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Need a grandparents perspective


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#1 gracie1978

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:13 AM

So the grandparents on all sides are being difficult about whooping cough shots.

They think we are being over the top.  I pointed out these instructions were coming from my OB.  Particularly since the twins are likely to be born prematurely.

None of them have a medical issue that prevents them from getting it.  They don't have jobs that they can't take time off from.  They all have plenty of money.
They're not antivaxxers and would be appalled if I didn't vaccinate my children, they just don't see why they need to get it.

I don't want to threaten no vax no visit because we will really need the help.  But I'm baffled as to why they're being so difficult.

Can anyone out there tell me from a grandparents perspective why they wouldn't get it?

#2 Ellie bean

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:16 AM

No I can’t because my parents happily got them, no dramas
Hope they see reason Gracie

#3 marple

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:19 AM

my mil got it but fil refused. no reason given. hes a lovely man , wealthy yand retired so i have no idea but understand what you mean op.

#4 Clementinerose

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:19 AM

I think some people just don’t like to be told what to do.

#5 Riotproof

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:21 AM

Gracie, no I can’t.
I would tell them that the maternity ward and special care nursery requires all visitors to be fully vaccinated. You may not even be lying.

Are you the first to have kids?
My only other suggestion is if they have had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years they are covered for whooping cough.

How many weeks are you now? 32?

Edited by Riotproof, 29 November 2019 - 11:21 AM.


#6 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:21 AM

If your Obs has recommended it, can you say that the Obs and hospital have advised the 'no vax, no visit'?  Takes it a bit away from you being controlling.

My DD was premmie, and both my parents had it done before flying over to meet her for the first time.  They didn't take any convincing, however they will generally do what a doctor advises over a request from me.

#7 IamtheMumma

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:29 AM

Some people are selfish or some people don't place value on the needs of others.

They might be operating on the assumption that they're immune as it used to be believed that once fully vaccinated, you were immune for life.

I wouldn't fight them as some people will just dig their heels in. It is their body and their choice. The same way these are your babies and your choice is that people who are unvaccinated will not be around or cuddling the babies until they're old enough to get their shots. You can let them know you're disappointed they're not helping to protect your babies but you respect their bodily autonomy.

https://www.health.g...tion-for-adults

Under the pertussis heading it recommends boosters for adults in contact with infants. This is the Govt website for health.

Edited by IamtheMumma, 29 November 2019 - 11:32 AM.


#8 gracie1978

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:30 AM

View PostRiotproof, on 29 November 2019 - 11:21 AM, said:

Gracie, no I can’t.
I would tell them that the maternity ward and special care nursery requires all visitors to be fully vaccinated. You may not even be lying.

Are you the first to have kids?
My only other suggestion is if they have had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years they are covered for whooping cough.

How many weeks are you now? 32?

31w but an earlier than expected arrival is looking more and more likely.

I've got a five year old and I asked them all to get it done then.  Clearly they just ignored me and I naively assumed that they had done it.

OB advised it needs to be done every five years if you're in contact with newborns.

Thinking evil thoughts about scattering rusty nails through their houses, then the ER would just give it to them, no discussion.

#9 Jenflea

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:31 AM

Send them videos of tiny babies with whooping cough and ask them if they want their new grandbabies to go through the same thing.
Tell them babies DIE from it and then if they still refuse, no jab no visit.
I'm ok at putting my baby's health before any hurt feelings because they won't get a single jab.


My parents and inlaws were all more than happy to have theirs, it never even occurred to them not to.

#10 gracie1978

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:36 AM

As soon as my first friend fell pregnant I had my whooping cough vax.  She asked me just before the birth if I could get one and I was like way ahead of you, already done :)

Why can't people be helpful and thoughtful instead of obstructive and selfish.

I'm full term size, probably bigger, with hopefully six weeks to go.  Do I not look like I have enough to deal with?



#11 Mooples

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:36 AM

My fil is a 10/10 a** hole and he still happily went and got it. I can’t see a valid reason not to. I’m sorry they are all being so difficult.

#12 #notallcats

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:43 AM

When I had mine, the state was offering free vax for both parents and Grandparents so perhaps get them to have a chat with their own GP about it.  Coming from their own GP might make them see sense.

Remind them they'll also be protecting themselves from WC as well as the babies!

#13 gracie1978

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:45 AM

Ok have a plan
Have told inlaws they need to bring cert with them as I could end up anywhere if I go early, Newcastle, Canberra, the Royal etc
And I don't know their visitor policies.

Have convinced Dad to get it by telling him Mum is being difficult.  (There had to be some advantage to divorced parents.)

I'll give Mum another week.

#14 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:46 AM

My mum believed because she had had whooping cough as a child and was hosiptalised for it that she had lifetime immunity from it.
I now know better.

#15 literally nobody

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:47 AM

Id say no visits then, at all. As for help id ask friends.

#16 Ozquoll

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:50 AM

I'm years and years away from being a grandparent, but I'm already looking forward to it - I'd probably dance a naked jig down Swanston Street if it meant I'd get to hang out with a newborn grandbaby! A whooping cough jab seems a pretty small ask 🤷.

If they keep on refusing, don't make a big fuss over it. Just say "What a shame you won't be able to meet the twins until they are X weeks old and have had their first whooping cough jab"

#17 seayork2002

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:50 AM

To be honest they must have their reasons sure you don't have to get it but you can either bully them into it, force them to have it, take the risk or they don't get it and don't see the babies.

If you need their help then I would not go down the bully or the guilt trip route as not sure that will help.

#18 seayork2002

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:54 AM

View PostOzquoll, on 29 November 2019 - 11:50 AM, said:

I'm years and years away from being a grandparent, but I'm already looking forward to it - I'd probably dance a naked jig down Swanston Street if it meant I'd get to hang out with a newborn grandbaby! A whooping cough jab seems a pretty small ask .

If they keep on refusing, don't make a big fuss over it. Just say "What a shame you won't be able to meet the twins until they are X weeks old and have had their first whooping cough jab"

Then they could turn around and say 'fine you don't need my help then'

#19 gettin my fance on

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:54 AM

I'm not a grandparent but I'm certainly more than old enough to be one.

They are being selfish and reckless with your babies' lives.  Given they have no medical issues which would prevent them being vaccinated, there can be no other reason.

No vax, no visit - and it doesn't matter how long they miss out on seeing your new babies - stick to your guns.  They don't get to play fast and loose with your babies' lives just because they "don't wanna".

#20 Ellie bean

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:55 AM

I just remembered, my bil sent such an incredibly rude group text message about getting vaccinated when his partner was pregnant that DH and I looked at each other and said “what a shame we’ve already had it, otherwise it’d be a great excuse not to visit!”
But if you have asked politely (and I’m positive you have!) i really can’t understand why people say no
I would do what Jenflea said and send them videos/ links

#21 Riotproof

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:57 AM

View Postseayork2002, on 29 November 2019 - 11:50 AM, said:

To be honest they must have their reasons sure you don't have to get it but you can either bully them into it, force them to have it, take the risk or they don't get it and don't see the babies.

I do think you are right. I would say “I don’t need this right now, do it or don’t but make sure you get a letter from your Gp to say it’s happened.”

#22 gettin my fance on

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:57 AM

View Postseayork2002, on 29 November 2019 - 11:54 AM, said:

Then they could turn around and say 'fine you don't need my help then'

And that can be a very good thing.

No interference.

#23 Hayliah

Posted 29 November 2019 - 11:59 AM

I agree with Jenflea and send them all videos with babies with whooping cough. Light for Riley would be a great resource.  Little Riley died 2 months before my eldest was born and I remember vividly the panic at the time to ensure that everyone around us to be vaccinated.  

Could you even say I would rather you get this vaccination than anything else for baby, no presents etc as it’s that important to me, it may highlight it more for them.

I really hope they come around for you, it sounds like you’re already dealing with enough!

Goodluck x

#24 Ellie bean

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:00 PM

View PostRiotproof, on 29 November 2019 - 11:57 AM, said:



I do think you are right. I would say “I don’t need this right now, do it or don’t but make sure you get a letter from your Gp to say it’s happened.”
Yes I remember someone on here whose parents or ILs lied about having had it because they thought it was silly- I’d want to see the gp’s letter too

Gracie it might be a blessing in disguise if your mil doesn’t have it and has to stay (far, far) away ;)

Edited by Ellie bean, 29 November 2019 - 12:00 PM.


#25 Mum-mumMum

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:00 PM

Remember the shot takes 4 weeks to take effect. My in laws refused it when I had my kids (also including twins) and we got brave the second time around and said no visits. They turned up to special care so we gave them masks and wouldn’t let them touch and we then didn’t see them again for about 8 weeks. My MIL said she would rather not visit than get a vax. I didn’t really want to deal with her visits so it was a plus for me




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