Jump to content


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
31 replies to this topic

#1 mpoppins92

Posted 18 February 2020 - 07:47 PM

Never mind. I can see people thought my post was inappropriate and I don’t want to cause upset. Thanks to those who sent messages.

Edited by mpoppins92, 18 February 2020 - 09:01 PM.

#2 PurpleWitch

Posted 18 February 2020 - 07:49 PM

Hell yeah, I force my kids to do things they dont want to.
That's life. We all have to do things we don't want to do.

Those kids, sheesh, they're in for a time of it when older.

#3 27plus

Posted 18 February 2020 - 07:54 PM

Yes you should. Have you other teachers at the school that can assist you in how to do this?

#4 ytt

Posted 18 February 2020 - 07:57 PM

I'm a SLSO (assistant). 'Matey you may not have to do that at home but you are at school now and your job is to learn and my job is to help you learn'  Something like this I say often...

#5 I'mBeachedAs

Posted 18 February 2020 - 07:59 PM

I wonder if they're telling you the full story. My 7 year old might tell people he doesn't do chores but in fact we get him to help incidentally around the house - clearing the dishwasher, helping put clothes away, tidying his room, vacuuming... they're just not set chores

#6 SplashingRainbows

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:00 PM

I employ people in my day job. And pay their wages.

Needless to say yes my kids get made to do things they don’t want to do. And the expectation is the fuss reduces as they get older. My son is in y4 and I would be horrified if he behaved as you describe.
I know he doesn’t because his oosh teacher ran up to me last week and specifically said how much they love having him and how he does what he is asked or told with no fuss.
That said it’s a process to get there!

Sticker charts have been well used around age 5 for rewarding necessary but not pleasant tasks (eg cleaning teeth, going to bed on time etc). They’re possibly a bit below age 9 but it may be worth a shot? Positive reinforcement and all that.

Kids who aren’t used to doing things they need to do, can require some motivation.

Problem you’ve got now is it doesn’t matter whether the kid should be able to do this, or have these skills, reality is they don’t so it’s a case of how you build those skills.

I’d also consider whether the child was overwhelmed with the task and actually didn’t know where to start rather than didn’t want to do it.... language is still very much developing at this age.

#7 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:02 PM

I’m always making my kids do things they don’t want to do. That’s a major part of parenting. If you don’t make kids do stuff they don’t want to do then they will never learn vital basic skills, like dressing themselves, or even going to the toilet, or brushing their teeth.  And more complicated skills like cooking, cleaning, reading and writing etc.

Some kids are just spoilt. No idea how you would teach those kids. Just give them an “F” and let their parents deal with it.

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:04 PM

I would want to know this if I was that child's parent.

It would not fly with me, sorry buddy but life doesn't work that way. It's not like you are asking him to do anything that would not be considered necessary at school.

Talk to the parent.

#9 Meepy

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:05 PM

Teacher of secondary here and parent.  These students are in for a long school career which will be very difficult if they continue in this way.  All of us have to do things we don’t want to, without these things life would be very mundane. Without learning and new experiences emotional learning will not progress.  Avoidance is not helpful as it can lead to developing anxieties.

#10 seayork2002

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:05 PM

My son is having an immunisation on the weekend he is not getting out of but it was his choice not to swim in the last carnival.

So it depends, now i would not call my son a deliberate liar but i would only believe 50% of what he tells people

So if a child tells me 'i don't do anything thing at home' I can't say i would fully beleive them

Edited by seayork2002, 18 February 2020 - 08:07 PM.

#11 PrincessPeach

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:06 PM

Yep - if i didnt push my kid he would still be non-verbal.

To be honest, I expect my son's teacher to push him & especially in an academic task you know is well within their capabilities.

#12 mpoppins92

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:08 PM


Edited by mpoppins92, 18 February 2020 - 09:10 PM.

#13 Heather11

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:11 PM

With these children can you speak to their previous teacher to see if it was happening last year or if they are just trying to play you.

I work in special ed and at the beginning of this year had a student move out into mainstream.  Apparently they have been telling their current teacher they don't know how to even unpack their bag.

#14 PocketIcikleflakes

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:16 PM

My kids don't have chores as such, though there are some additional needs here. They are responsible for themselves though. Clothes into washing basket, plates taken to kitchen. Personal care.

So far as I know they do as they're expected at school anyway though.

Some kids are entitled but yes they do need to do things they don't want to do. If it's school work related I think it's worth looking into if they don't yet have the skills to manage the assignment. They may need help in breaking it down into smaller less intimidating tasks. If expect in year four it could still be quite difficult for a kid to verbalise why they don't want to do something that is overwhelming to them?

Edit, just read your latest post, I was typing when you posted.

Edited by PocketIcikleflakes, 18 February 2020 - 08:19 PM.

#15 can'tstayaway

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:35 PM

To the title question - yes, I make my children do all sorts of things they don’t want to do and I’m a horrible person in their eyes at times 🤣

I’ve have tried to bring up my children to be intrinsically motivated.  One of my children’s early primary teachers spoke to me in frustration one day, that he wouldn’t do the work for the sticker prize. I asked if she had told him he just had to do it as part of learning and she looked at me like I was crazy. The following week, the teacher told me with surprise that she did as I suggested and he did the work.

My point is, different children have different motivators and as the teacher, you’re  stuck with a class of a whole lot of individuals. It will take time to learn about their different personalities and what makes them tick.

One of the school principals recently told parents “if you don’t believe everything the children tell you about us, we won’t believe everything they tell us about you”. His point was that we should approach the staff to discuss matters and not just listen to what the child has said is going on at school. It also applies the other way and I’m sure parents would love to know what their children are claiming.

View PostSplashingRainbows, on 18 February 2020 - 08:00 PM, said:

Problem you’ve got now is it doesn’t matter whether the kid should be able to do this, or have these skills, reality is they don’t so it’s a case of how you build those skills.
A friend who is a Yr4 teacher has said that the start of the year is always tough. You’re learning about the child, the parents and having to teach them the basics because they seem to forget everything over the holidays. It’s almost like a condensed refresher before she could start on the Yr 4 work.

Do you have a mentor at the school you could ask for some guidance?  The teachers at one of my children’s schools spend time talking to the teachers from the previous year to get a detailed hand over before school starts. One of them mentioned they didn’t get such detailed hand overs at previous schools but it’s really helpful to get to know the students and their needs faster.

#16 ipsee

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:37 PM

Even if they don't do chores they must have to shower,  get up for school,  turn off the tv etc. These are things they have to make themselves do. And they must have completed schoolwork in year 3. I think they are trying it on as an excuse.

#17 #notallcats

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:37 PM

View Postmpoppins92, on 18 February 2020 - 08:08 PM, said:

Just want to confirm, he definitely understood the task, it was the last session working on something that we’ve had since day 2. For a bunch of reasons I know it was a good old temper tantrum.

So what do you want from us?  It's your role to deal with it, not us to explain it.

Since you've already decided it's a tantie, it would be pointless to suggest other explanations

#18 Fennel Salad

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:40 PM

Are you in inner west Sydney? :p

#19 Riotproof

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:44 PM

View Postmpoppins92, on 18 February 2020 - 08:08 PM, said:

Thanks for replies so far!

Just want to confirm, he definitely understood the task, it was the last session working on something that we’ve had since day 2. For a bunch of reasons I know it was a good old temper tantrum.

Am I being facetious to say you have a degree in this?

#20 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:47 PM

I am on the fence.

Sure there are some things that are have to be done but I don’t think that applies to everything and there are some things refuse to push my kids to do and I comfortable that they will do on in the world.

Sure avoidance may cause anxieties but anxiety causes avoidance, so it’s a vicious circle for many kids.

I agree with the PP who suggested a chat to their previous teachers.

I also don’t think it’s ok to write a kids emotions off as a temper tantrum, most kids don’t lash out for no reason. Even if we as adults don’t think the reason is valid, it’s valid to them.

But hey according to many an EB thread my kids are doomed to fail :lol:


Edited by ~Jolly_F~, 18 February 2020 - 08:47 PM.

#21 mpoppins92

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:51 PM


Edited by mpoppins92, 18 February 2020 - 09:10 PM.

#22 #notallcats

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:54 PM

View Postmpoppins92, on 18 February 2020 - 08:51 PM, said:

Just to reiterate, my question was in a general sense, children and society as a whole. I used this incident and child as an example but I guess I’m posing more of a philosophical question.

I have set various things in motion to deal with said child and incident and will make this clearer in my OP but I’m asking whether people think, as parents, children, on the whole, are no longer having opportunities to be bored or uncomfortable with the mundane.

Nope, too late,  You used this child and I think it's disgusting. I hope you are never my kid's teacher.  If you were asking in "general sense" then that's what you would have done.  The kid - in your words - was crying hysterically.

#23 can'tstayaway

Posted 18 February 2020 - 08:58 PM

View Postmpoppins92, on 18 February 2020 - 07:47 PM, said:

I know we are moving away from forcing children into certain situations and I agree completely with that, but do you think we are also now never allowing children opportunities to do things that they don’t like, aren’t fun or may even be uncomfortable?

Would love to hear some parent perspectives!
That’s quite a jump from a few children claiming to not do chores.  

I think most, of not all children have to do things they don’t like, isn’t fun or is uncomfortable on a regular basis. Just getting ready for school on time is often a struggle for many parents.

As a parent, employer and volunteer in a leadership role, I’ve learned to understand the personalities I’m dealing with, read the situation and motivate people to achieve an end goal. Ive found when we are working together rather than against each other to be the successful. I prefer not to exercise positional authority - you do xyz because I said so, doesn’t result in the best outcome. Sometimes I have to make decisions others don’t like but often we work together against other adversaries.

My Yr 4 child would probably also claim that they don’t do chores because we’ve never labelled them as such. But when we’re rushing in at 6pm and I need to get dinner on the table, them bathed, homework done, tidy up, pack bags for the next day and bed, I need their help. I would explain before we arrived home about the time, how much we have to do and how they can help so I can focus on the bits only I can do.  That might mean while I’m chopping or cooking, they unload the dishwasher. Or I might set them on to stir some onions that are frying off while I unload the dishwasher. It’s not a set chore as such.

Another thing I think you mentioned was that it was late in the day. I’m not sure where you are but I know here, it’s bloomin’ hot and the kids are at that 3 week hump. The holidays feel like a distant memory and the term’s feels endless to the kids. My Yr 4’s teacher has the kids doing quiet reading after lunch so that they can cool down and settle back into the classroom before she tries to teach. She’s also rejigged lessons so they are not trying to do maths or English type work in the afternoons but more collaborative work where there is group discussions. The kids are just too tired by the afternoon to be able to effectively learn.

#24 Riotproof

Posted 18 February 2020 - 09:00 PM

I would think, it's going to depend. On so many things I can't even list them.

I force my kids to do things that are important.
My son eats a cupcake twice a week, and I make him because I hope that one day he will not be allergic to egg anymore.
My daughter has her hair combed every day because it is a nightmare if I don't.
They have to go to bed on my time.
They have to pack and carry their own backpacks.
They have to do their homework within reason, but if I felt it was overly stressing either of them, I would stop.
They have to do a lot of things, but my strategies as a parent are not going to be the strategies of a teacher. I would expect that teachers have a multitude of strategies because they also deal with a multitide of personalities and have a vast experience compared to parents

#25 fig_jam

Posted 18 February 2020 - 09:04 PM

Sounds like you are looking for something else to blame than your own inexperience and ineptitude.

Did you really think, as a primary school teacher, all the kids would do everything you asked at all times? They are kids. It's not a parents problem or a society problem or not enough chores.

I am almost always pro teacher but being able to engage kids in the work is an essential teaching skill, dont look for something else to blame if you cant do it.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.


Top 5 Articles


From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.


Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.