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raising a child in your 40s and 50s


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#1 I'msoMerry

Posted 12 October 2009 - 09:59 AM

i have been searching the net for info on being a parent later in life but cannot find any advice. there is heaps on the baby part but my husband (47) and i (40) want to know what it will be like in 10 -15 years. we havnt conceived yet and my hubby is a bit nervous about raising a teenager in his retirement. he has 26 and 27 year olds and i have 12 and 15 year olds already. some positive experiences would be good to hear. waves.gif

#2 waitingmum

Posted 12 October 2009 - 10:16 AM

Gosh, I cant give you any positive thoughts as I havent done this, but as the parent of two kids over 20, I cannot imagine parenting a 12 year old at the age of sixty.  My older brother is 57 and parenting a 14 year old and they seem to be doing ok, well, very well actually, but he is looking to retire but cant because he still has a lot of years of schooling to pay for.  We are looking at long trips overseas, downsizing the home etc but he is years off being able to do that.

#3 Sif

Posted 12 October 2009 - 10:18 AM

My Dh is 50, and our children are 10, 8, 4 and nearly 1...  So, when our youngest is 15, he'll be 65-66...  He's quite overweight and suffers with arthritic knees which are progressively getting worse.  We have all boys and he does often find the noise and energy levels challenging...  But it's a matter of attitude, too...  He's not particularly young at heart, LOL (he thinks he is sometimes, but I'm 13 years younger and he's not, hahaha)...

Kids can be physically hard work in the early years, but by the time they're about 8-9 they settle down a lot, but you guys have already experienced kids, so you must have some idea of what to expect...  Just be prepared that you might not have the same energy levels or bounce-back you used to have when you were a bit younger...

#4 crankybee

Posted 12 October 2009 - 10:20 AM

I will be in your position! LOL! I hope to hear some positive stories here!

#5 waitingmum

Posted 12 October 2009 - 11:09 AM

QUOTE (Sif @ 12/10/2009, 11:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Kids can be physically hard work in the early years, but by the time they're about 8-9 they settle down a lot, but you guys have already experienced kids, so you must have some idea of what to expect...


I think the years up to 11 or so are the easy years.  Parenting teenagers is less physically challenging, but emotionally exhausting.  Although the late night collections after parties do mean a loss of sleep. Also, Michelle (OP) would you just have one child at this age or then go on to have another?

#6 I'msoMerry

Posted 12 October 2009 - 12:28 PM

QUOTE (waitingmum @ 12/10/2009, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the years up to 11 or so are the easy years. Parenting teenagers is less physically challenging, but emotionally exhausting. Although the late night collections after parties do mean a loss of sleep. Also, Michelle (OP) would you just have one child at this age or then go on to have another?


thanks for your interest as im new to blogging and appreciate the sharing! we would deffinately only have one child. my hubby is also really healthy and a fab dad to my boys so this makes me very positive. i have to agree that the older the boys (12, 15) are the easier they are. also they both want us to have a baby so this helps with family relations

#7 cazbabslong

Posted 13 October 2009 - 05:02 PM

We have just had our 3rd and I am 40 and DH is 47. We were just discussing this last week. Cant give you any feedback, but had to reply!!

#8 I'msoMerry

Posted 14 October 2009 - 07:57 PM

QUOTE (Loquacious @ 13/10/2009, 04:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't let the numbers define you - plenty of people die young, there is NO guarantees in life that we'll all make it past tomorrow...why waste time and energy worrying about it????

Tamm


thanks heaps Tamm! i just read your blog out to my hubby and it made us feel really positive. it does put it into perspective to remember we are only as old as we feel. i cant wait to be a mum again.
michelle biggrin.gif

#9 sparkiemum

Posted 17 October 2009 - 07:40 PM

Well said Loq. Agree completely  tthumbs.gif
Sparkie

#10 JRA

Posted 03 November 2009 - 09:38 AM

well I was 37 (DH 41) when DS was born, he is now nearly 7, so not in the teenage yets.

But my parents were 40 when I was born, and DH's parents were 45 when he was born.

As a child of older parents, I loved it during the teenage years. They were not caught up in worrying about the petty things.

Tamm said it all.


QUOTE
I would not have swapped MY parents for the world....I just wish they wer younger in the more recent years cause obviously, they can't live forever

Exactly.

#11 Mamabug

Posted 03 November 2009 - 09:43 AM

Urgh. I had never considered our ages further down the track!!

I have only just realised when our youngest is 15 we will both be in our 50s.... and we are considering another child! I think I will just continue to bumble along with my parenting and live in denial about aging original.gif

#12 Bloomer

Posted 03 November 2009 - 09:23 PM

yes living in denial.. Went to a preschool today which my second daughter may attend next year.. the year I turn 50..  Time is just flying I just need to enjoy as much as I can and I want the girls to have great memories..

#13 Literary Lemur

Posted 01 January 2010 - 04:50 PM

We are 44 and 46 with a 4 and 6 year old.

I think we do have less energy but we also have a very solid long term relationship and are secure financially so there are positives and negatives.  We are also both very healthy especially my husband who is regularily mistaken for being 30 something so we are not concerned on that account.

We live and parent in a pretty relaxed way but I am not sure if that is age related.  

While I am relaxing over EB my husband is playing guitar to our children.

hahaha or so I thought!  I am now being challenged to a naked wrestle (don't panic I am clothed) from DS4 and DD6 wants me to teach her fractions.

#14 luckyreindeerpoo

Posted 04 January 2010 - 09:35 AM

I am 47 and my dp is 52, we have a 5 yo. I do need to get some space sometimes, then I recharge.
I am not the most energetic of persons, but I cope.
She is definitely a blessing, I will cope fine, I do worry about health issues for us, we both tend to follow-up quickly with any issues we are having so we can be here for a long time to come, that's probably the main concern.
I would have preferred to have a sibling for her but with limited support (due to my parents age) and our age and health problems during and after pregnancy, I couldn't let it happen.

#15 littlemissmessy

Posted 12 August 2010 - 07:12 PM

my parents had my brother and me late in life (42 and 53). We had a very happy childhood, unfortunately we had very little play time with mum and dad as they were too tired to play with us. At highschool everyone always confused my mum with my grandma and still does to this day. My mum also tried to dress me like a nanna (in clothes old enough for her). My brother and I have a very close relationship with my mother and the age issue is no longer an issue, but poor Dad passed away ten years ago. So many people are having children later in life these days it is more of a norm. Good luck, I'm sure you will be fine. Oh and I forgot to tell you the most important thing - my brother and I kept my parents young, busy and focused. Without having us I think they may have stagnated.

#16 localyokel

Posted 26 August 2010 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE
Oh and I forgot to tell you the most important thing - my brother and I kept my parents young, busy and focused. Without having us I think they may have stagnated.

Yep - i'm sure my kids keep me young!  
I had twins when i was 37 and my dd when i was 40.  Yep they are all in high school this year.  
No i dont have as much energy as some people who are younger parents, but you know what?  When i drive into town to pick up their kids along with mine from work or the movies i'm wondering......its more about what you do with the energy you have than how much you have.  My dd gets mad at people who call me her grandmother, no matter how many times i tell her that i am old enough to be, she is upset with them on my account.  She is an awesome person (not a teen till later this year);  she is bringing me so much joy i feel sad thinking that she may not have been born if i thought about it (unplanned pg).  
As for thinking old...............not going to happen here for a long while.  I find that the younger teachers are the ones who are stuck on 'they need to be everything they can be RIGHT NOW'  Whereas I and some of the older teachers are 'you know they have fascinating minds, and when they are ready to apply themselves to somethiing they think is important its going to be amazing'.  I find a lot of the younger parents are very goal oriented.  Whereas i think that part of being a teenager is socialising, finding whats important to you, trying things out, giving your mother a hard time  rolleyes.gif .  Its fascinating what my kids tell me.  Sometimes i wonder whether the others are actually telling their parents the same amount of information.
Two other things that pp's have talked about -
Parents who are getting their kids out there and are spending so much money on their education etc and cant go on holidays or retire.  I introduced my kids the the concept 'HECS debt'  particularly the kid who thought that he'd like to keep doing degrees until he came up with something interesting enough to spend time doing as a job!
I also took my kids youth hostelling 2 years ago to introduce them to cheap accomodation and having fun with other people, not needing to make your friends want to do the same things as you;  find the people who want to do the same things, do it cheaply, then catch a form of public transport and do it all again.  
This week we have found something great to work at together.  
I'm 53!  Doesnt mean my brain is fried, doesnt mean i'm too tired to do anything.  I work part time and am planning on getting a few internet business opportunities going soon!  In conjunction with the eldest two.  
The other thing to consider is - if going on holidays and retiring is your major concern from 50-60 unless you are a millionaire then children prob wont fit in.  But if your idea of life in your 50's and 60's is raising the rest of your family then do it because thats whats important to you.  If i can do it on my own, then you could do it with your dh to support you.  Ali

#17 Sarie

Posted 26 August 2010 - 10:13 AM

Well my DH is nearly 43 and we have just had our last bub (even though he doesn't think so!) so he'll be 55 or so when DS hits his teens.

#18 Guest_Cali~_*

Posted 26 August 2010 - 11:29 AM

I'm also the only child of a 45 year old mother. I never regarded my mother as 'old' - all parents look old to children anyway!My mother was full of energy and still is at nearly 92. Why only last Tuesday she came over and cooked dinner for us all. original.gif

Her example probably gave me confidence in having DS's 3 and 4 at over 38.

By the time my youngest is 18, I'll be - gulp- 58... but I plan to work till I fall over sideways anyway, so that doesn't seem to too strange.

DP is 6 years my junior so he can prop me up a bit.






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