Jump to content

Mothers with children to different men


  • Please log in to reply
205 replies to this topic

#1 Rapunkkzel

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:49 PM

I know someone who has children with different fathers. She is a good mum, no different to any other mums I know, she works, she's not on benefits, she's not tarty, in a relationship or looking for one original.gif
She doesnt tell anyone xcept close friends and family that the children have different dads, if asked directly she'll lie and say no they all have the same father. i think she shouldnt have to, but she thinks because of stigma to her and her kids she does have to.

Sooooooo i thought Id ask what people thought. Are mothers with different fathers for their kids usually judged harshly, even if theyre good mothers? do you think that say, two different fathers is understandable, but three or more indicates some character flaw of the woman?

(obviously I don't think this,, myself)

#2 Monroe

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:53 PM

Each to their own I guess.
Who am I to judge a perfectly capable mum if she has several children to different men, it doesn't worry me I know a few women in this situation and I treat them the same as my friends with 3 children to the same father.

#3 Amanda_R

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:54 PM

Some people THINK it reflects poorly on the mother and the children, but the reality is it is no real indication of who or what that person is.  Pre-conceived ideas and stereotypes are more often than not way off the mark.  

Unfortunately doesn't stop it from happening.  Some people choose to believe what they want, even if it has no connection to reality whatsoever.

#4 Jellyblush

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:54 PM

QUOTE (Rapunkkzel @ 31/10/2010, 08:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know someone who has children with different fathers. She is a good mum, no different to any other mums I know, she works, she's not on benefits, she's not tarty, in a relationship or looking for one original.gif


Even the fact you needed to qualify this way, sadly, speaks volumes sad.gif

Personally, I wouldn't judge. My brother & I have different dads. It makes no difference, we are still 100% family.

Are they 'usually' judged? I don't know, I guess the only people that would know are mums in this situation *toddles off to ask mine*

#5 LisaMaree82

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:55 PM

My DS has a different bio dad.  It is a non issue for us. People don't know unless it comes up, I am not ashamed of it at all.  All my kids look totally different from each other so no one picks up on it.

My Dad's ex on the other hand has 5 kids, the 1 and 3 have the same dad.  2 has a different dad but thinks that 1 and 3's dad is her dad.  3 thinks that my dad is her dad.  4 and 5 are my dad's kids, they live with him.  She is now pregnant to a 4th man with #6.  She is the stereotype, on welfare and her parenting borders on neglect the majority of the time sad.gif   To quote another eb'er this week, call me judgy mcjudgy.

Lisa

Edited by LisaMaree82, 31 October 2010 - 07:56 PM.


#6 Illiterati

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:57 PM

What about fathers with children to different women?

If you really don't care - then why do you care enough to ask?

#7 *soy-latte*

Posted 31 October 2010 - 07:59 PM

QUOTE
If you really don't care - then why do you care enough to ask?

That is what I thought.

What if there are two different fathers due to the death of the first partner? Does that make a difference?

#8 jfl

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:01 PM

Despite your carefully crafted question, what you seem to be asking is 'are they sl*ts? How many different fathers before they are or are not?'

Presumably your objective is to stir up a fight, over a meaningless 'issue'.

#9 Brolynbub

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:03 PM

Huh, well if they are judged, one day I guess I will be too. I have no intention of ever letting my ex near me with a 50ft pole, so if I choose to have another child at a later stage, they will have different fathers.

#10 *Barbra*

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:03 PM

I can't even imagine where a question like that would be asked in general, if any conversation. wink.gif

#11 eleishas

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:04 PM

A sh*t parent is a sh*t parent, no matter what the child to dad ratio is.

#12 Alrak

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:04 PM

well i know one, and she had her kids taken by DHS because of severe neglect.

another is a great mum to her kids..

i honesty don't think they differ from mums who kids all have the same dad.




#13 Alrak

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:07 PM

QUOTE (SomeRandomStranger @ 31/10/2010, 09:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can't even imagine where a question like that would be asked in general, if any conversation. wink.gif


i get asked by strangers all the time.

their response
"well thats rare"  blink.gif

#14 Chocolate Addict

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:10 PM

I think there would be judgement if, for example, the women had 2 or 3 kids with minimal age gaps to 2/3 different fathers. ie one night stands ending in pregnancy.

I think that is very different to someone being in long term relationships having kids with each long term partner.

I will admit I would and have judged on women that have multiple kids to multiple partners (using the first example above, not the second).

They might be the worlds best parent to the kids but not the smartest.

QUOTE
What about fathers with children to different women?

My opinion is the same for both male and female. I recall the famous quote from the 80's "if it's not on, it's not on". Some people need to be reminded of this I think. Tounge1.gif



#15 domestically~challenged

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:12 PM

My next door neighbour on the left was gossiping that my next door neighbour on the right has kids to 3 different men. Who cares??? I stared at her blankly. Should I have raised my eyebrows in sock, horror or disgust? She also b**ched that her house was dirty. HAHA! She should see mine. Judgmental fool.

#16 Rapunkkzel

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:12 PM

QUOTE (Sybilla @ 31/10/2010, 08:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What about fathers with children to different women?

If you really don't care - then why do you care enough to ask?


I was just thinkng about it today, because she thinks if she tells people they will stigmatise her. I didnt think they would. Im not in that situation so I dont know the reality of what she deals with or even if people in general do judge her. There's nothing whatsover wrong with her as a person or a mother. I love her, shes a remarkably cool person original.gif

#17 MightyMummy

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:13 PM

QUOTE (Rapunkkzel @ 31/10/2010, 08:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sooooooo i thought Id ask what people thought. Are mothers with different fathers for their kids usually judged harshly, even if theyre good mothers? do you think that say, two different fathers is understandable, but three or more indicates some character flaw of the woman?


1. I think yes they probably are judged, whether that's harsh or not depends on whether you subscribe to it!
2. I think most people don't know if someone's a good mother or not so that part is hardly relevant. You can spot someone not being obviously a bad mother (running around with different men, having them
3. I think at some point it is indicative of a character flaw. I don't make a blanket call on how many but the fewer the better and if you have kids very close in age to different fathers that looks much worse imho. I know a woman who has 2 kids barely 15 months apart to 2 different men and a3rd child to a 3rd man only 2 years younger.. Basically she slept around a lot.

#18 TEN!

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:13 PM

People have children to more than one father for all sorts of reasons.  I don't think it is anything to be ashamed of per se, but the fact that she lies about it speaks volumes about her own comfort with her situation.

I find women who lurch from relationship to relationship a bit sad to be honest.  What is wrong with them that they can't function without a man in their lives?

One of my closest friends has kids to two fathers.  The first guy was just a dipsh*t.  Her DH is a great guy.  There's no reason to think ill of her for one bad decision.

#19 Surprise#4

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:14 PM

I have someone close to me who has 3 kids to 3 different fathers. She was married to her first child's father and they divorced. Second child she had a holiday romance and fell pregnant (and he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby - ETA - she had IVF for her first child and took her many attempts to have her, so she didn't think she was fertile - but she was on the pill..). She just remarried and her and her new DH have a baby. So 3 kids / 3 dads - but it isn't like she was selling herself on the street. I have to admit a few people close to her (and me) do make smart a*se comments about it, but I just remind them of males we know who have fathered quite a few different kids to different mothers, but they don't see the kids and whinge about the huge amount of child support they pay rolleyes.gif .

QUOTE
My opinion is the same for both male and female. I recall the famous quote from the 80's "if it's not on, it's not on". Some people need to be reminded of this I think.


I agree!! original.gif

ETA - My kids superglued several letters on my keyboard together - so apologies for the errors!

Edited by ~*Rach*~, 31 October 2010 - 08:16 PM.


#20 Gangnam Style

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:17 PM

QUOTE (LisaMaree82 @ 31/10/2010, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
... has 5 kids, the 1 and 3 have the same dad.  2 has a different dad but thinks that 1 and 3's dad is her dad.  3 thinks that my dad is her dad.  4 and 5 are my dad's kids, they live with him.  She is now pregnant to a 4th man with #6.

Lisa


I think it says a lot about you that you only focus on the mother in this equation, and make little reference to the father(s).

#21 Keddie

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:21 PM

FWIW, my SIL has 3 children to 3 different fathers.  There are reasons for it to which it's none of my business to share. I don't think she has a problem with telling people or that anyone else cares.  She hasn't felt judged from what I can tell so perhaps your friend has had a bad experience with someone being rude?
Perhaps it helps that the fathers are active participants in financially and emotionally supporting their child.  If she'd been left in the lurch it might be different - meaning I can imagine she would end up being the one who's hard on herself, as opposed to society.

#22 idle

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:25 PM

QUOTE
ETA - My kids superglued several letters on my keyboard together - so apologies for the errors!


laughing2.gif


Welll..My eldest 2 are to my highschool love who i was with from 14-24. My middle 3 are to my ex husband and my last 2 are to my exp.

Am I judged? Probably although most people are surprised to find that I am a single parent so very few really think further than that.
Do I care if I am judged? Nope. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Other people's societal standards mean squat to me original.gif

Edited by idle, 31 October 2010 - 08:26 PM.


#23 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:27 PM

Damn my DH is a s*ut then.



#24 PurpleWitch

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:28 PM

LOL.
I was asked this question today. Not what I think of women with children to different men but if my eldest is my husbands.

I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of in regards to re-partnering and having more children. I do think it's a bit icky the women who go from man to man having kid to kid, whether it be one night stands of short relationships.


#25 Jupiter

Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:28 PM

Evening all, I've removed an unnecessary comment relating to another member and another thread. Posts of that nature are against forum rules. Thanks.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

POLL: Which expert do you want to talk to?

Take our super quick poll to let us know what kind of expert you'd like to talk to.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

What's your family's illness curse?

I'm a firm believer that every family has their 'curse' : the illness that plagues them but seems to bypass other families.

Bride shaves her head at wedding to pay tribute to ill husband

The idea of shaving your head at your wedding would sound terrifying to many brides - however this woman did it, and for the most heartbreaking reason.

When do you stop swearing around a baby?

You don't really want your baby's first word to be the f-word. So when do you stop talking freely around them?

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Mum left fuming after being forced to dump 15 litres of breast milk at airport

Aviation officials at London's Heathrow Airport forced a nursing mother to dump nearly four gallons (nearly 15 litres) of breast milk.

Health authorities lost track of complaints about controversial midwife

New Zealand hospital bosses were warned about a childbirth educator's controversial and dangerous teachings 10 years ago, but it appears nothing was done.

Would you pay someone to name your baby?

"If you are getting somebody who really knows the evidence, then I'll say it's worth every penny, whether its $500 or $5000."

How much exercise is okay when you’re breastfeeding?

After having each of my babies, I was keen to get back into exercising. Following lots of back pain during pregnancy that restricted my movement, once those babies were out I couldn't wait to move properly again.

Pre-conception health tips for men

As it turns out, conceiving a baby isn't just about fertility and women's health.

Can you spot the 11 dangers to your baby?

Some are difficult to see at first glance, but they can be dangerous to our little loved ones.

Toddler survives near drowning, wakes up with ability to speak

It was moving day for the Holiday family from West Seattle. The family of four were moving just a few houses down the street, and both homes were a hive of activity.

Amniotic fluid embolism and blood clots in pregnancy

Two types of embolism that can occur include amniotic fluid embolism (AFE) and venous thromboembolism (VTE, or clots in the blood).

Little girl's dream comes true when she meets garbage man

She always wanted to meet her bin man, who drives by her house and honks at her each time.

What to expect when you go from two to four

Elyce and her husband had a four-year-old and a two-year-old - both boys - when they received the news they were expecting twin sons.

The latest news on treating and trying to prevent eczema

Eczema is a disease which affects up to one in four children under the age of two in Australia. (SPONSORED)

What's new so far: prams & strollers of 2016

It's time to round up the new prams of 2016; here's your guide to what's new and improved in the pram world.

Baby's death leads to warnings over portacot mattresses

The death of a baby whose head got stuck between a foam mattress and a cot side has prompted a public safety caution.

The grandmother offering a safe haven for babies in need

Like most people, Catherine Lucre is left heartbroken when she hears news that a baby has been abandoned or killed.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.