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School reunions


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#1 ~garnet~

Posted 26 January 2020 - 06:29 PM

I have an invitation to a school reunion. I have to rsvp by the end of the week for a date in March.

I didn't like school, it wasn't a good experience other than academically, and I only keep in touch with one woman (who isn't going to this reunion). I haven't been to any of the other ones, but this is 25 years, so I don't know. Maybe it might be good to go, or maybe I just feel like I should because  it's 25 years and I don't want to be that person who never gets over adolescent horrors.

My friend (who didn't go to school with me) is urging me to go, and telling me how much I'll regret it if I don't make the effort. But she loved school and still sees a lot of people from schooldays. I know people probably change over 25 years, but if they haven't changed for the better I'll be setting myself up for a fairly horrible evening.

If you feel like sharing your experiences, did you go to a school reunion, did you enjoy yourself, had people changed, for better or worse, did you feel like it was good to go even if it wasn't a great experience? Were you pleasantly surprised, or did it just reinforce any negative feelings?

#2 SummerStar

Posted 26 January 2020 - 06:44 PM

Yes I did. I wasn't going, then my friends convinced me last minute so I went. I still have a close group of 5 from school.

Regretted it and will never go again if there is another. Sure some people had changed but alot hadn't. One girl who was nasty at school was still going around gossiping and at one point she was sticking her finger up at someone across the room she didn't like.. She sure didn't mature. Then there was the druggie group who were still doing drugs in the bathroom.... So for me I wish I hadn't bothered and I won't make the same mistake next time. I currently see anyone I care about and am connected on Facebook to a few others. No need to see the rest.

There was meant to be another two years ago but no one bothered to organised it probably due to the stupidity that went on at the first one.

Edited by SummerStar, 26 January 2020 - 06:46 PM.


#3 amdirel

Posted 26 January 2020 - 06:49 PM

I went to the 10 year one and it was pretty much the same as high school- everyone stuck to their group. And I still see the people I want to see anyway. So when we recently had the 20 year one, I had no interest whatsoever, and declined. I don't regret not going, apparently not many people went anyway!

#4 cardamom

Posted 26 January 2020 - 06:50 PM

My high school experience sounds similar to yours - I didn't go to mine, absolutely no regrets. If you genuinely want to go then go for it but if it's purely out of a sense of obligation then nahhhh!

#5 BadCat

Posted 26 January 2020 - 06:54 PM

I dropped into one once. Only because a friend and I were going out for the night and she wanted to drop in for a while.

It was a low key affair at a pub, not a big dinner or anything like that.  And everyone was exactly the same.  The popular kids still wafted about in a world of their own. The criminals were still criminals. The average people were still average people.

I left after about half an hour.  I doubt anyone cared. I've not seen any of them since and I can't say I care at all.

#6 Silverstreak

Posted 26 January 2020 - 06:59 PM

I went to the 10 year one and the 20 year one and had a good time at both. The older you get, the less people rock up! So the ten year one was huge, the 20 year one less so.

I don't think people change that much. I'm still friends with a lot of my school friends. I chatted to the nice people and avoided speaking to the more unpleasant ones, who I don't have time for.

Honestly, you'll have kept in touch with those you like anyway and the rest you probably aren't that close with. Actually, reunions are probably getting far less necessary in terms of getting updates, due to Facebook etc.

#7 Lime-Polka-Dot

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:00 PM

There wasn't a 10 year reunion as far as I know. I'm not in regular face to face contact with anyone from high school but I'm Facebook friends with a decent amount. From what I can tell, a lot of friendship groups have remained fairly close over the years so possibly no one thought it was worth having? This year is 15 years.

#8 #notallcats

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:01 PM

I went to my 10 year one and perhaps it was the alcohol, but it seemed everyone got on and the groups mixed.  So it was fun but I doubt I would have regretted not going either.

Do you have someone to go with OP?  You could go for half an hour and leave if it's no good.

#9 AnythingGoes

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:09 PM

I haven't been to any and haven't regretted it for a second!

#10 BornToLove

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:11 PM

My high school does them a bit differently where all years get together every 5 years at the school for their reunions. So everyone from the very first graduating class all the way to the kids who graduated last year have one big party. It’s neat because there are more people to mingle with. Unless of course your parents went to the same school

That said, I’ve never been. Usually when the invite gets out there, someone from my main friends group reaches out and asks if we want our own reunion. We the organise a dinner for when most of us are in town which is nice.

#11 Chelli

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:11 PM

I went to my 15 year reunion and absolutely hated it. It was badly organised, there were tables where everyone sat like they did in their school cliques, hardly anyone interacted with anyone and I was pregnant and tired so left early.

10 years later, and a group of us got together to organise the next reunion. Our reunion committee didn't really hang out in high school but we all wanted to improve on the previous experience. We learnt from what we didn't enjoy the first time, and also decided to personally contact everyone we went to school with to invite them. Turns out this was a hugely important step as we spoke to people who were hugely damaged by their experience at school. Even though some of them still didn't attend, it began a healing process. When we had our 30th reunion last year, those people showed up and we have all bonded really tightly as a group. We stay in touch on a FB group page, share our milestones and support one another. I am so lucky to have gone to school with an awesome group of people.

#12 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:11 PM

I haven't been to any of mine and I won't be going to this year's one either.  High school was not a highlight of my life and I don't want to spend time and money on an evening with people I don't particularly want to speak to ever again.

#13 seayork2002

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:12 PM

I got along with most peoople, we had smaller groups in a bigger group, i had some close friends but had other friends so i am curious what they are up too so for me i would go.

If i was not bothered i would happily not go

#14 Backtoschoolchef

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:18 PM

Im not on facebook so if there has been such a thing I wouldn't know!  Im in touch with a handful of friends from highschool but we only catch up about twice a year.

#15 Chchgirl

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:23 PM

I left school in 1984 and that was one of the best days of my life walking out those gates.

I hated school and inly keep in touch with a couple of people. I've never been to a reunion and never will. I don't live in Sydney anywhere near there and have no wish to attend and see people who I couldn't stand and who couldn't stand me.

That's the past and I'm happier away from it.

#16 too tired to care

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:27 PM

I recently went to my 30th reunion and i loved it. Which surprised me greatly as I hated school and had not been to any reunions until this one.

As I am not on FB it meant I got to catch up with quite a few people. Those that left in year 10 ended up together and those of us that went on to year 12 ended up separately at the end of the night but it was great to see people and get some of their contact details.

Because i am happy with who i am and where i am in life i did not feel threatened or concerned about what people thought of me. I am certainly much more self assured than i was in HS and I figured if there was no one i wanted to talk to i could leave.

So i am really glad i went and am looking forward to catching up with a few people beyond the reunions.

#17 Caitlin Happymeal

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:33 PM

I hated school, socially. I was a teacher's daughter and really copped it from all different groups.

I was lucky enough to be due with my twins around the time of my 10 year reunion, which ironically, was being organised by my most awful school bully, who was super keen for me to come. I gave my apologies, citing being massively pregnant with twins.

20 year reunion was last year. Again, people added me on FB, even went via my older sister to try and get me to come. Why?! I can't understand. I wasn't going to go, and this time used the kids 10th birthday (convenient!)as a reason to not be able to. Why push so hard for me to go, just so they could feel better about how they treated me back then. I am sure some may have changed, but I really have no desire to find out. I'm in a really good place in my life, with great, positive, supportive friendships, and a job I love, great family. I can't possibly see any benefit to me revisiting the social crap hole that was high school.

If you have people you think you'd like to reconnect with, sure, do it, but I can't think of a single person I'm desperate to catch up with. Don't feel like you have to go.

#18 No Drama Please

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:34 PM

Personally I hated school, it was a miserable time waster of an experience, and have no interest in seeing or meeting up with anyone (except maybe my English teacher who was awesome and probably the only incentive to turn up at all).

However once I left school at halfway through sixth form (maybe year 10 equivalent) and started working I absolutely loved it. I made an awesome group of friends, we’re still in touch some 30 plus years later, and I’d love to go to a big reunion with everyone for that.

#19 SeaPrincess

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:43 PM

I went to my 20 and 30 year reunions. I am still in touch with a few girls from school, so we went together, and for the 30 years, I’d reconnected with some others through my children’s school. We had a large proportion of the boarders at both, and quite a lot of them have sent their daughters there as well, so they still have close connections with the school. There were a few girls I’d been looking forward to seeing and wondering why we hadn’t stayed in touch, but after a short time with them, I remembered why!

I refused to go to DH’s reunion even though partners were invited. I felt like he’d be better able to catch up with people without worrying about whether I was having a good time. Result was that he didn’t go.

#20 ~garnet~

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:43 PM

Thanks everyone for answering. I appreciate it.

I've run out of likes,because I've been on here half the day but I'll come back when I have some renewed.


View Post#notallcats, on 26 January 2020 - 07:01 PM, said:

I went to my 10 year one and perhaps it was the alcohol, but it seemed everyone got on and the groups mixed.  So it was fun but I doubt I would have regretted not going either.

Do you have someone to go with OP?  You could go for half an hour and leave if it's no good.

No, I'll have to turn  up by myself as it's not for partners - which is what is off-putting even though I'm an adult. Silly! but I'm worried I'll have to sit and have no-one to talk to. It's a 3 course meal, so I might be sitting next to someone who hated me at school. This is turning me back into a teenager!!!!

View PostChelli, on 26 January 2020 - 07:11 PM, said:

I went to my 15 year reunion and absolutely hated it. It was badly organised, there were tables where everyone sat like they did in their school cliques, hardly anyone interacted with anyone and I was pregnant and tired so left early.

10 years later, and a group of us got together to organise the next reunion. Our reunion committee didn't really hang out in high school but we all wanted to improve on the previous experience. We learnt from what we didn't enjoy the first time, and also decided to personally contact everyone we went to school with to invite them. Turns out this was a hugely important step as we spoke to people who were hugely damaged by their experience at school. Even though some of them still didn't attend, it began a healing process. When we had our 30th reunion last year, those people showed up and we have all bonded really tightly as a group. We stay in touch on a FB group page, share our milestones and support one another. I am so lucky to have gone to school with an awesome group of people.

Yeah, this is what I'm worried about - but that sounds kind of hopeful, as I did get a personal invitation. I haven't been to any of the others, so maybe it'll be better.
I'm kind of swinging between it could be good or it'll be the worst night I've had for 25 years.

#21 Chelli

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:46 PM

We didn't have a sit down dinner at our last two reunions for good reason - to stop people sitting in their cliques and not interacting. We did finger food and a grazing table which worked well. A photo booth was a great ice breaker too, we had lots of fun with that.

#22 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 26 January 2020 - 07:46 PM

Socially I hated schools. I changed schools end of year 10 as I was suicidal.

I attended both 20 year reunions (ie for school I left at end of year 10 as well as school I was at for 11/12).

Since I finished school I have learnt to like myself and be happy with myself. These days I care less about what others think.

I did find the 20 yrs reunions very interesting. I talked with many I would not have socialised with. It was interesting to see where everyone ended up (some married farmers they met at Uni and now like in tiny population towns in the middle of nowhere - which is interesting as our school was Sydney city).

I even had a long chat with the girl who bullied me in primary school. Just general chat, not anything about what I had experienced.

I did find it cathartic going to it.

I most likely will attend my 30yrs one too in 2yrs (there was not a 25yrs one).




#23 *Spikey*

Posted 26 January 2020 - 08:01 PM

I have been to 10, 20 and 30 year reunions - and 40 is this year. Yep, I'm old.

Our school had all of the usual groupings, mean girls, cool girls, uber nerds, various cultural cliques. I was never one of the cool kids and I did not like school.

10 year reunion - it really felt like Year 13. So many of them were just the same, and so competitive. It was dull. A lot of people that I like didn't go.

20 year reunion - people had managed to get over themselves. It was a decent night, and I enjoyed myself. Some of the more dubious people had finally grown up, and were okay.

30 year reunion - on the strength of the fun had at the 20th, I convinced a few people to show up and reconnect with those they had hung out with at school. They had a ball, it was a brilliant party, and they were glad they came.

40 year reunion - we're checking out the school (some of us are curious) and having drinks and nibbles nearby. We have all gotten so over ourselves, it should be massively awesome. A few more of the 'never ever' camp will be attending, because we have a great time together.

At 25 years, most of them have suffered through life and become more mature. And unlike school, there is no penalty for telling the sad-sacks to p*ss off if they get started trying to rehash their old bully games.

#24 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 26 January 2020 - 08:04 PM

I have not being to any of them and have no plans on attending.

#25 Freddie'sMum

Posted 26 January 2020 - 08:15 PM

I have never attended any school reunions and never will.  DH's high school had a reunion a few years back and he was notified (via his family) that he hadn't shown up for it.

I could pass everyone I went to high school in the street, not recognize 90% of them and not talk to 95% of them.  

Care factor - zero.




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