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The Endurance Team #32


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#101 Satay Chicken

Posted 20 March 2012 - 10:49 AM

Mich - I just try to remind myself that we have done the hard part, the waiting, trying naturally, the disappiontment, the tests etc - Although I fully know IVF is not easy in anyway, at least we know the process and what is coming up...  That said, I'm scared too, not so much of the process, but of it not working  sad.gif

Bigwoo - They actually said not too look?  I spose in saying that, we get a huge amount of information off Google which can cause one big mind fk, I know thats what happened with me with the uNK cell thing.  Its good they are retesting, try not to worry too much yet (although I know its hard not to be concerned).

Emso - You ok matey?  I see your name at the bottom of the page sometimes - just wondering how you are.

Hoping - Congrats!  I'm so pleased you are feeling good about your appointment and moving forward.  I so admire you girls going through this, I feel like such a wuss...

Hope everyone else is ok today!  6DPO for me and still very low luteal temps which is very disappointing.  I used to get up into the 36.7's but now barely scrap in at 36.6's - I don't know why I am cooler - just so weird.

SIL and brothers baby due Sunday - preparing for the baby onslaught!  Thinking of buying a nice bottle of Vodka to get me through the coming two weeks...xx  Actually might need a few bottles.

Edited by Satay chicken, 20 March 2012 - 10:52 AM.


#102 AmberSpark

Posted 20 March 2012 - 11:53 AM

Satay - I bought one at the weekend, the pre mixed cask Vodka, Cranberry and Apple from Mishka and it was yummy with Ice. Just a heads up. !!! Got me through

#103 emso

Posted 20 March 2012 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (Satay chicken @ 20/03/2012, 11:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Emso - You ok matey?  I see your name at the bottom of the page sometimes - just wondering how you are.



Yeah i'm doing okay... just plodding along. Really feel like I don't belong here anymore though... just waiting and waiting and the horrible thing is that we can't really give it another shot or try something different till we get to the top of the donor list. I feel like we've been TTC and now we're just waiting to see if we can actually get someone else's jizz to give us a baby. Its completely out of our hands now and i feel completely out of control.

I don't even feel like we're doing anything productive anymore. I am having mild panic attacks about the whole thing, and going round and round in my head about what if's.... its really stupid because I'm a psychologist and I counsel people every day about panic attacks and teaching them new things and getting them to change their thoughts but I really feel helpless in all of this now... I really thought I was coping with it all, but i'm finding it harder to pretend everything is okay. To make matters worse, my cycle seems to be all over the place this month, I should've O'd by now, but no signs whatsoever and now i'm freaking out that doing the IVF with my low AMH has basically taken all of my eggs and I'm going to hit menopause and then we're really out of luck... I know stupid... but Its just my crazy head talking...

Thanks for thinking about me hheart.gif

#104 AmberSpark

Posted 21 March 2012 - 08:47 AM

Emso - thinking of you honey. I don't think it matters what profession you are. This is alot for anyone to deal with and take in. I am stressing about the whole IVF thing and can't imagine what it is like with your added problem on a donor and the waiting.
why don't you see someone and take your psychologist hat off. The brain is a horrible thing and it runs into overdrive sometimes. Take care and I will say a little prayer for you.
bbighug.gif  hands.gif  bbighug.gif

#105 leebec

Posted 21 March 2012 - 09:08 AM

Emso - thinking of you

Satay - you need to relax. You have your holiday and everything else before you even get anywhere near your IVF cycle and you need to enjoy your holiday. Worrying about "what ifs" especially with IVF is going to get you no where. I have done 4 cycles now - 2 fresh and I am doing my 2nd frozen and you pretty much just have to let go. They control your hormones, when you will O, when they will retrieve and when they will transfer. There is nothing you can do to make that embie stick, if its going to stick, its going to stick.

There is an IVF book you can get from Dymocks, I think it is called making babies or something like that. You probably should get a copy of it and read it. Its peoples stories and I think a lot of them are from EB and it is very realistic about how many cycles people did and you know some people it didnt work for.

You cant go in to IVF thinking what if it doesnt work. It doesnt set you up for a good frame of mind and really your sanity is the ONLY thing you have control over when you are doing a cycle.

Mish -  you need to switch off as well until you see the Dr on Friday.

I know I am probably sounding harsh girls but I have been doing IVF cycles since October last year and have done everything you guys are doing and it has got me nothing but heartache. This cycle we tried naturally, I hvae not cared about not doing Acu as I think its a waste of time and money. I had mcdonalds yesterday, so what. I have been having sugar free lemonade, so what.....none of that is going to stop an embie implanting or not.

Tonight we are going to BD as my transfer is tomorrow. I have read a few things on FF and in googling that says that some clinics ask for patients to BD the night before a transfer as the sperm has antinbodies that are supposed to help with implantation...why not give it a go, I have done protein only, I have done 5 pieces of pineapple from day of transfer, I have done only warm foods......

I am now at 4dpo. Transfer is at 9am tomorrow morning at the clinic (was given the option of at the hospital but I dont want my embies leaving the lab until they are in the catheter to go into me). I had a really big temp increase today as well. I have felt strange this month since O. Hopefully its to do with the Femara and the fact that the Endo is gone.

Again girls, sorry if I sound harsh or narky or something and if I upset anyone but seriously calming down and just going with the flow is really the only thing we can do.

#106 Satay Chicken

Posted 21 March 2012 - 09:10 AM

Emso - I so wish this was easier for you, i'm so sorry.
Have you thought about joining a support group?  I know some of the clinics have groups for donor ladies, although I am sure you are fully aware of these.
As for your profession, this is about you and is totally different to you supporting someone else.  My BF is also a psyc and I often am the one to talk through things with her; she still needs support in hard times too.
And, please keep talking to us - we are here for you and want to know how you are and be of a support to you.  

Mish - That Vodka sounds bloody beautiful.... will be buying some on Friday....  

Edit to add - Leebs, I know, I totally agree with you - and thank you for the book recommendation, will definately look into getting it.
I've got one more ACU / TCM month to go and then thats done so will be ready for a couple of month break by then..  
All the best for your cycle this time around - you are one strong girl..x

Oh and Leebs - You are not being harsh, you are being realistic which is good..  BTW, I am still drinking on the weekend and have the odd ciggy.. so bad... ohmy.gif

Have a good day girls, or as good as can be.

xxx

Edited by Satay chicken, 21 March 2012 - 09:16 AM.


#107 AmberSpark

Posted 21 March 2012 - 10:35 AM

Thanks Leebec, I don't find it offensive or anything, you are telling the truth from your experience and I appreciate that. Thank you. I have switched off, I think it hit me last night and I am only going to take one day at a time. biggrin.gif

#108 Kate128

Posted 21 March 2012 - 12:12 PM

Hi girls,

How are you all going?

Mish - good on you for switching off til Friday. I think Leebs is right....there's nothing you can do til then so try not to think about it. I'm sure you'll come out of it afterwards with some positive action plans, so try and look forward to that. In the meantime...why not hit the shops I say!!

Satay -  I hear you hon. It is a big decision, and maybe some counselling will help you make it. Having said that, try not to fret or dwell on the 'what if's (I think Leebec has a point here too). For me, deciding to do IVF was a relief - I knew there was no chance we could do it ourselves, so I felt I was handing the job over to someone else in a way. It was the most positive choice I could have made and felt I was moving forward. So maybe that perspective might help you? Also, someone said to me, when they had gone through so many things to get a baby, that she never gave up because she wanted to get to 60 and look back with no regrets, no 'if only we'd tried...', none of that. So that's my inspiration too. xxx

Bigwoo - you never know. That's exactly how I felt last month.... Anyway, thinking of you xx

Hoping - that's so awesome you're excited. So glad your FS appointment went well.

Emso - am always thinking of you hon. I'm so sorry that it's so hard. Would it give you a bit of release to see a counsellor and just talk through everything. Don't give up, you're so strong and have come so far. xx

Leebs - sorry that O was painful, it really sounded not much fun. That's encouraging about Femera and endo. Your baby is in one of those embies remember...so let's hope it's whichever ones they pick out this time!! Your mental strength is amazing... stay strong.

Hi to XFingersand toes, Daisy (how are you going at the moment?), Gaia, Mia, everyone on the ET.

AFM, plodding along, trying to not think about it or worry about it....the worry never stops no matter what stage you're in I think...waiting for an appointment on Monday 2nd.





#109 XFingersAndToes

Posted 22 March 2012 - 06:08 AM

Hi ladies,
My phone frustrates me sometimes. Haven't been on the computer for a couple of days but wanted to post a reply yesterday, and then it ate it. Anyway...
Emso, as others have said just because you are a professional doesn't mean you aren't a human being who can have the odd panic attack or read too much into things at times. Although we aren't in exactly your situation doesn't mean you don't have a place here, or that we aren't here to support you.
Please keep posting when you feel like it, whether it's a good day or a tough one.
Satay, my immune system overdrive mainfests on the outside mainly, not the inside. Severe inflammatory skin condition on and off, controlled by steriods or immunosuppressants when its bad. Will ask the doc about ANA test.
Leebec. Thanks for adding a bit of balance/ realism. Good luck for the transfer!
Thinking of you all, run out of time for personals.

#110 Satay Chicken

Posted 22 March 2012 - 07:57 AM


I cannot stand logging onto FB to find one of my One Hit Wonder friends whinging about her baby - Get over it and be grateful......

Nuff said....

mad.gif

#111 AmberSpark

Posted 22 March 2012 - 08:24 AM

Oh Yes I have a friend like that too on FB. Got UTD to a one night stand....go figure and all she writes about is not getting enough sleep and her daughter who is 5 weeks, having a sleep over at Grandmas...>WFT.....very annoying, so I deleted her.

#112 Satay Chicken

Posted 22 March 2012 - 08:34 AM

QUOTE (Mish*J @ 22/03/2012, 09:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh Yes I have a friend like that too on FB. Got UTD to a one night stand....go figure and all she writes about is not getting enough sleep and her daughter who is 5 weeks, having a sleep over at Grandmas...>WFT.....very annoying, so I deleted her.


I'm thinking about deleting this one too Mich!  She never says anything to me on FB but constantly comments on my brothers comments - I spose she has something in common with him because he is just about to have his baby...  makes me want to puke....

#113 hoping4bubs

Posted 22 March 2012 - 08:51 AM

QUOTE (Satay chicken @ 22/03/2012, 08:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I cannot stand logging onto FB to find one of my One Hit Wonder friends whinging about her baby - Get over it and be grateful......

Nuff said....

mad.gif



I had a "friend" on FB complaining about her little boy, she's no one to me but I just want to scream at her. Might defriend her tonight

#114 emso

Posted 22 March 2012 - 09:28 AM

Thanks for your kind words ladies! really means a lot. Don't really know where i'd be without you guys.

I kinda feel lost most of the time because of this. But i've just gotta keep plodding along and waiting, there's not much i can do.

I've looked into support groups, but there doesn't seem to be any in sydney sad.gif I would really love to connect with others who have been through this, but it seems we're in a league of our own.

I completely agree with the FB comments. I have a couple of friends who post about their babies or upcoming babies and i've now just blocked them, I can't believe i've become such a hateful and jealous person because of this. Its also hard because a lot of my young clients have children that were unplanned and have issues around this. But i can;t be judgemental at work, its unethical. I've just got push my emotions aside and do what I need to do with them.

hheart.gif

#115 AmberSpark

Posted 22 March 2012 - 10:29 AM

Well for me...I was never really close to this person anyway, I knew her from a Ceramics Class that I did and we went out a couple of times but she was allways on the feral side, I remember back then she said she only wanted a baby and would do the One Night Stand thing and there you go, she did and bang.... a little girl.....How, bloody how.....She is with the father but posts all over it saying he is a Douche Bag....I don't get it and I just had enough....... I just hide the other people that give me the sh*ts. I don't care what they say. rant.gif Over being nice, I realised it gets you know where? glare.gif



#116 Kate128

Posted 22 March 2012 - 04:31 PM

Just popping in to agree with the FB comment thing. I also have unsubscribed from people whose profile pics are their babies/keep posting about their babies etc etc. Even though most of them are nice enough people, but its not about being hateful to them -mostly! - sometimes jealousy though - its more about self-preservation. Noone else knows the absolute hardship of everything we go through in silence. I don't think there's anything wrong with having little boundaries where you can which give you a bit of protection. I did the blocking thing about 3 months ago and I have to say it's SO nice not having to put up with that stuff when I do log on.

The one consolation we can get from it is that we know we'll NEVER be that insensitive to others when we all have our own babies, just coz you never know what other people are going through.

Chin up girls, you are all amazing and strong and we WILL all get there xxx





#117 AmberSpark

Posted 23 March 2012 - 11:54 AM

Hello Ladies,

Thought I will fill you in on my appointment today.
Well this morning was my appointment, the Dr was great and he is the one that will see us through the cycle cause we are public, we are still waiting for the Police Checks but they made our other appointments (Nurse & Counsellor & Accountant) for the 23/4, so if all goes well, I am due a week after that and I can start my first cycle. We are doing a Antagonist Cycle with jabbing only and then a 2 day transfer on one embyro only. He said that seeing I am pretty regular, I don't need to do the pill and other stim things. I was really happy with the appointment and everything, so now I am due on Sunday, so will mark it down again.
Thanks for listening ladies.... hope I made sense have a bit of light reading for the weekend.

#118 hoping4bubs

Posted 23 March 2012 - 07:28 PM

Mish - How exciting its all starting to get close. Its also great you like your dr

I was going to AFM but I don't really have anything new to say. Just plodding along waiting for my FS appointment in 2 weeks and have to get a few more tests.

Going out for a night on the town tomorrow night, can't wait to get dressed up, going to get my hair done. Hubby and I have just had a holiday but we haven't really had a night out, so can't wait to let my hair down with him and just have a night out.

I hope all is ok with everyone - whats everyone got planned for the weekend?

TGIF



#119 Kate128

Posted 24 March 2012 - 12:16 AM

Mish that's great news! Congratulations! So glad your doctor is nice.

Each step you take is one step close to your goal xxx



#120 amyc1981

Posted 26 March 2012 - 11:48 AM

Hi everyone,
Mish , I'm glad your appt went well and your dr is nice, makes all the difference doesn't it? It must be nice to finally have a plan.
As for facebook, I have deactivated my account now, as I never really posted and I got so sick of seeing everybody's babies in my news feed, that was literally all there was. I know I will probably post things like that when I eventually have a baby, but for now I can do without it. I will reactivate it when I get pregnant!

AFM: well I had to put off my Hycosy again till next Tuesday (was this Wednesday) but at least I still get to do it this cycle hopefully. I am only day 1 today (yes thats right, unwelcome AF is here for the 15th month in a row) so Wed would have only been day 3. As long as I get it done before we go away next week. I'm still going to go to my FS appt on Friday though as I want to get the ball rolling for IVF.

I didn't have much hope this cycle, and did a FR test on Friday which was BFN of course. It didnt make it any easier, and I found myself quite angry and upset. I think I'm getting really worried and resentful also, because I know we're going to have to do IVF if this next cycle is unsuccessful. I am having a really hard time with it to be honest, as it gets closer. Feel like a failure but there's nothing more I can do. Oh well, going away next week over O time and if it doesnt happen then it will not happen on our own I believe. I just can't handle the rollercoaster anymore.
Sorry for essay original.gif

#121 AmberSpark

Posted 26 March 2012 - 01:13 PM

Hoping - How was your night out with Hubby?

Sarah - How are you feeling? thanks, I am stalking the mailbox every night when I get home from work, hoping the police checks are in there....neighbours must think I am a freak.

Amy - Sorry AF arrived, mine is here too spotting today, so should be Day 1 tomorrow. This marks our 2 year anniversary of TTC. So I understand what you are feeling, Good luck with the FS on Friday and I hope that you can achieve your goal whilst away. Thinking of you, as it never seems to get any easier does it. That rollercoaster is a really Pr*ck. Sorry for saying.

AFM: Home sick today...have the flu really bad. So hopefully I will get this out of my system before starting my first cycle, although I didn't want to have any days off work until then, so that hasn't worked out very well. hugs and kisses to all.

#122 Satay Chicken

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:39 PM


Hi girls, just a really quick one..  just started spotting so AF definately here tomorrow - I'm stupidly gutted again, do it to myself every month.

SIL due yesterday, spose at least the kid won't come at CD1 and I kind of expected with my luck that it would.

BF just announced that she is TTC again so expect a BFP from her in a couple of weeks - not ready for that one even though its expected.

Just blabbing on...

Mich - take care.. xx

#123 *Gaia*

Posted 26 March 2012 - 02:55 PM

Hi All,

Sarah - Congratulations! Wishing you all the best for your journey ahead.

Mish - Snap on the flu! Its probably good timing to get it out of the way but its still frustrating. I hope you are taking care of yourself and feeling ok.

Hoping - Good luck at the next fs visit.

Its been very quiet in here lately. Hope everyone is ok. Hi to everyone - Satay, Scruff, Mia - I think about you girls all the time but dont post much.

On the fb thing, I recently went through and 'hid' a lot of people as it was getting me down actually. It felt really good to do it, part of taking control back. Im trying to take control of my own mental state atm and taking a break from things that I find hard. I dont really care anymore if people are going to say Im being oversensitive (which they will and have), they can walk a mile in my shoes and then see if they still want to judge me. Sorry, went a bit off topic there  mellow.gif .

AFM on ttc. Unfortunately the flu has coincided with O, so it looks like this month is out. Im trying not to be down about it but I am really disappointed that its another month lost. But on the bright side it has given me time to sit around home and catch up with you all  happy.gif  . I have been doing nothing but reading eb and catching up on old episodes of greys anatomy all weekend!

ETA - Satay - Sorry about cd1, it always hurts but Im sure especially at this time. It must be really hard with SIL. Stay strong. x

Edited by *Gaia*, 26 March 2012 - 03:05 PM.


#124 hoping4bubs

Posted 26 March 2012 - 05:54 PM

Amy - Sorry AF arrived. This rollercoaster ride really does suck big balls sometimes.
And you are not a failure, its just your body not doing what its supposed to.
I apologise if you've mentioned this before, but have you and hubby had any other tests before? BIG hugs xxxx

Mish - thanks for asking, my night out was awesome. Got my hair done and put my nicest clothes on, felt a million bucks, and we went to the Basement for a Etta James "show" was fantastic. Was the youngest couple there but we went with my family, its was a great night out.
Sucks your sick ... I hope you feel better soon x

SC - OH No AF arriving isn't great, I know you put so much effort in. Massive hugs, its doesn't get any easy every month does it, actually doesn't get any easier when someone is due or annouces either. Definately ok to blab on, we are here to support. BIG hugs xxx

Gaia - gosh, sorry to hear you aren't well either, its going around at the moment isn't it. Gotta be disappointing its at O time, maybe true not to count yourself out, you probably feel like crapola but I would jump hubby anyway LOL
Feel better xxxx

Thinking of you all, special mention to Leebec, big hugs to you too hun x

AFM - Had a very positive weekend, was going really well, head space is awesome, feels great to know we are being proactive with IVF coming up. Started the pill for this month and then end of April all systems should be go.

A sister of a dear friend got married beggining of Feb, just annouced they are expecting.... BLAH BLAH BLAH, well I don't care you are having a honeymoon baby!!! Oops did I just type that... I'm honestly not feeling that bad about it, just hate how easy it was for her and shes 5 years older than me and no probs!!!!

How is everyone else going??? Its super quiet in here, I hope all is ok with you all. I think you our little group daily, sometimes hourly, depending on whats going on my world. xxx





#125 amyc1981

Posted 26 March 2012 - 06:20 PM

thanks hopingforbubs and mish - yes we've had most other tests, I've had 2 pelvic exams, blood tests, tracked cycle, DH has had one SA (he had really good results but I'm wondering if he should do another?) and all has been fine, so we're in that unexplained infertility bracket which is super frustrating. Only thing I haven't had is the hycosy and a laparascopy.
hopingforbubs I'm glad you are feeling so positive - send some of that positivity my way I have been feeling pretty negative all weekend! DH keeps telling me I need to think positively but it is hard sometimes. Oh and I would feel the same about your friend's honeymoon baby! So unfair
satay so sorry AF arrived, I feel your pain sad.gif

Edited by amyc1981, 26 March 2012 - 06:22 PM.



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