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How would you fail as a criminal?


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#1 IamtheMumma

Posted 14 February 2020 - 01:52 PM

I've been watching Forensic Files on Netflix and I'd really suck as a criminal. Even in my wildest dreams, I couldn't come up with some of the plots and twists.

I know I would fail a lie detector test just because I'd be so nervous about it even knowing I was 100%  innocent.

#2 Cherubs

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:07 PM

I can’t lie to save my life, I would confess before they gathered the evidence.

#3 JJJ80

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:16 PM

Yeah I’d feel too guilty and confess. Years ago at a pub a guy was being really rude to a friend of mine and I poured a bit of my beer on him. I felt so bad that when I saw some police out the front later on I told them I’d done something awful and confessed. They laughed at me. (Yes I was a bit drunk).

#4 raspberry sherbert

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:21 PM

I would fail in 2 ways. I would confess in a second and I lose hair like crazy. I always joke about never committing a crime because of it.

#5 Ivy Ivy

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:37 PM

I would be an awesome criminal.  It might be my convict criminal blood?

#6 Evra

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:47 PM

I would cry when I got caught.

#7 NannyPlumPudding

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:53 PM

As long as they dont get the luminol out and you dont try to wash or get rid of the shoes you wore in your household bin then you should be sweet 😂

#8 seayork2002

Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:56 PM

Terrible, although I have never had any desire to be one I am so lazy I would be caught before I did anything anyway

Seems like too much hard work to be one

#9 No Drama Please

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:05 PM

I’m useless at lying and I always think I’m guilty even if I’ve done nothing wrong; eg if I walk into a shop and decide not to buy anything, I always freak out when walk out the doors in case the alarm goes off in case I might have accidentally stolen something and somehow forgotten :lol:

#10 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:17 PM

My observations on criminals is they often don’t think. The ones who plan get away with crimes for long periods of time and are often never found.

I have no trouble lying and there are secrets I plan to take to my grave, so I don’t see myself fessing up if I took up a career in crime.

I am pretty sure my DNA would let me down because these days it easier to get a DNA match then ever before.

#11 Kallie88

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:17 PM

If i committed a crime it would probably be a crime of passion, so just harder to cover my tracks lol

#12 **Tiger*Filly**

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:20 PM

I would be a very good criminal. I'm excellent at pretending (I won't say lying because I try not to,  but I do sometimes do secret shopping and I'm totally convincing with whatever persona I've put on). And I'm good at planning and considering all details and what might go wrong. I  think where I'd fall down is I'm too trusting, so if I had to deal with other criminals I'd probably get fleeced myself.

#13 Astrocyte

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:21 PM

I can’t lie and I’m always apologising for things (often that aren’t even my fault) so I’d probably be at the Police station handing myself in before they had even realised a crime had been committed.

#14 daisy007

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:25 PM

View PostNo Drama Please, on 14 February 2020 - 03:05 PM, said:

I’m useless at lying and I always think I’m guilty even if I’ve done nothing wrong; eg if I walk into a shop and decide not to buy anything, I always freak out when walk out the doors in case the alarm goes off in case I might have accidentally stolen something and somehow forgotten :lol:
I do this to. The thingy beeped at me this morning and I went back and showed them inside my bag and offered up my pram for examination, they weren’t remotely interested and didn’t even want to check anything!

#15 GlitteryElfFarts

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:38 PM

Not so sure about me. However I think DD15 would make a great one. She is forever counting how many cameras and dummy cameras shops have, and then tells me how you can get around the cameras and those security tag things.

#16 SeaPrincess

Posted 14 February 2020 - 03:48 PM

Never do a lie detector. The results are inadmissible even in the US, where they still do them regularly.

I like to think I’d be pretty good. I have a BFF who would ask no questions and help me dispose of a body (and vice versa). In reality, we are both such big fat goody-two-shoes that we’d never do it.

#17 Fizgig

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:05 PM

I have a terrible habit of always leaving something behind wherever I go. Guarantee that I would leave something at the crime scene easily linked to me!

#18 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:09 PM

I’d probably get drunk and boast about it to the wrong person.



#19 born.a.girl

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:37 PM

View Postdaisy007, on 14 February 2020 - 03:25 PM, said:

I do this to. The thingy beeped at me this morning and I went back and showed them inside my bag and offered up my pram for examination, they weren’t remotely interested and didn’t even want to check anything!


I've only recently started walking right on.

I know full well it's their scanner thingy that doesn't 'wipe' the whatever-it-is that beeps at the door.  It's taken me this long though, to think 'their problem'.


Both times it's happened no one's seemed to care.

#20 born.a.girl

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:39 PM

On the topic of criminal behaviour, why oh why have so many shops changed to having the desk for payment away from the front door?

Is it so that you might find yet something else on your way through and double back and pay for it?


I don't want to have someone check my docket and goods at the door, just because they've put the payment spot at the back.

#21 seayork2002

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:43 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 14 February 2020 - 04:39 PM, said:

On the topic of criminal behaviour, why oh why have so many shops changed to having the desk for payment away from the front door?

Is it so that you might find yet something else on your way through and double back and pay for it?


I don't want to have someone check my docket and goods at the door, just because they've put the payment spot at the back.

Kmart?

Very annoying!

#22 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:44 PM

They never really check anyway, they take a glance at the receipt and what you have in your bag or trolley and say all good.

You could have all sorts of stuff hidden under the other stuff and they would have no idea.

#23 Evra

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:51 PM

I would be looking for the toilet at a critical moment.

#24 amdirel

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:57 PM

I'd probably go crazy afterwards... not from guilt though, lol no, not me! I'm a terrible perfectionist and an overthinker, so if there was any minuscule part of my crime that didn't go perfectly to plan, I'd overthink it and kick myself until I lost my mind from stress!

#25 Dianalynch

Posted 14 February 2020 - 04:58 PM

A life of crime is my plan B - I investigate workplace fraud, corruption and misconduct, I know exactly what not to do.




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