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Very fluffy etiquette WDYT


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#1 Yippee-Ki-Yay

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:24 PM

My uncle and I disagreed about etiquette of the following scenario, keeping in mind I am aware there are so many more very important things going on in the world, this is just a diversion.

Uncle (middle aged) is at counter of chemist being served by young woman (approx 18). During small talk the young person used the words 'me and my friends', whereupon my uncle interrupted what she was saying to correct her with 'you mean my friends and I'.

I think that aside from it being rude to interrupt (especially to 'correct' her) its just not his place to make that kind of correction. I think its pretty patronising and rude. I wouldnt go so far to says its offensive, but more unnecessary. My uncle is convinced that as 'he is her superior in age, intellect and education'  his words :huh:  (I promise he is not naturally a rude person and his quirks suggest possible ASD with a lot of rigid thinking and difficulty perceiving others points of view) it is not only his place, but also his duty to 'improve' others (he uses this concept with me a lot - again, not as bad as it sounds and I push back a bit these days).

So, if you bothered reading this at all and were then able to summon any level of GAF, where do you fall? Not a problem, or rude and unnecessary, or something else entirely?

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:31 PM

So rude.  Especially since she seems to have been going to some effort to have a nice conversation with him.

#3 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:32 PM

Rude and unnecessary....

You dont use a random polite conversation to tell someone off for their grammar.

I would have said it several more times just to irk him if he did it to me :lol:

Edited by ~Jolly_F~, 11 March 2020 - 02:33 PM.


#4 KACM

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:34 PM

I can’t recall the exact quote, but I remember someone once saying that manners should not be used to embarrass others.

#5 Mollyksy

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:35 PM

Very rude. I hate the whole 'I'm old I must be respected'. You have to give respect too. I would have stopped talking to him completely. He is superior?! Said in his out loud voice?!! Poor person serving him.

#6 IamtheMumma

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:36 PM

All he's doing is showing he's an ass.

It is not his duty to improve others. It is his duty to mind his own business.

I admit I will twitch when someone says "youse" or pacific instead of specific. But that is my problem, not the other person's.

#7 Jersey Caramel

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:37 PM

It's rude to do that to a stranger. I can imagine my dad or grandfather correcting me (or my brother) at that age,  as they would consider it part of their 'job' in raising us. But for a stranger, no.

Edited by Jersey Caramel, 11 March 2020 - 02:41 PM.


#8 Riotproof

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:38 PM

Totally rude of him.

Also, there are some context where my friends and me would be appropriate.

Would you like to go to the beach with me and my friends?
Would you like to go to the beach with me?
Would you like to go to the beach with I?

#9 born.a.girl

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:39 PM

My mother lived to 98. Even in her final year if I said something along the lines of 'different to ...' she would quietly correct to 'different from ...'.

She was 98 though and he's my age.

As you say, some quirks there but it's really not acceptable any more.


Keep pushing back. ;)

#10 jgirl7

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:39 PM

Yes, I'm totally with you on this one, rude and unnecessary. Especially if the girl was just making polite small talk whilst serving your uncle, just makes her job that little bit harder. In the course of a day she may be dealing with all sorts of problems, complaints by customers about anything (I overheard a lady going on and on about the coronavirus in the chemist to the poor pharmacist) and so on.  He should just learn to ignore grammar which doesn't please him, politely chat, pay and leave!

#11 born.a.girl

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:41 PM

View PostRiotproof, on 11 March 2020 - 02:38 PM, said:

Totally rude of him.

Also, there are some context where my friends and me would be appropriate.

Would you like to go to the beach with me and my friends?
Would you like to go to the beach with me?
Would you like to go to the beach with I?

Exactly.  "Would you like to come to the market with Riotproof and I" is an extremely commonly used expression*, but it ain't correct.

*Well, not literally.

#12 Silverstreak

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:43 PM

I think it ends up being rude, even if kindly meant (e.g. if I correct this person today, they won't say something incorrect tomorrow.) He needs to repress his desire to correct others, if possible, particularly in public.

#13 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:45 PM

yeh i always thought if you took away the other person, if “me” made sense, then “me” was ok to use. “she gave the chocolates to me and DH” ..”she gave the chocolates to me”. “I went to the park” “my friends and I went to the park”.

but very rude.


#14 AllyK81

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:45 PM

That is very rude. How embarrassing for that young girl.

#15 Cherubs

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:52 PM

I correct my children, but not randoms on the street, that is rude and not my place.  I may correct mispronunciations if it is a good friend, or family member and I am fairly certain it will be well received.

#16 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 11 March 2020 - 02:54 PM

It's as bad as online forum situation of " look I fixed/ corrected it for you".

It's rude.

#17 born.a.girl

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:00 PM

View PostLucrezia Bauble, on 11 March 2020 - 02:45 PM, said:

yeh i always thought if you took away the other person, if “me” made sense, then “me” was ok to use. “she gave the chocolates to me and DH” ..”she gave the chocolates to me”. “I went to the park” “my friends and I went to the park”.

but very rude.


I know there's a rule, I'm sure the teachers here know it, but I can't for the life of me remember. All I know is  as per what you've done, take the other person away it should still be correct.

#18 Stuffed Olive

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:06 PM

My mother (school principal aaargh!) was a stickler for grammar and always corrected us at home. However her general belief was that it was more important for people to be able to express themselves effectively and that nit-picking over small issues would inhibit this.
She also insisted that the point of etiquette was to make others feel comfortable, so when the overseas visitors ate their cornflakes without any milk, she crunched a few herself!!

#19 seayork2002

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:21 PM

Mind you we get it on here, I don't think this is any less rude.

I guess I kind of think it's unnecessary and what is the intended outcome? Is it actually teaching or just the need to be 'right'

Is it to help her or make him feel better?


#20 Ozquoll

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:24 PM

View PostStuffed Olive, on 11 March 2020 - 03:06 PM, said:

She also insisted that the point of etiquette was to make others feel comfortable, so when the overseas visitors ate their cornflakes without any milk, she crunched a few herself!!
I love that she did that!

#21 Demera

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:31 PM

I'd love to know the rest of the sentence, because he, quite possibly, could have been wrong, and that would have been funny.

#22 Luci

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:31 PM

He’s not helping her at all. He’s just making himself look like a d*ck.

#23 Gruffalo's Child

Posted 11 March 2020 - 03:47 PM

It’s rude, unnecessary and horribly patronizing.

Edited by Gruffalo's Child, 11 March 2020 - 03:48 PM.


#24 jayskette

Posted 11 March 2020 - 04:37 PM

geez I only do this on the internet, never in person!

#25 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 11 March 2020 - 04:43 PM

obnoxious




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