Jump to content

I've run out of coping mechanisms.


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 idle

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:03 PM

(Sorry if this is long )

Hi, my DS is 5 and in prep at school. I have been struggling with his behaviour for the last year or so, i put it down to him struggling with the split of his father and I and ex leaving the state. Ex comes down every second weekend and spends the weekend with here. I focussed on counting down until dad came and making skype calls every other day.
I am now not so sure that is the problem as he plays up constantly, even when he is happy. He is destructive around the house (nailpolish on stairs, bathroom), breaks pretty much anything of interest if he is in that mood, mostly electrical, breaks toys(his and his siblings'), destroys things important to siblings(usually artwork), will get up early to eat any treats in the house, hurts our animals for fun and lately, very aggressive with siblings unless he gets his way and uses mostly inappropriate, aggressive methods of interacting with them.

This is a basic run down but he is very hard work and spends the majority of his time doing things he shouldn't.
I've used positive reinforcement, time out, 123 magic, reward charts and he only responds to these things in the moment but nothing stops him from repeating the behaviours.
He also wanders off when it suits him, like he has no concept of boundaries, he seems in his own world and only set on what he wants to do at the time.
Today his teacher said he was in trouble as she had to have someone watch the class while she went to look for him as when the lunch bell went, 15minutes later he was still not back.
He also refuses to complete simple tasks asked of him, for example to put his shoes away, cup on sink, pack toys up, or anything like that.
I've not ever encountered these problems with my 6 other children and my 2.5 year old DD already has no problems with most of these areas.
I'm not sure what I am asking but I guess I would like some input/advice/opinions/ideas as to what I should do.

TIA
Crissy.

ETA, my older sons 18 and 13 are gobsmacked at his behaviour and even having had so many siblings, have not encountered this and are quite stunned at how bad his behaviour can get.

Edited by idle, 22 February 2012 - 03:05 PM.


#2 opethmum

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:21 PM

I think you should seek professional help and quickly for your children. One site I have found useful is www.empoweringparents.com. It is quite useful and has strategies and is more of a behaviour blog. I would also seek assessment because hurting animals is not ok and can be symptoms of something deeper going on.

Have the children had counselling post break up? If not I think it is probably time, check out Relationships Australia.  It seems that your DS is demanding so much of your time and that in turn can breed resentment in your other siblings. Some kids react in different ways and this child all though is demanding at the moment should not be your solitary focus.

As for food stealing, I would put all treats in a lock box and place in the highest part of your kitchen.

As for animal safety I would not let him near your animals and if he is near your animals I would supervise him until this behaviour is nibbed in the bud completely. He should not be trusted with them alone until he has demonstrated to you that he can be trusted.

I do hope this situation is temporary and that your DS can calm down. I wish you all the best.

#3 MummaDiva

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:28 PM

Definitely seek professional help.  Fast.  Go to your GP for ideas on where to get it.
IME, harming animals triggers alarm bells.
Hope it all works out for you.

#4 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:33 PM

Hi Crissy:

I'm sorry that you are dealing with so much.  sad.gif

I am in total agreement with openthmum. Please seek some good professional support as soon as possible so that you can figure out what's driving your son's behavior and so that you can be given some guidance on how to help him. The fact that he is harming animals for fun could very well be a signal that something deeper might be going on (not to mention the other challenging behaviors).

I strongly recommend that you ask your GP for a referral to a good clinical psychologist and a developmental paed as well. The psychologist should be able to both help you make sense of his behavior plus give you some tailored guidance on how to better manage it; the developmental paed will take a look across his whole developmental profile (behavioral, medical, emotional) to see if there are any specific issues in play.

Good luck. I know that it's hard to have a child whose behavior just doesn't make sense.

#5 idle

Posted 22 February 2012 - 04:04 PM

Thank you baddmammajamma and opethmum, I will go into the school tomorrow and ask for an appointment with the guidance counsellor and go from there.

#6 opethmum

Posted 22 February 2012 - 05:45 PM

That is great Crissy. I wish you nothing but peace and I hope this behaviour abates and you can start feeling good again and not at crisis point.

#7 Ianthe

Posted 22 February 2012 - 05:50 PM

That sounds really intense. I hope that you can get some good support.

#8 idle

Posted 22 February 2012 - 08:54 PM

Thanks ladies x




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.