Jump to content

IL's taking DD for a week
at what age?


  • Please log in to reply
29 replies to this topic

#1 The Falcon

Posted 23 February 2012 - 07:57 AM

My in laws have just asked me if they could take DD to stay with them at their house, 5 hours away, for a week.  DD has just turned 2, which to me is much to young to be that far away from me for so long.  They seem pretty miffed that I won't allow it.

At what age do you think it would be appropriate for her to so far away for such a long time?

#2 Chasing daisies

Posted 23 February 2012 - 08:02 AM

I think its your choice and if you are not happy with the idea then dont allow it.
My inlaws always wanted to take my boys for school holidays etc...they live 14hrs away and couldnt understand why i said no.
My eldest is almost 15 and he has never been away from em for more than 2 nights.

#3 Bel Rowley

Posted 23 February 2012 - 08:04 AM

2 would be a bit young for me, I was fine with DD having sleepovers with MIL and FIL at that age (she actually had her first soon after she turned 1) but no longer. DD is now 3 1/2 and my parents have suggested she could go and stay with them for a few days at some point (they live 90 minutes away on the coast) and we would be happy for her to do it now.

#4 kboomba

Posted 23 February 2012 - 08:08 AM

If you are not comfortable with a whole week, think about what you would be comfortable with. Then negotiate.

Although I miss my DD's when they are away, I am happy for my mum to have them for a few nights at a time (3.5 and 1.5). My IL's on the other hand will probably never have my girls overnight without me there.

In regards to when a week would be ok, again it depends on the ability of the carers. My 3 year old would be fine away for a week with my mum.

#5 IVL

Posted 23 February 2012 - 08:23 AM

My DD was 2 when she had her first week away at my parents. Her older sister (4) also went with her. They had been having regular sleep overs at my in-laws for about 6 months by then. My parents live about a 4 hour drive away and it was their idea. My parents also said they would bring them home as soon as they didn't seem happy or were missing us too much. I trust both my parents and my inlaws as much as I trust myself or my DH though. If I didn't, I would not be able to let them go.

They lasted the whole week and I think would have stayed longer, but we were missing them too much by that stage. It is great, they now go up there for regular holidays and enjoy their time on the beach with Nanna and Pop. I think my parents enjoy it just as much (if not more).

#6 Indi

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:15 AM

QUOTE (Chasing daisies @ 23/02/2012, 09:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think its your choice and if you are not happy with the idea then dont allow it.
My inlaws always wanted to take my boys for school holidays etc...they live 14hrs away and couldnt understand why i said no.
My eldest is almost 15 and he has never been away from em for more than 2 nights.

My bold.  That's hardly something to be proud of, what about teaching him independence?  I can't understand why you would say no either.  Your kids aren't babies and due to the distance wouldn't have much other opportunity to see their grandparents.

OP I don't think it's unreasonable that your ILs want their grandson to visit.  If you have a good relationship with your ILs and are comfortable they would follow your wishes regarding safety (car seats etc) and what they can/can't feed your child I would be happy with it.  If it is the duration your not happy with, compromise.

#7 julzely

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:35 AM

Can you make it a family holiday and all go stay?

Maybe invite them to stay at your house instead?

#8 Baggy

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:37 AM

I'd let my 3yo DD go away for a week with family. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my 11month going. Both have stayed over night at my MILs though.

That's just how I feel, If another parent told me their 11month old went away for a week with the grandparents, I wouldn't think any thing of it. I don't think there is an 'appropriate age', I think it just comes down to whether you feel comfortable or not.

Edited by Baggy, 23 February 2012 - 09:39 AM.


#9 CCLady

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:38 AM

My eldest was 4.5 when she went with my Mum for 10 days while we were moving. I think 2 is far too young!

#10 missj

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:41 AM

It depends on the child and their relationship with their grandparents.  My kids are close to both sets of grandparents and love them to bits.  They love having sleepovers.  That said, my inlaws only live 10 minutes away, and my parents are 90 minutes away - not too far.  I wouldn't have allowed them to stay for 5 nights at age 2, simply because I am selfish and would miss them too much laughing2.gif  and I would also be worried that they would miss me.  Five hours is a long drive if you your child really frets for you and you need to go and collect them.


#11 drphillskaren

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:42 AM

wow - my kids are 6 and 4 and have only just this last weekend had a 1 night sleepover at my parents place. My parents just arent that interested in seeing my kids for extended periods of time.

I think 2 is a bit young - maybe overnight is ok, but not for a whole week.



#12 Feral timtam

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:46 AM

I'd be hesitant for my son to go for a week with the inlaws without my husband or I present, and he sees them every day! In fact he probably spends more of his waking hours with MIL than he does with me.

2, even 3 years old is definitely borderline too young for a week away from Mum and Dad. I could handle them taking one of my children for a weekend but two nights would be the absolute tops at this age.

#13 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 23 February 2012 - 09:47 AM

I'd absolutely jump at the chance to have the break but I don't think I could do it to them as my DS (who's 3.5) still wakes in the night and would make it hell for them - he wouldn't last out the week.

#14 Harmonica

Posted 23 February 2012 - 10:16 AM

I would say 5 - but only if there had been regular contact with them before this and one night sleepovers etc. so that everyone feels comfortable with the situation.


#15 daruma

Posted 23 February 2012 - 10:40 AM

I started when my son was 2 with 2 nights at my parents. Now he is 5 and the most he has stayed away is 5 nights.  I guess it would depend on how comfortable you are with them and whether you think your child will be OK away for any period of time.

Personally I think it is too young to be away for so long.

#16 Monroe

Posted 23 February 2012 - 10:49 AM

My MIL recently asked the same question, if she could take DD1 for a week, I've declined. Mainly be because she's never spent a night with her and they're going to the beach, we've never taken her to the beach before & I'm a little bit worried of someone taking their eyes off her for 5 minutes.


#17 la di dah

Posted 23 February 2012 - 10:57 AM

No kids here so I don't know what I will eventually say or what my own kids will be like but I am pretty comfortable theoretically with my own childhood experiences which were:

One night sleepovers at grandparents at 2. One night sleepovers at friends at 4.

5 night camping trip with people I didn't know (Brownies, but not my own troop, counselors and kids I'd never met) when I was 5.

I think one night or maybe a weekend is all I would do with a kid under four but it would vary so much with what the kid was like as far as needs and clinginess, and for that matter what the grandparents were like. My parents are lovely but not particularly healthy (that's not an age thing, they're not old, they're just sick) and my dad might fall asleep too much and my mom just had heart surgery. My DH's parents, well, his mom I would trust but she is super high-strung and I think she'd spin so much and clean so much she'd exhaust herself and I'd be worried about a toddler wrecking her house.

His dad is a lovely man but not ultra hands-on and I don't really want his step-mum watching my hypothetical kid and DH himself would blow his stack.

#18 Peevish

Posted 23 February 2012 - 11:20 AM

This question comes up a lot around here! Ultimately, only you can be the judge of what sleeping away arrangement is going to work for your children. Just because someone else's 8 month old could spend 10 days at the ILs who live interstate isn't really a guide as to what your children can deal with.

I don't have hands-on parents or ILs so the issue has never arisen, however, I can say that my 4 year old still to be happy with an overnight stay at anyone else's house. On the other hand my 9 month old is an entirely different kettle of fish and possibly he could cope with a stay at a trusted carer's house.

#19 Luci

Posted 23 February 2012 - 12:09 PM

A whole week is a long time for a 2 year old. As PP have mentioned, it does depend on the relationship between the child and grandparents. If they lived close by, the child saw a lot of them and went to their house often, and had already had short sleepovers (ie a night or two) then maybe I would do it.

My kids are 4 and 6 and I would not let them go to grandparents for a week. Both sets of gps don't live that close, the kids don't see them that much and have never stayed at their houses without DH and I. DS doesn't sleep through the night either which wouldn't help.

If your child is only 2 and has not stayed at their house before, then IMO a week is too long. One night to start with and see how that goes.

Luci



#20 premmie

Posted 23 February 2012 - 12:14 PM

DS is 18 months and has been doing the occasional sleep over with both sets of grandparents since he was born. He was Bottle fed so we were able to leave him with my parents or IL's occasionally to get a good nights rest. Since he slept thru the night at about 7 months he's probably slept out 1-2 times a month. But both my parents and IL's live within 10 minutes drive - so we could literally be there to collect him if anything went wrong.

He's pretty full on in terms of into everything. So I wouldn't leave him for longer than a few nights, unless they were sharing the care somehow (a few days each). He's in daycare 2 days a week now so I guess I would feel comfortable leaving him with GP's for a week. He loves and feels comfortable with both sets of Gp's so I wouldn't see it as an issue. As long as we were close enough to come get him if anything went wrong.

#21 cinnabubble

Posted 23 February 2012 - 12:18 PM

I wouldn't let my five year old go for a week. My almost two year old? Absolutely no way on earth.

#22 bakesgirls

Posted 23 February 2012 - 12:29 PM

I'm going to be the odd one out here....

We allowed our children to have ovenight sleepovers with my parents and IL's from when they were a few weeks old.

We left our oldest with my IL's for a week when she was one, as by this time they had moved 6 hours away. Infact, this Xmas just gone we left DD1-10 and DD2-3 with them for a week( we kept DD3 with us though as we thought a toddler and a newborn was too much to expect someone else to look after). They all thoughoughly enjoyed it. Our kids loved it and my IL's did too. We spoke on the phone to our kids every night though, and at the end of it my IL's bought the kids home for us.

I have a wonderful relationship with my DH's mother and step-father. I have always felt comfortable leaving my children with them, and will continue to do so.

My DH's step-mother and father are a different story though. We will leave our children with them for 1 night max. She likes to tell us what crappy parents we are because we have weekends away without our children.

Either way, only you can know what is right for your family. If you don't feel comfortable with it then don't do it. If you do, then don't let anyone else tell you that you are doing the wrong thing.


ETA- My parents took DD1 to Europe for 5 weeks when she was 9.  biggrin.gif

Edited by bakesgirls, 23 February 2012 - 02:08 PM.


#23 Natttmumm

Posted 23 February 2012 - 12:35 PM

Too young for me. Maybe at 5 or 6 I would allow a few nights if they wanted to go. I'm conservative about that sort of thing and don't think it's bad if parents are fine about it. I'm over protective but that is just me

#24 marnie27

Posted 23 February 2012 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (bakesgirls @ 23/02/2012, 10:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm going to be the odd one out here....

We allowed our children to have ovenight sleepovers with my parents and IL's from when they were a few weeks old.

We left our oldest with my IL's for a week when she was one, as by this time they had moved 6 hours away. Infact, this Xmas just gone we left DD1-10 and DD2-3 with them for a week( we kept DD3 with us though as we thought a toddler and a newborn was too much to expect someone else to look after). They all thoughoughly enjoyed it. Our kids loved it and my IL's did too. We spoke on the phone to our kids every night though, and at the end of it my IL's bought the kids home for us.

I have a wonderful relationship with my DH's mother and step-father. I have always felt comfortable leaving my children with them, and will continue to do so.

My DH's step-mother and father are a different story though. We will leave our children with them for 1 night max. She likes to tell us what crappy parents we are because we have weekends away without our children.

Either way, only you can know what is right for your family. If you don't feel comfortable with it then don't do it. If you do, then don't let anyone else tell you that you are doing the wrong thing.

Nope - we feel similarly.  My inlaws have had DS overnight from 6 months and took him interstate for 4 days at 15 months old which we were completely comfortable with.  I adore my inlaws and they are wonderful grandparents to our children.  My dad hasn't looked after them until having DS for an afternoon recently, but that is because he is further away.  The children's paternal nanna babysits them at our place because it's easier - she is always asking us to go out so she has an excuse to spend time with them.  We subscribe to the "it takes a village" theory - and we are lucky to have such amazing people contribute to our children's lives.

OP, if you think she is too young, then don't send her.  It's irrelevant what other people do - your child and therefore you get to make the decision.

#25 Holidayromp

Posted 23 February 2012 - 02:07 PM

Not until they are at least school age and even then I think a week is a bit much.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.