Jump to content

I've run out of coping mechanisms.


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 idle

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:03 PM

(Sorry if this is long )

Hi, my DS is 5 and in prep at school. I have been struggling with his behaviour for the last year or so, i put it down to him struggling with the split of his father and I and ex leaving the state. Ex comes down every second weekend and spends the weekend with here. I focussed on counting down until dad came and making skype calls every other day.
I am now not so sure that is the problem as he plays up constantly, even when he is happy. He is destructive around the house (nailpolish on stairs, bathroom), breaks pretty much anything of interest if he is in that mood, mostly electrical, breaks toys(his and his siblings'), destroys things important to siblings(usually artwork), will get up early to eat any treats in the house, hurts our animals for fun and lately, very aggressive with siblings unless he gets his way and uses mostly inappropriate, aggressive methods of interacting with them.

This is a basic run down but he is very hard work and spends the majority of his time doing things he shouldn't.
I've used positive reinforcement, time out, 123 magic, reward charts and he only responds to these things in the moment but nothing stops him from repeating the behaviours.
He also wanders off when it suits him, like he has no concept of boundaries, he seems in his own world and only set on what he wants to do at the time.
Today his teacher said he was in trouble as she had to have someone watch the class while she went to look for him as when the lunch bell went, 15minutes later he was still not back.
He also refuses to complete simple tasks asked of him, for example to put his shoes away, cup on sink, pack toys up, or anything like that.
I've not ever encountered these problems with my 6 other children and my 2.5 year old DD already has no problems with most of these areas.
I'm not sure what I am asking but I guess I would like some input/advice/opinions/ideas as to what I should do.

TIA
Crissy.

ETA, my older sons 18 and 13 are gobsmacked at his behaviour and even having had so many siblings, have not encountered this and are quite stunned at how bad his behaviour can get.

Edited by idle, 22 February 2012 - 03:05 PM.


#2 opethmum

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:21 PM

I think you should seek professional help and quickly for your children. One site I have found useful is www.empoweringparents.com. It is quite useful and has strategies and is more of a behaviour blog. I would also seek assessment because hurting animals is not ok and can be symptoms of something deeper going on.

Have the children had counselling post break up? If not I think it is probably time, check out Relationships Australia.  It seems that your DS is demanding so much of your time and that in turn can breed resentment in your other siblings. Some kids react in different ways and this child all though is demanding at the moment should not be your solitary focus.

As for food stealing, I would put all treats in a lock box and place in the highest part of your kitchen.

As for animal safety I would not let him near your animals and if he is near your animals I would supervise him until this behaviour is nibbed in the bud completely. He should not be trusted with them alone until he has demonstrated to you that he can be trusted.

I do hope this situation is temporary and that your DS can calm down. I wish you all the best.

#3 MummaDiva

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:28 PM

Definitely seek professional help.  Fast.  Go to your GP for ideas on where to get it.
IME, harming animals triggers alarm bells.
Hope it all works out for you.

#4 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:33 PM

Hi Crissy:

I'm sorry that you are dealing with so much.  sad.gif

I am in total agreement with openthmum. Please seek some good professional support as soon as possible so that you can figure out what's driving your son's behavior and so that you can be given some guidance on how to help him. The fact that he is harming animals for fun could very well be a signal that something deeper might be going on (not to mention the other challenging behaviors).

I strongly recommend that you ask your GP for a referral to a good clinical psychologist and a developmental paed as well. The psychologist should be able to both help you make sense of his behavior plus give you some tailored guidance on how to better manage it; the developmental paed will take a look across his whole developmental profile (behavioral, medical, emotional) to see if there are any specific issues in play.

Good luck. I know that it's hard to have a child whose behavior just doesn't make sense.

#5 idle

Posted 22 February 2012 - 04:04 PM

Thank you baddmammajamma and opethmum, I will go into the school tomorrow and ask for an appointment with the guidance counsellor and go from there.

#6 opethmum

Posted 22 February 2012 - 05:45 PM

That is great Crissy. I wish you nothing but peace and I hope this behaviour abates and you can start feeling good again and not at crisis point.

#7 Ianthe

Posted 22 February 2012 - 05:50 PM

That sounds really intense. I hope that you can get some good support.

#8 idle

Posted 22 February 2012 - 08:54 PM

Thanks ladies x




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Perth hospital mistakes cancerous tumour for "behavioural issues"

When Naomi Holly, a mother of three, noticed her eight-month-old daughter Nora, was having difficulty crawling and standing up as normal, she knew there was something wrong.

Piano playing dad soothes son to sleep in moments

There's nothing more frustrating, or distressing to a parent than a sick child who can't  - or won't got to sleep. 

Lucky escape for mum and bub after snake found in couch

Perth mother Laurie Rushton Dyble was sitting on a recliner chair in her home holding her six-month-old son when her husband suddenly told her to get up and leave the room.

When your partner misses the birth

While no one wants their partner to miss their baby’s birth, it can happen. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

Motherhood challenge: smug or just a bit of fun?

The #motherhoodchallenge sounds harmless, doesn't it? Some women disagree.

Who's the mum? Family photo goes viral

Last year, it was "The Dress". This year, it is a family photo that is breaking the internet.

5 easy meditation practices for beginners

So who's with me? You know meditating is one of the best things you can possibly do for yourself.

Woman to go on trial for being a bad housewife

An Italian woman could face up to six years in jail after her husband accused her of not doing enough cooking and cleaning at home.

Is the latest advice on women and drinking over the top?

While most expectant mums know to stop drinking when they’re pregnant, experts now warn women should stop drinking earlier than that. Is this necessary?

How household chores can double as a workout

If there's less than a slim chance you'll find time to get out for a jog or to hit the gym today, take heart in knowing that household chores contribute to the calorie equation.

I have no idea what I'm doing - and that's okay

Why don't we talk about the fact that when everything goes right, we may still feel completely lost, and certain that we have failed?

Dad warns of hair tourniquet danger after baby almost loses toe

A shocked father has shared his family's experience in a bid to warn other parents about the dangers of hair becoming entangled around a baby's toe.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Melbourne!

Get your ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.