anything about having the tattoo of DP's name removed - the third party reported it back to me, I was so upset, as if a person can just be erased like that, I couldn't understand the logic behind it - hello, we didn't just split up, he died!).

Good luck!

Edited by tigerdog, 07 March 2012 - 01:25 PM.


#7 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:12 PM

QUOTE (nlman @ 07/03/2012, 02:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you have two or less kids, I would think it would be cheaper to put them in long daycare / before & afterschool care, than to employ a nanny.


$30 per hour per child- is what I was quoted - =$120 per day. If I was to work full time- but waht about during school hours if they are sick???? They are now and I have no-one. Based on last winter- I wouldn't have a job for long

#8 Tiger Lilly

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:13 PM

If you are in IT (depends what area as it's vast) you could try contracting. Trying contacting a few recruitment agents to ask for help in that department.

There is no reason you can't work school hours - a lot of people do it. If they get sick, you take sick or annual leave. It's okay and normal.

Regarding everything in general - stop listening to your MIL. You are a strong woman who needs to stand on her own two feet right now.

I know it's hard, but you can do this.

#9 ~Delilah~

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:15 PM

The emergency housing list won't have a 7 year wait. Maybe a week depends on many things.

From your previous posts, your MIL is not your friend and is toxic to your health.

Keep the avon going for now if its not costing you anything. If it is, ditch it. When you get a job, ditch again if it costs you money.

I'd also be looking at childcare rather than a nanny unless you can employ a nanny through a childcare agency that has CCR/CCB. Otherwise, I think, you'll have to pay the full amount for a nanny and can only get the rebate once every 3 months. With CCB, you get the discounted rate immediately and you can still claim CCB.

#10 CheriDeMomie

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:16 PM

As a single mother you will find child care greatly reduced. At my centre it is something like $25 per day - or something ridiculous like that. If your children are at school you might like to enquire about after care for your children - most schools offer this. The other option is opening up to another parent and seeing if you can arranged shared care together.

You can then look for part time work. Do you rent? If you do then you should be getting rent assistance. Also - i understand there is a bereavement benefit which you may already know about and have received? I'd be looking for cheaper accomodation in an area first that you feel you can afford. Did you investigate the insurance for people killed on roads in Australia yet? I posted a link for you in a previous thread. This might help financially at some point if you are eligible.

Do what is best for you ... I wouldn't be listening to MIL ... a lot of people tried to push me around and tell me what to do and push me into living in a place I didn't want to live after my brother died under the 'guise' of helping me. It wasn't helpful. And I knew and did what was best for me and my child.

You will too - trust your own instincts x

#11 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE (~Delilah~ @ 07/03/2012, 02:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The emergency housing list won't have a 7 year wait. Maybe a week depends on many things.

From your previous posts, your MIL is not your friend and is toxic to your health.

Keep the avon going for now if its not costing you anything. If it is, ditch it. When you get a job, ditch again if it costs you money.

I'd also be looking at childcare rather than a nanny unless you can employ a nanny through a childcare agency that has CCR/CCB. Otherwise, I think, you'll have to pay the full amount for a nanny and can only get the rebate once every 3 months. With CCB, you get the discounted rate immediately and you can still claim CCB.


Emergnecy housing here is a woman's refuge. There is no more than that.

#12 niggles

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:19 PM

I say cross the 'what do I do with sick kids' bridge if and when you come to it.

On a positive note I often find that a winter of lots of sickness is followed by a winter of much less sickness. A lot of these viruses stick around for a couple of years and your kids may well have seen them all already and miss them this time. If not, annual leave and sick leave are there for you to use.

I agree that you should trust your own gut and don't worry too much about what someone looking from the outside in thinks is best.

#13 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:21 PM

QUOTE (CheriDeMomie @ 07/03/2012, 02:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As a single mother you will find child care greatly reduced. At my centre it is something like $25 per day - or something ridiculous like that. If your children are at school you might like to enquire about after care for your children - most schools offer this. The other option is opening up to another parent and seeing if you can arranged shared care together.

You can then look for part time work. Do you rent? If you do then you should be getting rent assistance. Also - i understand there is a bereavement benefit which you may already know about and have received? I'd be looking for cheaper accomodation in an area first that you feel you can afford. Did you investigate the insurance for people killed on roads in Australia yet? I posted a link for you in a previous thread. This might help financially at some point if you are eligible.

Do what is best for you ... I wouldn't be listening to MIL ... a lot of people tried to push me around and tell me what to do and push me into living in a place I didn't want to live after my brother died under the 'guise' of helping me. It wasn't helpful. And I knew and did what was best for me and my child.

You will too - trust your own instincts x


Yeah I rent- I get RA already After rent I have $400 per FT left for insurances, foo, petrol, gas, power, phone, etc. There is nothing in my range now- 3 bed under $200pw- my kids can't slee in the same room as they would never sleep and with DD gong through prepuberty not a good idea., and I wont get anything without a job- several real estate have already told me that. No Insrance will cover accident

#14 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:22 PM

QUOTE (niggles @ 07/03/2012, 02:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I say cross the 'what do I do with sick kids' bridge if and when you come to it.

On a positive note I often find that a winter of lots of sickness is followed by a winter of much less sickness. A lot of these viruses stick around for a couple of years and your kids may well have seen them all already and miss them this time. If not, annual leave and sick leave are there for you to use.

I agree that you should trust your own gut and don't worry too much about what someone looking from the outside in thinks is best.


My kids are sick now and its not even winter, DD has been off all week so far and maybe off all of next week too

#15 CheriDeMomie

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:28 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that the insurance thing didn't work out.

Good luck. You'll find lots and lots of support from the Single Mummy thread.

Just trust your instincts hon - you'll get there x

#16 CheriDeMomie

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:29 PM

With the sickness and your kids... i'm not surprised. Grief is a huge drain on the human body and you will want to really look after your and your kids health in the next 12 months as you come to terms with your loss.

#17 Hayleymumof3

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:30 PM

purpleblackqueen didn't some of last years illness come about because of the house you are actually living in?

You need to stop listening to your MIL she doesn't have your best interests at heart.  The only person who can decide how things are going to work for you and the kids is YOU.  You need to nicely tell your MIL to BUTT OUT.  Have you looked to make sure you are getting all the entitlements you are entitled to?  Go/call up centrelink and talk to them.

Your MIL needs to stop putting stress on you.  You at this time don't need her crap if you have to cut her out of your lives for a while things settle down for you.  Tell her she if she isn't helping to shut up.

#18 ~Delilah~

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:31 PM

QUOTE
Emergnecy housing here is a woman's refuge. There is no more than that.


You know this for a fact? You've spoken to the DoH (or state equiv) and they've told you this?

Also, you are doing it again. The negative posting while ignoring the good advice. Stop, take a breath and start again.

The $120 a day might be the standard fee but that is before CCB. Once that comes off and your SP status, you'll get a different figure. When my kids used ASC, it was about $60 a week and that was at a centre that charged like a wounded bull. $72 per child for 3.5hrs of ASC. No food was provided either.

CCB - http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/inte...are_benefit.htm

You can also apply for JET - http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/inte...ervices/jet.htm

JET will lower your daily rate to about $2-3 a day depending on your income.

#19 lizard67

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:33 PM

I'm not too sure of all your circumstances PBQ, but you may be entitled to In Home Care? My local Family Day Care also run this program and I know it is there to help people who need care in their own home, rather than a LDC or FDC.

My only other thought is to contact your local council. They may have some programs in place that can assist you with your living and caring options in your local area.

#20 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:41 PM

There was a 2yr wait for emergency housing in our area, I remember a poor man begging for a house as he and his children were living in the car and the housing department telling him they had nothing they could give him, he was in tears but nope they just said they couldn't help and sent him on his way.

You know what is best for your family, don't let her bully/guilt you into doing anything you think isn't right for your family.

#21 runlikethewind

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:42 PM

you are entitled to sick and carers leave should your children be ill. so don't worry about that- many mothers work and have to use these entitlements when they are required to be at home. As for the housing,I would see where you get placed first before you get a job. Not sure how much rentals are these days as its been a while since I have rented but what about a smaller place?

As for the cost of childcare, you need to factor in the child care benefit and child care rebate, that even working parents are entitled too up until a cut off point ( we now earn 70k combined and still get it). It really reduces your out of pocket expenses for child care. Ring the Family Tax Office to speak with someone about it.

#22 Heather11

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:43 PM

If children are sick then as others have said you take Sick Leave, Annual Leave or even Leave without Pay if necessary.

In another thread a poster asked about getting your DD to see an ENT specialist, have you put her name on a public waiting list?  Yes it may be 6 months before you see anyone but at least every day you are getting closer to being seen.  If you name is not even on a list then the problem won't be resolved.

How about running your own book keeping business?  You have more control over your hours and can stay home if your children are sick.

#23 FeralZombieMum

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:47 PM

QUOTE (purpleblackqueen @ 07/03/2012, 02:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
$30 per hour per child- is what I was quoted - =$120 per day. If I was to work full time- but waht about during school hours if they are sick???? They are now and I have no-one. Based on last winter- I wouldn't have a job for long

Are you sure it's $30 per hour? That seems extremely high.
I would think it's more $30 per session. Our school charges $14 for the entire session. You would then get your CCB and CCR, so it shouldn't cost you that much.

If it is that massive price - maybe that's your solution! Become a family day carer and look after kids for other parents, at a much reduced price to after school care. wink.gif

#24 Peggybrown

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:47 PM

Take a BIG step away from your MIL. It sounds like she is very critical and manipulative. you are a responsible adult entirely able to make your own decisions. Don't worry about having to take time off work, it happens to nearly every working woman. Do what is best for you and your children, only you can decide what that is. Listen to other's opinions and then form your own judgement and trust your instinct.

Good luck PBL, I think of you and your kids often.

#25 purpleblackqueen

Posted 07 March 2012 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE (hayleymumof3 @ 07/03/2012, 02:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
purpleblackqueen didn't some of last years illness come about because of the house you are actually living in?

You need to stop listening to your MIL she doesn't have your best interests at heart.  The only person who can decide how things are going to work for you and the kids is YOU.  You need to nicely tell your MIL to BUTT OUT.  Have you looked to make sure you are getting all the entitlements you are entitled to?  Go/call up centrelink and talk to them.

Your MIL needs to stop putting stress on you.  You at this time don't need her crap if you have to cut her out of your lives for a while things settle down for you.  Tell her she if she isn't helping to shut up.


I have had an interview with Centrelink and am on max I can get.

QUOTE (~Delilah~ @ 07/03/2012, 02:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You know this for a fact? You've spoken to the DoH (or state equiv) and they've told you this?

Also, you are doing it again. The negative posting while ignoring the good advice. Stop, take a breath and start again.

The $120 a day might be the standard fee but that is before CCB. Once that comes off and your SP status, you'll get a different figure. When my kids used ASC, it was about $60 a week and that was at a centre that charged like a wounded bull. $72 per child for 3.5hrs of ASC. No food was provided either.

CCB - http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/inte...are_benefit.htm

You can also apply for JET - http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/inte...ervices/jet.htm

JET will lower your daily rate to about $2-3 a day depending on your income.


Not ingorning Advice- I have been to Centrelink, DofH and the people that do after hours school care- so am going by what I WAS told by THEM.

QUOTE (Heather11 @ 07/03/2012, 02:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If children are sick then as others have said you take Sick Leave, Annual Leave or even Leave without Pay if necessary.

In another thread a poster asked about getting your DD to see an ENT specialist, have you put her name on a public waiting list?  Yes it may be 6 months before you see anyone but at least every day you are getting closer to being seen.  If you name is not even on a list then the problem won't be resolved.

How about running your own book keeping business?  You have more control over your hours and can stay home if your children are sick.


There is not public ENT waiting this for my area- ALL private. and 6 month miin and not covere by medicare, so stuck there as I can't afford it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.