Jump to content

I don't trust her to walk my child to school.
Confront or avoid?


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 roses7

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:30 PM

My niece and my DD have started FYOS together. SIL walks past my house on her way to and from school. She has offered numerous times to pick up DD on the way there/home. I don't need the help usually, as I work from home, so I politely make excuses.

But the reality is I don't trust her. She doesn't supervise her children properly around roads/cars. Twice in the last couple of weeks I have witnessed her 2 year old run onto the road because she is allowed to run ahead of SIL who was pushing the pram. She allows her 2 and 5 year olds to cross roads which have no crossing or lights, without holding her hand or the stroller - they just walk/run ahead of her. She lets them run ahead, out of her sight, on streets where cars are regularly reversing out of driveways. I find walking home with her so stressful as I am just waiting for her kids to be run over.

My DD is very sensible and stops automatically at streets and carparks to hold my hand, and checks driveways. But she is 5, and I can't guarantee that she won't get overexcited with her cousins and do something uncharacteristic. So for now DH and I have decided that we won't allow SIL to walk her to and from school.

Today my DS was sick and I asked a friend to collect DD. I've now had a text from SIL "reminding me" that she is always happy to walk DD home. I'm certain she is offended.

WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?

#2 Pupalumps

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:38 PM

I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

#3 katbalou

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:41 PM

I would avoid rather than confront.  Just pretend being her first year of school that you are really enjoying walking her to school.  Or make a joke of it by saying "sorry, but I'm a control freak" and laugh or something.  But then I hate confrontations.

#4 FluffyOscar

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:44 PM

I'd tell my SIL that my DD still forgets to look up the driveways and tends to run off when she is excited or has friends around to distract her, so you feel comfortable making sure you walk her to school whenever you can. But thanks so much for the offer!

#5 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:44 PM

I'd just be saying that it's important for you to make contact with the teacher regularly.

#6 Kavity

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:50 PM

maybe offer to join up and walk together?

#7 BadgerBasher

Posted 24 February 2012 - 04:57 PM

I'd say that walking your DD to school was part of your all new get-fit plan.

Then make a get-fit plan that includes that. 2 birds, one stone.

#8 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM

I would be honest (well to a point) and just say that watching your neice / nephew run off ahead makes you very uncomfortable and you would rather your DD has closer supervision around roads.

Edited by ForsakenTruth, 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM.


#9 Kat255

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:11 PM

Could she be asking because she doesn't want to do the walk and would like you to reciprocate the offer? (ie, her walk her kids to your place and you walk them the rest of the way).

If you don't trust her, then keep walking your DD, but that may explain why she keeps asking, even after you have said 'no'.

If that is the case, you may be able to defuse the situation by walking her DD to school once or twice a week (if you were happy to that is).

But ... if you offer and she says "I don't trust you to walk my DD to FYOS"... then please update us!!!

#10 Feral timtam

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:18 PM

QUOTE (roses7 @ 24/02/2012, 04:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?


WWID?
I'd create the one big offence by telling her I don't trust her ability to supervise your DD adequately. But then I have it on good authority that I have zero tact and am a rude pushy cow to boot!

#11 jaismum

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:43 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 02:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

That sounds perfect

#12 Guest_Cathode_*

Posted 24 February 2012 - 05:53 PM

QUOTE (roses7 @ 24/02/2012, 02:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WWYD? Keep offending her by not accepting her offers or create one big offence by telling her you don't trust her to keep DD safe?


OR, maybe walk to school with them? That way you get to see what she is like with them all, your SIL won't be offended at all and you get exercise to boot!

#13 FeralZombieMum

Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:27 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.

Perfect!

QUOTE (Kat255 @ 24/02/2012, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Could she be asking because she doesn't want to do the walk and would like you to reciprocate the offer? (ie, her walk her kids to your place and you walk them the rest of the way).

That's quite possible as well.



Not sure what you should say if she asks you about why your friend was asked and not her when your DS was sick.

#14 Aribika

Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:50 PM

If you live close by and your chn are at the same school I think you need to be honest as the issue will keep surfacing.  Be as gentle as possible but say that you are concerned that your DD will get over-excited with her cousins and may run onto the road.

Lorraine

#15 IBM

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:12 PM

You love the walk just before you sit down to work and look forward to the pick up walk after sitting for so long.

I woildnt confront when there is an easy way to avoid it.

#16 Therese

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:15 PM

QUOTE (Pupalumps @ 24/02/2012, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think I'd tell her that walking her to and from is something you really enjoy. Eg on the way you talk about the day ahead, on the way back you find out what happened. And that working from home you like to also get fresh air and exercise. Maybe she'll see it as an important part of your day rather than a chore she's taking off your hands.


I think that sounds like the perfect way to approach it.  I also wouldn't be confronting her, I think it is easier to say something like Pupalumps suggested.

#17 laridae

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:30 PM

Why don't you all walk together?  Besides... she may be offering because she sees your child not being picked up yet/dropped off yet.  Do you get there on time?

#18 lamarque

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:34 PM

Agree with the comments about enjoying the walk home with your DD, keeping in contact with other parents etc.

Not sure what you should say when you arrange a friend to collect her though.  I can see how she would be put out.  Very awkward situation for you unfortunately.  I mean you will offend her parenting at the end of the day and no mother appreciates that..!!  

Goodluck.

#19 WaitForIt

Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:38 PM

I'm an avoider, so I'd just lie, but that works right up until you can't walk your DD yourself.

Is your SIL your husband's sister or your sibling's wife? If its your husband's, I'd tell him his family his problem biggrin.gif

Or you could just kind of hint at it? The next time you are walking together, comment that it makes you feel uncomfortable watching her kids run ahead and cross on their own. She should be able to figure out the rest herself.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

Toddler freed after getting trapped in escalator

A shopping centre escalator needed to be pulled apart to free a toddler's trapped hand.

Why I'm kind of excited about my daughter's nits

Is it weird to say that I am secretly thrilled to find that my daughter Edie has nits?

Baby born at 10:11 on 12-13-14

Well, it's actually 13-12-14 to us over here. But still, Clare Elizabeth Keane's consecutive numerical birth time is pretty special.

On holding tightly and loving fiercely

We can't live in fear. This post is about Christmas and how at this time we should be celebrating life and grateful for what we have: our loved ones who we cherish fiercely.

Babies, relatives and coping with Christmas day

Everyone will love your baby but your baby may not be so happy to be passed around a lot of new people - nor may you want to feed with an audience.

Why I won't be posting pictures of my baby on Facebook

There are pros and cons to this policy.

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.