Jump to content

Nearly 4 year old seeming lazy
HELP


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 ~tinkerbell~

Posted 08 July 2011 - 07:34 PM

My DD is nearly 4 (in August) and my XH and I have been trying like might to get her fully day trained for just over a year now.  We have stopped a few times, and started again, but nothing seems to be working.  Some of the things we have done are:

Sticker Charts
Reward Charts - Lollies, toys, Big toy after a week etc
Bribing

and the list goes on.  We seem to do well for about a month here and there, and then she totally reverts back to doing everything in her undies again.

At first we thought it might be the change from my place to XH's place, but then I noticed it was happening here as well.  There doesn't seem to be anything that is causing it.  I have taken her to the doctor's and they say there is nothing medically wrong with her.  They said at her age she is too young to be classed as Lazy.....but it just seems that this is all I can put it to.

I have spoken to DD, and she says the toilet is boring.  So I put up her sticker chart in there, and set up a book holder for her, so she can read a book etc, but this has done nothing.

XH and I are at our wits end.  DD is due to start school next year, but they wont let her go if she isn't fully day trained.  I have never had any issues with training both my DS and DSS#2......so why is this little girl doing this.

I am after any ideas that both XH and I can try to get her to go to the toilet, or at least tell us.  Yes I have lost my temper, and I know that is wrong, and I know I shouldn't have, but I just am lost as to what to do.......please any suggestions would be grateful.

#2 Mumtokids

Posted 09 July 2011 - 03:01 PM

I am having similar issues so will be very interested in replies.My 3 year 9 month old DS is having major trouble toilet training too. We have also tried numerous times and have been trying this time since Easter. We can only manage to get a wee in the toilet if we time it right - not because he tells us he needs to go.

DS will happily wee in his pants and not even tell us he is wet most of the time. It is getting very frustrating and we have no idea in how to get him to tell us that he needs to go. We also do stickers, rewards, etc, so running out of ideas.

Edited by Mum to Two, 09 July 2011 - 03:10 PM.


#3 bonnybabe

Posted 19 July 2011 - 12:55 PM

Hi There,

I have no experience yet, but was wondering, what would happen if you waited until it was a lot warmer, and then took away the pants and nappies? ie bare bum for a couple of days when you are at home and strictly no visitors? She either then has to tell you, or have it all come out? so no undies to at least mop it up?

I don't know if thats too far to go though, I only have a 2 yr old who would run around nudie in summer if I let him, but a 4 year old might not want to/or it be appropriate...

I hope someone can help you.

#4 qak

Posted 19 July 2011 - 01:09 PM

I am sure she will "get it" soon. If she can do it for a month, she will do it forever! Don't make a big deal of it if she has an accident in her undies.

You need to persist, and dump the nappies.

Does she go to daycare? I think that it is good for them to see other kids learn TT too.

Maybe off track here - but it could be connected to you and XH - lots of kids regress as part of dealing with family breakups?

#5 cham-ed

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:25 PM

A little bit first my grandson lives with me so we are training another generation.  My wife and I ran a daycare so we have a fair amount of experience.  This applied to only one child, one of our daughters.  This does not apply to most children.  April was well trained probably by three, however she didn't like being interupted while at play.  So she would not "waste" her time by going potty.  We did paddle her when we were sure it was just stubborness.  But what worked best was an enforced potty visit.  After meals and if two hours had elapsed since her last trip, she was required to sit on our old potty chair.  By the way we even had to verify she did do something if she came in on her own.  Plus we would give her a few M&Ms.  If we didn't see it, it didn't count (she sometimes stretched the truth).  We used our old wooden potty chair because it had a seat belt.  (which we did not normally use)  We secured her to the chair and made her sit until she had success, even if it took 15 minutes.  She complained a lot and we ignored it.  The fastest way to go play was to take care of business.  It actually took several months of this before we were able to let her take care of things on her own.  She was a very strong willed child.  Use some or all of this, but sometimes they are just being stubborn and you do need to control them.  But this is not normal potty training.  And by the way I don't know if you  can even find the old style chair now a days.  Ours has been in use for forty years with a lot of bottoms occupying it, they really hold up the plastic ones don't.

A little bit first my grandson lives with me so we are training another generation.  My wife and I ran a daycare so we have a fair amount of experience.  This applied to only one child, one of our daughters.  This does not apply to most children.  April was well trained probably by three, however she didn't like being interupted while at play.  So she would not "waste" her time by going potty.  We did paddle her when we were sure it was just stubborness.  But what worked best was an enforced potty visit.  After meals and if two hours had elapsed since her last trip, she was required to sit on our old potty chair.  By the way we even had to verify she did do something if she came in on her own.  Plus we would give her a few M&Ms.  If we didn't see it, it didn't count (she sometimes stretched the truth).  We used our old wooden potty chair because it had a seat belt.  (which we did not normally use)  We secured her to the chair and made her sit until she had success, even if it took 15 minutes.  She complained a lot and we ignored it.  The fastest way to go play was to take care of business.  It actually took several months of this before we were able to let her take care of things on her own.  She was a very strong willed child.  Use some or all of this, but sometimes they are just being stubborn and you do need to control them.  But this is not normal potty training.  And by the way I don't know if you  can even find the old style chair now a days.  Ours has been in use for forty years with a lot of bottoms occupying it, they really hold up the plastic ones don't.

#6 Simply Me

Posted 15 May 2012 - 12:48 PM

I'm in the same boat as you Mum of Two.  DD is 3 yrs & 9 mths.  No interest at all.  We have tried everything and he just doesn't care if he's wet. I'll be interested in the replies.

#7 cameo

Posted 27 May 2012 - 01:36 PM

Hello,

I am in the same boat.  DD was trained day before 3 and night by 3.  She did really well and very rarely had accidents.  This continued for a month or so?  Then she started wetting and it's been going on a year now.

She has had stages where she has fully wet her pants up to 4 times a day.  Now she does little amounts several times a day - enough to soak her knickers and alot of the time, her pants.

We have tried stickers, lollies, TV, toys and ignoring.  Nothing works and she might try for a day but it goes back to wetting.

She also will not sit on the toilet 95% of the time that I ask.  It will take severe bribery to get her to sit and wee, even when I know she is busting.

The health nurse thinks it's a power play which is true.  She is a very very strong willed child and will never do anything unless she wants to.

I am going again to the health nurse on Tuesday as it's been over 6 months since I spoke about this with her, so I will let you know what she says!

It is by far the most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with.  The constant wetting, the worry about weeing, the taking of so many spare clothes every time and the flat out refusal to sit on the toilet even though she has wet!


#8 melaine

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:03 AM

Just wanted to give you (and other posters) some hope that it can improve. My son is 4.7 years and was almost TT at 2.2 years though mostly just toilet timing in hindsight.

Then he regressed and was having multiple accidents a day. We tried EVERYTHING.

I think the things that helped were:
- easing off the pressure and rewarding a dry day but making no fuss about accidents or wet days. Stickers charts were not immediate enough and rewarding each time he went to the toilet for that length was not practical (at childcare etc)

- setting up a toileting regime. He was using his bowels daily but it seems not emptying properly and was constipated. He woke most mornings with a dirty nappy as well which was driving me crazy. Every night he sat on the toilet for 10 minutes while we read him "The magic faraway tree". Being constipated can make it harder to tell if the bladder is full.

- encouraging more water to train his bladder to hold more

- TIME! I honestly think he wasn't getting very strong signals that he needed to go - so by the time he realised he needed to go it was too late to try to hold on. He is also the type to get very engaged in what he is doing so there was an element of being distracted and ignoring the signals.

We were about to follow up with a continence specialist if these things didn't work - but over the last 6 weeks we have had 90% dry days and when he wets it is small amounts rather than the flooding of before.

Good luck.


#9 L&E

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:41 AM

Cham-ed surely you are not recommending paddling and strapping the child to the potty?

That is considered abuse.

#10 podg

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:55 AM

With us, it was paying less parental attention to the issue, peer pressure at kindy, and time. She is only just reliable now at 4.10. Nights... she wanted to have a go a few weeks ago, tried with wet beds for 2 weeks and wanted to go back to pullups.

This child's only currency is attention.

#11 T2Mum

Posted 28 May 2012 - 08:57 AM

Agree with PPs that you should go undies only, reward when toilet used and make as little reaction as possible when there is an accident. If it is a power play then any reaction for accidents (even negative reactions) will be taken by the child as a "win". Very hard, but I think you have to completely take the emotion out of it and also make it seem like it is no big deal when accidents happen. Good luck!!!

#12 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 28 May 2012 - 09:02 AM

The PP's original post was from July last year. Hopefully they are having more success now. original.gif






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.