Jump to content

Finding a container for ashes?


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 aussiebella

Posted 06 June 2010 - 08:34 PM

I'm sure this will be the first of many posts in this section of Eb.

I had my daughter on Friday at 40 weeks and 5 days. She was born sleeping as they say.

We have decided to get her cremated and the funeral home don't provide or have urns or anything so i'm wondering where others who've been through this may have gotten something? Are there specialised places to buy this kind of thing? Did you just go to a gift shop and find a nice bottle/vase type thing?

I was even thinking of one of those stained glass jewllery type boxes or something??

I have no idea where to start or what to look for. This is not something I had planned for or ever thought could happen to me. I don't even know yet how her ashes will be given to us. I think in a small plastic container or something simple?

We are not having a funeral or specialised service. We have decided to wait until we have her ashes and take them home and then have our own memorial with family at my in-laws farm. I want to see if I can release some butterflies as butterflies have always been of big importance for me and it seem appropriate that they fly away towards the sky like she has.
Although I don't know if I should be having a proper service for her?? Am i not giving her justice by not having a funeral??

I'm so confused and being brave but I don't want to be brave. I don't want to have to be thinking about this.
I'm supposed to be tired and emotional and getting angry at my kids for being distracting while i'm breastfeeding her. I'm not supposed to be wondering what on earth to do with all the baby clothes and toys I have in her room.


OK I just need the information for now. I think the advice and comfort is something I need later. Right now I need to organise how to remember her otherwise I will start crying and never ever stop.

#2 Madeline's Mum

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:16 PM

I am so very deeply sorry for your loss, and im terribly sorry you had to join our group.

You need to do what you feel most comfortable with, its all very overwhelming and its a position people never thought they would be in. We had a service for my Madeline because that was my initial response, I knew straight away I wanted to hold one. But if your gut or feeling is not to, then dont.

Be careful with your self. Cry freely. Talk about her. Put up photos of her, or your ultrasounds around the house. She's your baby and always will be.

There is a website that sells photos of the sunrise for the day your Amelia was born, that can be nice, but in the end it has o be what feels best for you.

Feel free to PM me when ever you like, I will listen to you speak about her, or anything you like xxxx

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:19 AM.


#3 RosieTea

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:28 PM

Sorry for your loss, Amelia Grace - a beautiful name, fly free and watch over your mummy

Here are 2 websites you can look at


http://www.lifelongmemories.com.au/onlines...p;cPath=155_156

http://www.urns-online.com.au/cremation-ur...nfant-baby-urns

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:19 AM.


#4 flyingfree

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:30 PM

Aussiebella - I am so sorry that Ameila could not stay hear with you.

Having a funeral for Amelia is your and your husband chose to make, we had a funeral for both of our daughters because to us it was a way our other children and our friends and family could say goodbye to our girls since nobody got the chance top meet them. Which ever way you decide to remeber Amelia would you wonderful and do what feels right for you.

I am suprised that Amelia's ashes will not not be put in a little urn for you, with our first DD, we were terrifeid to open the container since we didn't know how her ashes would be presented to us and we brough her a urn from http://www.urns-online.com.au/ which is the cherub ruby marble urn and including postage was $150-200 cheaper than the one in Australia. Both our girls are in a little urn which we recieved them in and the other one is a ornamental piece now.  Ask the funeral home what container she will be given to you in so at least you know what to expect when opening the box up.

You are going though a hole range of emotions at the moment including confused on what has happened to your little girl  and being brave for eveyone when you not feeling brave at all, I went on auto pilot a month ago when our 2nd DD was born and I am so over being brave and acting brave when heart is breaking over again.

Big hugs to you and if you want to talk to me feel free to PM me.

Mandy

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:20 AM.


#5 clare78

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:32 PM

My daughers ashes rest on my drawers in my bedroom in a box that nobody knows is her urn.

For my 21st birthday my then BF gave me this beautiful jarra jewellery box that i had seen on holidays.  When I was looking for somewhere to keep my daughters ashes I originally was going to put them in there, but when I got them back from the funeral home the container they were in was too big and I didn't want to unseal it so I tracked down the man who made the original box.  His name was on the bottom so I just googled him and found his studio in WA.  I told him the dimensions of the container and he made a matching box to my jewellery box and added a little lock for me.  On the inside he attached her plaque from her coffin.  She now rests on my drawers next to my jewellery box, and this really suited me as I didn't want something that people would instantly recognise as a container with her ashses in it.

In the box I also have her birth and death certificates, rosary beads and name bracelet.

There are lots of sites on line that sell wooden boxes or stained glass boxes, or if you are interested I can send you the name of the person who made mine.  If you find one but it is not the size you need, most times you can email the maker and see if they will do one to your specifications.

As for how you chose to honour your daughter, that is up to you.  There is no right or wrong way.  She will feel no less loved if you don't have a funeral nor is she any less part of your family.  Do what you feel in your heart is right.

Good luck with your decision.

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:21 AM.


#6 MrsWidget

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:39 PM

I am so sorry for your loss of Amelia Grace. She has a beautiful name. Our DD was stillborn and her middle name is Grace too.

We went to a place that sold urns - they were a wholesale place but like you we didn't know where else to go. They had some beautiful ones to choose from. I can't remember the name right now but could look it up in the morning. We are in Melb too.

Be gentle with yourselves in the days ahead.

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:22 AM.


#7 Guest_purplemonkey_*

Posted 07 June 2010 - 12:20 AM

I am so saddened to hear of the loss of your precious daughter Amelia. It's so damn unfair.

Our daughter's ashes were given to us in a gorgeous little urn by the funeral home. I recall them telling us that if we wanted a different one we could order one through them. Maybe check if the funeral home have brochures for a supplier?

We didn't have a public funeral. We had a little service in the hospital chapel with just me, DH and my parents present. The chaplain did a naming ceremony and anointed her as i held her. We're not religious, but for some reason i found it very comforting. I felt like i had done something for her.
I think the memorial at the farm sounds beautiful and IMO is a form of a funeral for her. Just follow your heart and do things the way you and your DH want to and can bear to.

I'm so sorry. Your family are in my thoughts  sad.gif

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:22 AM.


#8 weepingangel

Posted 07 June 2010 - 07:08 AM

I am also sorry for your loss.

We chose not to have a service at the funeral home, we had our son cremated and had a small ceremony at home with just our immediate family. I am not religious, and didn't want a full funeral service, it just didn't seem right for our family if that makes sense? I certainly didn't feel like i wasn't doing him justice by not having a funeral service. What we did came from the heart.

I couldn't find an urn that i really liked, so i haven't actually got one yet. Connor is still in the container that the funeral home put him in. It is in a beautiful gold drawstring bag.

I didn't want to get something i wasn't totally happy with, and i'm sure when the time is right, something will stand out to me, until then i am happy to wait.

My thoughts are with you.

Kirsten

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:23 AM.


#9 aussiebella

Posted 07 June 2010 - 11:41 AM

Thankyou all for your ideas and stories.

The reason we chose to wait was because I wanted to wait til we had the money to do everything I want to do at her "service". Like the butterflies and have a beautiful place for her ashes.

Although i'm torn because my Mum is only here for a few days and won't be there to say goodbye (although she did say goodbye at the hospital and that was special).

There's so many things I want to do though and I think i'm getting carried away with trying to find ways to remember her and forget about trying to grieve.
It's not real yet? I keep thinking that i'm waiting to go to hospital to have her and bring her home. i'm a bit lost. I keep wandering around the house wondering what to do. I don't feel right doing normal things and I can't really yet as my Mum is here and my husband is home...so there's no routine to go back to.

I slept with the blanket they gave me at the hospital for her. I held it in my arms and rubbed it all night. I also had to sleep with the tv on (on mute) because I couldn't handle my room being so dark.

I don't know how to do any of this. What do I do next? I feel so empty. I have no tummy anymore but I have no baby. I don't understand it???

#10 hili

Posted 07 June 2010 - 01:37 PM

Hi aussiebella

I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter was stillborn almost 4 years ago and I too found it hard to find anything for her ashes. I have a music box from Peters of Kensington. The funeral home sealed her ashes inside ans engraved her name on the top.
http://www.petersofkensington.com.au/Produ...261&cid=503

I too still struggle to understand why this happens.

Take care of yourself
xx




#11 KHK

Posted 07 June 2010 - 01:47 PM

Aussiebelle,
I know how you are feeling we lost our little boy Kobi Hunter on the 11th April 2010, he was born at 38weeks.  I have spent the last 8 weeks planning a funeral service taking a holiday and now doing as much as I can to keep his memory alive.  The types of things I have done I have listed at the end and they have very much helped.

I slept with a teddy bear that my sister had bought Kobi when we passed the 12 week scan.  I have had 2 previous miscarriages, we have no living children, Kobi would have been our first.  I almost packed it to take on holidays as I had not slept without it since leaving the hospital.

We had Kobi cremated and we think we may split his ashes and have a memorial site at the cemetary but also scatter them at the beach as this is significant to us.  We had balloons at his service that spelt his name, we later released them with our nieces and nephews.

Do whatever you think is right for you there are no right or wrong answers.  There are websites that you can also order jewellery where you can keep some ashes with you if that is something you wish to do.

What we have done;

  • My family registered a star in his name so wherever we are we know that he is always with us.  We are currently looking to buy a telescope.
  • My husband got a tatoo, I have ordered jewellery that i can always wear from uberkate.com.au, they have some beautiful things.
  • We are having someone do a sketch of Kobi from the photos that we can share with family and friends as it is difficult not to have something that you can show, (unfortunately Kobi's physical condition was not good and therefore photos cannot really be shared).  They were referred to us by SANDS
  • We were lucky enough that a friend arranged moulds of Kobi's hands and feet so these are being bronzed and framed.
  • We are putting together an album for Kobi including his birth certificates, hair, photos etc.


If you think it would help SANDS offer a 24/7 phone service where you can ring and talk to someone who has been through what you are experiencing.
I have only started on these forum sites since losing Kobi but it is amazing the type of comfort you can get from knowing someone else is going through the same thing.

#12 Melmac1980

Posted 07 June 2010 - 05:17 PM

I still have my daughter's ashes in the container I got from the funeral home as I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with them. It sits on my bedside table.  She died on 13/11/09.

I'm glad I gave it some time to think it through. I've now found a beautiful urn necklace that you can put a small portion of the ashes in and carry them close to your heart for ever.

I also found a nice childs trinket box that I am going to put them in and seal. It's not a traditional urn, but it beautiful and suits what I was looking for.

I can send you the links if you like?

xx

#13 aussiebella

Posted 07 June 2010 - 06:19 PM

I would love the link thankyou original.gif

My husband wants to get a necklace with a little holder for her ashes. I'm considering it too.
My only concern is seperating the ashes. I feel like i'd be cutting off her finger or something to put inthe locket. She didn't have enough hair to have taken hair. We have asked if they can save her cord after they do the examination (for COD)

I guess we will decide when the time comes.

#14 poppess

Posted 07 June 2010 - 09:00 PM

I just wanted to say how my heartbreaks for you, Amelia Grace is a beautiful name. My daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks in December during labour for no known reason. Life is unfair...

We have a little silver and pink urn with an angel on it which have Veronica's ashes. I have them sitting with her photo, locks of her hair and other bits and pieces. I talk to them everyday and place a kiss on them every morning and night (that might make me sound a bit crazy...)

We had funeral and then a small gathering of just our immediate family when we went to the cremetorium (spelling?) - a private time to say good-bye. I don't think you have to have a funeral, you do what feels right for you and your family.

I remember feeling like I should of being doing something. I should of been bathing her or, struggling to breastfeed or something...I just felt lost and empty and I didn't want to return to 'normal' things.

KHK - I actually take a photo of Veronica with me whenever I travel now (I travel a bit with work). I just can't not have it with me and wear her photo in a locket everyday. I just need to see her with me...

Edited by poppess, 07 June 2010 - 09:00 PM.


#15 *Chloe_Hayley*

Posted 10 June 2010 - 02:25 PM

Hi aussiebella

Sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter Amelia Grace, beautiful name by the way.

DP and I had our twin girls cremated (they were born 12-10-09 @ 23.3weeks due to PROM) we didnt have a funeral service as we decided we wanted to have a little service at our home with close family and friends (the ones who showed support) We had pink and purple balloons that we attached poems and a personal message to them and let them go out on a hill near where we live, it was a beautiful and special day for us and for our girls.

I also bought a pendant urn which has a bit of my girls ashes in it, its a infinity sign and it absolutly goregous, DP finally found a pendant urn that he likes in a shape of a bullet as he likes hunting and it was a pefect urn for him, we wear or necklaces everyday. We found them on ebay lol of all places, but we love them which is the main thing. We never ended up getting an urn for their ashes, even though we looked around for something we just didnt find one we liked but we decided to let our girls ashes go at a waterfall which was a beautiful spot that DP picked out and i loved it, it was so peaceful as no one was around as its kind of hidden as you have to walk a little bit and the path was a bit overgrown, and as soon as we let their ashes go there was a butterfly that flew right around us a few times, i like to think it was them giving us a sign original.gif.

Heres a few other things:
-Im also considering getting a tattoo in memory of my girls.
-Im also doing a scrapbook up of them as we have lots of photos.
-We also got their names written in sand as theres a lady that does that for ppl who have experienced baby loss. Its called to write their names in the sand. http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/ And we got the photos blown up and they look great.
-theres also a lady who writes names on flowers too who i think is a friend of the lady who writes names in sand http://onlysayitwithflowers.blogspot.com/2...o-requests.html I havnt had this done but am considering it.
-I also have a few photos in frames of them and little bits and pieces that people gave as gifts in memory of my angels which are in the lounge.

Hope this helps a bit for you to decide what you and dh would like to do in memory of your little angel Amelia hhugs.gif There are so many things you can do and ppl on here are great with showing support and ideas.

Sorry for the long post.

Edited by ~ky~, 10 June 2010 - 05:57 PM.





2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.