Jump to content

Finding a container for ashes?


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 aussiebella

Posted 06 June 2010 - 08:34 PM

I'm sure this will be the first of many posts in this section of Eb.

I had my daughter on Friday at 40 weeks and 5 days. She was born sleeping as they say.

We have decided to get her cremated and the funeral home don't provide or have urns or anything so i'm wondering where others who've been through this may have gotten something? Are there specialised places to buy this kind of thing? Did you just go to a gift shop and find a nice bottle/vase type thing?

I was even thinking of one of those stained glass jewllery type boxes or something??

I have no idea where to start or what to look for. This is not something I had planned for or ever thought could happen to me. I don't even know yet how her ashes will be given to us. I think in a small plastic container or something simple?

We are not having a funeral or specialised service. We have decided to wait until we have her ashes and take them home and then have our own memorial with family at my in-laws farm. I want to see if I can release some butterflies as butterflies have always been of big importance for me and it seem appropriate that they fly away towards the sky like she has.
Although I don't know if I should be having a proper service for her?? Am i not giving her justice by not having a funeral??

I'm so confused and being brave but I don't want to be brave. I don't want to have to be thinking about this.
I'm supposed to be tired and emotional and getting angry at my kids for being distracting while i'm breastfeeding her. I'm not supposed to be wondering what on earth to do with all the baby clothes and toys I have in her room.


OK I just need the information for now. I think the advice and comfort is something I need later. Right now I need to organise how to remember her otherwise I will start crying and never ever stop.

#2 Madeline's Mum

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:16 PM

I am so very deeply sorry for your loss, and im terribly sorry you had to join our group.

You need to do what you feel most comfortable with, its all very overwhelming and its a position people never thought they would be in. We had a service for my Madeline because that was my initial response, I knew straight away I wanted to hold one. But if your gut or feeling is not to, then dont.

Be careful with your self. Cry freely. Talk about her. Put up photos of her, or your ultrasounds around the house. She's your baby and always will be.

There is a website that sells photos of the sunrise for the day your Amelia was born, that can be nice, but in the end it has o be what feels best for you.

Feel free to PM me when ever you like, I will listen to you speak about her, or anything you like xxxx

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:19 AM.


#3 RosieTea

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:28 PM

Sorry for your loss, Amelia Grace - a beautiful name, fly free and watch over your mummy

Here are 2 websites you can look at


http://www.lifelongmemories.com.au/onlines...p;cPath=155_156

http://www.urns-online.com.au/cremation-ur...nfant-baby-urns

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:19 AM.


#4 butterflyangels

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:30 PM

Aussiebella - I am so sorry that Ameila could not stay hear with you.

Having a funeral for Amelia is your and your husband chose to make, we had a funeral for both of our daughters because to us it was a way our other children and our friends and family could say goodbye to our girls since nobody got the chance top meet them. Which ever way you decide to remeber Amelia would you wonderful and do what feels right for you.

I am suprised that Amelia's ashes will not not be put in a little urn for you, with our first DD, we were terrifeid to open the container since we didn't know how her ashes would be presented to us and we brough her a urn from http://www.urns-online.com.au/ which is the cherub ruby marble urn and including postage was $150-200 cheaper than the one in Australia. Both our girls are in a little urn which we recieved them in and the other one is a ornamental piece now.  Ask the funeral home what container she will be given to you in so at least you know what to expect when opening the box up.

You are going though a hole range of emotions at the moment including confused on what has happened to your little girl  and being brave for eveyone when you not feeling brave at all, I went on auto pilot a month ago when our 2nd DD was born and I am so over being brave and acting brave when heart is breaking over again.

Big hugs to you and if you want to talk to me feel free to PM me.

Mandy

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:20 AM.


#5 clare78

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:32 PM

My daughers ashes rest on my drawers in my bedroom in a box that nobody knows is her urn.

For my 21st birthday my then BF gave me this beautiful jarra jewellery box that i had seen on holidays.  When I was looking for somewhere to keep my daughters ashes I originally was going to put them in there, but when I got them back from the funeral home the container they were in was too big and I didn't want to unseal it so I tracked down the man who made the original box.  His name was on the bottom so I just googled him and found his studio in WA.  I told him the dimensions of the container and he made a matching box to my jewellery box and added a little lock for me.  On the inside he attached her plaque from her coffin.  She now rests on my drawers next to my jewellery box, and this really suited me as I didn't want something that people would instantly recognise as a container with her ashses in it.

In the box I also have her birth and death certificates, rosary beads and name bracelet.

There are lots of sites on line that sell wooden boxes or stained glass boxes, or if you are interested I can send you the name of the person who made mine.  If you find one but it is not the size you need, most times you can email the maker and see if they will do one to your specifications.

As for how you chose to honour your daughter, that is up to you.  There is no right or wrong way.  She will feel no less loved if you don't have a funeral nor is she any less part of your family.  Do what you feel in your heart is right.

Good luck with your decision.

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:21 AM.


#6 MrsWidget

Posted 06 June 2010 - 09:39 PM

I am so sorry for your loss of Amelia Grace. She has a beautiful name. Our DD was stillborn and her middle name is Grace too.

We went to a place that sold urns - they were a wholesale place but like you we didn't know where else to go. They had some beautiful ones to choose from. I can't remember the name right now but could look it up in the morning. We are in Melb too.

Be gentle with yourselves in the days ahead.

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:22 AM.


#7 Guest_purplemonkey_*

Posted 07 June 2010 - 12:20 AM

I am so saddened to hear of the loss of your precious daughter Amelia. It's so damn unfair.

Our daughter's ashes were given to us in a gorgeous little urn by the funeral home. I recall them telling us that if we wanted a different one we could order one through them. Maybe check if the funeral home have brochures for a supplier?

We didn't have a public funeral. We had a little service in the hospital chapel with just me, DH and my parents present. The chaplain did a naming ceremony and anointed her as i held her. We're not religious, but for some reason i found it very comforting. I felt like i had done something for her.
I think the memorial at the farm sounds beautiful and IMO is a form of a funeral for her. Just follow your heart and do things the way you and your DH want to and can bear to.

I'm so sorry. Your family are in my thoughts  sad.gif

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:22 AM.


#8 weepingangel

Posted 07 June 2010 - 07:08 AM

I am also sorry for your loss.

We chose not to have a service at the funeral home, we had our son cremated and had a small ceremony at home with just our immediate family. I am not religious, and didn't want a full funeral service, it just didn't seem right for our family if that makes sense? I certainly didn't feel like i wasn't doing him justice by not having a funeral service. What we did came from the heart.

I couldn't find an urn that i really liked, so i haven't actually got one yet. Connor is still in the container that the funeral home put him in. It is in a beautiful gold drawstring bag.

I didn't want to get something i wasn't totally happy with, and i'm sure when the time is right, something will stand out to me, until then i am happy to wait.

My thoughts are with you.

Kirsten

Edited by ~ky~, 07 June 2010 - 10:23 AM.


#9 aussiebella

Posted 07 June 2010 - 11:41 AM

Thankyou all for your ideas and stories.

The reason we chose to wait was because I wanted to wait til we had the money to do everything I want to do at her "service". Like the butterflies and have a beautiful place for her ashes.

Although i'm torn because my Mum is only here for a few days and won't be there to say goodbye (although she did say goodbye at the hospital and that was special).

There's so many things I want to do though and I think i'm getting carried away with trying to find ways to remember her and forget about trying to grieve.
It's not real yet? I keep thinking that i'm waiting to go to hospital to have her and bring her home. i'm a bit lost. I keep wandering around the house wondering what to do. I don't feel right doing normal things and I can't really yet as my Mum is here and my husband is home...so there's no routine to go back to.

I slept with the blanket they gave me at the hospital for her. I held it in my arms and rubbed it all night. I also had to sleep with the tv on (on mute) because I couldn't handle my room being so dark.

I don't know how to do any of this. What do I do next? I feel so empty. I have no tummy anymore but I have no baby. I don't understand it???

#10 hili

Posted 07 June 2010 - 01:37 PM

Hi aussiebella

I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter was stillborn almost 4 years ago and I too found it hard to find anything for her ashes. I have a music box from Peters of Kensington. The funeral home sealed her ashes inside ans engraved her name on the top.
http://www.petersofkensington.com.au/Produ...261&cid=503

I too still struggle to understand why this happens.

Take care of yourself
xx




#11 KHK

Posted 07 June 2010 - 01:47 PM

Aussiebelle,
I know how you are feeling we lost our little boy Kobi Hunter on the 11th April 2010, he was born at 38weeks.  I have spent the last 8 weeks planning a funeral service taking a holiday and now doing as much as I can to keep his memory alive.  The types of things I have done I have listed at the end and they have very much helped.

I slept with a teddy bear that my sister had bought Kobi when we passed the 12 week scan.  I have had 2 previous miscarriages, we have no living children, Kobi would have been our first.  I almost packed it to take on holidays as I had not slept without it since leaving the hospital.

We had Kobi cremated and we think we may split his ashes and have a memorial site at the cemetary but also scatter them at the beach as this is significant to us.  We had balloons at his service that spelt his name, we later released them with our nieces and nephews.

Do whatever you think is right for you there are no right or wrong answers.  There are websites that you can also order jewellery where you can keep some ashes with you if that is something you wish to do.

What we have done;

  • My family registered a star in his name so wherever we are we know that he is always with us.  We are currently looking to buy a telescope.
  • My husband got a tatoo, I have ordered jewellery that i can always wear from uberkate.com.au, they have some beautiful things.
  • We are having someone do a sketch of Kobi from the photos that we can share with family and friends as it is difficult not to have something that you can show, (unfortunately Kobi's physical condition was not good and therefore photos cannot really be shared).  They were referred to us by SANDS
  • We were lucky enough that a friend arranged moulds of Kobi's hands and feet so these are being bronzed and framed.
  • We are putting together an album for Kobi including his birth certificates, hair, photos etc.


If you think it would help SANDS offer a 24/7 phone service where you can ring and talk to someone who has been through what you are experiencing.
I have only started on these forum sites since losing Kobi but it is amazing the type of comfort you can get from knowing someone else is going through the same thing.

#12 Melmac1980

Posted 07 June 2010 - 05:17 PM

I still have my daughter's ashes in the container I got from the funeral home as I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with them. It sits on my bedside table.  She died on 13/11/09.

I'm glad I gave it some time to think it through. I've now found a beautiful urn necklace that you can put a small portion of the ashes in and carry them close to your heart for ever.

I also found a nice childs trinket box that I am going to put them in and seal. It's not a traditional urn, but it beautiful and suits what I was looking for.

I can send you the links if you like?

xx

#13 aussiebella

Posted 07 June 2010 - 06:19 PM

I would love the link thankyou original.gif

My husband wants to get a necklace with a little holder for her ashes. I'm considering it too.
My only concern is seperating the ashes. I feel like i'd be cutting off her finger or something to put inthe locket. She didn't have enough hair to have taken hair. We have asked if they can save her cord after they do the examination (for COD)

I guess we will decide when the time comes.

#14 poppess

Posted 07 June 2010 - 09:00 PM

I just wanted to say how my heartbreaks for you, Amelia Grace is a beautiful name. My daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks in December during labour for no known reason. Life is unfair...

We have a little silver and pink urn with an angel on it which have Veronica's ashes. I have them sitting with her photo, locks of her hair and other bits and pieces. I talk to them everyday and place a kiss on them every morning and night (that might make me sound a bit crazy...)

We had funeral and then a small gathering of just our immediate family when we went to the cremetorium (spelling?) - a private time to say good-bye. I don't think you have to have a funeral, you do what feels right for you and your family.

I remember feeling like I should of being doing something. I should of been bathing her or, struggling to breastfeed or something...I just felt lost and empty and I didn't want to return to 'normal' things.

KHK - I actually take a photo of Veronica with me whenever I travel now (I travel a bit with work). I just can't not have it with me and wear her photo in a locket everyday. I just need to see her with me...

Edited by poppess, 07 June 2010 - 09:00 PM.


#15 *Chloe_Hayley*

Posted 10 June 2010 - 02:25 PM

Hi aussiebella

Sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter Amelia Grace, beautiful name by the way.

DP and I had our twin girls cremated (they were born 12-10-09 @ 23.3weeks due to PROM) we didnt have a funeral service as we decided we wanted to have a little service at our home with close family and friends (the ones who showed support) We had pink and purple balloons that we attached poems and a personal message to them and let them go out on a hill near where we live, it was a beautiful and special day for us and for our girls.

I also bought a pendant urn which has a bit of my girls ashes in it, its a infinity sign and it absolutly goregous, DP finally found a pendant urn that he likes in a shape of a bullet as he likes hunting and it was a pefect urn for him, we wear or necklaces everyday. We found them on ebay lol of all places, but we love them which is the main thing. We never ended up getting an urn for their ashes, even though we looked around for something we just didnt find one we liked but we decided to let our girls ashes go at a waterfall which was a beautiful spot that DP picked out and i loved it, it was so peaceful as no one was around as its kind of hidden as you have to walk a little bit and the path was a bit overgrown, and as soon as we let their ashes go there was a butterfly that flew right around us a few times, i like to think it was them giving us a sign original.gif.

Heres a few other things:
-Im also considering getting a tattoo in memory of my girls.
-Im also doing a scrapbook up of them as we have lots of photos.
-We also got their names written in sand as theres a lady that does that for ppl who have experienced baby loss. Its called to write their names in the sand. http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/ And we got the photos blown up and they look great.
-theres also a lady who writes names on flowers too who i think is a friend of the lady who writes names in sand http://onlysayitwithflowers.blogspot.com/2...o-requests.html I havnt had this done but am considering it.
-I also have a few photos in frames of them and little bits and pieces that people gave as gifts in memory of my angels which are in the lounge.

Hope this helps a bit for you to decide what you and dh would like to do in memory of your little angel Amelia hhugs.gif There are so many things you can do and ppl on here are great with showing support and ideas.

Sorry for the long post.

Edited by ~ky~, 10 June 2010 - 05:57 PM.





2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.