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Kids in the Cafe: OMG!


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#26 bmacc

Posted 22 December 2008 - 08:15 PM

Balance is the key!! And like everything, kids need to be taught how to behave, but you also need to allow for the fact that they are still kids, and won't be able to sit still for 45 minutes.

I've taken DD to cafes since year dot - and if that's the sort of thing you like to do, then it's good to start them early. Really don't seen how it's helpful to label kids either tantrum-throwing nightmares or mute statues when in cafes, as my child is neither, and I think I have taught her to be that way.

Give and take - you need to teach them how to behave appropriately in public and be respectful to people and places, and at the same time, allow them to behave like children. That means curbing your expectations if you're a regular cafe-goer pre-kids - you won't be able to sit there sipping your latte reading the paper for an hour while your kid squirms in his/her pram!!!!

#27 Comel

Posted 22 December 2008 - 08:54 PM

My ds (1) is also neither a rock nor a tornado. I make sure i prepare tiny precut sandwiches, milk, water and other snacks, plus a variety of entertainments. As soon as i sit himin the high chair, i put out his sandwich box and he'll start on that while i look at menu and order. Then i'll slowly work my way through his food and then activites and finally other snacks  when he is starting to get restless. This will occupy him up to 2 hours. after which he has to get down for a walk.

As pp said,  tea sipping, hand holding while gazing into hubby's eyes certainly cannot be done while ds is with us. I leave those for when the inlaws can babysit.

Edited by Evelyn08, 22 December 2008 - 08:56 PM.


#28 goneanon

Posted 11 January 2009 - 07:46 AM

how is this possible? what surburb do you live?

i've taken mine to cafes fairly regulary as i do enjoy it. yes sugar packets get ripped, the babycinos get spilt (if the barista is stupid/kind enough to put milk in it) & the visits are short.

But they do enjoy it also, which is a great delight to me as my DH absolutely detests cafe culture. i want to make sure they are still into going to cafes when they are all grown up!

#29 justcallmemum

Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:51 AM

When I had just 1 child I would take her to cafes regulary to show her shes included BUT she had to behave or we left, she was great!
I would never panick about taking her but when #2 came along, I would still go but was more so panicked about the lack of space for the stroller while eating, so now tend to stick to kids cafes when meeting up with my mum friends!

QUOTE
all I can say is thank the lord for babycinos  I'd never go to cafes if it weren't for them.
  tthumbs.gif

#30 Aprillbell

Posted 25 March 2009 - 11:00 AM

Well all my children are fantastic at cafe's.
Were they like your's OP then I would avoid cafes too but they aren't
Yes sitting there for half an hour is hard for a child so you accomadate them. I always have a snack pack in the 'Designer pram' (and no I dont dress my kids in white, they are always covered in dirt, grass stains... bubbacino smiles) It is all about learning how to behave appropriately in public situations. The cafe I attend regularly has a large paved courtyard area right next to it (council court yard but its all one area with the cafe tables) so my kids run amok where I can see them if they get antsy but they are all quite capable of sitting there happily being PATIENT waiting for thei bubbacino and Gelati.

I think the thing here is to find a happy medium. Kids will be kids regardless but they need to learn appropriate behaviour and we as parents need to allow for them to still be children.
I LOVE my weekly cafe jaunts and so do the kids

#31 flipflop

Posted 25 March 2009 - 12:05 PM

I agree that it is something they need to learn. If you never take them, they will never learn. I am of the thought that this learning of 'self-control' and appropriate behaviour for appropriate circumstances can transfer to a wide range of situations. No, my children aren't saints. But that said, they can wait nicely for a drink, albeit whilst colouring in or driving a matchbox car whilst remaining in their seats. They also use this skill, yes, I believe its a learned skill, to wait patiently and appropriately at say, the doctors, or the haridressers or somewhere else that requires sitting and waiting, not running around.
There has definately been times when we have just had to pay and make a get-a-way, but with the expectations set before we go, everyone is capable of having a nice time - and a much better coffee than I can make for myself at home!

Edited by flipflop, 25 March 2009 - 12:06 PM.


#32 mmm...chocolate

Posted 24 September 2009 - 01:46 PM

I am just curious as to why parents can't teach their children not to run around like crazy and tear into sugar packets etc. Anyone can get their kids used to behaving in cafes etc. Some kids will take to it and sit nicely, some need some entertainment and wont last there long, BUT still, kids don't naturally rip up sugar packets and climb under tables. Provided you're not unrealistic and take note that if they are over tired or bored while there they can't be expected to just sit still. Though I know that for many parents it might be too late and everyone has different parenting styles. I have an etcha-sketch that only appears when I need to distract him which comes in handy. Involve them in the whole 'culture' of ordering, finding a seat, talking about the food or drink, how it tastes etc. Talk to the cafe people if they are not too busy, complimenting them on the coffee etc, showing a good example of manners. I am anything but upper-class like in the article but when my son was a baby I was living in Hahndorf SA, which is full of little coffee shops. We went out from 3 times a week to every day (The chai latte being my reward for not being able to have coffee while breastfeeding, and I got a break). Sometimes I would ask for it in a takeaway cup incase I had to leave in a hurry. He is now 3.5 yrs and we don't go to cafes as often but when we do he likes to order for me, help find a seat, pick out his own straw, then sit and eat or drink while I enjoy my coffee. He asks the baristas name and says thankyou and goodbye (using their name). I would spend 20 mins-1 hr there. Some parents just ignore their kids and expect them to behave and thats just unrealistic.

Anyway it can be done. Some kids are just too hyped up on chemicals and sugar and so I imagine it would be a stuggle to keep them under control..

#33 Bloomer

Posted 24 September 2009 - 09:52 PM

Can not stand people who let thier kids put sugar in their baby chino... My kids are happy without and are very happy to draw in a book or when they were little play with the toys I took.

when i was single I could handle kids in restaurants provided it was early in the evening..

the way to get around the 3 second rule is "be prepared",  that includes getting everything to go if it gets too much and find a cafe with a kids play room.. don' go too late.

Edited by cathy40s, 24 September 2009 - 09:55 PM.


#34 shell68

Posted 25 September 2009 - 12:43 PM

I expect my children to be well behaved in a cafe. They need to remain seated at the table. I hate it when other people let their kids run around.

#35 katie.baby

Posted 12 May 2010 - 11:47 AM

QUOTE (kuggle @ 21/11/2008, 12:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think teaching your children to be considerate of others is wrong. Life isn't all about them so the sooner they learn to be polite and considerate to others, especially strangers, the better. I hate parents (not the kids) who let their little ones run around restaurants and cafes tripping patrons and  making a nuisance of themselves. If they want to play then  get off your backside and take them to the park.


Ooh I agree! I'm all for our kids having their own personality and having a life full of fun, but letting them do what they like does not fall into that category. I can't stand overhearing or seeing a parent in a cafe just watching or passively shouting meaningless commands at a child who is running around and dominating the atmosphere of the place.
If your kid is naturally like this or you haven't mastered a healthy level of control yet, limit your time at the cafe or grab a takeaway and head to the park!
I really hope this doesn't come off as intolerant, I love having kids around at cafes, just as long as they dont come and kick my chair or continually take the sugar of my table (yes this has happened to me before)..

#36 katie.baby

Posted 12 May 2010 - 11:53 AM

QUOTE (mmm...chocolate @ 24/09/2009, 01:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am just curious as to why parents can't teach their children not to run around like crazy and tear into sugar packets etc. Anyone can get their kids used to behaving in cafes etc. Some kids will take to it and sit nicely, some need some entertainment and wont last there long, BUT still, kids don't naturally rip up sugar packets and climb under tables. Provided you're not unrealistic and take note that if they are over tired or bored while there they can't be expected to just sit still. Though I know that for many parents it might be too late and everyone has different parenting styles. I have an etcha-sketch that only appears when I need to distract him which comes in handy. Involve them in the whole 'culture' of ordering, finding a seat, talking about the food or drink, how it tastes etc. Talk to the cafe people if they are not too busy, complimenting them on the coffee etc, showing a good example of manners. I am anything but upper-class like in the article but when my son was a baby I was living in Hahndorf SA, which is full of little coffee shops. We went out from 3 times a week to every day (The chai latte being my reward for not being able to have coffee while breastfeeding, and I got a break). Sometimes I would ask for it in a takeaway cup incase I had to leave in a hurry. He is now 3.5 yrs and we don't go to cafes as often but when we do he likes to order for me, help find a seat, pick out his own straw, then sit and eat or drink while I enjoy my coffee. He asks the baristas name and says thankyou and goodbye (using their name). I would spend 20 mins-1 hr there. Some parents just ignore their kids and expect them to behave and thats just unrealistic.

Anyway it can be done. Some kids are just too hyped up on chemicals and sugar and so I imagine it would be a stuggle to keep them under control..



You're my new idol for taking kids to cafes.... cclap.gif good job! Can only strive to help my child behave like this as they get older. Thanks for the advice!

#37 LisaMaree82

Posted 12 May 2010 - 12:05 PM

QUOTE (mmm...chocolate @ 24/09/2009, 01:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am just curious as to why parents can't teach their children not to run around like crazy and tear into sugar packets etc. Anyone can get their kids used to behaving in cafes etc. Some kids will take to it and sit nicely, some need some entertainment and wont last there long, BUT still, kids don't naturally rip up sugar packets and climb under tables. Provided you're not unrealistic and take note that if they are over tired or bored while there they can't be expected to just sit still. Though I know that for many parents it might be too late and everyone has different parenting styles. I have an etcha-sketch that only appears when I need to distract him which comes in handy. Involve them in the whole 'culture' of ordering, finding a seat, talking about the food or drink, how it tastes etc. Talk to the cafe people if they are not too busy, complimenting them on the coffee etc, showing a good example of manners. I am anything but upper-class like in the article but when my son was a baby I was living in Hahndorf SA, which is full of little coffee shops. We went out from 3 times a week to every day (The chai latte being my reward for not being able to have coffee while breastfeeding, and I got a break). Sometimes I would ask for it in a takeaway cup incase I had to leave in a hurry. He is now 3.5 yrs and we don't go to cafes as often but when we do he likes to order for me, help find a seat, pick out his own straw, then sit and eat or drink while I enjoy my coffee. He asks the baristas name and says thankyou and goodbye (using their name). I would spend 20 mins-1 hr there. Some parents just ignore their kids and expect them to behave and thats just unrealistic.

Anyway it can be done. Some kids are just too hyped up on chemicals and sugar and so I imagine it would be a stuggle to keep them under control..


Oh my sides roll2.gif  Clearly you have one child.

My children eat a fairly strict organic whole foods diet.   We go to church most weeks.  They still cannot sit through 20 mins of church (before Sunday School starts).  We take colouring in, food, drinks etc etc.  There is no way I would pack the boredom bag just to have a coffee.  The relaxation I would get from the coffee would be completely undone by the planning I would have to do to get there.  Not to mention both of my older children would no doubt need to go to the toilet at some point, which would involve taking all 3 of them to the loo, realising I have left my purse on the table, telling them not to move, racing back out to get it - well you get the idea.

There is absolutely no way I could sit anywhere for an hour while my children just sat there.

My children are disciplined and well behaved most of the time, they are just busy kids.  I do not expect them to sit at a table for an hour while I have a coffee, totally unrealistic expectation.  

Lisa



#38 fallen~from~grace

Posted 12 May 2010 - 12:26 PM

What I don't understand is why you would take your child/children to a cafe so you could then ignore them and have a coffee and read a paper/book in peace.

I take two of my boys ( 3 yrs & 15mths) to our local coffee shop every week for a juice and raisin toast.  It's our little treat for the week whilst the big kids are at school.  Now, I have to admit, my local cafe is brilliant, they have a blackboard and a toy box there with a couch and floor cushions for kids but my boys hardly ever play .   Every week is a new learning experience for them. It's a good opportunity for us to sit down ( and they do) and to "chat" about the world outside  and inside the cafe. We get to meet the people who live in our town and make new friends.  We practise our counting skills ( we count sugar packets) we see how many shapes we can spot, what colours we can see, how many people walk past the shop window etc etc

It's a lovely time for me to connect with my little boys and It's a time I enjoy original.gif

That being said, of course there are days they are ratty and those days we take our drinks to go LOL

Ali

#39 katie.baby

Posted 12 May 2010 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (fallen~from~grace @ 12/05/2010, 12:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What I don't understand is why you would take your child/children to a cafe so you could then ignore them and have a coffee and read a paper/book in peace.

I take two of my boys ( 3 yrs & 15mths) to our local coffee shop every week for a juice and raisin toast.  It's our little treat for the week whilst the big kids are at school.  Now, I have to admit, my local cafe is brilliant, they have a blackboard and a toy box there with a couch and floor cushions for kids but my boys hardly ever play .   Every week is a new learning experience for them. It's a good opportunity for us to sit down ( and they do) and to "chat" about the world outside  and inside the cafe. We get to meet the people who live in our town and make new friends.  We practise our counting skills ( we count sugar packets) we see how many shapes we can spot, what colours we can see, how many people walk past the shop window etc etc

It's a lovely time for me to connect with my little boys and It's a time I enjoy original.gif

That being said, of course there are days they are ratty and those days we take our drinks to go LOL

Ali



It sounds like you've found the happy medium between having well behaved under control kids, and having a nice quality time with them while enjoying your coffee at your favourite local. Good job, Ali!

#40 Anemonefish

Posted 13 May 2010 - 04:36 PM

We take our kids out with us to cafes and restaurants at least once or twice a week.  DD is 6 so she's pretty good at entertaining herself with some colouring or drawing while we wait for our coffee/meal and she's happy to just sit and chat with me & DH.  DS is 16 months and is a different kettle of fish.  We usually take a bag of toys to entertain him but after about 10 mins or so, he starts wanting to wander off, and we have to take turns to catch him.  He's still at that cute age where most people are quite happy for him to go up to their table and say Hello - but we watch and quickly get him away if he's disturbing someone, or take the table number off him if he's banging the table with it, etc.  So, it's not always that relaxing having dinner or coffee out, and we've been doing less of it since DS started walking... but we feel it's important to keep doing it so that he learns how to behave appropriately.

I agree that it's unfair to expect a kid to just sit still not doing anything while mum/dad reads the newspaper or a book.  I've never seen it though (I live in a regional city, perhaps it's a big city thing).  I do wish though that sometimes I could read the newspaper, at home while the kids play, for even 5 minutes without being interrupted!

Edited by Anemonefish, 13 May 2010 - 04:37 PM.


#41 challice

Posted 20 May 2010 - 11:29 PM

If you go regularly and children know what is expected (really expected, not just hoped for!) then they learn how to behave.

I have 3 children (4, 2 and almost 1). The day after each was born I took them to the cafe in the hospital and I have continued that habit ever since. Very occasionally I have had a problem but usually its fine. We limit the time to about half an hour, they get a babycino, we take a couple of books, have a lovely chat about the world outside, say hello to people from the neighborhood we see..... they also know a park visit is ususally scheduled after...all goes well 95% of the time. If they muck up we leave and they miss out.

They LOVE going to cafes, which is lucky for me! Its a highlight of our day where we all get to sit down and focus on each other. They know how to behave because I have taught them how to behave and I don't tolerate bad behavior.

Oh and just in case anyone thinks I just got lucky with my kids - I also do family daycare once a week and on those days I have 5 children (2 x 4 year olds, 2 x 2 year olds and the almost 1 year old) and I STILL take them all to a cafe (I am surrounded by them!)
Honestly if people have a problem taking just 1 child to a cafe I think you need to just practice more! It can be done!

#42 Guest_cathode_*

Posted 20 May 2010 - 11:33 PM

QUOTE (diary~dad @ 07/11/2008, 07:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Does the thought of your kids in a cafe send you into a panic? Or are they the perfect patrons? What's the secret to getting past the Three Second Rule?

The thought of it used to send me into meltdown.
Now days I take all 3 of my under 4.5yr olds to local cafes as I have found (for us anyway) the more I do it, the better they are behaved each time.
The eldest now gets pretty sh*tty if we go to our usual and there is someone sitting in his armchair laughing2.gif

As PP said, you have to make it regular.
They only act like asshats if it is something *new* and exciting.


EFS

Edited by cathode, 20 May 2010 - 11:34 PM.


#43 Done

Posted 20 May 2010 - 11:50 PM

x

Edited by onetogo, 20 May 2010 - 11:52 PM.


#44 Guest_cathode_*

Posted 20 May 2010 - 11:56 PM

QUOTE (onetogo @ 20/05/2010, 09:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
x

Ah, I was going to say that the physical pain related to caffeine withdrawal is usually from instant coffee (which I bet your mum drinks). If I drink instant every day, then miss a day or 2 I have pounding headaches. If I drink 'real' coffee, I don't get any headaches.

#45 heffalumpsnwoozles

Posted 21 May 2010 - 12:06 AM

We used to have "girls' day out" the first Friday of every month. I would take my DD to a cafe for breakfast. 99% of the time she was really good. I always had a book and a toy for her, and the promise of a milk shake was usually enough to keep her in check.

Since DD2's arrival, we've only done that a couple of times. DD1 is 2 1/2 now, more prone to tantrums, and I'm not as willing to walk out on a $20 breakfast as I am a $3.50 coffee. So we go and have a coffee (she has a babycino or milk shake) once a week or so. She likes the ones from a certain coffee shop that does pink sprinkles. And she has a babycino at home most days, it's my secret way to get her to drink milk.

I think it's all in what they're used to. DD1 knows if she acts up I'll shove her under my arm and walk out before she can blink, and she likes drinking her big girl "coffee", so she behaves accordingly. She's by no means perfect, and I have to tell her many times not to stand on the chair, but she knows I definitely draw the line at climbing onto the table or running around or yelling. Boundaries are good.

#46 BubblyBexxx

Posted 07 February 2012 - 08:54 AM

Since when does a feral child in a public place equal a child with "spunk" and "personality?"
My daughter has been going to restaurants at least once a week since she was 3 weeks old and has always been taught that she needs to sit in her chair and not make excessive noise. When she grew out of the high chair she is now in a booster seat- strap them in and give them colouring, play dough, stickers etc but most importantly CONVERSATION.
Pay attention to them and talk to them about their day etc like you would any other human being in your company.
You don't put them on the ground to run around EVER. Not only is this unacceptable for other patrons but dangerous for wait staff to move around them whilst carrying hot, heavy objects.
The other people dining couldn't give a stuff if your little one can walk around and say hi.
My daughter is 3 and like all the children in my family and extended family, enjoys eating in restaurants for up to 3 hours without getting out of her seat.
And she has the most amazing personality and is full of "spunk."






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