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Men who hate their mothers?
Are they imcapable of loving their wife - WDYT?


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#1 My2BeautifulGirls

Posted 21 April 2010 - 03:34 PM

I was watching a show a while ago (Oprah), on it they had  this man who is apparantely an expert on relationships,  he has a book and gives advice to single women looking for love and meeting men that treat them right, and looking for signs etc that you are with a loser etc.  

In the interview, he said "if you meet a man who hates his mother, run, as he will be imcapable of truly loving his wife".  At the time I was abit shocked as a couple of my friends are married to men who hate their mothers, and they seemed very doting husbands.

What do you think, do you think there is any truth to what he said?  

I cannot judge, as my DH is very close to his mum.

Edited to add, i do not think he meant men you dislike their mothers (i think most men would at least sometimes), i think he meant the men who absolutely hate their mothers.

Edited by My2BeautifulGirls, 21 April 2010 - 03:42 PM.


#2 kittysugarside1

Posted 21 April 2010 - 03:38 PM

My X has very little respect for his mother (thats saying in kindly, he says "he cant ****ing stand her") and he has no respect for women in general.  

I dont think that all men who dislike their mothers would be the same, its to much of a generalisation.  Everyone is different and has different reasons for accepting or not accepting people in their lives.

#3 smarty~pants

Posted 21 April 2010 - 03:45 PM

I 'kind' of agree with this - I've always believed that closeness to family is a fundamental pillar of compatibility ie if you’re close to your family but your partner is not (or  vice versa) then it will definitely drive a wedge between the couple. Along the same lines as moral values and religious beliefs – they need to be in sync.

My DH doesn’t speak to his family all that often but they are close (ie they get along very well – they’re just slack at keeping in touch!). I’m very close to my family and would expect that we both fit in with each others families without the arms length that can sometimes be there with in-laws.


#4 rosie76

Posted 21 April 2010 - 03:49 PM

really depends on the mother I think

#5 Guest_chntlrose_*

Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:00 PM

Would also depend on why they hate their mother?

#6 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:03 PM

.

Edited by SCARFACE CLAW, 11 September 2011 - 01:07 AM.


#7 caramel creme cake

Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:07 PM

I hate my father and love my DH, but they are completely different people. It's certainly possible to hate a parent but love your partner.

#8 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:08 PM

I don't know if it is true or not. It seems a broad, generalised blanket type statement. We always used to say though, if you want to know how your husband will treat you, then watch how he treats his mum. The man who needs his mother to wash his clothes is likely to be looking for a maid with benifits more than a wife.

#9 Guest_The 7 Dwarfs_*

Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:19 PM

I think it depends on the reason why they hate their mother. If they were abused by their mother, then would you really expect them to like her?




#10 Literary Lemur

Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:21 PM

QUOTE
Would also depend on why they hate their mother?


This.

Treating women (including their mother) with disrespect is one thing.  Having a completely normal reaction to a toxic mother is quite another.

#11 Team Awesome

Posted 21 April 2010 - 05:16 PM

My DH despises his mother (and older sister) for her treatment of me so it's for the right reasons IMO he picked the 'right side'.

A have a bad relationship with my toxic parents but that doesn't make me incapable of loving my DH. wink.gif

#12 Apple Blossom

Posted 21 April 2010 - 05:20 PM

I think it is very difficult for a man to understand how to love properly where this is hatred of a mother.  Usually the mother would have been abusive, controlling, etc and that means that they probably not shown appropriate love and so therefore it is difficult for them to express it.

Many rapists hate their mother, and generally men who disrespect women have either seen their father doing so, or have a very unloving relationship with their own mothers.



#13 MinkyMonkey

Posted 21 April 2010 - 05:32 PM

QUOTE (smarty~pants @ 21/04/2010, 03:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I 'kind' of agree with this - I've always believed that closeness to family is a fundamental pillar of compatibility ie if you’re close to your family but your partner is not (or  vice versa) then it will definitely drive a wedge between the couple. Along the same lines as moral values and religious beliefs – they need to be in sync.


I agree with this. While DH doesn't hate his mum he doesn't have much tolerance for her and neither does FIL. Their family is not close at all and it has been a very big learning curve for DH (and myself) as to how a family acts together.  He never understood doing things together as a family.

#14 BlokesWorld

Posted 21 April 2010 - 05:49 PM

QUOTE
Usually the mother would have been abusive, controlling, etc and that means that they probably not shown appropriate love and so therefore it is difficult for them to express it.
As someone who has an intense dislike (I don't hate anyone) of my mother due to similar to the above, I agree that I'm not good at expressing love or being romantic.  But that is a far cry from not being loving.  I'm simply more likely to express it by buying an expensive gift than cooking a candlelit meal.  Luckily my DW knows and understands me.

Funnily enough, I adore my kids - not just love, but adore.  I think when you have a crap parent, you tend to either be the same as them or polar opposites.

#15 Apple Blossom

Posted 21 April 2010 - 05:53 PM

QUOTE (BlokesWorld @ 21/04/2010, 05:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As someone who has an intense dislike (I don't hate anyone) of my mother due to similar to the above, I agree that I'm not good at expressing love or being romantic.  But that is a far cry from not being loving.  I'm simply more likely to express it by buying an expensive gift than cooking a candlelit meal.  Luckily my DW knows and understands me.

Funnily enough, I adore my kids - not just love, but adore.  I think when you have a crap parent, you tend to either be the same as them or polar opposites.


Yes but if your mother was a loving caring generous woman who showed you respect, I doubt you would immensely dislike her, right?

Anyway, we are talking about hate - a very strong emotion.  Hatred comes from rage and intense pain. You don't have intense pain and rage if you had a very loving and gentle mother generally.  And in living with such an influence, you are usually so disconnected from your emotions because of the pain, that you have a hard time opening up and being genuinely affectionate with anyone else.  Some people never get to the point of being openly loving. Some do.

My DH adored his mother, but didn't really like how she lived.  Completely different thing.




#16 Pull Up A Beanbag

Posted 21 April 2010 - 05:58 PM

Depends if they hate her because she's a woman, or because she did something dreadful to him.


Or, if she did something dreadful, he then applies that to All women.




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