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How long do you stay strong and stand your ground?
against a 5yo girls stubborn streak.


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58 replies to this topic

#1 Colleer

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:51 AM

I suspect it's just going to be one of those days rolleyes.gif

My DD (5) is usually reasonably well mannered. I do have to remind her sometimes to say please and thankyou, but generally she is not too bad.

This morning however she seems to be in a pig of a mood, and as I was walking to the shower she was in the lounge room and yelled "Apple".  I chose to ignore that and kept walking. I had my shower, hopped out to dry myself only to find DD in the bathroom glaring at me (think Exorcist style ohmy.gif ) saying "You didn't give me my apple peeled, cored and chopped up"  rolleyes.gif

I explained that I didn't hear her ask for one of those, to which she replied "I don't know how to ask and say please" rolleyes.gif   She then proceeded to follow me down the hall yelling, "I want an apple, I want an apple".

Sitting at the bench whilst I stacked the dishwasher she argued till blue in the face that she still didn't know how to say please. Boy that girl is stubborn.

Eventually I pushed an apple across the bench to her. "That's not peeled OR chopped up" she informed me.

At which point I said I am not going to stand here and listen to you being so rude, come to me when you can speak nicely.

I know it is an apple, a lovely healthy snack that I would normally be very happy to give but seriously?? A few manners wouldn't go astray.

How far do you hold your ground? Would you have just peeled it and chopped it to shut her up make her happy?

#2 papilio

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:56 AM

No, I wouldn't have given in.  Manners are non-negotiable in our house.

#3 cheekie75

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:58 AM

I think you're doing the right thing and attempting to instill values - no matter her mood stand your ground.  I have a 2/1/2 year old that pushes all buttons at the moment as her routine has been turned upside down with DH returning to work this week after a break.  She is cunning with her tantrums, but is learning slowly if you ask nicely you will receive in a timely manner. cool.gif

#4 namie

Posted 06 January 2011 - 08:59 AM

QUOTE (JiminyJen @ 06/01/2011, 09:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How far do you hold your ground? Would you have just peeled it and chopped it to shut her up make her happy?

No way in hell! She is being totally rude and obnoxious and pushing you to see exactly how far she can push you! I am a pro at ignoring bad behaviour and will just walk away from it for as long as I need to Tounge1.gif

If she wanted an apple so badly, she could've gotten it herself and eaten it as it was - whole with peel on and core intact!

I might have relented if she had at least nicely asked for an apple peeled and cored even if she hadn't actually used the word please (ie. 'I'd like to eat an apple, peeled and cored, mummy' with no attitude) but I am a stickler for manners, so she'd have had to wear me down pretty badly to give in!

Good luck for the rest of the day!

#5 knittingkitten

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:00 AM

I would say "You can have an apple when you can ask nicely."
And then follow through.

Possibly with earplugs. wink.gif

Edited by knittingkitten, 06 January 2011 - 09:01 AM.


#6 Procrastinator5000

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:01 AM

Ooooh, no way would I have given her an apple under those circumstances! Absolutely no way.

She can't have wanted the chopped up apple THAT much or been all that hungry original.gif

#7 Stained

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:02 AM

QUOTE
How far do you hold your ground? Would you have just peeled it and chopped it to shut her up make her happy?

Oh heck no!!! No way she would be getting the apple from me until she asked nicely!

#8 anon60

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:06 AM

Why didn't you put her in her room (for her rude behaviour) until she "remembered" her manners?


Not being smart - legit question?

#9 Puggle

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:06 AM

My 5yo (who incidentally is eating an apple right now laughing2.gif) has those days. I tend to be pretty firm with her because a) she is an intelligent girl who knows full well that she shouldn't behave like that b) she knows she should use her manners c) because she has a younger sibling who mimics everything.

If it were me, I probably wouldn't have given her the apple until she asked nicely. I don't see any advantage in rewarding negative behaviour. However this does depend on whether I have had a coffee and/or the time of day ... my resolve is pretty weak in arsenic hour of a long day.

It sounds like my DD1 and your DD have a lot in common. My 26 month old DD2 has lovely manners and uses them unprompted about 90% of the time simply because she has grown up hearing her father and I getting exasperated about DD1 not using hers!

Time for you to sit down with a nice cup of tea - I hope the rest of the day is better!

Edited by Puggle, 06 January 2011 - 09:08 AM.


#10 robhat

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:07 AM

Ha! My 3 year old would have been sent to her room and told that if she wants things she has to ask nicely or she doesn't get it...

My DD is stubborn too. I pick my battles, but if I think something is important enough I will hold out for as long as it takes to get the message across...

#11 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:10 AM

There is no way I would have given my 5 year old an apple if she was acting like that.

Mine is going through a bit of a phase at the moment where I ask what she wants for a snack and she says "WHATEVER Mum" It's rude and it's annoying. So now I just tell her that until she can speak to me nicely and tell me what she wants, she won't be getting anything. It normally only takes a minute for her to come out of her room all smiles and sweetness. original.gif

Edited by Athanasey, 06 January 2011 - 09:11 AM.


#12 EsmeLennox

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:10 AM

I would stand my ground as long as it took to be asked nicely for the apple.

My kids have gone through a bit of a phase of this lately too - after many time outs and missing out on things they want because they can't find it within themselves to ask nicely rather than demand the message is s...l...o...w...l...y starting to sink in.



#13 bellarox

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:11 AM

I will hold my ground for as long as it takes when it comes to manners etc. I would not have even given my daughter the apple unpeeled and chopped until she asked for it properly. If she continued to whine, yell and have a tantrum then she would go to her room for time out. If she asked when she came out from time out properly then she would get it.



#14 bubba boo

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:14 AM

no way would i have given in to that attitude with my 5 year old, especially after i had explained why some kind of consequence like going to her room would have occured.

#15 Colleer

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:17 AM

Funny you should say about sending her to her room - after I typed the original post, she came up to me and said "It's still not peeled" to which I replied "Speak like that again and you will go to your room".

She then turned and flounced off in tears to her room wink.gif  and lay on her bed crying  rolleyes.gif   Lucky she had a skirt on - it made quite an effective "flounce"! biggrin.gif

Wish me luck for the rest of the day!  DH has gone away for work this morning and will be back tomorrow night, which seems a long long long time away!



#16 Colleer

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:19 AM

Just wanted to add that when I gave her the apple originally - it was more of a sarcastic demonstration (if that is the right description huh.gif ) she was sititng 5cm away from the fruit bowl, I picked it up, held it up in front of her eyes and then put it on the bench right next to the fruit bowl.

#17 2 Gorgeous Girls

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:19 AM

QUOTE (JiminyJen @ 06/01/2011, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Funny you should say about sending her to her room - after I typed the original post, she came up to me and said "It's still not peeled" to which I replied "Speak like that again and you will go to your room".

She then turned and flounced off in tears to her room wink.gif  and lay on her bed crying  rolleyes.gif   Lucky she had a skirt on - it made quite an effective "flounce"! biggrin.gif

Wish me luck for the rest of the day!  DH has gone away for work this morning and will be back tomorrow night, which seems a long long long time away!


When my DD has days like these I know its definitely a day where a nap is in order. She may be 5, but everyone needs a nap sometimes biggrin.gif

#18 woodelf

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:20 AM

In our house

Naughty behavior = go to your room
Naughty or unacceptable talk = mouth washed out with soap

Had to resort to my mothers old fashioned method for unacceptable talk as my two would just laugh and then egg each other on.  Have only had to get the soap out twice for DS2 and now just the mention of the soap and they are all polite again.

#19 ace01

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:26 AM

Hi OP, I would have told her only one time that her behaviour was unacceptable, and then not engaged any further with her about the subject. It sounds like she wants an argument and I reckon that is exactly what she got. I feel that putting the apple in front of her eyes and then on the bench in front of her was probably counter productive, and in a way argumentative.
She certainly would have been sent to her room if she was my daughter.
Hope your day gets better.

Cheers Ace01

#20 crankybee

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:26 AM

She could have passed out from arguing before she had a cut and cored apple from me! Stand your ground OP...stand your ground.

QUOTE
Just wanted to add that when I gave her the apple originally - it was more of a sarcastic demonstration (if that is the right description  ) she was sititng 5cm away from the fruit bowl, I picked it up, held it up in front of her eyes and then put it on the bench right next to the fruit bowl.


LOL - GOLD!

Edited by crankybee, 06 January 2011 - 09:27 AM.


#21 Tiger Lilly

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:26 AM

I too would have stood my ground. My kids are generally pretty good with manners, so if DS1 (6.5 yrs) had come up to me and said that I would have said "Pardon?" he would have used his manners quick smart after that because he knows that if he is rude again he won't get it at all - no matter how healthy it is!!!

Then again, it also depends on the kind of day he is having. If its a bad day, he probably would have been sent to his room as you can bet there would have been other terrible behaviour before that LOL.

ETA: I wouldn't have peeled and cored the apple no matter how nicely the kids asked lol. They pick up an apple and eat it as it is in this house!!!

Edited by Tokra, 06 January 2011 - 09:27 AM.


#22 Guest_BBlessed_*

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:31 AM

I'm the softest, most accomodating of parents ..... and there'd be an apple supplied when the manners returned!

My child care experience has taught me to phrase things positively - so rather than "You're not having an apple until you ask nicely" I'd have said something like "You may have an apple when you remember to ask nicely."
The same applies to the peeling, chopping etc - "When you ask nicely, I will do it for you".

I also find mild entertainment in going along with the child - "You've forgotten your manners? Oh my goodness, I  wonder where they are? Do you think the dog ate them? Did they get flushed down the loo?" etc etc
It works two ways - often the light hearted chatter changes the child's mood and the storm passes by.
And if not, well I excel at masking sarcasm and so I feel a whole lot better after the chat, even if no one else finds it amusing!!





QUOTE
Naughty behavior = go to your room
Naughty or unacceptable talk = mouth washed out with soap

Had to resort to my mothers old fashioned method for unacceptable talk as my two would just laugh and then egg each other on. Have only had to get the soap out twice for DS2 and now just the mention of the soap and they are all polite again.

Wow. Do you send yourself to your room for bad behaviour after you force soap down your 3 year old's throat?

Edited by BBlessed, 06 January 2011 - 09:33 AM.


#23 tinkster23

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:32 AM

QUOTE (candida @ 06/01/2011, 06:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No, I wouldn't have given in.  Manners are non-negotiable in our house.


Here too!

QUOTE (Puggle @ 06/01/2011, 07:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My 5yo (who incidentally is eating an apple right now laughing2.gif) has those days. I tend to be pretty firm with her because a) she is an intelligent girl who knows full well that she shouldn't behave like that b) she knows she should use her manners c) because she has a younger sibling who mimics everything.


This too!

Hannah has days like that, and she knows I won't talk to her when she's being rude and if it continued she'd go to the laundry until she was going to be civil

#24 Guest_janedoe2010_*

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:51 AM

QUOTE
She could have passed out from arguing before she had a cut and cored apple from me!


Same here. No manners and rudeness (continual, if me being nice to her didn't change her behaviour) would have had her in the hallway quick smart.

QUOTE (woodelf @ 06/01/2011, 10:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Naughty or unacceptable talk = mouth washed out with soap


ohmy.gif

QUOTE (BBlessed @ 06/01/2011, 10:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow. Do you send yourself to your room for bad behaviour after you force soap down your 3 year old's throat?


I agree. Washing your child's mouth out with soap is repulsive parenting.  sick.gif  And lazy. Discipline and teach instead.

#25 Rachaelxxx

Posted 06 January 2011 - 09:52 AM

I never give in, I'm just as stubborn  wink.gif  and manners are a non negotiable in this house, they really are and the girls know that I won't be pushed.




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