Jump to content

I don't trust her to walk my child to school.
Confront or avoid?


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 roses7

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:30 PM

My niece and my DD have started FYOS together. SIL walks past my house on her way to and from school. She has offered numerous times to pick up DD on the way there/home. I don't need the help usually, as I work from home, so I politely make excuses.

But the reality is I don't trust her. She doesn't supervise her children properly around roads/cars. Twice in the last couple of weeks I have witnessed her 2 year old run onto the road because she is allowed to run ahead of SIL who was pushing the pram. She allows her 2 and 5 year olds to cross roads which have no crossing or lights, without holding her hand or the stroller - they just walk/run ahead of her. She lets them run ahead, out of her sight, on streets where cars are regularly reversing out of driveways. I find walking home with her so stressful as I am just waiting for her kids to be run over.

My DD is very sensible and stops automatically at streets and carparks to hold my hand, and checks driveways. But she is 5, and I can't guarantee that she won't get overexcited with her cousins and do something uncharacteristic. So for now DH and I have decided that we won't allow SIL to walk her to and from school.

Today my DS was sick and I asked a friend to collect DD. I've now had a text from SIL "reminding me" that she is always happy to walk DD home. I'm certain she is offended.

WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?

#2 Pupalumps

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:38 PM

I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

#3 katbalou

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:41 PM

I would avoid rather than confront.  Just pretend being her first year of school that you are really enjoying walking her to school.  Or make a joke of it by saying "sorry, but I'm a control freak" and laugh or something.  But then I hate confrontations.

#4 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:44 PM

I'd just be saying that it's important for you to make contact with the teacher regularly.

#5 Kavity

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:50 PM

maybe offer to join up and walk together?

#6 BadgerBasher

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:57 PM

I'd say that walking your DD to school was part of your all new get-fit plan.

Then make a get-fit plan that includes that. 2 birds, one stone.

#7 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM

I would be honest (well to a point) and just say that watching your neice / nephew run off ahead makes you very uncomfortable and you would rather your DD has closer supervision around roads.

Edited by ForsakenTruth, 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM.


#8 Kat255

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM

Could she be asking because she doesn't want to do the walk and would like you to reciprocate the offer? (ie, her walk her kids to your place and you walk them the rest of the way).

If you don't trust her, then keep walking your DD, but that may explain why she keeps asking, even after you have said 'no'.

If that is the case, you may be able to defuse the situation by walking her DD to school once or twice a week (if you were happy to that is).

But ... if you offer and she says "I don't trust you to walk my DD to FYOS"... then please update us!!!

#9 Feral timtam

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:18 PM

QUOTE (roses7 @ 24/02/2012, 04:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?


WWID?
I'd create the one big offence by telling her I don't trust her ability to supervise your DD adequately. But then I have it on good authority that I have zero tact and am a rude pushy cow to boot!

#10 jaismum

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:43 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

That sounds perfect

#11 Guest_Cathode_*

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:53 PM

QUOTE (roses7 @ 24/02/2012, 02:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?


OR, maybe walk to school with them? That way you get to see what she is like with them all, your SIL won't be offended at all and you get exercise to boot!

#12 FeralZombieMum

Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:27 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

Perfect!

QUOTE (Kat255 @ 24/02/2012, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Could she be asking because she doesn't want to do the walk and would like you to reciprocate the offer? (ie, her walk her kids to your place and you walk them the rest of the way).

That's quite possible as well.



Not sure what you should say if she asks you about why your friend was asked and not her when your DS was sick.

#13 Aribika

Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:50 PM

If you live close by and your chn are at the same school I think you need to be honest as the issue will keep surfacing.  Be as gentle as possible but say that you are concerned that your DD will get over-excited with her cousins and may run onto the road.

Lorraine

#14 IBM

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:12 PM

You love the walk just before you sit down to work and look forward to the pick up walk after sitting for so long.

I woildnt confront when there is an easy way to avoid it.

#15 Therese

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:15 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.


I think that sounds like the perfect way to approach it.  I also wouldn't be confronting her, I think it is easier to say something like Pupalumps suggested.

#16 laridae

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:30 PM

Why don't you all walk together?  Besides... she may be offering because she sees your child not being picked up yet/dropped off yet.  Do you get there on time?

#17 lamarque

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:34 PM

Agree with the comments about enjoying the walk home with your DD, keeping in contact with other parents etc.

Not sure what you should say when you arrange a friend to collect her though.  I can see how she would be put out.  Very awkward situation for you unfortunately.  I mean you will offend her parenting at the end of the day and no mother appreciates that..!!  

Goodluck.

#18 WaitForIt

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:38 PM

I'm an avoider, so I'd just lie, but that works right up until you can't walk your DD yourself.

Is your SIL your husband's sister or your sibling's wife? If its your husband's, I'd tell him his family his problem biggrin.gif

Or you could just kind of hint at it? The next time you are walking together, comment that it makes you feel uncomfortable watching her kids run ahead and cross on their own. She should be able to figure out the rest herself.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's? Here's what you need to know

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.