Jump to content

How long do you stay strong and stand your ground?
against a 5yo girls stubborn streak.


  • Please log in to reply
58 replies to this topic

#1 Colleer

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:51 AM

I suspect it's just going to be one of those days rolleyes.gif

My DD (5) is usually reasonably well mannered. I do have to remind her sometimes to say please and thankyou, but generally she is not too bad.

This morning however she seems to be in a pig of a mood, and as I was walking to the shower she was in the lounge room and yelled "Apple".  I chose to ignore that and kept walking. I had my shower, hopped out to dry myself only to find DD in the bathroom glaring at me (think Exorcist style ohmy.gif ) saying "You didn't give me my apple peeled, cored and chopped up"  rolleyes.gif

I explained that I didn't hear her ask for one of those, to which she replied "I don't know how to ask and say please" rolleyes.gif   She then proceeded to follow me down the hall yelling, "I want an apple, I want an apple".

Sitting at the bench whilst I stacked the dishwasher she argued till blue in the face that she still didn't know how to say please. Boy that girl is stubborn.

Eventually I pushed an apple across the bench to her. "That's not peeled OR chopped up" she informed me.

At which point I said I am not going to stand here and listen to you being so rude, come to me when you can speak nicely.

I know it is an apple, a lovely healthy snack that I would normally be very happy to give but seriously?? A few manners wouldn't go astray.

How far do you hold your ground? Would you have just peeled it and chopped it to shut her up make her happy?

#2 papilio

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:56 AM

No, I wouldn't have given in.  Manners are non-negotiable in our house.

#3 cheekie75

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:58 AM

I think you're doing the right thing and attempting to instill values - no matter her mood stand your ground.  I have a 2/1/2 year old that pushes all buttons at the moment as her routine has been turned upside down with DH returning to work this week after a break.  She is cunning with her tantrums, but is learning slowly if you ask nicely you will receive in a timely manner. cool.gif

#4 namie

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:59 AM

QUOTE (JiminyJen @ 06/01/2011, 09:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How far do you hold your ground? Would you have just peeled it and chopped it to shut her up make her happy?

No way in hell! She is being totally rude and obnoxious and pushing you to see exactly how far she can push you! I am a pro at ignoring bad behaviour and will just walk away from it for as long as I need to Tounge1.gif

If she wanted an apple so badly, she could've gotten it herself and eaten it as it was - whole with peel on and core intact!

I might have relented if she had at least nicely asked for an apple peeled and cored even if she hadn't actually used the word please (ie. 'I'd like to eat an apple, peeled and cored, mummy' with no attitude) but I am a stickler for manners, so she'd have had to wear me down pretty badly to give in!

Good luck for the rest of the day!

#5 knittingkitten

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:00 AM

I would say "You can have an apple when you can ask nicely."
And then follow through.

Possibly with earplugs. wink.gif

Edited by knittingkitten, 06 January 2011 - 09:01 AM.


#6 Procrastinator5000

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:01 AM

Ooooh, no way would I have given her an apple under those circumstances! Absolutely no way.

She can't have wanted the chopped up apple THAT much or been all that hungry original.gif

#7 Stained

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:02 AM

QUOTE
How far do you hold your ground? Would you have just peeled it and chopped it to shut her up make her happy?

Oh heck no!!! No way she would be getting the apple from me until she asked nicely!

#8 anon60

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:06 AM

Why didn't you put her in her room (for her rude behaviour) until she "remembered" her manners?


Not being smart - legit question?

#9 Puggle

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:06 AM

My 5yo (who incidentally is eating an apple right now laughing2.gif) has those days. I tend to be pretty firm with her because a) she is an intelligent girl who knows full well that she shouldn't behave like that b) she knows she should use her manners c) because she has a younger sibling who mimics everything.

If it were me, I probably wouldn't have given her the apple until she asked nicely. I don't see any advantage in rewarding negative behaviour. However this does depend on whether I have had a coffee and/or the time of day ... my resolve is pretty weak in arsenic hour of a long day.

It sounds like my DD1 and your DD have a lot in common. My 26 month old DD2 has lovely manners and uses them unprompted about 90% of the time simply because she has grown up hearing her father and I getting exasperated about DD1 not using hers!

Time for you to sit down with a nice cup of tea - I hope the rest of the day is better!

Edited by Puggle, 06 January 2011 - 09:08 AM.


#10 robhat

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:07 AM

Ha! My 3 year old would have been sent to her room and told that if she wants things she has to ask nicely or she doesn't get it...

My DD is stubborn too. I pick my battles, but if I think something is important enough I will hold out for as long as it takes to get the message across...

#11 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:10 AM

There is no way I would have given my 5 year old an apple if she was acting like that.

Mine is going through a bit of a phase at the moment where I ask what she wants for a snack and she says "WHATEVER Mum" It's rude and it's annoying. So now I just tell her that until she can speak to me nicely and tell me what she wants, she won't be getting anything. It normally only takes a minute for her to come out of her room all smiles and sweetness. original.gif

Edited by Athanasey, 06 January 2011 - 09:11 AM.


#12 EsmeLennox

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:10 AM

I would stand my ground as long as it took to be asked nicely for the apple.

My kids have gone through a bit of a phase of this lately too - after many time outs and missing out on things they want because they can't find it within themselves to ask nicely rather than demand the message is s...l...o...w...l...y starting to sink in.



#13 bellarox

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:11 AM

I will hold my ground for as long as it takes when it comes to manners etc. I would not have even given my daughter the apple unpeeled and chopped until she asked for it properly. If she continued to whine, yell and have a tantrum then she would go to her room for time out. If she asked when she came out from time out properly then she would get it.



#14 bubba boo

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:14 AM

no way would i have given in to that attitude with my 5 year old, especially after i had explained why some kind of consequence like going to her room would have occured.

#15 Colleer

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:17 AM

Funny you should say about sending her to her room - after I typed the original post, she came up to me and said "It's still not peeled" to which I replied "Speak like that again and you will go to your room".

She then turned and flounced off in tears to her room wink.gif  and lay on her bed crying  rolleyes.gif   Lucky she had a skirt on - it made quite an effective "flounce"! biggrin.gif

Wish me luck for the rest of the day!  DH has gone away for work this morning and will be back tomorrow night, which seems a long long long time away!



#16 Colleer

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:19 AM

Just wanted to add that when I gave her the apple originally - it was more of a sarcastic demonstration (if that is the right description huh.gif ) she was sititng 5cm away from the fruit bowl, I picked it up, held it up in front of her eyes and then put it on the bench right next to the fruit bowl.

#17 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:19 AM

QUOTE (JiminyJen @ 06/01/2011, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Funny you should say about sending her to her room - after I typed the original post, she came up to me and said "It's still not peeled" to which I replied "Speak like that again and you will go to your room".

She then turned and flounced off in tears to her room wink.gif  and lay on her bed crying  rolleyes.gif   Lucky she had a skirt on - it made quite an effective "flounce"! biggrin.gif

Wish me luck for the rest of the day!  DH has gone away for work this morning and will be back tomorrow night, which seems a long long long time away!


When my DD has days like these I know its definitely a day where a nap is in order. She may be 5, but everyone needs a nap sometimes biggrin.gif

#18 woodelf

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:20 AM

In our house

Naughty behavior = go to your room
Naughty or unacceptable talk = mouth washed out with soap

Had to resort to my mothers old fashioned method for unacceptable talk as my two would just laugh and then egg each other on.  Have only had to get the soap out twice for DS2 and now just the mention of the soap and they are all polite again.

#19 ace01

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:26 AM

Hi OP, I would have told her only one time that her behaviour was unacceptable, and then not engaged any further with her about the subject. It sounds like she wants an argument and I reckon that is exactly what she got. I feel that putting the apple in front of her eyes and then on the bench in front of her was probably counter productive, and in a way argumentative.
She certainly would have been sent to her room if she was my daughter.
Hope your day gets better.

Cheers Ace01

#20 crankybee

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:26 AM

She could have passed out from arguing before she had a cut and cored apple from me! Stand your ground OP...stand your ground.

QUOTE
Just wanted to add that when I gave her the apple originally - it was more of a sarcastic demonstration (if that is the right description  ) she was sititng 5cm away from the fruit bowl, I picked it up, held it up in front of her eyes and then put it on the bench right next to the fruit bowl.


LOL - GOLD!

Edited by crankybee, 06 January 2011 - 09:27 AM.


#21 Tiger Lilly

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:26 AM

I too would have stood my ground. My kids are generally pretty good with manners, so if DS1 (6.5 yrs) had come up to me and said that I would have said "Pardon?" he would have used his manners quick smart after that because he knows that if he is rude again he won't get it at all - no matter how healthy it is!!!

Then again, it also depends on the kind of day he is having. If its a bad day, he probably would have been sent to his room as you can bet there would have been other terrible behaviour before that LOL.

ETA: I wouldn't have peeled and cored the apple no matter how nicely the kids asked lol. They pick up an apple and eat it as it is in this house!!!

Edited by Tokra, 06 January 2011 - 09:27 AM.


#22 Guest_BBlessed_*

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:31 AM

I'm the softest, most accomodating of parents ..... and there'd be an apple supplied when the manners returned!

My child care experience has taught me to phrase things positively - so rather than "You're not having an apple until you ask nicely" I'd have said something like "You may have an apple when you remember to ask nicely."
The same applies to the peeling, chopping etc - "When you ask nicely, I will do it for you".

I also find mild entertainment in going along with the child - "You've forgotten your manners? Oh my goodness, I  wonder where they are? Do you think the dog ate them? Did they get flushed down the loo?" etc etc
It works two ways - often the light hearted chatter changes the child's mood and the storm passes by.
And if not, well I excel at masking sarcasm and so I feel a whole lot better after the chat, even if no one else finds it amusing!!





QUOTE
Naughty behavior = go to your room
Naughty or unacceptable talk = mouth washed out with soap

Had to resort to my mothers old fashioned method for unacceptable talk as my two would just laugh and then egg each other on. Have only had to get the soap out twice for DS2 and now just the mention of the soap and they are all polite again.

Wow. Do you send yourself to your room for bad behaviour after you force soap down your 3 year old's throat?

Edited by BBlessed, 06 January 2011 - 09:33 AM.


#23 tinkster23

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:32 AM

QUOTE (candida @ 06/01/2011, 06:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No, I wouldn't have given in.  Manners are non-negotiable in our house.


Here too!

QUOTE (Puggle @ 06/01/2011, 07:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My 5yo (who incidentally is eating an apple right now laughing2.gif) has those days. I tend to be pretty firm with her because a) she is an intelligent girl who knows full well that she shouldn't behave like that b) she knows she should use her manners c) because she has a younger sibling who mimics everything.


This too!

Hannah has days like that, and she knows I won't talk to her when she's being rude and if it continued she'd go to the laundry until she was going to be civil

#24 JaneDoe2010

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:51 AM

QUOTE
She could have passed out from arguing before she had a cut and cored apple from me!


Same here. No manners and rudeness (continual, if me being nice to her didn't change her behaviour) would have had her in the hallway quick smart.

QUOTE (woodelf @ 06/01/2011, 10:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Naughty or unacceptable talk = mouth washed out with soap


ohmy.gif

QUOTE (BBlessed @ 06/01/2011, 10:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow. Do you send yourself to your room for bad behaviour after you force soap down your 3 year old's throat?


I agree. Washing your child's mouth out with soap is repulsive parenting.  sick.gif  And lazy. Discipline and teach instead.

#25 Rachaelxxx

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:52 AM

I never give in, I'm just as stubborn  wink.gif  and manners are a non negotiable in this house, they really are and the girls know that I won't be pushed.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

10 things they don?t tell you about being pregnant

As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.

Overcoming a fear of the dark

A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.

Kids, TV and movies: how young is too young?

It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.

Video: Baby's first birthday is a special day for mum, too

?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?

The day Supernanny came to tea

Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.

Tales from the homefront

When you're at work you sort of assume that your house is basically just sitting there quietly doing nothing until you return. However, since spending my days at home, I've learned this couldn't be further from the truth.

The words I hated hearing as new mum

It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.

To the pharmacist who sold me baby formula

On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.

Babies may benefit from autism therapy

Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.

Knatalye and Adeline born with an everlasting bond

Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.

The question this dad wishes he'd asked his wife

I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.

Why we should talk about the deaths of the Hunt children

The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.

Baby dies of meningococcal weeks after vaccine application denied

A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.

Finding the right balance when playing with your kids

Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.

Creative DIY light shades

The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.

The battle of iParenting versus imagination

Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?

Why movement is so important for your baby's growth

Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.

Video: Toddler not keen on clean-shaven dad

This little girl thought she was taking part in a standard game of peek-a-boo, but her dad had a surprise for her.

When will I feel like myself again?

At some point I became 'me' again, but not the same me that I was ... and that?s not a bad thing.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Win a House of Magic prize pack

To celebrate the release of the new movie House of Magic, we have 10 double passes and magic sets to give away just in time for these school holidays. Enter Now for a chance to win!

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Couple's bucket list for unborn baby

Jenna and Dan Haley know their baby's time will be limited, so they're packing in a lifetime of memories before he's even born.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.