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Should I resign or continue? Volunteer.

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#1 annodam

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:20 AM

I'm on a couple of Committees involved with my kids Sports.
At one Club, I'm the uniform coordinator, the other just assisting as required.
With the latter Club, I help around by buying food/drinks/fruit sometimes even lollies for the kids at training & for after the game.
On a rare occasion, I will score too but only when they're in desperate need for a Scorer.
Wednesday nights, I'm the "snag lady" so I buy the sausages/bread & cook it all up for the kids & Coaches to eat afterwards.  I get reimbursed from the Club, so all good there.
Anyhow, after training last night, in the Club rooms there were a couple of committee members present, a couple of Coaches & a few parents milling about.
We were discussing how to attract more Jnrs to the Club & I made a suggestion to everyone we should target an age group we don't normally target.
I had spoken to the Jnr coordinator earlier (when it was just us 2) she's  been doing this gig for 20yrs, so a long time.
Anyhow, I said far be it from me to tell you what to do but maybe the Prep/Yr 1 kids we are targeting right now might the wrong age group?  Perhaps we need to aim for the Yr 4/5/6s, the ones that actually play Inter-school Sport?  
She didn't agree, flatly said no & still wants to continue targeting that 5/6yo age group like she has always done.
To give you an idea, we had 2 Coaches from our Club go out to 3 different Schools in the local area back in August & spoke to approx. 80 5/6yo kids & introduced our Sport into the School.  The Coaches handed out flyers etc.  Now the basic aim of it was to attract at least some players.  Well not 1 kid signed up or attended the Come & Try Day in early September.  So it was basically a failure.

So when we were in the Club rooms last night, I again mentioned my idea in front of the wider audience, when she piped up & said Annodam, just STFU with your age group suggestion!

I was so appalled, I just gazed back at her.  No one spoke, no one called her out, so I just left.
There was a couple of things I could've said but my son was outside so thought best to just leave it.
To say I felt shocked & mortified is an understatement!
I think my reaction may have been different if she'd said it to just me but the fact that around 10 people were there to witness it, just makes me sad.

I now don't want to face this woman or these people, one of whom is my sons Coach.  I feel so embarrassed, humiliated & ashamed, although I know this is a reflection on her & not me.
There is also the monthly meeting tonight which I have made myself an apology from, I just don't want to deal with her anymore.

I have always told myself I will quit if it no longer becomes fun & as of last night, the fun stopped.

So should I suck it up & stay on, or just resign effective immediately?  We are half way through the season, we go through until March.
I don't like leaving them in the lurch but I don't like being abused like that either.

#2 PurpleWitch

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:28 AM

I'd approach her and tell her she was rude and embarrassed you with an audience.
Her response would be my answer!

#3 got my tinsel on

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:28 AM

I resigned from an organisation when I copped a mouthful of abuse because I dared to bring some cleaning products to start cleaning a long disused room the organisation had been moved to.  It was so awful, I know as a potential 'customer' that I would have seen the filthy windows and turned on my heel before entering.

#4 #notallcats

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:29 AM

She literally said STFU?  Wow.

I'm sorry that happened.  It's definitely not you that shoujld be ashamed and humiliated but I undertand why you would, I think I would too.

Is she likely to apologise?  I might wait for the outcome, as it just happened last night.   I'd skip the next couple of weeks though, take a break, before making a decision.

#5 MarciaB

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:35 AM

Given that your kids are continuing to play - I think I would step aside without making a fuss.  I wouldn't bother approaching rude woman - if she doesn't apologise she isn't worth your time.

I would not return to any committee meetings  until you either feel like you can face it again or you receive an apology.

Just simply say that you have a few other things going on right now and you are going to step back for a few weeks.

Edited by MarciaB, 05 December 2019 - 09:36 AM.

#6 seayork2002

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:49 AM

View PostMarciaB, on 05 December 2019 - 09:35 AM, said:

Given that your kids are continuing to play - I think I would step aside without making a fuss.  I wouldn't bother approaching rude woman - if she doesn't apologise she isn't worth your time.

I would not return to any committee meetings  until you either feel like you can face it again or you receive an apology.

Just simply say that you have a few other things going on right now and you are going to step back for a few weeks.

This is what I am thinking, I am saying this as a side issue (Not aimed at you OP) but one thing I have learnt with committees is change is not good TO THEM.

I have been on lots and we get told we need more help but people try and help or give new ideas it is 'but we have been doing for 40 years, sure it takes 10 times as long as it needs to but it has been done that way'

or we need more sign ups - suggestions are given 'but we can't do that as X has been doing it this way for years'

Sure some people are on onboard but sometimes it is not a 'we have to change it' but sometimes new things can't even be discussed!'

Sorry OP this is nothing to do wit the the way you were spoken to just having my own whinge really

#7 Hollycoddle

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:52 AM

View Post#notallcats, on 05 December 2019 - 09:29 AM, said:

She literally said STFU?  Wow.

I'm sorry that happened.  It's definitely not you that shoujld be ashamed and humiliated but I undertand why you would, I think I would too.

Is she likely to apologise?  I might wait for the outcome, as it just happened last night.   I'd skip the next couple of weeks though, take a break, before making a decision.

This.  I find that junior sporting clubs are hotbeds for power-trippers, rife with schoolyard politics.  Even worse than school P&Cs.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 05 December 2019 - 12:46 PM.

#8 Riotproof

Posted 05 December 2019 - 09:57 AM

If she is normally like this, I’d say quit now.

If it’s out of character, I would tell her how she made you feel and see how she responds.

I do think you are right about targeting older kids. And at very least   It wouldn’t hurt.

Maybe some skills days during the school holidays.

#9 *Spikey*

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:01 AM

You don't need them, they need you.

You don't even need to resign. Just be unavailable.

If it were me? I don't have time for that stuff. I would send a resignation with immediate effect and tell the man you're doing pick up and drop off only, the president can organise the stuff that you used to do.

And I'd be looking to transfer to another club.

#10 Tokra

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:09 AM

That is so wrong on so many levels. Bloody hell.

No way would I be helping if that is the way I was treated and I would be happy to say why.

I'd be telling the President that you will no longer be helping as you refuse to be treated like that and don't want to help support a club where that kind of behaviour is tolerated.

Then just do whatever your DS needs - pick up, drop off, watch the game. Don't get involved.

You don't need to hide or be embarrassed. She should be embarrassed.

#11 SeaPrincess

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:14 AM

I’d probably draft an angry email, save it, then come back to it when I could take the time to remove the emotion.

She needs to be told that it was unacceptable - clubs rely on volunteers, and if I even witnessed that, I’d be reluctant to sign up as a volunteer. I would point out that their target market resulted in zero new players. It wouldn’t be any more difficult to do exactly what the coaches did, but with older children.

#12 annodam

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:15 AM

This woman is in her mid-60s & is dead set in her ways.
I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an apology to be honest.
She is very abrupt & with that she does come across as rude.
Like I said upthread, if we were alone & she said that, I wouldn't GAF but the fact there were people there whom I knew & some whom I didn't know very well, really knocked me for 6 & I don't rattle easily either!
She told me one time for her 60th Birthday they bought her a broom, which goes to show you that everyone around her thinks she's a witch.  She is related to the President so I guess it's why she gets away with stuff the rest of us wouldn't.

Anyway, we do have the Christmas Break coming up in a couple of weeks & we resume back when School starts up again next year, so maybe the Christmas holidays have come at a good time.
At this stage, I don't really want to attend the Christmas Party Saturday week either but my son is really looking forward to it.

How am I going to face my sons Coach this Sunday though, I have no idea, I feel like a d!chkhead!

And the reason why I suggested the older age group, is I find (from my own experience & from reading on here) that Prep/1 kids are still so young & are already over tired from a whole day at School & then to be playing until approx. 7:00pm every Wednesday night, it just gets too much.
I don't think my idea was an unreasonable one.

#13 gracie1978

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:15 AM

I think you should step down.
You don't do all that work to be treated like that.

Resigning now doesn't stop you from volunteering again at a later stage.

#14 steppy

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:35 AM

I'd resign

#15 wallofdodo

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:35 AM

Yes, be unavailable. Do it now, as it will be forgotten by next year.

I would be the same, totally shocked. To say that, let alone, in front of other people, I am not surprised you are rattled. You must be feeling really crap. Particularly as no one stood up to her.

I think you will be able to face the coach, I think any reasonable person would think she was out of line. Maybe they were just so taken aback, and/or didn't want to get in the the firing line to not stick up for you or pull her into line.

Remember she was the d***head in that situation not you.

FTR I think your suggestion is good.

Edited by wallofdodo, 05 December 2019 - 10:36 AM.

#16 cvbn

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:41 AM

You should not feel like a d*ck, that horrible, rude women should.

We have the odd one of these in our sporting groups, some are borderline bullies some are just over self important twats.

What they don't realise is people will (and do) leave. I sometimes wonder if they were bossed around and see it as their turn to do it?

I much prefer the older members who focus on making things better.

I am sorry, your club will be worse of without you but you do not deserve that.

#17 IamtheMumma

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:45 AM

I think you're right. Very few parents will be wanting their prep kids out so late after a full day of school. My soon-to-be preppie is in bed by 7.

I think you should email the whole committee and say that you're no longer available for volunteering. If there is a club charter, I'd be looking for the relevant sections relating to respectful communication.

She was very unprofessional and she's isn't a witch. Just a mean person.

#18 Tokra

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:45 AM

View Postannodam, on 05 December 2019 - 10:15 AM, said:

How am I going to face my sons Coach this Sunday though, I have no idea, I feel like a d!chkhead!

You need to start re-framing this situation in your own head.

You've done nothing wrong and she is 100% in the wrong. You have nothing to be embarrassed about and no reason to do anything other than hold your head high!

#19 Lou-bags

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:46 AM

I don't know if I'd resign or not, but I think I would make a formal complaint to the President and executive, in writing, either way.

Has anyone from the committee contacted you to apologise? Does your committee have a code of conduct document and/or a policy for behaviour at all?

#20 annodam

Posted 05 December 2019 - 10:53 AM

^  No nobody yet.
No one has texted, called & no e-Mails either, just checked just then.
Mind you, the President was there & witnessed the whole thing but didn't say anything.
Very disappointing really, he comes across as a really nice man too.
I guess he didn't want to rock the boat as they're related?
I dunno...

They do have a Code of Conduct, but I haven't seen nor read it.  
This is my 3rd year on the Committee with this Club.

ETA:   Just jumped on the Clubs website & the Code of Conduct is on there written by the President.
So what's the point writing out a complaint if he was present & didn't say anything at the time?

I think this has just made my mind up.
I'll draft a letter of resignation effective immediately without any fuss.
Might look to finish up the season & play Jnrs elsewhere in September, they will soon realise when they receive my sons clearance that we're not happy...

Oh & I deleted her off my FB & blocked her number.

Edited by annodam, 05 December 2019 - 11:28 AM.

#21 Freddie'sMum

Posted 05 December 2019 - 11:27 AM

It's not often I agree with Seayork but she is 100% correct.  Me being the innocent, naive type USED to put my hand up to help on school committees etc and I couldn't believe how nasty some of the volunteers were.  If I suggested anything at all, it was shot down in flames.

So, guess what?  I stopped volunteering.  If I wanted to be treated like that, I could go to work and be treated like crap.

OP - you have done nothing wrong.  I wouldn't even bother resigning- just don't turn up.  Drop your child off and pick him up and that's all.  What a horrible woman she sounds like.

#22 IamtheMumma

Posted 05 December 2019 - 11:36 AM

Because the OP buys and cooks dinner on the night, there's a commitment. If she emails now, the club can has time to get a replacement.

However, not doing anything would have a bigger impact but it impacts on the kids and other parents who haven't done anything wrong and will look to Annodam for reason's why. It could also give nasty woman an opportunity to publicly blame Annodam.

Best email now so they can get a replacement (if they can!).

#23 Freddie'sMum

Posted 05 December 2019 - 11:41 AM

Good point PP.

#24 Soontobegran

Posted 05 December 2019 - 11:41 AM

She used the actual words STFU ? :omg:

#25 BECZ

Posted 05 December 2019 - 11:41 AM

Hopefully the president has spoken to her and is waiting for her to make an apology to you.
Yeah, we can all dream!

I don’t know, but I’m more likely to say what I think if I’m related to someone, even the IL’s.  Probably why I don’t get along with some of them!

I’d really be cutting back on the volunteering OP.  If they find that acceptable, then that’s not a place I would want to support or continue to have my kids involved in beyond this season.

Hold your head high OP!  You have done absolutely nothing wrong!

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