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IVF Hell


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#1 Kyliemay84

Posted 20 November 2019 - 02:53 PM

Hi,
I’m new to this group, and am hoping for some words of wisdom.
I am currently 9 days post 5 day blastocyst transfer and HPT is negative. My blood test is tomorrow, so I don’t think there is much hope.
This is my 8th failed cycle and I feel totally and utterly broken.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel this pain. I just wish I could be numb to it all.
I can’t talk to my husband about it, as the stress and pressure of all of this has our marriage in tatters.
Is there anyone out there with advice? At this point, I have nothing left to lose. 💔

#2 IamOzgirl

Posted 20 November 2019 - 03:59 PM

Kylie, im sorry. it is hard. very hard.

come join us over here in this group. We have your back!

http://www.essential...t-go-girls-283/

#3 Froyohoho

Posted 20 November 2019 - 04:12 PM

OP I did a lot of IVF (25 transfer cycles). You need to take a break after this cycle. It's temping to just keep going back to back but to survive you need to give yourself some recovery time.

#4 Silly Old Elf

Posted 20 November 2019 - 04:13 PM

Yes, yes it is.
Your title sums it up perfectly.
I’m so sorry you are on this awful roller coaster.

#5 ckmelb

Posted 20 November 2019 - 06:10 PM

OP I'm sorry you have to go through this. I did 10 cycles but only 2 transfers

Please go and see a counsellor if you can't speak to your husband. Remember small things that brought you joy and do them - cup of tea, walk, massage, whatever works for you

As another OP said, also take a break and regroup. Decide your plan Bs, Cs and Ds. Also seek a second or third opinion if you haven't already

#6 IamOzgirl

Posted 20 November 2019 - 06:11 PM

The counsellor is a really good idea and you should be able to access on through your clinic.

During my first round, in hindsight I really should have.

No I have a private one so didn't need one through this round.

#7 Mrs_greyhound

Posted 20 November 2019 - 06:22 PM

Oh OP I could have written your post a few years back. 7 failed cycles and never even a hint of a second line on a stick. My FS had no idea why were were not having any luck. My marriage was struggling, we were both depressed and miserable. We miraculously got lucky on our 8th transfer and have an 18 month old boy. I have no idea why that cycle worked and the previous seven failed.

My suggestions would be
1) get a second opinion if you haven’t already. We did after the fifth failure. He suggested a total of five egg collections (we had had 4 up to this point) and to transfer all the resulting embryos before giving up and looking a donor eggs.
2) I had an endometrial scratch before the lucky cycle. FS said that the evidence was not strong but felt it was worth a shot for us.
3) we never took breaks unless forced to (ie over Xmas, or a planned holiday). This is contrary to most people’s advice but I found the inertia of having a break just awful
4) we PGD tested our embryos for the 3rd and 4th collection. We had approx 20% normal embryos (poor for my age) so it definitely helped us not waste time and money on cycles that would have failed due to abnormal embryos.

Wishing you so much luck. I really hope you can write a post like mine in a year or two xx

#8 JoanFontaine

Posted 20 November 2019 - 08:05 PM

10 failed cycles here and a failed first marriage directly because of this. Don’t know what to say. Not everyone succeeds.

#9 Bumbleflop

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:55 PM

So sorry you are having a hard time ☹️ Come join us in the buddy group and let it all out ❤️

Some questions for you:
- any genetic testing done on your embryos?
- any genetic testing done for you or hubby?
- have you been checked for endometriosis?
- PCOS?
- how thick does your lining get at trigger?
- have you been tested for any immune system issues, positive ANA, natural killer cells etc?

I would like to think your FS has been through all of the above but just in case, is there anything left unchecked?

Sending you lots of virtual hugs, wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy ☹️ Have a plan and keep moving forward xx

#10 gracie1978

Posted 21 November 2019 - 05:52 AM

Your poor love.

For complex cases you need to be at one of the top top clinics.

Genea or Monash IVF and with a senior doctor who is experienced and doesn't just follow standard protocols.  If you're in Sydney go with the deputy medical director at Genea.  (Not the director he's close to retirement and goes away too much.)



#11 Kyliemay84

Posted 21 November 2019 - 07:46 AM

View PostFroyo, on 20 November 2019 - 04:12 PM, said:

OP I did a lot of IVF (25 transfer cycles). You need to take a break after this cycle. It's temping to just keep going back to back but to survive you need to give yourself some recovery time.

Thank you. Gosh, 25! You must be some kind of superwoman!
This was our first cycle back after 18 months break, and I don’t know why I’m so surprised that the pain is just the same.

#12 Kyliemay84

Posted 21 November 2019 - 07:52 AM

View PostMrs_greyhound, on 20 November 2019 - 06:22 PM, said:

Oh OP I could have written your post a few years back. 7 failed cycles and never even a hint of a second line on a stick. My FS had no idea why were were not having any luck. My marriage was struggling, we were both depressed and miserable. We miraculously got lucky on our 8th transfer and have an 18 month old boy. I have no idea why that cycle worked and the previous seven failed.

My suggestions would be
1) get a second opinion if you haven’t already. We did after the fifth failure. He suggested a total of five egg collections (we had had 4 up to this point) and to transfer all the resulting embryos before giving up and looking a donor eggs.
2) I had an endometrial scratch before the lucky cycle. FS said that the evidence was not strong but felt it was worth a shot for us.
3) we never took breaks unless forced to (ie over Xmas, or a planned holiday). This is contrary to most people’s advice but I found the inertia of having a break just awful
4) we PGD tested our embryos for the 3rd and 4th collection. We had approx 20% normal embryos (poor for my age) so it definitely helped us not waste time and money on cycles that would have failed due to abnormal embryos.

Wishing you so much luck. I really hope you can write a post like mine in a year or two xx

Hi, thanks for sharing your story.
We are at our second clinic, and things went better this time than any previous cycles, so hopes were raised, but no such luck. Everything seems to go well, but the little bubbas just don’t stick.
After our 5th cycle the specialist scheduled an endo scratch, but they couldn’t get access, so there went another $1500 down the drown to no effect!
We are public patients, so genetic testing isn’t available to us, but after reading these comments, I think maybe we should save our $$ and go private..


#13 Kyliemay84

Posted 21 November 2019 - 07:55 AM

View PostPabloS, on 20 November 2019 - 08:05 PM, said:

10 failed cycles here and a failed first marriage directly because of this. Don’t know what to say. Not everyone succeeds.

I’m so sorry.. I sincerely hope you have some peace.

#14 Kyliemay84

Posted 21 November 2019 - 07:58 AM

View PostBumbleflop, on 20 November 2019 - 09:55 PM, said:

So sorry you are having a hard time ☹️ Come join us in the buddy group and let it all out ❤️

Some questions for you:
- any genetic testing done on your embryos?
- any genetic testing done for you or hubby?
- have you been checked for endometriosis?
- PCOS?
- how thick does your lining get at trigger?
- have you been tested for any immune system issues, positive ANA, natural killer cells etc?

I would like to think your FS has been through all of the above but just in case, is there anything left unchecked?

Sending you lots of virtual hugs, wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy ☹️ Have a plan and keep moving forward xx

The only thing I know is no genetic issues with hubby or I and no PCOS or endometriosis.
As for the other questions, we are public patients, so these options are not available to us. At first I thought there wasn’t much difference apart from $$, but now I think we need specialised program and genetic testing if we go again.

#15 Kyliemay84

Posted 21 November 2019 - 08:00 AM

View Postgracie1978, on 21 November 2019 - 05:52 AM, said:

Your poor love.

For complex cases you need to be at one of the top top clinics.

Genea or Monash IVF and with a senior doctor who is experienced and doesn't just follow standard protocols.  If you're in Sydney go with the deputy medical director at Genea.  (Not the director he's close to retirement and goes away too much.)

Thank you, this seems to be the general consensus. We are patients of The Fertility Centre which is the little sister of Melbourne IVF. I think we need to go private, but I worry that it will be the same outcome only we’ll be broke as well!

#16 Bumbleflop

Posted 21 November 2019 - 08:06 AM

I would definitely make the move to the private clinic. During the initial appointment they can send you off for all sorts of blood tests which are covered by Medicare and you can get a lot of answers from these. Unless you have had a laparoscopy you can’t rule out endometriosis either (I had it with light short and painless periods). This is where private health insurance can come in handy and also with the egg collections and some medications.

Edited by Bumbleflop, 21 November 2019 - 08:07 AM.


#17 gracie1978

Posted 21 November 2019 - 08:24 AM

View PostKyliemay84, on 21 November 2019 - 08:00 AM, said:



Thank you, this seems to be the general consensus. We are patients of The Fertility Centre which is the little sister of Melbourne IVF. I think we need to go private, but I worry that it will be the same outcome only we’ll be broke as well! ������

It's very expensive esp when you do PGD.  
My friend was in the same boat, went to a top clinic, did PGD and got pregnant on the first go after five failed cycles elsewhere.  She was lucky, a family member found out what was happening and was really keen to help financially.

If you can swing it I'd definitely recommend it, I'm surprised this clinic has let you do so many, most will refer on after 3-5  :(

#18 Bumbleflop

Posted 21 November 2019 - 10:09 AM

One comment on the expense of PGD, my first impression was omg that’s too much we will just take our chances but knowing what I know now, I would spend the money on PGD.
For me it was $2000 to have a cycle PGD tested. This seems like a lot but when you consider you are out of pocket 1-3k per FET cycle which you could be transferring an embryo that won’t give you success it is money well spent. It also saves you time, every failed cycle is another month or two down the drain. If you have success with an abnormal embryo and you only find out at the 12 week mark then you have lost 5 months..
Just something to think about when considering the cost of genetic testing.

#19 ckmelb

Posted 21 November 2019 - 11:28 AM

Another thing to consider if your embryos are looking good and not implanting is an ERA (endemetrial receptivity array). Apparently some women have a slightly different window of implantation. This test helps check whether you need more or less progesterone before your transfer. In my case I needed an extra half day so I started my progesterone pessaries 12 hours before the standard. I think a private clinic would look into this after 3 failed transfers. In my case, I don't get many eggs (1 egg at best, and 1 fertilised embryo total across all cycles in Australia) so I did the test to not waste the embryo I had

But also, sometimes it's just dumb luck that you fall pregnant on one cycle not another. That is a bit miserable to think about but also can give you hope too

By the way, that one embryo of mine collected over 10 cycles is currently being rocked to sleep by my mum. I know IVF doesn't work for everyone but you can still have hope if you assess your options and decide you want to continue

#20 MSDC

Posted 21 November 2019 - 11:33 AM

I started with the clinic you mentioned Kyliemay84 and then after getting nowhere and not really feeling like they cared or were that invested in my situation, I went private and I was amazed. Two days after my initial appointment with the FS, I was in for a D&C. My FS and his nurses were all so considerate and caring. These guys did so much more investigating and were so encouraging!

#21 dreamweaver80

Posted 21 November 2019 - 11:39 AM

Hi OP,

Firstly, I'm very sorry to hear of your experiences. IVF can certainly break the strongest of us.

I would echo a lot of what previous posters have mentioned. I think it would be worthwhile to at least seek out a consultation with a very senior fertility specialist. 8 failed cycles goes beyond bad luck I would think and you need to really think about taking on all the tests and experimental protocols that some of the private clinics would offer to give yourself a better chance.

On the expense side, I may be wrong but I think you can access super for things like this? I don't know if you'd ever consider this but could ease the immediate financial burden. Honestly, to carry on experiencing failed cycles, you will soon surpass the cost that a private clinic would charge. Plus, the initial blood tests should all be covered under Medicare so really you're only paying consult fees to find out what could be going wrong.

If you happen to be in Sydney, I can recommend a great FS that we used, he's one of the best here. Feel free to PM me if you like. All the best, it's so difficult so please look after yourself

#22 Mose

Posted 21 November 2019 - 11:56 AM

Your title says it all.

I swear if hell exists, it is a never ending IVF cycle.  Nothing has ever bent my mind, body, spirit like IVF.

I don't know if you will find my story encouraging or not, but I will share it as people have so many different experiences, sometimes it helps to read different stories.  

  Our first ever IVF we got a son.  Then followed many cycles and years of failure and we gave up.  A couple of years later, we went back and said we'd try one more time.

it didn't work, and I was at peace.  I really had got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, and I knew it was right to stop, and also I knew that statistically, we weren't now going to get pregnant.  Head and heart finally aligned, and I was done (DH probably had been when we gave up some years earlier, but had supported me in my "one more try so we have no regrets".)

One last surprise...a frozen embryo from that last cycle that I hadn't been told about because my nurse was on leave at the critical moment.  Had it put in, not because we thought we would get pregnant, but because we felt it was the right thing to do, to see it all through, even though I really, really didn't want to deal with it all again.  We gave no real consideration at all to the possibility it might work, we were  doing it to draw a line under the whole affair.  I swear we may look slightly surprised for the rest of our lives about DD who is about to turn 3.

Please be kind to yourself.  It truly is  a unique form of torture.

Edited by Mose, 21 November 2019 - 11:57 AM.


#23 *Andi*

Posted 21 November 2019 - 12:11 PM

There are at least two private clinics now in Melbourne that have been opened by specialists who have left Monash IVF. About $2000 a cycle cheaper, owned by the doctors and patient-focused.

#24 Kyliemay84

Posted 21 November 2019 - 02:51 PM

View Post*Andi*, on 21 November 2019 - 12:11 PM, said:

There are at least two private clinics now in Melbourne that have been opened by specialists who have left Monash IVF. About $2000 a cycle cheaper, owned by the doctors and patient-focused.

What are the names of those clinics?

#25 gracie1978

Posted 21 November 2019 - 03:02 PM

It's the combination of the doctor and the good science.
Monash IVF are one of the best.  

I don't know the doctors, but this one looks v experienced

https://monashivf.co...ity-specialist/




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