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Opinions please - incident at lunchtime


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#1 Sweetpea11

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:10 PM

Part vent and part need opinions on what you would do in this situation.

I picked 8 year old DS up from school today and he was in a bit of a crabby mood. When I got after him to hurry up he burst into tears and said he’d had the worst day ever. Apparently 2 older boys had come up to him at lunchtime when he was on his own and told him he was ugly, bad at sports and running and then hit and punched him in the stomach.

He told a teacher (not his own) who told the boys off and then they had to go to the principals office where they were told off again and possibly had to stay there. DS says he didn’t get to talk to the principal.

So what should I do? Leave it there as the boys have been told off about it. Or go in and ask to speak to the principal? Do I demand more serious consequences for the boys? I just haven’t found myself in this situation before and DS wouldn’t instigate anything ever so I know it wasn’t provoked.

DS says he doesn’t know the boys and they haven’t spoken to him before, I just find it really strange and also upsetting.

#2 Hollycoddle

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:17 PM

What exactly would you like done? I wouldn't go on this occasion.  It sounds like they were dealt with for now.  Don't be THAT parent.

#3 Sweetpea11

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:22 PM

Something like a written apology maybe? Or restricted playtimes for a week. I just want DS to feel as though he’s safe at school and that the school won’t tolerate bullying behaviour.

But yes, I don’t want to overreact either

#4 Dianalynch

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:22 PM

i'd ask his teacher about it and go from there.

#5 CrankyM

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:22 PM

The school is dealing with it, I wouldn't worry about it.

I do find it a little odd that you were not called though. An indent like that would have gotten a call from a teacher just to let me know what had happened and that it was being dealt with. That might just be my school though (and my child has a disability).

ETA saw your post. The teacher will not tell you anything about what is happening to the other children. That is considered a privacy issue. You won't get to know who they are or what is happening unless it related specifically to your child.

Edited by CrankyM, 19 March 2020 - 03:23 PM.


#6 -Emissary-

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:24 PM

Your poor boy!

I think you should focus on your little one and make sure that he feels better.

The school sounds like they are dealing with the problem. I would leave it in their hands for now and only go in and talk to them if another incident was to occur.

#7 Hollycoddle

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:24 PM

View PostCrankyM, on 19 March 2020 - 03:22 PM, said:

The school is dealing with it, I wouldn't worry about it.

I do find it a little odd that you were not called though. An indent like that would have gotten a call from a teacher just to let me know what had happened and that it was being dealt with. That might just be my school though (and my child has a disability).

They may yet call.  I know with my kids' school I often wouldn't get the call until after 4-5pm when the school day was well and truly done.

#8 Sweetpea11

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:31 PM

Might talk to his class teacher tomorrow.
Ive done my best to reassure him that none of what they said is true and not to let them ruin his day but it’s a pretty nasty bunch of stuff to say to a little kid and he can’t unhear it. Why are some kids so mean.

#9 Riotproof

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:40 PM

Sounds like they are handling it.

I wonder if it’s usual for them to call and explain what happened to you though? Are you sure there’s no communication in his bag?

#10 seayork2002

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:43 PM

I would want the school to ensure the boys that did with ware monitored so this never happens again - if the school have dealt with then fine

if that is done as a parent no I do see the point of setting my own punishment that they should be given for children that are not my own

#11 kadoodle

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:54 PM

I’m surprised that you weren’t called. I’d be making sure his classroom teacher knew what happened, so they’d be aware your DS may be a bit off his game and in need of some friendship scaffolding while he gets over this.

#12 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 19 March 2020 - 03:57 PM

I would expect to be told if something like this happened.

#13 Mooples

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:00 PM

I wouldn’t ask the class teacher, if it happened on yard duty chances are his teacher won’t know all the details. I would try and talk to the principal, not because you want to speak to the head honcho but because they are involved and will know all the information.

#14 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:18 PM

they got sent to the principal - that’s all i’d expect ...maybe not even that, it’s a pretty big deal to be sent to the principal. i’d leave it at that.


#15 Mrs Zee

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:26 PM

View PostLucrezia Bauble, on 19 March 2020 - 04:18 PM, said:

they got sent to the principal - that’s all i’d expect ...maybe not even that, it’s a pretty big deal to be sent to the principal. i’d leave it at that.

You wouldn't even expect the principal to be involved? That shocks me but maybe I'm out of touch because we have a small school.

Even if other teachers have handled it, it would absolutely be made known to the principal.

I'd expect a call too. I got one not long ago because a kid swore at my DS (year 6). Other kid was made to do a written apology and put in "reflection" for both breaks.

I was surprised we got a call but they wanted to make sure we knew it was dealt with and if anything else happened to let them know.

Eta: I don't think it's unreasonable to talk to someone tomorrow so you can have some reassurance that they will be watching to make sure it doesn't happen again

Edited by Mrs Zee, 19 March 2020 - 04:27 PM.


#16 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:30 PM

View PostMrs Zee, on 19 March 2020 - 04:26 PM, said:



You wouldn't even expect the principal to be involved? That shocks me but maybe I'm out of touch because we have a small school.

Even if other teachers have handled it, it would absolutely be made known to the principal.

I'd expect a call too. I got one not long ago because a kid swore at my DS (year 6). Other kid was made to do a written apology and put in "reflection" for both breaks.

I was surprised we got a call but they wanted to make sure we knew it was dealt with and if anything else happened to let them know.

i don’t know...a kind of similar thing happened a while ago, my son was on the periphery - not the receiver of the worst of the behaviour - the head of stage 1 called me (and other parents) - not the principal. i guess it’s possible the principal was involved, but i didn’t know about it. you really only get the information as it concerns your kid. the child perpetrators were not named.


#17 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:34 PM

View PostCrankyM, on 19 March 2020 - 03:22 PM, said:

The school is dealing with it, I wouldn't worry about it.

I do find it a little odd that you were not called though. An indent like that would have gotten a call from a teacher just to let me know what had happened and that it was being dealt with.

Our school is the same.  2 Older children picking on  a younger child would be considered bullying as there is a power imbalance. There would definitely be consequences for the puncher here. We wouldn't be told what they were but there would be a follow up call to say it had been dealt with.

Edited by MadMarchMasterchef, 19 March 2020 - 04:36 PM.


#18 Twinmum+2

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:48 PM

OMG that must have been awful!  I'm so sorry that happened to your poor DS.  Just thinking about it makes me sick :cry:

#19 #notallcats

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:48 PM

View PostHollycoddle, on 19 March 2020 - 03:17 PM, said:

Don't be THAT parent.


An eight year old child was randomly verbally and then physically abused  

Be THAT parent.

The school should have told the OP what happened to her son, and what measures are being taken to prevent it happening again.  

Your son was very brave to tell a teacher OP.

#20 amdirel

Posted 19 March 2020 - 04:53 PM

Errmm... if my child was PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED at school, I would absolutely expect a call, and I would absolutely follow up on it tomorrow.

*scoffs*... THAT parent.... wtf...

#21 spr_maiden

Posted 19 March 2020 - 05:08 PM

Yup,  seriously so sick of the "that" parent bullsh*t.

OP, I think 2 older children randomly punching your younger child is a perfectly good reason to have a chat with the child's teacher to check there is support for ALL the children to not experience/perpetrate a similar situation.

#22 lucky 2

Posted 19 March 2020 - 05:25 PM

Your child was physically assaulted at primary school and you were not called/informed.
And you had no idea he'd suffered a trauma!
I'd be calling to speak with someone about it first thing tomorrow, I'm appalled you were not contacted.
That, to me, is the school abandoning their duty of care for your son.
I get that they've dealt with the perpetrators but what about your 8yo?
How are they supporting him?

I'm furious on his behalf.
Maybe the pandemic is taking up their mental energy?

#23 Mumsyto2

Posted 19 March 2020 - 05:28 PM

View PostSweetpea11, on 19 March 2020 - 03:10 PM, said:

Do I demand more serious consequences for the boys?

You can’t demand anything in regards to the other children. You don’t have any authority or rights in this regard. The only thing you CAN demand is to know what they have in place to keep your child safe and that is a perfectly reasonable demand.

#24 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 19 March 2020 - 05:31 PM

Look there are plenty of times when I am totally on board with not being "that parent" but this is not one of them.

This is assault.

The school should have informed you that your son was assaulted. I would be asking his teacher and if she didnt have any answers I would go above them.

#25 .Jerry.

Posted 19 March 2020 - 05:39 PM

I would contact the school and ask about what happened.

They won't necessarily tell you specifics of the consequences for the boys, but you can ask how your son will be supported now.

At least then the staff will know that you are aware.




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