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Posted 17 February 2012 - 03:04 PM
One morning, a husband returns the boat to his lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake his wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a parks ranger in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning. What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replies, thinking, ‘Isn't that obvious?’
“You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.
“I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.”
“Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.
“But I haven't even touched you,” says the Ranger.
“That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
“Have a nice day,” and he left.
Moral: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Posted 17 February 2012 - 03:08 PM
We were dressed and ready to go out for a Dinner & Theatre evening.
We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the back garden.
We phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the budgie.
My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night.
So, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid b**ch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her a*se with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat a*se downstairs and threw her out into the back garden!
..............She'd better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!"
The silence in the Taxi was deafening.
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