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Have you had a termination?


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38 replies to this topic

#1 blissfulfairy

Posted 20 December 2019 - 11:19 PM

If so, did you choose medical or surgical?

Long story short I have found myself pregnant. I am so ashamed and guilty however I cannot carry this pregnancy. I always thought I could never terminate.. but here I am knowing I can't continue.

I have 4 babies earthside already. I had hypermesis, cholestasis and other complications last pregnancy alone. I have only in the last 4 months come good after dealing with depression for 18 months. I wanted to kill myself.

I dont have appt for a couple of weeks at which point I think I will be 7-8 weeks and could do either surgical or tablets.

Please share your termination experience.

#2 Cat12

Posted 20 December 2019 - 11:53 PM

Slightly different but I had the option to d&c a failed pregnancy or wait for it to pass. I opted for the d&c as I liked the completeness of feeling in control and that the situation would be dealt with fully. Good luck. It must be tough for you.

Cat

#3 Islander

Posted 21 December 2019 - 01:37 AM

I’ve seen many people (friends, as well as at work in the hospital emergency dept) require surgical following incomplete medical that I chose surgical when making the decision for myself.

(As it happened, I didn’t require the termination by the time it came up, so no actual first hand experience). I have been with one friend and my sister for their surgical terminations though, and the recovery was much better than for my two friends who had medical.

#4 Sweet.Pea

Posted 21 December 2019 - 02:00 AM

I haven't had one but I would choose surgical. As a PP mentioned, you could need it anyway and draws out the process.

No need to feel ashamed or guilty for it. You need to take care of yourself and your 4 earthside babies. There is nothing shameful about that in the slightest.

#5 Amica

Posted 21 December 2019 - 04:09 AM

No experience OP. I juat wanted to say there is no need for guilt in having a medical procedure that is physically and mentally right for you. No need to explain yourself to others either.

All the best.

#6 IamzFeralz

Posted 21 December 2019 - 04:19 AM

Wishing you the best too and feel bad for you that it has happened at this time of year.  Looks like you are getting good advice here on your question and hope you get more responses to help with your decision.

#7 PhillipaCrawford

Posted 21 December 2019 - 05:39 AM

I think the statistics are one in three and many of them are older mothers.  
When you have children already it means the decision isn't just about you but the life for those already here. They have a right to a healthy mum and a quality life. V

#8 Froyohoho

Posted 21 December 2019 - 05:59 AM

I've not had a termination, but I've had losses with and without d&cs. I'd go the surgical option, otherwise it can drag out.

#9 andyk

Posted 21 December 2019 - 06:14 AM

I have and I chose the surgical option which was fine and it was over quickly.
But I had not factored in my mental health, I was ok early but then fell into despair every time I saw a baby or pregnant woman. I also carried a huge amount of guilt and felt like everything that went wrong in my life was because of my choice. At the time I also had an abusive and unsupportive partner which made things so much worse.

Try to ensure you have a “mental health plan” to help you cope with the emotions that come afterward. Counseling helped me immensely but unfortunately I didn’t get help for a long time and had to hit rock bottom first.

Thinking of you.

#10 cvbn

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:29 AM

No advice but wishing you the best OP, I am sorry x

#11 StartledFlamingo

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:41 AM

By the time I realised I was pregnant, surgical was the only option.

We had 2 kids already and we were pretty sure we didn't want a third and very sure the timing was bad.

It was very easy physically and I've been fine (Not saying you should be or will be, just my experience).

#12 born.a.girl

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:41 AM

No, but would definitely have had one if our CVS (I was 38) came back with negative results.  Just because it would have been an easy decision, doesn't mean it wouldn't have been traumatic.

Talking to someone with relief when the results were fine, my husband overheard me and commented along the lines 'but we decided, didn't we, that we'd make that decision', I replied 'yes, we made the decision, but if I'd had to go through with that, don't expect me to come out the other side the same person'.


I personally know a number of people well, who've had them, and only one has expressed any regret (for financial reasons, then their circumstances changed for the better, very quickly, so it wasn't so much regret as 'who can see into the future?').

If I'd had to have one it would definitely have been surgical so it wasn't drawn out.

All the best for the coming weeks.

#13 IamtheMumma

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:46 AM

You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. This is a legitimate health need. You are being an excellent mother by thinking about your existing family, their needs and what is necessary for you.

I'd prefer a surgical termination over medical.

#14 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:59 AM

absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

i had a surgical termination. it was done at a private clinic in Sydney’s east....i was put under (or it might have been twilight sedation - not sure) and then the next thing i remember i was reclining in a lounge chair in a nice sun room with two lovely nurses handing me a cup of tea and some biscuits. there was another woman there too, i remember she smiled at me and she said “god it’s a relief isn’t it” and i said yes. and it was. i walked out of there an hour later with the most overwhelming feeling of relief and happiness. i was pregnant and i needed not to be. and now i wasn’t. it was good.

best of luck with it all.


#15 Freddie'sMum

Posted 21 December 2019 - 08:01 AM

You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilt over OP.  I wish you all the best going forward.

#16 Abcde-La-A

Posted 21 December 2019 - 08:13 AM

Please don’t feel guilt or shame. It’s your body and your decision. You are not doing anything wrong.

I have not had a termination, but having supported friends through surgical and medical, I would opt for the surgical option.

#17 born.a.girl

Posted 21 December 2019 - 08:20 AM

I should add, it doesn't matter why anyone wants a termination. It's your body, and your decision.

#18 WaitForMe

Posted 21 December 2019 - 08:22 AM

I have had both. The medical took a while and was confronting. However hospitals, surgery and general anaesthetic are confronting in their own ways.

View PostLucrezia Bauble, on 21 December 2019 - 07:59 AM, said:

absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

i had a surgical termination. it was done at a private clinic in Sydney’s east....i was put under (or it might have been twilight sedation - not sure) and then the next thing i remember i was reclining in a lounge chair in a nice sun room with two lovely nurses handing me a cup of tea and some biscuits. there was another woman there too, i remember she smiled at me and she said “god it’s a relief isn’t it” and i said yes. and it was. i walked out of there an hour later with the most overwhelming feeling of relief and happiness. i was pregnant and i needed not to be. and now i wasn’t. it was good.

best of luck with it all.

If I ever have a next time, I'll be seeking out a place like this. All of mine have been through the public system, and while they were great and supportive, the public system isn't really set up to be 'gentle'.

#19 PoolsideMasterchef

Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:06 AM

No judgement here you cant look after a baby if you aren't well yourself.

I have had medical (tablets) for a MMC.  I chose that because I could control when it happened - slightly different but I didn't want to start bleeding at work or in front of my kids.

It was actually fairly quick procedure and quick recovery. Did hurt a lot at one point for about half an hour.  You need to have somebody with you at the time.

#20 blissfulfairy

Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:53 AM

Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate your comments. The guilt I feel is around getting pregnant rather than the procedure itself. I think it will be a relief to not be pregnant anymore.

I've had a d&c in the past after a MMC at 15 weeks so I have some idea what to expect if I go with that option.. however I'd be doing it alone this time as we won't have care for our children and we don't want to tell anyone else... obviously can't take our kids to hospital without lots of questions. I absolutely love my job and it's a terrible time to take unpaid leave but I've just said it's for a minor procedure.. I can still decide which option to go with they obviously don't need to know. Thankfully hubby is home at the moment. I'm so angry we're in this situation but we obviously weren't as careful as we thought.

#21 ImperatorFuriosa

Posted 21 December 2019 - 10:00 AM

Yes, once a long time ago before I met my DP. Silly me was enjoying the life of sleeping with different guys without protection. I found myself 4 weeks pregnant and decided to get a surgical termination.

#22 ceeshell

Posted 21 December 2019 - 10:11 AM

I had a surgical termination. It was fuss free and easy.  I would choose it again if I needed to.

Please don’t feel guilty, there’s no need.

#23 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 21 December 2019 - 10:24 AM

Sending you my very best of wishes.

It is hard to make decisions at times like this, particukarly when they are relatively similar in risk profile etc. For me the surgical option would be seen as higher risk and less convenient, so long as you can take some space at home during the height of the medical.

You will make the right decision, even if you draw it out of a hat (yes, I would consider this - and then if you have a really strong negative reaction to the one you draw, it means you are meant to do the other)

#24 born.a.girl

Posted 21 December 2019 - 11:38 AM

View PostSkeptiHandsOnMum, on 21 December 2019 - 10:24 AM, said:

Sending you my very best of wishes.

It is hard to make decisions at times like this, particukarly when they are relatively similar in risk profile etc. For me the surgical option would be seen as higher risk and less convenient, so long as you can take some space at home during the height of the medical.

You will make the right decision, even if you draw it out of a hat (yes, I would consider this - and then if you have a really strong negative reaction to the one you draw, it means you are meant to do the other)


Good idea.  If you pick one out and are a bit sorry it's not the other one, then you might have your answer.

#25 MrsLexiK

Posted 21 December 2019 - 12:09 PM

View Postblissfulfairy, on 21 December 2019 - 09:53 AM, said:

Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate your comments. The guilt I feel is around getting pregnant rather than the procedure itself. I think it will be a relief to not be pregnant anymore.

I've had a d&c in the past after a MMC at 15 weeks so I have some idea what to expect if I go with that option.. however I'd be doing it alone this time as we won't have care for our children and we don't want to tell anyone else... obviously can't take our kids to hospital without lots of questions. I absolutely love my job and it's a terrible time to take unpaid leave but I've just said it's for a minor procedure.. I can still decide which option to go with they obviously don't need to know. Thankfully hubby is home at the moment. I'm so angry we're in this situation but we obviously weren't as careful as we thought.
Mistakes happen. A mum in DS1’s class found out past 20 weeks when going for an operation and needed a scan first  we joke she would of been one of those in labour who didn’t know it (well likely she would have realised by then), still doesn’t know how it happened (well obviously she does but got through 2 protections she says!).

I’m on medication right now that isn’t great if you want a baby. I’m on another medication that stops my period. A year ago I would have jumped at a third. Now I realise how much my children would suffer with both my mental health and the condition that would return with dropping the medication (which doesn’t help my mental health when your sick all the time). DH and I are careful I take pregnancy tests every 3ish months just in case. (He hasn’t had the snip but wants to it’s been a matter of timing it with his work in advance likely it will happen next July). We know it would a termination. For me it would be a surgical as I had a miscarriage and it was painful when it really came to an end (it was drawn out for a few days while levels came down which was really hard just waiting and anticipating).
Is their a close friend you could tell? It’s not something to be ashamed of at all. I would support a friend just the same as I would for a d&c/medical chosen miscarriage or because it was a unchosen miscarriage.




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