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Can childhood friendship cross the great divide?


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#51 ratbags

Posted 22 August 2010 - 08:56 AM

Affluent people should still be caring and considerate, it is a moot point in my opinion what career you and yours hold, car you drive or the number of your post code. I personally think that the person who has been less fortunate in life is showing more courage, class and self respect wanting to get in touch with the person that seems to have it all - the one thing that the affluent person doesn't seem to have and money and social standing can not obviously buy is a compassionate tolerance for people.

If you are a one that has lead the life of so many then please keep holding your head high and know that a bank balance or private education is not the perfect life - if you are the one that seems to have it all, maybe you should get in touch with this woman and learn acceptance.

That being said if you are the BMW mum it is your choice who you socialise with biggrin.gif

#52 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 August 2010 - 08:59 AM

I'm always a little bit suspicious of anyone who paints such a perfect picture of her own life.

OP, I suspect yours isn't as happy as you convey, and your friend's life is probably not as miserable as you think it is. However, meeting up with her would probably provide some fun "fodder" for your next cocktail party, right? How quaint to mingle with the masses & all that...





#53 mumofsky

Posted 22 August 2010 - 09:11 AM

Better to wait until you uncover the affair that your busy CEO husband has been having with his secretary (who's looking fine for her early 20s), the kids become selfish prats and reject the medicine/law careers you were hoping to force on them in favour of working at Maccas, the company comes crashing down and the BMW gets repossessed and the fluffy, yappy, snappy dog is all you've got left and you realise that without your cash, you really weren't much after all.

Then you'll have plenty in common. Just have to hope she'll want to have coffee with you then.

Not saying this will happen to the charming woman you describe, just saying I've known a few of those charmers and their perfect lives weren't as perfect under the surface. Keep an eye on that lovely, successful CEO. Can you say Mark McInnes?



#54 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 August 2010 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (mumofsky @ 22/08/2010, 09:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Keep an eye on that lovely, successful CEO. Can you say Mark McInnes?


I was thinking the same! Dashing CEOs don't exactly have the best track record for fidelity.

#55 Cath-In-SA

Posted 22 August 2010 - 09:57 AM

If you are BMW Mum do you reckon you could get your head out of your own ass long enough to find the coffee place?

I wouldn't bother, you seem to have already made up your mind you have nothing in common, whichever person you are.

#56 JaneDoe2010

Posted 22 August 2010 - 10:04 AM

QUOTE
If you cannot look past the circumstance and see the person, then there really is no point.


That.

Can anyone say "shallow"??

#57 noone special

Posted 22 August 2010 - 10:09 AM

QUOTE
You’re now a university educated, BMW driving executive with 3 kids in private school. Happily married to a CEO with a big house in a riverside suburb and a fluffy dog. You’ve kept your looks and looking fine for 40 years old.
I am curious as to what type of dog you own matters.

#58 TazzieD

Posted 22 August 2010 - 10:14 AM

Geez you guys are all so harsh.

From my read, I think the OP is trying to say that they took very different life paths and the descriptions were to give you a picture of what it was. Don't flame her just because she has perhaps chosen some words that might not resonate with you.

Her question of whether or not you would try to reignite a friendship with someone who has gone a completely different path to you is still valid. This is not the venting board!

OP, I think that you should meet up with her. Try not to talk about you, but perhaps talk about her life and her kids so it can help you see if you are able to meet up again. Despite her kids ages being so different to yours, I am sure she is very proud of them. Having children is mutual common ground, as is your past history. Maybe she has that current job because it lets her be at home with her children. Perhaps she has just poor judgement of men. Who knows?

But I would meet up with her.





#59 anon60

Posted 22 August 2010 - 10:14 AM

I go to our reunions evey few years. The last one was our 20th anniversary of Yr12. There were a few akward momnets as ther were girls there that I hadn't seen since our last exam. Within half an hour of sitting at the table, it was like we were back in our Yr12 common room having coffee.

So, have coffee with her.

Edited by anon60, 22 August 2010 - 10:15 AM.


#60 noone special

Posted 22 August 2010 - 10:16 AM

TazzieD her whole post was pretentious.

#61 TazzieD

Posted 22 August 2010 - 12:08 PM

Maybe it isn't her? If you look at prior posts, she says she is 39 (maybe had a birthday?) with 3 kids last one being at age 36 so unless her youngest is a child prodigy or they are in a 'private' child care perhaps it is hypothetical.

I am editing to say perhaps I like to see the best in people..

Edited by TazzieD, 22 August 2010 - 12:10 PM.


#62 vegiepatch

Posted 22 August 2010 - 12:16 PM

QUOTE
I found some old friends via facebook (10 years apart, so far less) and realised I have nothing to say to them. I have moved on, they have moved on.


Same thing happened to me. I joined Facebook to catch up online with family that live far away but someone from school looked me up so I ended up with alot of people I haven't seen in 20 years and have nothing in common with anymore.

I've got friends now that I have alot in common with so I don't bother trying to renew friendships from years ago, I just think I am a very different person now to what I was at 18. Well I suppose most people are!

#63 Guest_Buy Me A Pony!_*

Posted 22 August 2010 - 12:36 PM

EB's assumption that rich people are snobs and poor people are nice once again comes to the fore. I'm not reading pretense into the OP, just a light hearted description of both parties that are both at extreme ends of the social scale. Perhaps it's my sense of humour.

I think you should meet her but only if you can find your "mature girl definitely 40yo and acting it" going to the shops dress rather than your "soshal girl pretending like she's totally 20" flouncing dress.

P.S. Leave the dog at home.

Edited by Buy Me A Pony!, 22 August 2010 - 12:37 PM.


#64 lizzybelle

Posted 22 August 2010 - 12:48 PM

QUOTE
You were best friends in primary school - inseparable. In year 7 you leave to attend an exclusive girls’ school and she stays on and goes to the local high school. You haven’t seen each other for 27 years and stumble upon one another on Facebook.


Well something about her was appealing at this stage, you, sorry, THIS WOMAN, saw something of value in her...

QUOTE
You’re now a university educated, BMW driving executive with 3 kids in private school. Happily married to a CEO with a big house in a riverside suburb and a fluffy dog. You’ve kept your looks and looking fine for 40 years old.


OK, so you've, I mean THIS WOMAN has got questionable values .. not to worry, lots of people do, and you're/ SHE'S not so old, so there's some hope, I guess.

QUOTE
She’s a mum of 4. The eldest is 21. Three different fathers with the current partner being a member of an outlaw motorbike club. Life hasn’t been kind to her and she is far from your memory of her being the prettiest girl at school. She works in a lunch shop in an industrial area. Left school in year 10.


On the surface, she doesn't share your/ THIS DAMN WOMAN'S values, so she's probably NOT going to be feeling the requisite levels of envy and admiration.  That is problematic, hmm....  I mean, she might laugh at your/HER inveterate shallowness.  How awful.

QUOTE
What do you do? Do you meet up in person over a coffee like she’s suggesting or let it go knowing on face-value you’ve nothing in common and it will be too confrontational?


So despite the fact that she can see the points of difference between you (because presumably FB is plastered with them ...), she has still suggested meeting you, in person, like a real human being?

Maybe, having been a pretty child/youth, she understands beauty can be a bit of a double-edged sword and isn't overly invested in it.
Maybe, she has been true to herself and followed her heart, and lived deeply, if not so superficially wisely.
Maybe she loves all her children and the times in her life that brought them to her, and she looks back on her life as rich and storied rather than as a litany of woes and wrong turns.
Maybe that 'member of an outlaw motorbike club' is more like a CEO than you suspect. He might just be holding together all sorts of busineses that generate all sorts of money...  Then again, maybe he's interesting, or kind, or funny, or WORSE STILL exciting and dangerous -- and just what she's looking for at this stage in her life, not being bound by the need to be safe-at-all-costs.
Maybe working in a lunch shop in an industrial area is a blast.  Maybe it's fun to talk to busy working people who don't take themselves too seriously.  Maybe she believes in service rather than self-aggrandisement?

If you don't go, you'll never know.


#65 Octopus

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:01 PM

.

Edited by Octopus, 10 January 2011 - 08:27 PM.


#66 Guest_cathode_*

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:13 PM

QUOTE (TazzieD @ 22/08/2010, 10:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe it isn't her? If you look at prior posts, she says she is 39 (maybe had a birthday?) with 3 kids last one being at age 36 so unless her youngest is a child prodigy or they are in a 'private' child care perhaps it is hypothetical.

Just wanted to point out that most private schools have a 3yr old kinder program  wink.gif

QUOTE
EB's assumption that rich people are snobs and poor people are nice once again comes to the fore. I'm not reading pretense into the OP, just a light hearted description of both parties that are both at extreme ends of the social scale. Perhaps it's my sense of humour.

Ditto.
I saw the OP as a description of the differences (that the OP is aware of), not a judgement on them.


#67 louise3now4

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:31 PM

QUOTE (cathode @ 22/08/2010, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just wanted to point out that most private schools have a 3yr old kinder program  wink.gif

Yup, Early Learning Centres aren't they Cath?
Also bear in mind, OP may not have been referring to the three year old. It could merely be a projection of where the three year old will be attending when they reach school age. Enrolled already? I have been known to say my children attend Catholic school when only one does. The others are just already on the list. Anyhow, not a major point.

#68 anon60

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:35 PM

Each of our kids' names were on the list at our local Independent school by the time they were 3 weeks old. Preference is given to siblings there. The year DS1 started, only 15 non-sibling places were available.

#69 Accidental

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:40 PM

I totally think you should meet up for coffee. Just make sure it is in a suburb where the affluenza is so rampant that when she parks her dinged up old family mover at the parking meter she can't afford, she has to be reeeeally carefully not to hit the 2010 Audi and BMW parked on either side. And make sure the coffee shop doesn't sell any beverage for under $15, and the tiny tart you insist that she order is another $20.  wwhistle.gif

Word up a couple of friends to 'drop past' to show how popular you are, ensuring they are dressed head to toe in labels she will recognise as the ridiculously aspirational ones from her favourite trashy womens mag. (Don't bother wearing that classy little number you picked up at the Riviera last year - she won't recognise the couture house anyway.)  shrug.gif

If the conversation stalls, just reminisce about your trip across to the Hamptons last winter, or Aspen last summer. Perhaps you could explain the providence of each piece of jewelery you are wearing? Or, if she turns out to be an animal lover, chat about how little Mr-fluffy-dog has been having terrible trouble with his nails so you have to book him into the salon for a weekly pawdicure.   dev (6).gif

But seriously, if you were friends then you might just get lucky and be friends now. Meet her somewhere netural, the park or a beach, have a stroll and a chat, and emphasise the things you have in common. I'm sure you both love your kids and your partners, I'm sure you both have views on current affairs, and I'm sure you both have some great memories, maybe even old photos. Why not give it a go? Just don't be late dropping Fluffy off to get his nails done afterwards wink.gif

#70 intd242

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:47 PM

somehow I'm not sure the OP will be back ...

#71 Always amazed!

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:48 PM

She was your best friend in high school...I would put the differences asside and go and catch up.

If you get along GREAT another friend... If not then move on...
Simple!

#72 charliebean

Posted 22 August 2010 - 01:50 PM

QUOTE (theaccidentalhousewife @ 22/08/2010, 01:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I totally think you should meet up for coffee. Just make sure it is in a suburb where the affluenza is so rampant that when she parks her dinged up old family mover at the parking meter she can't afford, she has to be reeeeally carefully not to hit the 2010 Audi and BMW parked on either side. And make sure the coffee shop doesn't sell any beverage for under $15, and the tiny tart you insist that she order is another $20.  wwhistle.gif

Word up a couple of friends to 'drop past' to show how popular you are, ensuring they are dressed head to toe in labels she will recognise as the ridiculously aspirational ones from her favourite trashy womens mag. (Don't bother wearing that classy little number you picked up at the Riviera last year - she won't recognise the couture house anyway.)  shrug.gif

If the conversation stalls, just reminisce about your trip across to the Hamptons last winter, or Aspen last summer. Perhaps you could explain the providence of each piece of jewelery you are wearing? Or, if she turns out to be an animal lover, chat about how little Mr-fluffy-dog has been having terrible trouble with his nails so you have to book him into the salon for a weekly pawdicure.   dev (6).gif

But seriously, if you were friends then you might just get lucky and be friends now. Meet her somewhere netural, the park or a beach, have a stroll and a chat, and emphasise the things you have in common. I'm sure you both love your kids and your partners, I'm sure you both have views on current affairs, and I'm sure you both have some great memories, maybe even old photos. Why not give it a go? Just don't be late dropping Fluffy off to get his nails done afterwards wink.gif


Ugh. Childish much?

Agree with Cathode and gang.

#73 FluffyChickenhead

Posted 22 August 2010 - 02:14 PM

Am I the only who thinks marrying a successful man is not a measure of your own success?  Its his hard work, sure you have supported him, but he made it.

QUOTE
I am curious as to what type of dog you own matters.


I think maybe its social dog. Hair is important. Even dogs need nice fluffy social hair.  shrug.gif

#74 gabbigirl

Posted 22 August 2010 - 02:29 PM

will you have time to meet up in between botox appointments?

#75 niggles

Posted 22 August 2010 - 02:39 PM

It's a friendship. Since when did you have to review CV's of friends and their children before meeting up for coffee?




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