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Charity or gift?
Uncomfortable accepting gift...


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17 replies to this topic

#1 Whatnow?!

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:03 PM

Hi,

Yesterday I received a gift from a friend that I'm not sure I can/should accept. I feel uncomfortable about it. The gift is a gift card for a significant amount.

The reason I'm unsure about whether to give it back is that I believe it was given with a generous spirit and a genuine willingness to do something nice for me however I've been having a tough time lately financially and this friend knows it.

I am not comfortable accepting charity, because whilst sometimes it's very tight for me, I'm ok.

I haven't said thanks yet. ( It arrived in the mail), and I know if I call, this friend will insist I keep it. I want  to know what's the 'right' thing to do?

#2 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:07 PM

The right thing to do is to accept it graciously and be thankful you have such a kind, thoughtful friend.

#3 LK1

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:08 PM

I think the right thing is to keep it.
It's not charity, it's a gift, given out of love and care.

Even if it was charity, I see nothing wrong with that. The world needs give and take, and I am sure that you give to others in your own way, throughout your whole life.

#4 VioletRose

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:10 PM

QUOTE (Whatnow?! @ 02/03/2012, 09:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,

The reason I'm unsure about whether to give it back is that I believe it was given with a generous spirit and a genuine willingness to do something nice for me however I've been having a tough time lately financially and this friend knows it.


Accept it in the same spirit that the gift was given. How lovely of your friend to want to make your life more comfortable.

#5 her mum

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:11 PM

The right thing would be to say thank you, use it on something nice for yourself like they wanted, let them know about it if you're close like that.

I would imagine that your friend knows you would not have accepted it if they tried to give it to you in person, or mentioned it to you, so have sent it like that because they really wanted you to have it.

No matter the reason for it, your friend wants to do this for you, and I'm sure that they wouldn't have done so if they couldn't afford it etc.

Thank them and enjoy it. What a nice friend!

#6 Guest_Retro_Mumma_*

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:11 PM

Pay it forward when you can.

Take it if you need it and later on in life when you can afford it do the same for someone else.

We all fall on hard times at some point in our lives its nice to get help when you need it and its nice to help out if you can.

She is probably getting more out of helping you than you know. I know when I do charity/ community work / help out a friend or family member in need or give to charity I get a high and feel a warm glow that lasts for ages.

#7 Eternally

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:11 PM

Accept it gratefully. Your friend would be hurt and embarrassed if you refused it.
When things pick up for you, you may be in the position to give a generous gift to someone else.

#8 Whatnow?!

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:26 PM

Thanks everyone. I do feel lucky to have such a generous friend in my life, I am just used to being the giver, not the receiver and I'm not comfy with it. You don't think I should return it, with a thank you, but I can't accept it, it's too much comment? I've never felt like this about any gift before.

#9 ~**SYMONE**~

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:35 PM

They may have won it as a prize, or they may have redeemed it from reward points....in reality they care about you and want you have have this gift. They knew you would feel uncomfortable about it and gave it to you in a way that was least confronting to you. Accept it with the graciousness it was given.

#10 ComradeBob

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:38 PM

If they didn't like you, they wouldn't have given a gift. I think it would be churlish in the extreme to throw a gift given from love back in the givers face simply because you are more used to being the giver.

#11 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 02 March 2012 - 10:46 PM

Accept it, let her enjoy being able to show that she cares, pay it forward when you are able.

Swings and roundabouts.  We give and we receive and sometimes we give the gift of letting others give to us.

#12 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 03 March 2012 - 12:08 AM

accept it, thank her, and pay it forwards

#13 Whatnow?!

Posted 03 March 2012 - 10:32 AM

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your feedback and will accept it graciously.

#14 BadCat

Posted 03 March 2012 - 11:33 AM

QUOTE (Whatnow?! @ 02/03/2012, 09:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone. I do feel lucky to have such a generous friend in my life, I am just used to being the giver, not the receiver and I'm not comfy with it. You don't think I should return it, with a thank you, but I can't accept it, it's too much comment? I've never felt like this about any gift before.


You have been the giver, now it is time to be a receiver.

It is important to understand that as you would be there to support your friends your friends are there to support you.

#15 wombat

Posted 03 March 2012 - 11:57 AM

I just wanted to add that I did a simlar thing for a friend a few years ago when I knew times were a bit tough for her.   She has since repaid me 100 fold by helping me when I was ill.  Due to time restraints the only real way I could help her was financially, due to her financial situation the only real way she could help me was coming with me to Drs appointments etc when I was too scared to go alone.  We all help the way we can.  No one way is better or charity, we just do what we can do IMO.  I would accept without hesitation.

#16 I'm Batman

Posted 03 March 2012 - 12:10 PM

Take it.

They are a good friend.

#17 LittleRB

Posted 03 March 2012 - 12:20 PM

wombat sums it up nicely.

Sometimes we can assist others financially and sometimes we can assist as a support, shoulder to cry on e.t.c.

Graciously accept this gift in the way you have given gifts to others in the past, and be grateful for the wonderful friend you have who has assisted you when times are tough.



#18 tine1973

Posted 03 March 2012 - 12:23 PM

wombat... thats a lovely post... thanks for sharing.. and OP, glad to hear you are going to accept the kind gift...

tine1973
master4.





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