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Am I in the wrong? Awkward playdate situation.


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#1 kadoodle

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:34 PM

DS2 (8yo) has been having some issues at school because his bestie has moved schools, so I invited three of his other friends over for a play to help kick some friendships up a notch. Two of the mums (and bonus younger siblings) stuck around, but one dropped and ran, and left her 13yo DS with cerebral palsy so she could take her DH to the airport. This boy is wheelchair bound, has limited speech, and made it really obvious that he wasn’t keen on being left like a piece of luggage with strangers.

The young man didn’t want to hang out with the younger kids, or get in the pool or on the trampoline with them, and he was bored just sitting there with the grown ups, so I collared DS1 (15yo) and asked him to play host. DS1 took the opportunity to grab DD1 (17), DD2 (12) and turn the kitchen into a dungeons and dragons session. All seemed peaceful when I checked up on them every so often, and he and DS1 exchanged phone numbers when he left, so I assumed he’d enjoyed himself, and all was well.

10 minutes ago, I got a furious text from his mother about me letting my kids introduce her DS to a satanic cult. How do I even handle this?

#2 Sweet.Pea

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:37 PM

I'd be texting back "I'm not sure what you mean? Which satanic cult would that be?"

#3 Mumsyto2

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:40 PM

I’d text back stating ‘confusion’. Along the lines of ‘ x watched kids in pool but didn’t want to join, them played some games as a group - not sure what you are referring to, do you have the wrong play date?’.

#4 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:43 PM

you did the best you could under the circumstances? it was all innocent - that wouldn’t even  register on my radar - and my kids would love that game! wonder if something got lost in translation? but i don’t think you did anything wrong, it was all innocent fun.


#5 kadoodle

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:43 PM

View PostMumsyto2, on 29 February 2020 - 06:40 PM, said:

I’d text back stating ‘confusion’. Along the lines of ‘ x watched kids in pool but didn’t want to join, them played some games as a group - not sure what you are referring to, do you have the wrong play date?’.

Will send that now.

#6 seayork2002

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:45 PM

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View PostSweet.Pea, on 29 February 2020 - 06:37 PM, said:

I'd be texting back "I'm not sure what you mean? Which satanic cult would that be?"

This

But i would change it slightly

'Which one we are involved in a few?'

#7 NeedSleepNow

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:45 PM

if it wasn’t for the 13-yr old being in a wheelchair, I’d assume you had my BIL’s kids over for a play date. There is no rationalizing with her, so I’d probably just reply politely and say you hadn’t realised they had restrictions about games like dungeons and dragons, and you will make sure they don’t play it with (insert name here) again.
If they are anywhere near as nutty as my BIL I wouldn’t even buy into it or try defend the game...

#8 magic_marker

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:50 PM

I'm sorry, when l read that, l laughed. Hard. No. You're not in the wrong. Wrong would be taking advantage of the situation and nicking off to the airport without her child.
Ask if she had a problem with auto correct. Did she mean "a cult' or 'the occult'. Because the game may have a cult following, but it's not a cult.

#9 Mumsyto2

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:51 PM

Yeah, I’d just keep going along the confusion path. So even if she texts back regarding the game after you send the initial response, just keep the ball rolling ‘sorry, still confused, kids played a fantasy game, what are you referring to?’.

#10 Paddlepop

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:52 PM

I'm guessing she's not a fan of Harry Potter either. What a nutter. Play dumb and be neutral. Make her explain what her issue it.

#11 Silverstreak

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:53 PM

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Well, that mother sounds like a real piece of work. Selfish and uptight.

Also, your kids sound like great value, good on your DS for being such a great host.

#12 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:53 PM

I would phone her back. I wouldn't do it by text. Sounds like a weird misunderstanding- hopefully!

#13 Hands Up

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:54 PM

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I’d say “do you have me confused with someone else? I’m the one that looked after both your children today?”

#14 Mrs Zee

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:56 PM

Oh dear.

:rofl:

What a hide.

#15 Silverstreak

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:58 PM

Hang on, maybe she heard the name Gargoyle and then extrapolated. :laugh:

#16 Gruffalo's Child

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:59 PM

You’re definitely not in the wrong!   Your kids sound awesome.  I’d text something like “I’m a little perplexed by your text.  We enjoyed the play date today, and X and DS1 had a lot of fun playing dungeons and dragons.”

#17 born.a.girl

Posted 29 February 2020 - 06:59 PM

You are absolutely in the right, and what a fantastic effort on your part with all of those extras.

I wouldn't justify or explain anything.


If people have severe restrictions on what they want their kids involved in, and they are knowingly mixing with other families who won't be sharing those views, then they need to make it blindingly clear upfront.

I did have one kid whose family didn't 'do' Harry Potter, and she meekly asked me 'if i'd mind' if they didn't play anything to do with that 'if it wasn't too much trouble'.


I'd go with seayork's suggestion.

"We are part of a number of cults, although we've recently given up the South Korean one ..."

#18 Lees75

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:00 PM

I don't think there is any confusion at all (apart from the fact that she thinks it is ok to just leave her older child at your house). I would put my house on it that they are fundamentalist Christians?  I would not have been allowed to play DnD growing up and my mum would have said it was satanic. Thankfully my family has chilled somewhat!

Your kids sound beautiful and welcoming :)

ETA - however, my mum would never have been rude enough to text you something like that.

Edited by Lees75, 29 February 2020 - 07:03 PM.


#19 JRA

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:00 PM

Only Kadoodle could produce this one.

#20 gatheringpieces

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:16 PM

Wow. You and your kids did a fab job. Shame on her for dumping and running when the kid didn't want that.

#21 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:24 PM

View PostLees75, on 29 February 2020 - 07:00 PM, said:

I don't think there is any confusion at all (apart from the fact that she thinks it is ok to just leave her older child at your house). I would put my house on it that they are fundamentalist Christians?  I would not have been allowed to play DnD growing up and my mum would have said it was satanic. Thankfully my family has chilled somewhat!

Your kids sound beautiful and welcoming :)

ETA - however, my mum would never have been rude enough to text you something like that.

this is interesting - it would not have registered on my radar to not play a game like dungeons and dragons because there could be a religious objection to it - fair enough i wouldn’t have kids being involved in a spirit raising or ouija board (not that i believe those things can *actually* raise spirits, but even so) - are parents meant to know these things? like i wrote above, that would not have even crossed my mind that it could be remotely problematic - i’d have been more concerned about the kids swimming (not concerned in a “i will ban it’ way - but i would have supervised the swimming)

Edited by Lucrezia Bauble, 29 February 2020 - 07:25 PM.


#22 maryanneK

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:32 PM

I'd type your post into the return text message....it explains everything perfectly
or if I was feeling snarky I'd say fine next time take your own 13 yo high needs kid with you instead of leaving him on a 7 yo play date with my super nice kids who do everything possible to include and involve and entertain him and gave him a lovely day
FFS people are annoying! you and your kids sound so lovely.

#23 spr_maiden

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:34 PM

I'd be seriously tempted to send back
"You're welcome"...

#24 kadoodle

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:35 PM

View PostLucrezia Bauble, on 29 February 2020 - 07:24 PM, said:



this is interesting - it would not have registered on my radar to not play a game like dungeons and dragons because there could be a religious objection to it - fair enough i wouldn’t have kids being involved in a spirit raising or ouija board (not that i believe those things can *actually* raise spirits, but even so) - are parents meant to know these things? like i wrote above, that would not have even crossed my mind that it could be remotely problematic - i’d have been more concerned about the kids swimming (not concerned in a “i will ban it’ way - but i would have supervised the swimming)

I’d warned ahead about swimming, which is why the other mum’s stayed.

She texted back to say that the issue was a “magic worshiping game”, so I’m guessing that the objection is religious.

#25 born.a.girl

Posted 29 February 2020 - 07:37 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 29 February 2020 - 07:35 PM, said:

I’d warned ahead about swimming, which is why the other mum’s stayed.

She texted back to say that the issue was a “magic worshiping game”, so I’m guessing that the objection is religious.


"Every other parent who has had irrational beliefs about these things has warned me in advance ..."




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