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Mothers with children to different men


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#1 Rapunkkzel

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:49 PM

I know someone who has children with different fathers. She is a good mum, no different to any other mums I know, she works, she's not on benefits, she's not tarty, in a relationship or looking for one original.gif
She doesnt tell anyone xcept close friends and family that the children have different dads, if asked directly she'll lie and say no they all have the same father. i think she shouldnt have to, but she thinks because of stigma to her and her kids she does have to.

Sooooooo i thought Id ask what people thought. Are mothers with different fathers for their kids usually judged harshly, even if theyre good mothers? do you think that say, two different fathers is understandable, but three or more indicates some character flaw of the woman?

(obviously I don't think this,, myself)

#2 Monroe

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:53 PM

Each to their own I guess.
Who am I to judge a perfectly capable mum if she has several children to different men, it doesn't worry me I know a few women in this situation and I treat them the same as my friends with 3 children to the same father.

#3 Amanda_R

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:54 PM

Some people THINK it reflects poorly on the mother and the children, but the reality is it is no real indication of who or what that person is.  Pre-conceived ideas and stereotypes are more often than not way off the mark.  

Unfortunately doesn't stop it from happening.  Some people choose to believe what they want, even if it has no connection to reality whatsoever.

#4 Jellyblush

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:54 PM

QUOTE (Rapunkkzel @ 31/10/2010, 08:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know someone who has children with different fathers. She is a good mum, no different to any other mums I know, she works, she's not on benefits, she's not tarty, in a relationship or looking for one original.gif


Even the fact you needed to qualify this way, sadly, speaks volumes sad.gif

Personally, I wouldn't judge. My brother & I have different dads. It makes no difference, we are still 100% family.

Are they 'usually' judged? I don't know, I guess the only people that would know are mums in this situation *toddles off to ask mine*

#5 LisaMaree82

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:55 PM

My DS has a different bio dad.  It is a non issue for us. People don't know unless it comes up, I am not ashamed of it at all.  All my kids look totally different from each other so no one picks up on it.

My Dad's ex on the other hand has 5 kids, the 1 and 3 have the same dad.  2 has a different dad but thinks that 1 and 3's dad is her dad.  3 thinks that my dad is her dad.  4 and 5 are my dad's kids, they live with him.  She is now pregnant to a 4th man with #6.  She is the stereotype, on welfare and her parenting borders on neglect the majority of the time sad.gif   To quote another eb'er this week, call me judgy mcjudgy.

Lisa

Edited by LisaMaree82, 31 October 2010 - 07:56 PM.


#6 Illiterati

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:57 PM

What about fathers with children to different women?

If you really don't care - then why do you care enough to ask?

#7 *soy-latte*

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:59 PM

QUOTE
If you really don't care - then why do you care enough to ask?

That is what I thought.

What if there are two different fathers due to the death of the first partner? Does that make a difference?

#8 jfl

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:01 PM

Despite your carefully crafted question, what you seem to be asking is 'are they sl*ts? How many different fathers before they are or are not?'

Presumably your objective is to stir up a fight, over a meaningless 'issue'.

#9 Brolynbub

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:03 PM

Huh, well if they are judged, one day I guess I will be too. I have no intention of ever letting my ex near me with a 50ft pole, so if I choose to have another child at a later stage, they will have different fathers.

#10 *Barbra*

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:03 PM

I can't even imagine where a question like that would be asked in general, if any conversation. wink.gif

#11 eleishas

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:04 PM

A sh*t parent is a sh*t parent, no matter what the child to dad ratio is.

#12 Alrak

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:04 PM

well i know one, and she had her kids taken by DHS because of severe neglect.

another is a great mum to her kids..

i honesty don't think they differ from mums who kids all have the same dad.




#13 Alrak

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:07 PM

QUOTE (SomeRandomStranger @ 31/10/2010, 09:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can't even imagine where a question like that would be asked in general, if any conversation. wink.gif


i get asked by strangers all the time.

their response
"well thats rare"  blink.gif

#14 Chocolate Addict

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:10 PM

I think there would be judgement if, for example, the women had 2 or 3 kids with minimal age gaps to 2/3 different fathers. ie one night stands ending in pregnancy.

I think that is very different to someone being in long term relationships having kids with each long term partner.

I will admit I would and have judged on women that have multiple kids to multiple partners (using the first example above, not the second).

They might be the worlds best parent to the kids but not the smartest.

QUOTE
What about fathers with children to different women?

My opinion is the same for both male and female. I recall the famous quote from the 80's "if it's not on, it's not on". Some people need to be reminded of this I think. Tounge1.gif



#15 domestically~challenged

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:12 PM

My next door neighbour on the left was gossiping that my next door neighbour on the right has kids to 3 different men. Who cares??? I stared at her blankly. Should I have raised my eyebrows in sock, horror or disgust? She also b**ched that her house was dirty. HAHA! She should see mine. Judgmental fool.

#16 Rapunkkzel

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:12 PM

QUOTE (Sybilla @ 31/10/2010, 08:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What about fathers with children to different women?

If you really don't care - then why do you care enough to ask?


I was just thinkng about it today, because she thinks if she tells people they will stigmatise her. I didnt think they would. Im not in that situation so I dont know the reality of what she deals with or even if people in general do judge her. There's nothing whatsover wrong with her as a person or a mother. I love her, shes a remarkably cool person original.gif

#17 MightyMummy

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:13 PM

QUOTE (Rapunkkzel @ 31/10/2010, 08:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sooooooo i thought Id ask what people thought. Are mothers with different fathers for their kids usually judged harshly, even if theyre good mothers? do you think that say, two different fathers is understandable, but three or more indicates some character flaw of the woman?


1. I think yes they probably are judged, whether that's harsh or not depends on whether you subscribe to it!
2. I think most people don't know if someone's a good mother or not so that part is hardly relevant. You can spot someone not being obviously a bad mother (running around with different men, having them
3. I think at some point it is indicative of a character flaw. I don't make a blanket call on how many but the fewer the better and if you have kids very close in age to different fathers that looks much worse imho. I know a woman who has 2 kids barely 15 months apart to 2 different men and a3rd child to a 3rd man only 2 years younger.. Basically she slept around a lot.

#18 TEN!

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:13 PM

People have children to more than one father for all sorts of reasons.  I don't think it is anything to be ashamed of per se, but the fact that she lies about it speaks volumes about her own comfort with her situation.

I find women who lurch from relationship to relationship a bit sad to be honest.  What is wrong with them that they can't function without a man in their lives?

One of my closest friends has kids to two fathers.  The first guy was just a dipsh*t.  Her DH is a great guy.  There's no reason to think ill of her for one bad decision.

#19 NorthernLife

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:14 PM

I have someone close to me who has 3 kids to 3 different fathers. She was married to her first child's father and they divorced. Second child she had a holiday romance and fell pregnant (and he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby - ETA - she had IVF for her first child and took her many attempts to have her, so she didn't think she was fertile - but she was on the pill..). She just remarried and her and her new DH have a baby. So 3 kids / 3 dads - but it isn't like she was selling herself on the street. I have to admit a few people close to her (and me) do make smart a*se comments about it, but I just remind them of males we know who have fathered quite a few different kids to different mothers, but they don't see the kids and whinge about the huge amount of child support they pay rolleyes.gif .

QUOTE
My opinion is the same for both male and female. I recall the famous quote from the 80's "if it's not on, it's not on". Some people need to be reminded of this I think.


I agree!! original.gif

ETA - My kids superglued several letters on my keyboard together - so apologies for the errors!

Edited by ~*Rach*~, 31 October 2010 - 08:16 PM.


#20 Gangnam Style

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:17 PM

QUOTE (LisaMaree82 @ 31/10/2010, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
... has 5 kids, the 1 and 3 have the same dad.  2 has a different dad but thinks that 1 and 3's dad is her dad.  3 thinks that my dad is her dad.  4 and 5 are my dad's kids, they live with him.  She is now pregnant to a 4th man with #6.

Lisa


I think it says a lot about you that you only focus on the mother in this equation, and make little reference to the father(s).

#21 Keddie

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:21 PM

FWIW, my SIL has 3 children to 3 different fathers.  There are reasons for it to which it's none of my business to share. I don't think she has a problem with telling people or that anyone else cares.  She hasn't felt judged from what I can tell so perhaps your friend has had a bad experience with someone being rude?
Perhaps it helps that the fathers are active participants in financially and emotionally supporting their child.  If she'd been left in the lurch it might be different - meaning I can imagine she would end up being the one who's hard on herself, as opposed to society.

#22 idle

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:25 PM

QUOTE
ETA - My kids superglued several letters on my keyboard together - so apologies for the errors!


laughing2.gif


Welll..My eldest 2 are to my highschool love who i was with from 14-24. My middle 3 are to my ex husband and my last 2 are to my exp.

Am I judged? Probably although most people are surprised to find that I am a single parent so very few really think further than that.
Do I care if I am judged? Nope. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Other people's societal standards mean squat to me original.gif

Edited by idle, 31 October 2010 - 08:26 PM.


#23 Laborious Nicety

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:27 PM

Damn my DH is a s*ut then.



#24 PurpleWitch

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:28 PM

LOL.
I was asked this question today. Not what I think of women with children to different men but if my eldest is my husbands.

I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of in regards to re-partnering and having more children. I do think it's a bit icky the women who go from man to man having kid to kid, whether it be one night stands of short relationships.


#25 Jupiter

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:28 PM

Evening all, I've removed an unnecessary comment relating to another member and another thread. Posts of that nature are against forum rules. Thanks.




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