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I don't trust her to walk my child to school.
Confront or avoid?


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18 replies to this topic

#1 roses7

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:30 PM

My niece and my DD have started FYOS together. SIL walks past my house on her way to and from school. She has offered numerous times to pick up DD on the way there/home. I don't need the help usually, as I work from home, so I politely make excuses.

But the reality is I don't trust her. She doesn't supervise her children properly around roads/cars. Twice in the last couple of weeks I have witnessed her 2 year old run onto the road because she is allowed to run ahead of SIL who was pushing the pram. She allows her 2 and 5 year olds to cross roads which have no crossing or lights, without holding her hand or the stroller - they just walk/run ahead of her. She lets them run ahead, out of her sight, on streets where cars are regularly reversing out of driveways. I find walking home with her so stressful as I am just waiting for her kids to be run over.

My DD is very sensible and stops automatically at streets and carparks to hold my hand, and checks driveways. But she is 5, and I can't guarantee that she won't get overexcited with her cousins and do something uncharacteristic. So for now DH and I have decided that we won't allow SIL to walk her to and from school.

Today my DS was sick and I asked a friend to collect DD. I've now had a text from SIL "reminding me" that she is always happy to walk DD home. I'm certain she is offended.

WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?

#2 Pupalumps

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:38 PM

I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

#3 katbalou

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:41 PM

I would avoid rather than confront.  Just pretend being her first year of school that you are really enjoying walking her to school.  Or make a joke of it by saying "sorry, but I'm a control freak" and laugh or something.  But then I hate confrontations.

#4 FluffyOscar

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:44 PM

I'd tell my SIL that my DD still forgets to look up the driveways and tends to run off when she is excited or has friends around to distract her, so you feel comfortable making sure you walk her to school whenever you can. But thanks so much for the offer!

#5 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:44 PM

I'd just be saying that it's important for you to make contact with the teacher regularly.

#6 Kavity

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:50 PM

maybe offer to join up and walk together?

#7 BadgerBasher

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:57 PM

I'd say that walking your DD to school was part of your all new get-fit plan.

Then make a get-fit plan that includes that. 2 birds, one stone.

#8 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM

I would be honest (well to a point) and just say that watching your neice / nephew run off ahead makes you very uncomfortable and you would rather your DD has closer supervision around roads.

Edited by ForsakenTruth, 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM.


#9 Kat255

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM

Could she be asking because she doesn't want to do the walk and would like you to reciprocate the offer? (ie, her walk her kids to your place and you walk them the rest of the way).

If you don't trust her, then keep walking your DD, but that may explain why she keeps asking, even after you have said 'no'.

If that is the case, you may be able to defuse the situation by walking her DD to school once or twice a week (if you were happy to that is).

But ... if you offer and she says "I don't trust you to walk my DD to FYOS"... then please update us!!!

#10 Feral timtam

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:18 PM

QUOTE (roses7 @ 24/02/2012, 04:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?


WWID?
I'd create the one big offence by telling her I don't trust her ability to supervise your DD adequately. But then I have it on good authority that I have zero tact and am a rude pushy cow to boot!

#11 jaismum

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:43 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

That sounds perfect

#12 Guest_Cathode_*

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:53 PM

QUOTE (roses7 @ 24/02/2012, 02:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?


OR, maybe walk to school with them? That way you get to see what she is like with them all, your SIL won't be offended at all and you get exercise to boot!

#13 FeralZombieMum

Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:27 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

Perfect!

QUOTE (Kat255 @ 24/02/2012, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Could she be asking because she doesn't want to do the walk and would like you to reciprocate the offer? (ie, her walk her kids to your place and you walk them the rest of the way).

That's quite possible as well.



Not sure what you should say if she asks you about why your friend was asked and not her when your DS was sick.

#14 Aribika

Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:50 PM

If you live close by and your chn are at the same school I think you need to be honest as the issue will keep surfacing.  Be as gentle as possible but say that you are concerned that your DD will get over-excited with her cousins and may run onto the road.

Lorraine

#15 IBM

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:12 PM

You love the walk just before you sit down to work and look forward to the pick up walk after sitting for so long.

I woildnt confront when there is an easy way to avoid it.

#16 Therese

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:15 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.


I think that sounds like the perfect way to approach it.  I also wouldn't be confronting her, I think it is easier to say something like Pupalumps suggested.

#17 laridae

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:30 PM

Why don't you all walk together?  Besides... she may be offering because she sees your child not being picked up yet/dropped off yet.  Do you get there on time?

#18 lamarque

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:34 PM

Agree with the comments about enjoying the walk home with your DD, keeping in contact with other parents etc.

Not sure what you should say when you arrange a friend to collect her though.  I can see how she would be put out.  Very awkward situation for you unfortunately.  I mean you will offend her parenting at the end of the day and no mother appreciates that..!!  

Goodluck.

#19 WaitForIt

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:38 PM

I'm an avoider, so I'd just lie, but that works right up until you can't walk your DD yourself.

Is your SIL your husband's sister or your sibling's wife? If its your husband's, I'd tell him his family his problem biggrin.gif

Or you could just kind of hint at it? The next time you are walking together, comment that it makes you feel uncomfortable watching her kids run ahead and cross on their own. She should be able to figure out the rest herself.





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