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Late night events and young children


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#1 a letter to Elise.

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:09 AM

It’s getting to be that time of year, with a tonne of events on, not all of which are at child friendly times.

We’ve have a last minute invite to dinner tomorrow night. It’s at 7.30pm, and is an hours drive away. It’s at a chinese restaurant, so multiple courses, which would make for a very long dinner. My kids are 10, 7 and almost 3. My oldest doesn’t do very well with late nights as he gets migraines, middle child has food allergies and won’t be able to eat anything, youngest is challenging to take to a restaurant at the best of times, but at night it will be seriously painful. He will literally be running around like a screeching banshee, climbing under tables, etc. he won’t sleep in the pram. They all go to bed by 8.30 usually, and have school on Friday.

I don’t want to go. It sounds like a giant PITA, and I’ll be dealing with tired kids, a feral preschooler, and neither DD nor I can eat anything at the restaurant, so I’ll have to pack all our own food. We won’t get home til midnight, and they’ll all be up again between 5-6am (they don’t believe in sleep ins)

DH is keen to go, and is annoyed because I often say no to stuff like this, as it’s such a hassle. I said no to the last one, as I was working all day, the kids had their school concert that afternoon, and I had 25 people coming for lunch the next day.

I’m wondering how other people manage these types of events. What kind of entertainment do you take for the kids? Do you just pick your preferred events and skip the rest? It’s seems like I have quite a few friends who manage late events with kids, but I find it really difficult.

#2 2bundles

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:19 AM

Get a babysitter and go as a couple.

#3 marple

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:20 AM

Suppose it just depends on your kids. I used to take them along and hope for the best - there was often someone there who liked playing with kids or other kids they can play with. If it all got too hard we would leave early.

Didn't have a kid with migraines though.

Could your DH go on his own if he is keen?

Just saw you can't eat anything - why is that?
Given that though we wouldn't go.

#4 a letter to Elise.

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:21 AM

View Post2bundles, on 11 December 2019 - 09:19 AM, said:

Get a babysitter and go as a couple.

whole family is invited. It’s expected that we all go.

#5 gracie1978

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:21 AM

With kids I don't travel more than ten min, and it needs to be before 6.30.

I especially wouldn't be making that effort if I couldn't eat the food.

I'd decline.



#6 SeaPrincess

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:23 AM

I would get babysitter or decline the invitation.

FWIW, I never enjoyed late nights with my children either.

#7 seayork2002

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:23 AM

View Postmarple, on 11 December 2019 - 09:20 AM, said:

Suppose it just depends on your kids. I used to take them along and hope for the best - there was often someone there who liked playing with kids or other kids they can play with. If it all got too hard we would leave early.

Didn't have a kid with migraines though.

Could your DH go on his own if he is keen?

Just saw you can't eat anything - why is that?
Given that though we wouldn't go.

Thus, but more likely I would ask one of our parents to look after DS (depending on which country we are in) and go ourselves, and no I am not saying everyone can do this.

But we go and leave early if we want, if I was in this situation i would feed the kids beforehand and take snacks along.

But if I don't want to go I don't but I try and put an appearance in at least

#8 Fossy

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:25 AM

Explain it’s too late for your kids, get a babysitter and go with your husband, suggests a lunchtime booking next time so the kids can come.  Enjoy!

#9 a letter to Elise.

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:25 AM

View Postmarple, on 11 December 2019 - 09:20 AM, said:

Suppose it just depends on your kids. I used to take them along and hope for the best - there was often someone there who liked playing with kids or other kids they can play with. If it all got too hard we would leave early.

Didn't have a kid with migraines though.

Could your DH go on his own if he is keen?

Just saw you can't eat anything - why is that?
Given that though we wouldn't go.

I have coeliac disease, so Chinese food is out (I also double checked with the restaurant, they can’t cater). DD is allergic to a huge number of foods, so can usually only eat something like plain steak and maybe salad. Definitely not Asian food.

I suggested he go without me. He is annoyed.

#10 a letter to Elise.

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:29 AM

Our usual baby sitter is overseas, and we don’t really have anyone else, especially given my daughter needs someone who understands safe food and has anaphylaxis training.

I am frustrated that husband gets annoyed, but doesn’t think about the I’m practicalities of going. It wouldn’t occur to him to organise a babysitter (if we had one available). It’s always me who says it’s not practical, but he never offers any solutions!

#11 marple

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:30 AM

Oh well that is a bummer. Get a babysitter then if he feels it is important , and leave early ( fake a call from the babysitter about 9.30) actually rereading the OP you could get away with a call at 8.30 or 9.

Edited by marple, 11 December 2019 - 09:32 AM.


#12 seayork2002

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:31 AM

View Posta letter to Elise., on 11 December 2019 - 09:29 AM, said:

Our usual baby sitter is overseas, and we don’t really have anyone else, especially given my daughter needs someone who understands safe food and has anaphylaxis training.

I am frustrated that husband gets annoyed, but doesn’t think about the I’m practicalities of going. It wouldn’t occur to him to organise a babysitter (if we had one available). It’s always me who says it’s not practical, but he never offers any solutions!

If you can't eat the food then you can't go for the meal, can you go for a drink then go home afterward?

or yes not go at all!

#13 elly35

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:32 AM

We mostly have gone to these types of things with 2 kids. Sometimes they go v well, other times not as well! But this sounds extra difficult with the food allergies and in this case I would tell my husband to go alone or possibly with one child if the other ones will not be too upset to be left alone. I don't think your husband should miss out as long as you sometimes get to do the same. Also just realised it is a school night. That would be no to the kids going.

#14 rainycat

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:33 AM

We would decline that invite, way too late for our kids. Mine seem to struggle for the next few days if we have a late night. Not fun for anyone and would be starving as our dinner time is much earlier. Your husband should be on the same page as you, sorry he isn’t, that must be very frustrating.

#15 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:38 AM

With kids that age, DH and I would either
(a) either get a babysitter and go as a couple (no kids)
OR
(b) one of us would stay home with kids, the other would attend
OR
(C ) decline the invitation

The actual decision would depend on how much much either of us want to go (or feel obliged to go).

(edited to fix spelling/grammar)

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 11 December 2019 - 11:52 AM.


#16 MooGuru

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:40 AM

DH would go on his own.
If he had the nerve to be annoyed with all the reasons not to. I'd tell him that if he can make the restaurant able to cater for your needs, be the one to prepare the kids, look after the kids in the restaurant - you'll be looking after your DD because of the allergies. The other two are wholly his responsibility and he's doing bedtime and all the school prep and school run tomorrow.

#17 #notallcats

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:40 AM

Even without ratty kids, I wouldn't do it.  Two of you can't eat anything.

I'm thinking kid wrangling on these nights falls to you if dh is annoyed.  Or he's a very patient person, as it sounds like a nightmare.

If he's super annoyed, he can take the kids and you stay home.

#18 FiveAus

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:42 AM

It sounds easier all round to decline the invitation.

I've gotten to an age where if I think I'm not going to enjoy myself, or it's going to be too late of a night for me (I get up at 5am for work), then I simply say no and move on.
A few days after the event, no one will even remember you weren't there.
If your husband is desperate to go, he can go alone. My husband often does because I rarely attend his work events.

#19 hills mum bec

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:42 AM

Our kids have always been pretty good coping with late nights and dinners out but under those circumstances even I would be declining the invitation.  A late night, an hour away, school night, food you can't even eat.  No way!

#20 PocketIcikleflakes

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:43 AM

Maybe give your DH a choice.

He goes alone

Or

He deals with treating the migraine, prepares the food that needs to be taken, and wrangles the 3 year old.

#21 PuddingPlease

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:49 AM

I think as a once-off it makes perfect sense not to go, particularly as you and your daughter cannot eat dinner at the restaurant they have chosen. I do think though that it's important to make sure that everyone in the family gets the opportunity to spend time with their friends and I wonder if the issue for your husband is that he feels that his mates are always put in the too-hard basket. Some groups don't do long-term planning for a range of reasons and last-minute invites are all that is on offer, I agree that a reasonable compromise would be to let your husband go alone but appreciate that that may not be his preference.

Edited by PuddingPlease, 11 December 2019 - 09:50 AM.


#22 Ellie bean

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:50 AM

DH and I were always on the same page with this- we didn’t take the kids out late when younger because it wasn’t worth it.
I think your DH needs to take them alone to get on the same page!
I’d be seriously p*ssed off that he’s p*ssed off...

#23 RichardParker

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:50 AM

I wouldn't want to go in that situation.  Sometimes I've said to DH "OK we'll go, but you're responsible for looking after DS."  That usually makes him think twice.

It's the cumulative effect this time of year, as well.  One late night is one thing, but a few in a week can make life hell.

PS - I saw the title and thought this might have been a vent about my DS2, who I brought to DS1's ballet concert last night.  He was as good as he could be, since he was strapped in the pram for the whole hour and had snacks and the iPhone, but it was his bedtime... I think (hope) most people understand...

#24 EsmeLennox

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:54 AM

Your DH’s annoyance is ridiculous. If he wants to go, he should go. In your circumstances, OP, I wouldn’t be keen either.

#25 froglett

Posted 11 December 2019 - 09:55 AM

Sounds like you have a 'DH's attitude' issue, rather than a 'how do I make a decision about this' issue.

Seems unfair that you should be burdened with the thought load of organising extra food to take / how to deal with migraines / ratty kids etc.

I'd decline the event and have a discussion with him (maybe with a bit of breathing space away from the event date) about how you feel at his lack of support.




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