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Nearly 4 year old seeming lazy
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#1 ~tinkerbell~

Posted 08 July 2011 - 07:34 PM

My DD is nearly 4 (in August) and my XH and I have been trying like might to get her fully day trained for just over a year now.  We have stopped a few times, and started again, but nothing seems to be working.  Some of the things we have done are:

Sticker Charts
Reward Charts - Lollies, toys, Big toy after a week etc
Bribing

and the list goes on.  We seem to do well for about a month here and there, and then she totally reverts back to doing everything in her undies again.

At first we thought it might be the change from my place to XH's place, but then I noticed it was happening here as well.  There doesn't seem to be anything that is causing it.  I have taken her to the doctor's and they say there is nothing medically wrong with her.  They said at her age she is too young to be classed as Lazy.....but it just seems that this is all I can put it to.

I have spoken to DD, and she says the toilet is boring.  So I put up her sticker chart in there, and set up a book holder for her, so she can read a book etc, but this has done nothing.

XH and I are at our wits end.  DD is due to start school next year, but they wont let her go if she isn't fully day trained.  I have never had any issues with training both my DS and DSS#2......so why is this little girl doing this.

I am after any ideas that both XH and I can try to get her to go to the toilet, or at least tell us.  Yes I have lost my temper, and I know that is wrong, and I know I shouldn't have, but I just am lost as to what to do.......please any suggestions would be grateful.

#2 Mumtokids

Posted 09 July 2011 - 03:01 PM

I am having similar issues so will be very interested in replies.My 3 year 9 month old DS is having major trouble toilet training too. We have also tried numerous times and have been trying this time since Easter. We can only manage to get a wee in the toilet if we time it right - not because he tells us he needs to go.

DS will happily wee in his pants and not even tell us he is wet most of the time. It is getting very frustrating and we have no idea in how to get him to tell us that he needs to go. We also do stickers, rewards, etc, so running out of ideas.

Edited by Mum to Two, 09 July 2011 - 03:10 PM.


#3 bonnybabe

Posted 19 July 2011 - 12:55 PM

Hi There,

I have no experience yet, but was wondering, what would happen if you waited until it was a lot warmer, and then took away the pants and nappies? ie bare bum for a couple of days when you are at home and strictly no visitors? She either then has to tell you, or have it all come out? so no undies to at least mop it up?

I don't know if thats too far to go though, I only have a 2 yr old who would run around nudie in summer if I let him, but a 4 year old might not want to/or it be appropriate...

I hope someone can help you.

#4 qak

Posted 19 July 2011 - 01:09 PM

I am sure she will "get it" soon. If she can do it for a month, she will do it forever! Don't make a big deal of it if she has an accident in her undies.

You need to persist, and dump the nappies.

Does she go to daycare? I think that it is good for them to see other kids learn TT too.

Maybe off track here - but it could be connected to you and XH - lots of kids regress as part of dealing with family breakups?

#5 cham-ed

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:25 PM

A little bit first my grandson lives with me so we are training another generation.  My wife and I ran a daycare so we have a fair amount of experience.  This applied to only one child, one of our daughters.  This does not apply to most children.  April was well trained probably by three, however she didn't like being interupted while at play.  So she would not "waste" her time by going potty.  We did paddle her when we were sure it was just stubborness.  But what worked best was an enforced potty visit.  After meals and if two hours had elapsed since her last trip, she was required to sit on our old potty chair.  By the way we even had to verify she did do something if she came in on her own.  Plus we would give her a few M&Ms.  If we didn't see it, it didn't count (she sometimes stretched the truth).  We used our old wooden potty chair because it had a seat belt.  (which we did not normally use)  We secured her to the chair and made her sit until she had success, even if it took 15 minutes.  She complained a lot and we ignored it.  The fastest way to go play was to take care of business.  It actually took several months of this before we were able to let her take care of things on her own.  She was a very strong willed child.  Use some or all of this, but sometimes they are just being stubborn and you do need to control them.  But this is not normal potty training.  And by the way I don't know if you  can even find the old style chair now a days.  Ours has been in use for forty years with a lot of bottoms occupying it, they really hold up the plastic ones don't.

A little bit first my grandson lives with me so we are training another generation.  My wife and I ran a daycare so we have a fair amount of experience.  This applied to only one child, one of our daughters.  This does not apply to most children.  April was well trained probably by three, however she didn't like being interupted while at play.  So she would not "waste" her time by going potty.  We did paddle her when we were sure it was just stubborness.  But what worked best was an enforced potty visit.  After meals and if two hours had elapsed since her last trip, she was required to sit on our old potty chair.  By the way we even had to verify she did do something if she came in on her own.  Plus we would give her a few M&Ms.  If we didn't see it, it didn't count (she sometimes stretched the truth).  We used our old wooden potty chair because it had a seat belt.  (which we did not normally use)  We secured her to the chair and made her sit until she had success, even if it took 15 minutes.  She complained a lot and we ignored it.  The fastest way to go play was to take care of business.  It actually took several months of this before we were able to let her take care of things on her own.  She was a very strong willed child.  Use some or all of this, but sometimes they are just being stubborn and you do need to control them.  But this is not normal potty training.  And by the way I don't know if you  can even find the old style chair now a days.  Ours has been in use for forty years with a lot of bottoms occupying it, they really hold up the plastic ones don't.

#6 Simply Me

Posted 15 May 2012 - 12:48 PM

I'm in the same boat as you Mum of Two.  DD is 3 yrs & 9 mths.  No interest at all.  We have tried everything and he just doesn't care if he's wet. I'll be interested in the replies.

#7 cameo

Posted 27 May 2012 - 01:36 PM

Hello,

I am in the same boat.  DD was trained day before 3 and night by 3.  She did really well and very rarely had accidents.  This continued for a month or so?  Then she started wetting and it's been going on a year now.

She has had stages where she has fully wet her pants up to 4 times a day.  Now she does little amounts several times a day - enough to soak her knickers and alot of the time, her pants.

We have tried stickers, lollies, TV, toys and ignoring.  Nothing works and she might try for a day but it goes back to wetting.

She also will not sit on the toilet 95% of the time that I ask.  It will take severe bribery to get her to sit and wee, even when I know she is busting.

The health nurse thinks it's a power play which is true.  She is a very very strong willed child and will never do anything unless she wants to.

I am going again to the health nurse on Tuesday as it's been over 6 months since I spoke about this with her, so I will let you know what she says!

It is by far the most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with.  The constant wetting, the worry about weeing, the taking of so many spare clothes every time and the flat out refusal to sit on the toilet even though she has wet!


#8 melaine

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:03 AM

Just wanted to give you (and other posters) some hope that it can improve. My son is 4.7 years and was almost TT at 2.2 years though mostly just toilet timing in hindsight.

Then he regressed and was having multiple accidents a day. We tried EVERYTHING.

I think the things that helped were:
- easing off the pressure and rewarding a dry day but making no fuss about accidents or wet days. Stickers charts were not immediate enough and rewarding each time he went to the toilet for that length was not practical (at childcare etc)

- setting up a toileting regime. He was using his bowels daily but it seems not emptying properly and was constipated. He woke most mornings with a dirty nappy as well which was driving me crazy. Every night he sat on the toilet for 10 minutes while we read him "The magic faraway tree". Being constipated can make it harder to tell if the bladder is full.

- encouraging more water to train his bladder to hold more

- TIME! I honestly think he wasn't getting very strong signals that he needed to go - so by the time he realised he needed to go it was too late to try to hold on. He is also the type to get very engaged in what he is doing so there was an element of being distracted and ignoring the signals.

We were about to follow up with a continence specialist if these things didn't work - but over the last 6 weeks we have had 90% dry days and when he wets it is small amounts rather than the flooding of before.

Good luck.


#9 L&E

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:41 AM

Cham-ed surely you are not recommending paddling and strapping the child to the potty?

That is considered abuse.

#10 podg

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:55 AM

With us, it was paying less parental attention to the issue, peer pressure at kindy, and time. She is only just reliable now at 4.10. Nights... she wanted to have a go a few weeks ago, tried with wet beds for 2 weeks and wanted to go back to pullups.

This child's only currency is attention.

#11 T2Mum

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:57 AM

Agree with PPs that you should go undies only, reward when toilet used and make as little reaction as possible when there is an accident. If it is a power play then any reaction for accidents (even negative reactions) will be taken by the child as a "win". Very hard, but I think you have to completely take the emotion out of it and also make it seem like it is no big deal when accidents happen. Good luck!!!

#12 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 28 May 2012 - 09:02 AM

The PP's original post was from July last year. Hopefully they are having more success now. original.gif






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