Recipients of Sperm Donation BG #5
, Oct 11 2011 10:15 AM
41 replies to this topic
Posted 11 October 2011 - 10:15 AM
Welcome to the Recipients of Sperm Donation Support Group
We recognise that some couples aren’t able to have their own biological child and that those people require the generous gift of sperm from others to complete their dream of becoming a parent. This buddy group is for everyone who needs or has needed the assistance of a sperm donor to become a parent.
We realise that this is a sensitive area and we ask that you please respect everyone’s opinions and attitudes in here.
Old thread is here
Posted 11 October 2011 - 12:19 PM
We needed donor sperm to concieve our DD and Im so so so greatful to that man. Without him we wouldn't have our DD.
The only thing I find hard is knowning if this trait or that trait is from the donor. We are currently questioning if DD has a lactose intolerance. I can provide my medical background but we don't know all of our donor's medical history. Im thinking of sending a letter to the IVF clinic to get them to ask him.
Posted 12 October 2011 - 10:53 PM
I am new to this section after just deciding to go down the donor insemination route to complete my family. I have just started doing some research into how it all works and had my initital consult with the fertility clinic today and i was hoping for some advice re. costings at different centres in Brisbane.
I went to IVF Caboolture and this is what they have quoted me -
$1066 per straw of DS
$190 Cystic Fibrosis blood test
$70 AMH blood test
$300 clinic registration fee
$140 fertility specialist appointment
$1224 IUI with donor sperm
They recommend to buy 2-3 straws at a time as they use american ds, so all up we are looking at about $4000-5000.
Has anyone got any rough costings for any other clinics in Brisbane, can be north, south anywhere really. I know everyones cycles are different as medications etc differ in price but the main rego fees, straws, IUI etc must have basic costings.
Thank you in advance and i look forward to getting to know you all
Posted 13 October 2011 - 02:01 PM
I hope someone can help you. Our clinic in sydney used local sperm donors. So I never had the cost with importing sperm from America. But we still had a cost to use donor sperm.
Posted 14 October 2011 - 04:57 AM
I'm personally not too worried about the medical history side of things. We used a clinic recruited donor, so anything they thought was worth mentioning was on their donor information sheet.
If your donor had true, medically diagnosed lactose intolerance, they probably would have put it on the form. Either way, whether they did or did not have it, your daughter still may or may not have it, and may need to be tested, if her symptoms are suggestive enough.
I do think it is important to get in touch with the donor at some point though (eg 18+) as there may have been developments in their medical history (eg cancer).
I hope everything else is going well with your daughter.
Posted 18 October 2011 - 02:11 PM
Thank you eternally. The paediatrician does not think she has any intolerances. We only just saw him the other day. She has feeding and weight issues, I was dotting my I's and crossing my T's just to be sure to be sure!
She has gained 100gram this fortnight. So thats an increase not a decline or stabilisation. lol. She has started on solids and going very well on solids. Thank God because she has been a nightmare to feed formula to. I don't think she likes milk.
We are telling DD she is IVF concieved but not that she is concieved with donor sperm. Its a personal choice.
And thats what the counsellor told us too.
The donor is such a special person 'ANGEL" . Im about to go back to TTC child No.2 after that my IVF will be finished.
How are you Eternally?? Have you used donor?? Do you have any children??
Posted 22 December 2011 - 01:10 AM
Wow, it sure has been quiet around here.
I hope e eryone has a lovely Christmas and new year.
Posted 28 December 2011 - 02:59 PM
I had a quiet but lovely Xmas. Got some surprising pressie for DD, she has more clothes than I do!!!! I certainly don't need anymore clothes!!!! Poor wardrobe is groaning lol.
Posted 29 December 2011 - 03:59 PM
i hope all teh quiet is good news - no news is good news as they say!!
We had a lovely Xmas too - reasonably quiet, but nice family time.
Tabitha is 8mo now, I am amazed at how fast this time has gone, second time around. She is a fabulous baby, beautiful and content and I am seriously in love with her. Her big sister we call the whirling dervish - she is go-go-go - I laugh when I hear people talk about wanting girls because boys are so active, physical etc - she is all that and more. Hard work sometimes, but that is a 3yo for you,and we do have some lovely moments too. She did take to being a big sister extremely well, never missed a beat, so we were very lucky there.
I am actually job hunting at the moment as i don't want to go back to my old job. Red is then taking parental leave, just like we did last time, which is good for him and bub and I go back to work feeling better about it all.
I hope everyone is doing well - what are the plans for 2012? I wanted to get to Fiji as we had our 10 year anniversary last September, but Red still thinks Tabby will be too young so we'll see! For us, me back to work, Red off work, getting Mimie set for school in 2013 (in terms of kindy etc) and some kind of holiday in there too.
And sometime this year we will sign the forms stating that we no longer wish to keep our donor sperm in storage. Not really looking forward to that, but we are complete as a family now - it feels right and we are so happy and blessed with our 2 gorgeous girls ( and I am too old for any more). So we will be saying goodbye and closing that door.
Posted 06 January 2012 - 09:13 PM
HI RedsGirl - so pleased to hear that all is going so well
Posted 09 January 2012 - 08:28 AM
RedsGirl. Pleased to hear that your family is now complete and you can move on as one happy family without the dreaded IVF journey.
I know of a few rambuncious and go go go girls. Not all sit there like a pretty petal. lol. so I hear you. lol.
I know I just want 2 kids myself but hope I don't have any embies left over, after we are lucky enough to get child no.2 Cause I don't want another pregnancy, I don't want to let them perish, and Im not sure if I could donate to science.
I want to donate to another couple but we can't as you well know when using donor sperm. Arghhh.
So hopefully my FET in April works and I don't have to do IVF again. That way there will be no embies left.
Posted 18 January 2012 - 04:19 PM
Not what I wanted - BBL.
Edited by RedsGirl, 18 January 2012 - 04:21 PM.
Posted 19 February 2012 - 10:37 PM
I want to donate to another couple but we can't as you well know when using donor sperm. Arghhh.
Have you checked with the clinic? We have donated our remaining embryos (my eggs, anonymous donor sperm).
It's been a while since I checked in here. It's good to hear how much things are progressing with all your families. My duo just started school - time flies too fast!!
Hazelnut, we used a clinic in Brisbane and from memory, it only costed about $100 per cycle. Our donor is local though, so no import fees I guess.
Posted 20 February 2012 - 03:34 PM
Oh Kazzil, does it ever. Jemima turned 4 a couple of weeks ago, and will be at big school next year - i still cna't get my head around it. Looking at Tabby is like looking at her when she was a baby, but Jemima is so big for her age its hard to remember her ever being that small.
Tabby is growing and getting more gorgeous every day - nearly 10mo old now - now that was really flown by! No teeth or crawling though, she going at a much slower pace than her big sister.
Is anyone else checking in here?? I hope everyone is doign well. I know Tiff (ivelsfancy) is expecting number 2, and i am sure she must be due any day!
Posted 20 February 2012 - 07:58 PM
Glad to see a few more posts here. My gorgeous girl is 7 months old, and people are now usually commenting on how she looks like me, whereas earlier on they'd say she looks like my husband. I guess better than saying she doesn't! I'd wish people would find something better to say though. Some of the ones who go on about how she looks like me, or 'she gets that from you' about any random thing, know she is donor conceived too.
Posted 22 February 2012 - 08:34 AM
RG -OMG, how can Jemima be 4??!! Time flies hey!
Posted 22 February 2012 - 04:43 PM
I wondered if anyone might be able to help.
I have been doing IVF for #1 (had success after 3 fresh cycles) and now trying for #2.
The whole IVF process is not doing my body any favours and after 2 cycles we have not had any success. The FS says my dh's partners sperm is severely fragmented (frozen sperm as had cancer 10 yrs ago). He says we are very lucky to havea child from this sperm.
My body is really not coping with the IVF drugs so we have been thinking of other backup options.
And we have come to donor sperm as an idea - using a turkey baster at home (call me crazy). Or just unmedicated IUI's.
We might have some options here and still trying to work out if this is right (although there is a part of me that feels its probably the way forward - as I also fear the consequences of using such fragmented sperm taken from when he had cancer - although our DD is perfectly healthy).
Sorry I am probably sounding like a frantic lady.
ANyway..anyone have any advice about looking for donor sperm? How did other go about it?
ANyone had one biological child and one donor?
Thanks in advance
Posted 22 February 2012 - 07:50 PM
Embracing IVF, I'm going down this route now. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and now I'm looking for a donor. I've decided instead of waiting to see if mr right comes along that I'd prefer to go about things myself. I'm 37. There's a site called DIY baby, the membership is $50 for the first month and you can find a donor through there. It's not much fun but there are people willing to help, takes lots of sorting, lots of coffees ect I haven't found one yet but I am talking to a few. I did have one lined up but he was busy the weekend I needed him.
I'm also planning to self inseminate.
I'm happy to answer anything else you might want to know
Posted 29 February 2012 - 07:49 AM
have checked out the website.. we are getting our heads around it all
might try another ivf with the heavily fragmented sperm and then think about moving onto this next....
please keep me upto date with how you go
Posted 01 March 2012 - 10:48 AM
hi embracing IVF - we had to advertise for a donor, as we had no suitable family and didn't feel it was right for us to ask friends, although that is certianly an option for others.
Just a word on the DIY insemination. Just be aware that when you go through a clinic you have counselling (you and your donor + partners), you have screening of the donation (there is also a quarantine period) and you can have medicated or unmedicated IUI or of course IVF as options. You are protected to a degree medically, you get support and the actual procedure can be controlled more if you choose.
Going the donor route is very emotional, can be fraught and there are a lot of issues and consequences to consider.
Sometimes (and i stress, sometimes) you can come across some, er, less than desirable responses when you advertise for a donor. And if you were doing the DIY route, you may well need to have them in your home at the right moment doign what needs to be done. Personally, I wouldn't want that. That said, there are many success stories and of course it costs less money.
Have you spoken to your current specialist about donor sperm? Some clinics do have a bank or can access it from overseas (as can you, but you'd need to pay for it to be shipped here, but it can be done!). It just dpends if you want anonymous sperm or a known donor. We wanted a known donor, so advertised and went via our clinic (Fertility First fyi) and our whole experience was very positive with (obviously) 2 wonderful outcomes.
You can advertise on sites like this, Sydney's child - anywere where you see egg donor ads you could also advertise. I know there is also the Australian Sperm Donor Register (i think that's it) - there are fees assocaited with that.
Posted 01 March 2012 - 12:40 PM
yes we are coming to similar thoughts
we are first going to try another ivf with our sperm and then if all fails my dh is probably more comfortable with anonymous.... i would probably prefer known ... but i understand its easier in a way to be anon...
we will see how we go with the ivf first and try to get on some waiting lists now anon sperm and maybe look into the ads as well...
thankyou for your tips..
did you have success with iui's for your girls?
Posted 02 March 2012 - 09:56 AM
Just bear in mind that anon might be easier for you, not necessarily the child. In Australia now in many states it is legally a requirement that children are able to access information on their donors once they reach 18 (someone please correct me if I am wrong). I am not sure you can go completely anonymous here anymore. Its pretty similar to adoption these days. However, i am not sure how that works with using sperm from overseas...
We went the known route as we will tell our girls' how they came to be, and believe they have the right to know at a minimum their medical background and of course to see where they come from should they choose (they also have biological half siblings). i think the more difficult it is for them to find information, and the more secrecy there is round it all, the more problems we may encounter .
That said, there are many ladies/couples here who have gone the anon route - everyone has their own reasons and views. I guess we feel we need to put what is best for our children ahead of what is best for us. However, it wasn't easy for my husband to come to this decision, I really think he would have preferred to go completely anon, so I understand why that is the option many choose, but I feel that a big part of who my girls are that would be hidden from them and he understands and respects that.
Not meaning to be preachy, just our experience and perspective.
In terms of actual treatment, we had medicated IUIs to conceive our girls, we were lucky enough to fall PG first go each time. Still can't believe how fortunate we were. From memory it cost us around $1100 per cycle, it can cost a bit more if you use sperm via the clinic (however, we were also paying a bi-annual storage fee fr rour sperm). Our clinic treats a lot of same sex couples, and so does a lot of IUI so i do think their experience in this area shows in their results.
Good luck with your IVF cycle, fingers crossed for you!!
Posted 02 March 2012 - 12:14 PM
wowser that is lucky and a fantastic story
so do you have any further contact with the known donor - can i ask what is the arrangement? and how long did it take to find the right one and then do all the testing ect to actually get started?
i understand the benefits both ways but ideally i think it would be nice for us to meet him anyway before we make the descision but it does feel like a long process..
something i should maybe start now incase ivf does not work we have another option
can i ask another question - did your dh struggle with bonding with the girls or was it pretty immeadiate?
Posted 02 March 2012 - 04:48 PM
Oh gee, it was a while ago now!! I did some Internet research and advertised in a few places. We did have one false start, which was a friend of a family member and it was all a bit awkward and didn't go anywhere, but nothing ventured nothing gained and we never saw him socially anyway so it really was no biggie in the end.
I got a few odd responses, some of which I was a bit suss about, and one great one (obviously). There were a few emails back and forth with pertinent questions, then we met up - nerve wracking but also really great to meet - as you say, I think its nice to meet, to see each other and also for them to be comfortable about who they are helping. We were all a-OK to proceed, so then it was counselling at the clinic - first it was just Mr Red and I, then our donor couple joined us. You discuss the whole contact issue here as well (if you hadn't already) and everyone is quite candid. Then as long as there are no niggling issues, the donor makes his donation and it is then screened and goes into quarantine for 6 months. Its then retested and you can then begin cycling. So from first meeting to actually TTC I think it was all up around 18months.
Our donors know we will be telling the girls, and telling them reasonably early (not in detail, but so its not a huge shock later on). They likewise have told their children. We keep in email contact, usually a couple of times a year and we share pictures which is nice. So essentially this will be how it goes I think until one day one of our DDs asks to meet, or see pictures or whatever it will be.
The only other thing I have told Mr Red we NEED to do is detail all this in our will, as if anything happend to us there is no story or even contact information for the girls (note I mean purely from a story of how they came to be and how to contact our donors if they wish to later, not at all from financial/legal/custody point of view - that is completely outside and seperate from the donor issue) . I'd like to leave something for them in full so they know how much we wanted them and why we chose this path, as well as what they need to know to make contact if they wish to.
As for bonding - from the first millisecond, absolutely. No question there at all. The fact they are donor conceived, it rarely comes up day to day, doesn't even really cross our mind day to day. DD2 especially is a Daddy's girl and he is besotted with her.
Posted 03 March 2012 - 02:45 PM
Giving another perspective, we went through a clinic and they have a local, ID release anonymous donor. It means we dont know who their donor is, but my duo can contact him when they are 18 or should there be a genuine reason to know him earlier, then there is a means for them to do it provided everyone is agreeable. We have had sone contact already in that we needed some more family history for medical reasons. He has provided the information we needed on the day we asked for it.
My two are of age where they're now coming to understand some basic things about their family structure and we've not hidden from them they have a donor. We call him the 'special man that helped the doctor make them before they were put back in my tummy to grow' . We'll keep adding developmentally appropriate information as they need it, but the big thing we wanted to be sure of was there was no secrets and the reason why we used a donor was we wanted to have them in our family so, so much.
No bonding issues here at all either.
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