Jump to content

Cam baby's really be spoilt?


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 Jasperaliyana2729

Posted 23 May 2020 - 08:25 PM

I remember with my first born at my first birth class we were told you can't spoil baby's below 12 weeks as there memory isn't the best. But baby number 3 is here and 12 weeks later I really think he is 'spoilt' he only like being walked and rocked to sleep. No other way even when feeding I have to be standing up etc how do I stop these habits

#2 Jasperaliyana2729

Posted 23 May 2020 - 08:28 PM

I'll add that my first 2 were not the walk around to fall asleep kind. They just laid in bed sucked there dummies and fell asleep

#3 AdelTwins

Posted 23 May 2020 - 08:33 PM

Not in the first 6 months IMHO

#4 Apageintime

Posted 23 May 2020 - 08:44 PM

You can never spoil a baby.

Your baby has been rocked to sleep inside you, it's all he's known. Now, on the outside you are literally his life. Babies are biologically programmed to need to be near you, especially at their most vulnerable time.

This is normal

#5 IamtheMumma

Posted 23 May 2020 - 08:53 PM

No

#6 Soontobegran

Posted 23 May 2020 - 09:13 PM

No, your baby is not spoilt and it is not a habit. He is behaving like a baby and just because he is different to your other babies does not mean it is wrong.
I never had a baby that did not need walking around and constantly fed and whilst I know that having one behave differently can throw you, especially when you have less time to actually spend with baby it can be stressful and tiring.

Can you pop him in a sling on your chest so you can walk around and get other things done while pacifying him?

Good luck...

#7 amdirel

Posted 23 May 2020 - 09:15 PM

Nope.

#8 Jasperaliyana2729

Posted 23 May 2020 - 09:19 PM

I do love it. It makes me feel such a bond like no other. The other 2 were formula fed,  this is the first time EBF past 6 weeks... I may have seemed like I was complaining in my post but I wasn't just curious..

Thanks for all your responses. And yes maybe I will look into a sling

#9 maryanneK

Posted 23 May 2020 - 09:22 PM

"spoilt" is such a loaded term
I dont think you can 'spoil' a baby with too many cuddles or anything like that.
But I do think you can try to create sleep routines/habits /associations that dont involve being rocked or walked to sleep.

You arent 'spoiling' him by rocking him to sleep but you could start to gently introduce some different sleep routines if it bothers you

Edited by maryanneK, 23 May 2020 - 09:23 PM.


#10 Kallie88

Posted 23 May 2020 - 09:41 PM

No, you can't spoil a baby. But sometimes you need to adjust things to make them work for you. My first was a high need baby, she wanted to be held, walked around and fed alllll the time. When she was often only sleeping for 20 mins at a time, day or night, a lot of that became unsustainable for me, i was simply too exhausted to hold her and walk around, I'd probably have ended up dropping her (hadn't heard of babywearing at that point either). So she had to get used to me sitting and holding her. When she got to 6 months we started putting her in her cot and patting her to sleep since rocking and putting her down usually meant she woke up instead of staying asleep. She wasn't spoilt. But for some things we had to ease her into new ways of doing things in as safe and supportive a way as possible for our sanity. Don't forget 4 months is a common leap time as well so baby may improve as they move through that as well.
My other two were nowhere near as high maintenance so it's certainly not something "wrong" for one bub to be different from the others either. Our second almost seemed wrong after our first haha, you just wrapped him up and put him down and he'd be asleep. Bliss lol.

#11 JoanJett

Posted 23 May 2020 - 09:47 PM

Sometimes you need to flip your way of thinking.  Your baby isn't spoiled, just attached.  That's a good thing. By all means, find some routines, but a baby knowing that comfort is in one place is a good thing.  Just not always good for you ;)

#12 Chic'N'Stu

Posted 23 May 2020 - 10:04 PM

Have you seen the term 'fourth trimester' used anywhere before, OP? The concept was mentioned in my antenatal class and makes a lot of sense - this article might help you with some context and ideas.

#13 afterlaughter

Posted 23 May 2020 - 10:05 PM

Every baby is different. What they need from us is different.

#14 Jasperaliyana2729

Posted 23 May 2020 - 10:26 PM

 Chic, on 23 May 2020 - 10:04 PM, said:

Have you seen the term 'fourth trimester' used anywhere before, OP? The concept was mentioned in my antenatal class and makes a lot of sense - this article might help you with some context and ideas.


Oohhh I loved reading that!!

#15 PocketIcikleflakes

Posted 23 May 2020 - 11:21 PM

No you can't spoil a baby.

From memory one of your older kids is soon to have tonsils and adenoids out and grommets put in? In many kids not being able to sleep lying down or feed when reclined is associated with ear nose and throat issues. Clogged ears, stuffy noses can be uncomfortable when lying down for longer periods.

Wanting to be held to sleep is perfectly normal but I thought I'd mention it incase it becomes a longer term thing or you become concerned. Just so you don't start worrying that it's because you held him :)

#16 Kreme

Posted 23 May 2020 - 11:57 PM

I was telling my DD13 recently about her early days when I would set myself up with a cup of tea, snacks and the tv remote and she would sleep on my chest for 2 hours. If I put her in the bassinet she’d wake after 30 mins.

Later on the only way she would sleep in the daytime was on a walk in the pram. So DH and I got very fit doing a lot of walking!

It had no detrimental effect on her sleep, in fact I would say the opposite. She has always been a very secure and undemanding child.

My personal view is that trying to break ‘habits’ in a young baby only creates stress for everyone. They are individuals with their own needs. Meeting those needs will be beneficial for everyone.

#17 Jasperaliyana2729

Posted 24 May 2020 - 06:27 AM

 PocketIcikleflakes, on 23 May 2020 - 11:21 PM, said:

No you can't spoil a baby.

From memory one of your older kids is soon to have tonsils and adenoids out and grommets put in? In many kids not being able to sleep lying down or feed when reclined is associated with ear nose and throat issues. Clogged ears, stuffy noses can be uncomfortable when lying down for longer periods.

Wanting to be held to sleep is perfectly normal but I thought I'd mention it incase it becomes a longer term thing or you become concerned. Just so you don't start worrying that it's because you held him :)

Yes tomorrow actually! Yay haha.
Oh interesting! Thanks for that. I will have to read into it more.

#18 Fennel Salad

Posted 24 May 2020 - 10:44 AM

No

#19 Crazyone26989

Posted 24 May 2020 - 10:53 AM

I still rock DS 11 months to sleep! I did try getting him to “self-settle” around 3-4 months as I thought that I had to or he’d wake every two hours overnight. He was at the point of putting himself to sleep with a dummy and a few pats but it went out the window with teething and I honestly couldn’t be bothered doing the whole thing again. He sleeps through the night most nights even though I feed/rock him to sleep so I’m not bothered.

So, no I don’t think you can spoil a baby. I think modern society tries to force mothers and babies to do things in a way that is not the biologically normal way.

Edited by Crazyone26989, 24 May 2020 - 10:54 AM.


#20 just roses

Posted 24 May 2020 - 10:59 AM

A sling was SO good with my first. I used a hugabub and it held him in so firmly, there was nothing I couldn't do with him comfortably attached to me; vacuuming, hanging out washing, shopping etc. It gave us both relief - he slept and I could still get stuff done. You can make your own quite cheaply or buy a second hand one online. It's just a single piece of fabric.

#21 lucky 2

Posted 24 May 2020 - 11:56 AM

Interesting question that's got me thinking.

Spoilage usually refers to something that has  "gone off".
Fruit left too long in the bowl.
Yoghurt goes moldly in the fridge.
A social event ruined by someone's poor behaviour.

Spoiled=bad.

If a child isn't loved and nurtured, isn't that what spoils the child. Damages them to some degree?

Nurturing a fractious baby isn't spoiling, it's caregiving.
Exhausting caregiving but necessary for that specific 3 month old baby, who for whatever reason,  can't do without it.
Generally, upset behaviour rises to a peak in the second month of life and slows down by 3-4 months. Probably longer if baby was born early.

Have you seen the website "purplecrying"?





#22 rosie28

Posted 24 May 2020 - 12:36 PM

 Apageintime, on 23 May 2020 - 08:44 PM, said:

You can never spoil a baby.

Your baby has been rocked to sleep inside you, it's all he's known. Now, on the outside you are literally his life. Babies are biologically programmed to need to be near you, especially at their most vulnerable time.

This is normal

I agree with all of this. Newborns don’t know they’re on the outside. You are that baby’s whole world. It’s biologically normal to hold them constantly and for them to be rocked. Not all babies need it or want it but it is totally normal.

#23 ckmelb

Posted 24 May 2020 - 05:30 PM

I think if you consider this rationally it makes no sense. Spoilt because baby wants a cuddle? Makes no sense.

Personally I don't believe in attachment parenting, co-sleeping, wearing baby in a sling. My 7 month old baby however thinks differently 😂. So we share a bed, she sits in a carrier while I cook (she loves it!), and we are currently cuddle napping. Besides a slightly sore back (originally caused by an office job with too much travel) I have no regrets.

#24 -Emissary-

Posted 24 May 2020 - 05:42 PM

I don’t think a baby can be spoilt but I think they can definitely build sleep association.

That’s no different to us.

I sleep better in a moving vehicle and without any background noise. I can sleep with or without complete darkness. DS2 doses off to sleep if I’m laying there holding his hand. He can also sleep well in a moving vehicle or being held and rocked. His preferences are no better or worse than mine.

Babies have preferences and sleep associations. Theirs are just more easily changed than ours.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.

 

Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.