Jump to content

Baby #2 at 43 or 44?


  • Please log in to reply
25 replies to this topic

#1 ABabyPlease

Posted 13 February 2012 - 11:22 AM

Hi, I am nearly 43 and was blessed to have had a beautiful healthy son 5 months ago.  We would like a sibling for him and my OB has OK'd me to TTC any time now.  I have been a great Mum and my beautiful boy is a great sleeper and very easy baby.  However, I have had lots of back and neck pain which makes me a bit irritable - and my son is only going to get heavier in the coming months.  I am seeing a physio who is helping to develop my back strength.

So I'm trying to decide if I can cope physically with another pregnancy and another baby along with my son who will then be a toddler.  I am reasonably fit, but a bit overweight and not a high energy "over-achiever" type IYKWIM....

Your thoughts or experiences?

#2 Sancti-mummy

Posted 16 February 2012 - 06:49 AM

Welcome to our (very quiet) part of the boards!!

I can't offer advice on your PARTICULAR scenario - I had my first early and my second late (so if you want to talk LARGE age gaps, I'm your girl) but it is a hard decision you face, I realise.

If it were me in your shoes and in an ideal world (so long as the pain isn't chronic), I would contemplate another.  I had an only* for a long time and the joy I have given her (in my eyes) (and myself and my husband) was her little sister.

That being said - small gaps are not my forte, so hopefully others can offer their thoughts on that.

*Disclaimer - there is nothing wrong with an only child, however - all that time my girl was my one, I was ecstatic that I had her and there are things you can enjoy with just one child that the logistics go out of whack with 2.  

Good luck - and congratulations on your son.  They are blessings.

#3 Torquoise

Posted 02 April 2012 - 12:01 PM

Hi to Baby #2 at 43 or 44.

My advice to you is to definitely try for baby number 2, even though your deeply thinking about your back.  I am 43 and already have one child but would dearly love a second child like yourself.  I  have also had a  disc bulge for the past 4 years which does irritate and annoy me most of time. I have seen a specialist and have been told to lose weight as I am overweight so hopefully that will help my back issue.
  At times I think I shouldn't have a second child due to my ongoing back issues but I just think to myself that their are other's in worse situations doing it tough and I'm sure as Mum's we can sort things out.  
I also keep telling myself that I don't want to have regret's when I'm 50 and look back and say to myself why didn't I have a second child.

If you would like to personal message me I'm fine with that.

Take care

Ciao

Torquoise

#4 sophiasmum

Posted 02 April 2012 - 03:10 PM

I think if you are seeing a physio now then you are already taking steps to prepare for the eventuality of baby #2. I think you should start trying (due to your age, don't wait) and see what happens. A brother or sister for your baby would be wonderful.

#5 Red nut

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:26 AM

Can only speak about what I would do, but I'd be cracking on ASAP! Or at least the first possible month that you would consider it not a disaster to get a BFP. Keeping in mind statistically it probably won't be the first month... Sounds like you are doing all you can with your spinal issues, so why wait!

#6 ms flib

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:09 PM

I would go for it too!

All the best!

#7 flowerpuff

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:14 PM

Go for it - if you've been give the ok by your obs - more than 1 bubs is definately harder at times but double the joy....

I think I've finally "worn down" my hubby into having no.3 and I'm 39....

good luck...

#8 coolbreeze

Posted 23 April 2012 - 06:09 AM

Yes if you think you want a second you should start now. At our age the changes of falling pregnant diminish each month statistically speaking,
Good luck and get going if thats what you think you want,
Cheers
CB

#9 ABabyPlease

Posted 12 June 2012 - 12:15 PM

Thanks everyone for the encouragement - I really appreciate it.  I think I am going to go for it, my now 9mo is getting easier to manage & easier to lift now that I get him to stand up first.  

I have actually been on the mini pill for a few months - funny for a BF Mum of 43, but it gave me peace of mind.  I'm going to stop it now & TTC!!!!  Now we just have to find the time & energy to do the baby making.....

#10 tres-chic

Posted 12 June 2012 - 12:20 PM

If you're OB/medical advice says you're fine to go for it, I would.

I had my third at 40 and now I'm 42 with three kids six and under. If you're able to summon the motivation to do it I would definitely recommend getting fit, it has helped me enormously! I have a personal trainer too who is a specialist in pre-and post-natal which has been great, we've worked really hard with getting my core strength and pelvic floor up to scratch which is good as DD is BIG!  smile1.gif

Good luck.

#11 chloe69

Posted 12 June 2012 - 12:20 PM

Good Luck!

#12 runnybabbit

Posted 12 June 2012 - 12:21 PM

Hi OP I am only 27 and pregnant with #2, #1 is almost 14 months old and 10 kg. It is tough even for us young 'uns. I get terrible arm, shoulder and neck pain (and consequently headaches) from carrying him sloppily, and also had SPD with my first pregnancy and can feel it recurring already. I also had chronic back issues prior to falling pregnant, which I'm sure didn't help. And I'm really slack with my posture.

It also took about a year post-partum for my pelvic floor to return to normal, I think.

So -- what I'm saying is -- I think pregnancy takes its toll on your body no matter how old you are! Good luck. original.gif

#13 Lifesgood

Posted 12 June 2012 - 07:42 PM

Hi OP, I see you have already decided to go for it anyway (and I think that's great!).

I just wanted to let you know that I found my second pregnancy at age 40 quite tough physically, and afterwards I suffered hip, lower back and shoulder/elbow/wrist/hand problems from lifting and carrying DS and breastfeeding him.

However, 18 months on and I am pretty much recovered and have very little pain any more. I do yoga and other core strength exercise which has helped somewhat.

Good luck, I hope you have quick success.












#14 geckogirl

Posted 06 July 2012 - 03:04 PM

Hi ABabyPlease,

I just wanted to let you know that you won't be alone. I'm 43 and my DS is 13 mths old and I just found out last week that I'm pregnant due in March. We've been trying for about 6 mths. I'm also overweight and definitely not a high energy "over achiever". original.gif

Good Luck!

#15 PurpleNess

Posted 28 August 2012 - 06:08 PM

Hi OP , icame in here looking for a thread about this exact question. I have an 8 month old and am now 41, gave birth at 40 & we are thinking about trying again for another around Christmas. My body held up wonderfully during pregnancy and I weight less now than before my preg :-) although my wrists and elbows are suffering from the lifting but I'm coping fine.
Its really just the physical aspects that have me 2nd guessing, so I'm in a similar boat.

It's nice to know we are not alone! Wishing you all the best TTC no 2, good luck

#16 Grateful68

Posted 01 September 2012 - 01:08 PM

I say go for it.  I had my first at 40 and have been trying for #2 for sometime.  Unfortunately a couple of losses along the way makes it harder but I'm not going up just yet.  I turned 44 this mth and am still trying for now!   biggrin.gif

#17 menmyboy

Posted 08 September 2012 - 07:17 PM

Hi, i say good on you for trying again as well. i am forty myself and just found out im pregnant with #2.  i didnt think it was going to happen for us, because of our age, dh is 40 as well, and we only had DS two  years ago, and had a m/c  in feb.  so Im a little scared at the moment while at the same time, hoping this one sticks.. because i dont think i could do it again emotionally.  i dont want to get excited  too much just yet cause we have a long way to go.  but i ws like one of the other posters, didnt want to regret not trying for another one, but would have been happy with what weve got so far, if it didnt happen, i know everything happens for a reason.  good luck with your journey and i hope its  a positive ending for you in the near future.

#18 feralangel

Posted 08 September 2012 - 10:31 PM

Hi ladies, I say go for it. I am a 44 year old mother with 2 children aged 2 and 3 months and have never felt more happier or energetic. I had 2 great pregnancies; however, the second was harder for three main reasons: 1. Was carrying an extra 20 kilos from my 1st pregnancy; 2. I worked full time from 3-7 months of my pregnancy and 3. Running after a energetic toddler. I should also mention that i did suffer bouts of all day morning sickness throughout and lower back pain (although this was mainly due to the baby pressing on my spine rather than picking up DD1). However, I did find that the tiredness and fatigue disappeared as soon as I gave birth (DD2 was an enormous baby) and can honestly say I've never felt better in my life (although it helps that DD2 is a good sleeper and DD1 has matured a lot stepping up to her new role as big sis). All I all I'm really enjoying being an older mum to 2 little ones (it is twice the fun) and would like to wish all the ladies on here who are trying or considering trying the very best of luck.

#19 Mum_of_five

Posted 15 September 2012 - 09:28 PM

I am 42 and 26 weeks pregnant with number 5.... This bubs was not planned and i had never thought in a million years i would be having any more original.gif I have 3 boys ages 13,12,10 and a daughter aged 4, had our dd at 38 also unplanned...

Our children are excited that we are having another bubs, espescially our 4 year old because we are having a girl... When i found out i was pregnant, i was hoping for a girl,a little sister for Gen..

I am actually fitter now than i was at 38 and started this pregnancy at 55kg, less than i was with my last original.gif So far i have just had the usual issues, varicous veins in my right leg butpregnancy stockings help with that... Also i have a belly support which you can get at ie baby bunting... That helps support the pelvis and lower back area, not that i am big, but it is just more comfortable having that extra support..
If there are no serious health issues and you would love to have another bubs, i dont see why you shouldn't and you have the go ahead by a health professional... I am having 2 growth scans done to check on babys growth and am classed as 'high risk' based on age, but at T2 US there are no signs of down syndrome which is probably the main issue to consider when having a baby over 40...

If you have any questions just PM me original.gif I am 27 weeks on Monday...

#20 ubermum

Posted 15 September 2012 - 09:33 PM

Op, if you are still breastfeeding, I would use some OPK's just to make sure that you are in fact ovulating. I can get pregnant while breastfeeding, but my sister had to totally stop to get her cycle back. You don't want to miss any opportunities at 43.

#21 Beeolder

Posted 26 September 2012 - 04:44 AM

Hi

I haven't been on any forums before so excuse me if I make any mistakes. I'm TTC and 43, would be a first time mum. My DH is 31 so we realise we're a bit different in many ways.

I must say that it was never a conscious choice to not have children I just quite simply never met anyone until I was 41. I've been a carer for a very sick mum since I was 10 and lost my sister at 30, so life unfortunately never went the way I would have liked.

I've passed all my tests with flying colours and just waiting to see what my FSH is but would love to hear if there has been anyone, and I mean anyone... out there in a similar position.

I've been a bit upset by some of my appointments with doctors who have pretty much stopped short of saying it'll be impossible and it's my fault for waiting. I had a terrible day today with a female doctor who I thought might be a bit nicer but turned out to be horrible and cold. We might try IVF but have been told that that won't increase our chances, so now I'm pretty flat.

Any encouraging stories would be great as up til recently I was so excited to try and thought we'd be ok. I'm really fit, have taken care of myself (and yes I know I have old eggs)....and look much younger than 43 (I know that doesn't count)....surely there must be some positive stories out there??

Bee 43 DH 31 TTC

#22 chloe69

Posted 26 September 2012 - 06:13 AM

Beholder - go and see a different Dr....one that has a special interest in fertility issues for Women past 40....try the IVF specialists perhaps...even if you aren't going down that track ...as they tend to be the ones who deal with similar situations and can give great advice. If you are in Sydney you could try through Genea and pick from the Drs on the website that specify "older women".....but perhaps me tion that you aren't interested in IVF but need some advice on other options when you make the appt...just so you are going to get the advice you are after.
Yes, the odds of having a baby at 43 aren't high..(a bit depressing actually)......but it is definitely achievable.....in your favour is your younger partner...the age of your partner is also a factor apparently. Google Collette Diinigan if you want an example of where it can happen!.....there are lots of examples once you start looking for them......so don't give up!
Like you, I didn't meet "the one" until I was almost 40. We had our first baby when I was 41 and I'm having our second (fingers crossed for November) at 43. Both are IVF babies....natural conception didn't work for us and we didn't have time on our side! I have since spoken to a Fertility Specialist (not mine) who told me that he has a patient who had her first bub at 51 and her second at 53 (not her own eggs though).
Good Luck with it.....my advice would be to get all the advice and assistance you need now.....don't wait!
Chloe

#23 minidiamond

Posted 26 September 2012 - 09:08 PM

Hi ladies
I lurk in this forum now & then but haven't posted before, like Chloe, I have been in the AC section, having conceived our bub at 42, and having met my DH late in life.

Beeolder, as you would know, it's pretty common knowledge that at 35+ fertility drops dramatically.  We went straight to IVF pretty much, gave it a couple of months TTC naturally.  I don't exactly know the stats but while your chances with IVF might not be higher scientifically, you're in a much more controlled environment where you know exact ovulation more accurately for starters, plus monitor quality of eggs/sperm & embryos etc.  If you can afford it and think you would be up for it, I'd definitely consider it.  Or perhaps get going now naturally (which you're probably already doing) since it can take 2-3 months to get the IVF process rolling anyway.

I am the adoring mum of a 7wko DS, as I said, conceived at 42, born when I was 43.4.  Being fit & looking younger than 43 actually may come into the equation, certainly being fit & in good health does.  We have two frozen embryos & at my 6 wk OB check up last week, I raised the question of whether #2 was in any way possible.  For various reasons, I have to wait 12 months, which would make me 45 if we were successful but the OB was very cool about that, saying since the embies are 'younger' and I'm fit & healthy he'd be quite okay with it.  We'll see.......

Anyway, point being, sure there are days where I think, goodness I'm 43, but in the end it really doesn't matter when you're holding your bub.

Best of luck, go for it, and ignore the doubters.

#24 Maddy41

Posted 25 November 2012 - 02:13 AM

I am so glad to see quite a few other 40+ ladies TTC.  I am 41 and DH is 39 and we are trying for our first via IUI.  If it succeeds I'll be 42 by the time I give birth.

#25 feralangel

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:36 PM

Good luck Maddy41.  It is possible (I fell pregnant with my first aged 41 and gave birth aged 42). Stay positive and fingers crossed it happens for you.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.