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Does anyone regret it?


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#51 akkiandmalli

Posted 04 April 2012 - 08:29 AM

Hi emily88,
i just wanted to share my experience with you
I gave birth to DD at 24. i was over the parties/drinking socializing by then but not really established. DH and I had just gotten married no house but big dreams.
2 years later i had DS. 6 months before to his birth i began study to become a teacher.
i completed it when he was 18mths old.
i am now 31 and have being trying for a 3rd since late 2010. last year we got pregnant and sadly our DS2 died at 18weeks. So for me I have no regrets infact am totally grateful to have 2 beautiful kids. I would like more and will continue trying however if nothing happens i am totally happy with what i have
all the best with your decision.

#52 prettypumpkin

Posted 08 April 2012 - 04:41 PM

No regrets I love my kids however having the first at 20 I never got to save up money or spend much on myself, never got to travel much or have the big white wedding first, sometimes I wonder what could have been if I had waited till I was 25 like I planned but then  I think If I had aborted ds and waited I would have missed out on such a fantastic little guy so full of life it reassures me that I made the right decision.

#53 *~Luvmy3~*

Posted 10 May 2012 - 12:54 AM

In no way do i regret having my kids, i met DP when i was 18, he was 21 and we had DS1 when we were 22 and 25. I was never a partier/drinker, wasnt into travelling and wasnt interested in studying. Both mine and DP's parents were also young parents so when i turned 18 my mum turned 40 and thats the way it will be for me when DS1 turns 18. #3 is planned (will be the only planned baby) for 2014 and i am freaking that i will be too old at 28.

The only thing is i wish we were more stable financially, living week to week with no savings sure doesnt feel good.

#54 quattromum

Posted 24 May 2012 - 09:18 PM

I had my last child (#4) at 29. I'm now 34 and NO WAY will you guys regret it. You will have grown children when your friends are starting to have theirs. We are at that stage now. We go on holidays, to dinner, while our friends are where were at once upon a time.
I couldn't imagine having the energy to keep up with 4 kids in my 40's, and as someone whose parents were older, I like being young enough to be able to have something in common with my kids.

#55 Tea~for~two

Posted 24 May 2012 - 09:24 PM

I wish I had had my heart broken a few times so I would have been a bit wiser when choosing the man who would be the father of my child.

Turns out you need more than love to make a relationship work dry.gif

#56 ashleylovesben

Posted 22 February 2013 - 04:27 PM

My Mum had us young-first baby at 23, 12 months after marrying Dad & finishing uni.
She always said to us she wishes she had more time before children. She is the best Mum ever but says if she could have the same children ten years later she would have.
And yes you can travel when the kids leave home (& believe me my parents do!) but what if you have a special needs child? Or develop a health condition that means travel is not easy/possible?
As a nurse I see people in very bad health with heart conditions, kidney problems etc in their early 40s.
Don't assume you will be able to travel later-do it all now & enjoy every minute of it.
You are young-2 years won't make a difference.
But that is just my (& my mother's) opinion.
I hate it when posters put things like 'You won't regret it!'
How do they know? You may regret it, or it may be the best thing you ever did.
Good luck

#57 ~buzz~

Posted 22 February 2013 - 04:31 PM

I am 22 and have just had my first. He was very much wanted and I don't regret having him at my age I always wanted to be a young mum its the one thing I knew I wanted to do original.gif it is hard but so worth it

#58 B0612

Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:35 PM

Buzz your little boy is so gorgeous!! Love the name too.

I am a young mum (23 y.o) and also finishing off my degree. My DH and I have been together for coming up to 6yrs, have travelled, own our home and are financially stable. We both felt the time was right to start a family. Having DS has been the most amazing experience thus far and I feel so lucky and blessed to have him. Motherhood is extremely hard at times but is so rewarding. It definitely takes time to get used to and there are times of anxiety and uncertainty however you are learning to take care of this life and ensure they are protected/nurtured/loved and cared for.

As I type this I hear my DS in his bassinet talking to himself trying to go to sleep- moments like this are so special and treasured and reaffirm why we had him.

Edited by Bron1206, 28 February 2013 - 08:36 PM.


#59 shesaidburn

Posted 21 March 2013 - 10:33 PM

I don't regret it at all, I think my sons father did - and his 10 years older than me.. I'm 23 and had my son when I was 21.

I think my friends were more in shock and they sort of disappeared. I was out nearly every weekend partying then when I fell pregnant I never did that anymore.

Although, saying that now, most of my friends have lives of there own being career, family, relationships etc.

It's weird. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the past but I'm not. It's hard to explain lol.



#60 cloudshine

Posted 21 March 2013 - 10:47 PM

Yes, I do regret having my children young. Of course, I wouldn't wish them away, but I have so many 'what ifs'. I say to the younger girls who work with me, that the time you have between turning 18 and having a child is IT. That's that the only time in your entire life that you can do what YOU want, whenever you want to. I was 22 when I got pregnant. I had four years. Four short years lol.

#61 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 21 March 2013 - 10:54 PM

Can I just give an alternative viewpoint? I had my first at 35 and my second at 39. At 53 I a now the mother of two teenagers and am constantly exhausted. It would be sooooo much easier if I was 10 years younger but that's not the way it worked out for us.  If you have children in your early 20s, by the time they are the age of mine you would be around 40.

#62 *~dee~*

Posted 22 March 2013 - 10:14 AM

I think if you are not the party/drinker sort of couple then you won't regret it. Sometimes it can be hard if you are the first one in your friends circle to become parents. A couple friend of mine found this, but now they have 10 and 8 year olds when everyone else has toddlers, so they are more free to concentrate on other things!

My sister has 4 kids and although she wasn't super young having her first at 24, she still can't let go of the 'good times' and parties and thinks everyone else is extremely boring because we don't drag our kids around to parties and drink lots etc. She just never really settled.

I was TTC at 19, but due to fertility issues and then divorce, I had my first at 29. This was a great age for me, but I believe I would have been a great parent at any age. Another of my sisters now has 6 kids at the age of 26 and she's a fantastic mum.

It's just a whole different life with children, one that I embrace and love much better than my 'before' life. I would still kill for a full nights sleep though  roll2.gif

#63 newphase

Posted 22 March 2013 - 10:31 AM

I had my 1st at 26.....best decision ever, planned totally. 2nd at 28 and if I had, had my way 3rd at 30.

As it turned out I had my 3rd at 35.....not good for me at all (he was planned btw, and it wasn't because I couldn't fall prgnant 3rd time around rolleyes.gif .)

I really enjoyed my older two as babies and little kids, I think I was in the zone for them, and even though number 3 was planned it has been a way different experience with him....he is 5yo next month. I love him to bits don't get me wrong, but I wasn't in the same zone for him as a baby, toddler, even now as a little kid. I feel for him, I am not the same. Divorced/seperated too since he was 1, so way different experience all around, and I do believe he triggered that. Not the cause but the start of things that followed.

4 years, at 44 my eldest will be 18, middle kid 16....bubba only 9.

I always wanted my 1st at 25. well I fell pregnant at 25, so not far off. wink.gif  original.gif

Go for it I say. There is NEVER a perfect time to have kids, you could always do this, that or the other, have more equity in a home, own a home even, more savings, studied that course.....I wanted kid 1st (though had a house), the travel and study could come later original.gif .

ETA...I am not a drinker, and never a party lass, never a clubber or anything.

Edited by newphase, 22 March 2013 - 10:32 AM.


#64 zoljo

Posted 22 March 2013 - 11:24 PM

I was 17 and dh was 16 when pg with ds1. It was a big surprise, but rather than thinking of the  "what if's"  now I thank god we had our first child at that age...he gave us a focus in life, a reason to stick with it and make a life together, and even a reason to study and improve our prospects in life.

We had four babies in four years, and now that the eldest is just a teenager, life is crazy busy but also amazingly fulfilled and happy. We have a great connection with our kids, and really are on the same wave length. Its nice that at 30 I still feel like a kid when I'm around all the other parents at school and sports original.gif





#65 Queen Yoda

Posted 23 March 2013 - 12:05 AM

QUOTE (Old Grey Mare @ 21/03/2013, 10:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can I just give an alternative viewpoint? I had my first at 35 and my second at 39. At 53 I a now the mother of two teenagers and am constantly exhausted. It would be sooooo much easier if I was 10 years younger but that's not the way it worked out for us.  If you have children in your early 20s, by the time they are the age of mine you would be around 40.

+1

Part of that was taken out of my hands - I didn't meet DH until I was 29 or so.  Circumstances meant that I wasn't going to be a young mum.  DD1 was born when I was 36, DD2 when I was 38.  It took a while longer than expected to fall pregnant.

I have been asked a few times by some of the younger women about what they should do (aged 22-29 or so).  It's hard to answer.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing and all that.  When I was in my 20's, there was no way I could see myself being a mum.  But I also didn't have a partner who I wanted to settled down with either.  And I didn't fall pregnant by accident either.  That happened to a couple of girlfriends in their 20's - they don't regret their children (all have only had one child), they do regret the timing because it really stuffed them up from a financial perspective (all became single mums within 12 months of baby being born).

With hindsight, I would have liked to have had children between 25-30 (and that's not super young anyway).  But that was never an option for me.

For my own girls, well, if they become teenage mums, that's not the end of the world.  But if they can plan it, I'd say anytime after 22 looks good.  But it really depends on your circumstances.  What you want and what you get sometimes don't sync so well.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 23 March 2013 - 12:05 AM.


#66 Magnus

Posted 23 March 2013 - 12:18 AM

QUOTE (newphase @ 22/03/2013, 11:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There is NEVER a perfect time to have kids, you could always do this, that or the other, have more equity in a home, own a home even, more savings, studied that course.....I wanted kid 1st (though had a house), the travel and study could come later original.gif .


I'm just planning kids at the moment, as my signature shows, but I do agree with the above quote.

I think it's hard, because, although some people get all the things they want done before having kids, I don't think that's true for everyone. Even though I'm twenty-nine and planning to have a baby I still don't feel like I have a stable and well-established career. I don't have huge amounts of savings or own my own home. I've done some travel (but not a huge backpacking around the world trip) and I've got two degrees. Maybe some people are very good at planning or very lucky, but I think it's pretty unusual to have traveled extensively, have degree/s, a well-established career, have done as much partying as you could have done and also to have spent every weekend sleeping in, and spent a lot of money on yourself. Out of the people I know, those who are really career-focused have built amazing careers, the travel focused have lived all around the world and the laziness focused have slept in all the time and not worked as much. I haven't seen all these things in one person, really.

Some of those things probably cancel each other out, really. There seems to be a point where you end up needing to prioritise. At the moment, I'm prioritising having a baby over fitting in extra travel to remote places, which is something I'd really like to do.

On the other hand, some women I know, who had kids very young, had a second adolescence around 30 where they went out partying a lot and seemed to be trying to reclaim their youth. But you're not very young, so that might be a lot less likely.

I was a bit all over the place in early twenties, so I know having a baby wouldn't have been for me at that time. But so many young women are great mothers, so that's just me.

#67 GenWhy

Posted 23 March 2013 - 12:33 AM

I absolutely regret having kids and getting married so young. I'd been with my partner for 5 years when we got married and we had a honeymoon baby. She was planned but I didn't expect to fall preggers first go. I was 24 and had only been in my career a few years. I had never been around babies before, didn't have any family whatsoever around, had no idea how life changing it is and wasn't really paying attention to the issues in our relationship. Add a baby in the mix and it was not a great equation.

I am a career orientated person. I've never been maternal or had any inclination whatsoever to stay at home raising kids. My DH desperately wanted us to have a family and I honestly couldn't have fathomed the sacrifice and resentment that was to come. DH is 11 years older than me so he had a ticking clock whereas I could have happily never had children or at least waited until I was in my 30's. DH promised he would stay home to look after the baby and my life was going to be all smooth sailing.

Unfortunately it was the exact opposite. His work wouldn't allow him to take the leave and then I got PND. I still went back to work but was part time for a period as we hadn't actually thought about daycare etc and the cost of it. We had only just bought a house and now we weren't bringing in two full time incomes. Our employer wouldn't change our shifts around to have us on opposites and we didn't know this could happen. I then had number 2 and number 3 very quickly (both were failed contraception). So here was I desperately trying to hang on to my career and friends (all childless and mostly travelling and partying) and totally exhausted and angry that I was the one sorting out the kids. PND is not a pretty thing.

If I am totally honest I'd say that if I could take it all back yes I would. I would choose not to get married or have a child ESPECIALLY so young. I'm now 31 and have only just hot the youngest at kindy. The cost is huge, the cost to my mental health and social life and self esteem has been even greater. I am finally going back into a career path next year but I will be juggling 3 kids and a household and shift work on my own as my DH will be living 1500km away from us. He has to do this in order for us to be able to afford our house and car repayments etc.

So sorry for the downer. But I think you should wait. You are only young once and personally, my kids have aged me 20 years. Most of my friends STILL aren't in serious relationships or having kids and have had 7-8 years of living life to the full whilst I've been an angry, depressed, grumpy old cow. I am very much looking forward to when the kids are older and more independent.

#68 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 23 March 2013 - 01:32 AM

QUOTE (Monkey News @ 04/10/2011, 10:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I do wish I had 'lived' a little but more, prior to having children.

I was 19 when I fell pregnant, and now have 3 children at 25. By living I mean; being free to do what I want when I want, travel, go to university, have some spare money to spend on myself etc.

I don't regret having children, however I wouldn't choose to be quite so young, if I had the chance over.

same here, and I wasnt a mother until 28.
I wish Id partied a bit harder

#69 Expedit99

Posted 23 March 2013 - 11:07 AM

Well.
Ill go against the grain here and say yes, yes i do regret it.

I certainly dont wish that my beautiful daughter never existed, but I do wish I was older than 18 before she was born. Even though I was married with a morgage before she came along, I was still way, WAY to young to become a parent. It left me in a position of being 22, divorced, heartbroken with two kids to provide for. If I had my time again I'd want so much better for them, I would have settled with Mr Right (not Mr Right there & then).. but I'm definitely making up for that now (have an amazing DH that loves all three of us to bits).

My heart would break if either of my children ever found themselves in the position of being a young parent, I  want them to live and explore the world, and to know that they have a family filled with love that they can always come home to. If my parents had given me the same, I can definitely say I know I wouldnt have been in the position I was way back when at 17.


#70 Expedit99

Posted 23 March 2013 - 11:13 AM

GenY: can so relate. my biggest regret as a young mum is knowing that id be a relaxed, happier more pleasant guidance for my kids if i was older! Battling to raise two kids, complete a law degree (something I wanted ten years ago but had no means to get) is exhausting.. I really beat myself up about it, but its a cost of having to juggle career with raising a family I guess.

I guess this is also hindsight for me after meeting Mr Right and making a baby in what feels like the 100% right way this time around. Im 100 times more ready this time than what I was back then!!

#71 zande

Posted 23 March 2013 - 11:49 AM

I had my first DD at 32 and second at 35. I am now 42. I adore my children and love being a mum. We are financially secure (in fact I didn't work for 10 years) and were ready for children.

And yet I still have times when I miss my life being all about ME. Once you have a child, your life will never only be about YOU again, ever again. Sometimes that weighs heavily on me. Sometimes I get weary of the responsibility. (I also have a child with "issues" so it's doubly hard.)

I would never have contemplated having children in my 20s even if I'd met Mr Right (which I didn't until my very late 20s). I would spend as many years living life for ME as I could. And that has nothing to do with partying and drinking etc (which I still do LOL now my kids are older!), but living a life free of the responsibilities for another life. To have the freedom to make decisions totally for yourself. That's JMO.

#72 wrena

Posted 23 March 2013 - 12:00 PM

I had my DD at 27, which isn't young, but was earlier than any of my friends. I've found it incredibly isolating not being able to share the experience with my besties. Sure, I've made lots of new friends being a mum, but it's not the same. Now my friends are all having babies and it's so lovely for them all doing it together. I travelled quite a lot prior to having kids but didn't do as much crazy, kid-unfriendly traveling as I would have liked. My daughter is incredible and we have another very much planned and wanted bub on the way, but I do so miss the spontaneity and freedom of my pre-kids life.

#73 Tessied

Posted 23 March 2013 - 12:11 PM

I don't think it's an age thing, I think it's a lifestyle and personality thing.

I wasn't young (32) but I could have had him 10 years previously and it wouldn't have made much difference as I'm simply not interested or tempted by going out all the time, drinking or partying.  So I found it very easy and nice to settle down with a newborn.

I think it would add an extra 'stress' on the situation if deep down you felt like you were giving up a life you were you still in the middle of experiencing, and in those cases maybe it is best to wait a little if it's possible.  I've found the people who have struggled the most with parenthood are those whose lives were VERY different before they had a baby, whereas those who were already reasonably settled and 'quiet'  didn't have quite a big leap.

You still get a social life but it changes and I think those who are happier to meet other mums and realise that their single friends may ditch them have an easier time.

#74 BVB09

Posted 23 March 2013 - 12:15 PM

I stopped drinking and partying at the age of 23.

I guess I was more focused on the more bigger, brighter things that life has to offer. I did not marry at this time nor did I have children. I personally was not even thnnking about marriage or children at the age of 23.

My now DH and I at the time of just seeing how we go together decided that we would continue working FT, travel extensively and purchase our first home.

10 years later we are still travelling, have 2 beautiful children and have moved on from our first home purhcase to a bigger one. I had my first child at age 32 and second at 36.
I struggled a little with the isolation of being a new mum and losing a few friends along the way, But my children and loving DH made up for all that ! original.gif

Everyone has different outlooks on where they want to go with their lives, whether you have children young or at a mature age, it does not matter as long as you are happy with the choices that you make !

Best of luck OP ! original.gif






#75 elizabethany

Posted 23 March 2013 - 02:44 PM

I wasn't young when I had DS, but I do regret not doing a big Europe trip before I had him.  Places like the States and resorts I can do with kids, but historical tour of Europe is harder, because they just will not care.

But I was never a partier, so don't regret the not drinking as much thing at all.




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