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[Wolf87]

Hey gang

So I was on the train home today after work and an incident made me uncomfortable. It was an inner city Sydney train around 4pm, so not overly busy. There was a guy in the row opposite me snoring away, wasn’t bothering me. It’s a train, you deal with other people’s noise. However there was a guy in front of him, who kept fidgeting and cursing under his breath about said guy snoring. It eventually got louder and louder (the guys protests), would you shut the **** up etc etc. Eventually he had had enough and turned around, tapped the guy on the foot, the snoring guy clicked on, apologised and stayed awake for the rest of the trip.
So all in all a non event, but I was so annoyed at the guy offended by the snoring. Maybe the guy was kept up all night by a sleeping baby? Maybe he was just off a 14 hour shift? Like if you were that offended by it stick some headphones in or move.
Part of me was so annoyed because I wondered if he would be making the same remarks if it was a crying baby, and how anxiety ridden I would have been if someone like that was making remarks while I was trying to settle a child.
Would you have said something? Obviously being a small woman a larger sweary guy was a bit intimidating to me, but I still wish I had have told the guy to wise up.
On another note, how to you become more assertive?
I get this is probably an answered question, and that if I had of intervened it would have escalated the situation. But for future reference, and the person wasn’t so accepting of the wake up or if it was a parent with a crying child, how would you handle the situation?

[BornToLove]

For some people, snoring is probably one of the most annoying, instantly triggering, noises they can hear. Crying babies, obnoxious teens, or other annoying noisy public transport passengers don’t bother me in the slightest.

One snore from one sleepy passenger, will put me in a fit of rage so fast I could have totally been the guy you’re talking about. I don’t blame him, although I would have tapped snoring guys foot after the second instance, not sit there and mutter under my breath for so long

[SeaPrincess]

One of my friends fell asleep on the train and nobody woke her up until the last stop. I’d be annoyed by the carry on, but relieved that he finally woke him up.

I probably would wake him at the next stop after he fell asleep and ask him if it was his stop.

Edited by SeaPrincess, 17 November 2019 - 01:05 AM.

[Paddlepop]

I hate snoring. Annoys the hell out of me. I'd probably get really annoyed by the snoring and wake the guy up and pretend that it was out of concern that he might miss his stop or something like that. Reality would be that I'd be waking him for myself so I didn't have to listen to the damn snoring.

Angry guy in the OP sounds like he was restrained and non-confrontational when he did wake the guy up, so that's a positive.

OP: Sounds like you have anxiety if you were extrapolating snoring to other situations like yourself settling a crying child and getting so worried about it. I think you become assertive by practising and just doing it more until you get used to it. Speak up.

[WaitForMe]

I would not practice my assertive skills on a random guy on public transport...

If ever theres a time to let things go, its this.

[born.a.girl]

I'd probably wake him gently, but it would actually be because I'd like to think someone would do that for me if there was a chance I'd miss my stop.

It's my husband snoring EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that drives me bananas.  Sometimes I take sleeping tablet so I can get a good night's sleep, with menopausal poor sleep adding to it.


Can you tell I've written this through gritted teeth?


That said, this is the person who fills my car with petrol for me because I hate the concentrated smell of petrol at the petrol station.  Swings and roundabouts.

And no, I'd not extrapolate that situation to others - the vast majority of people hearing a crying baby just think 'thank goodness I'm not the one settling them'.  If anyone said anything to a parent of a crying baby they'd have me to answer to.  Might even be a bit sweary I'd be so annoyed.

[Bono25]

I don't understand. If you hate the sound so much why you wouldn't just move?? Genuine question, not trying to start anything

[400]

In my opinion, on PT you expect to have disturbances by either people who have poor insight into their behaviour for whatever reason or people like this fella who have accidentally caused a disturbance. Whatever the reason he is tired is his reason, sure snoring as annoying but it’s just a noise. (Coming from someone who wears earplugs most nights to drown out the chainsaw beside me).

Headphones: easy. Tune it out.

As long as people don’t invade my personal space they can make whatever noises they want.

As for assertiveness- I agree with PP that strangers in a closed box are not the people to be practicing on. Unless someone is actually overtly inappropriate to someone else, I don’t think speaking up is necessarily required. I am a big old chicken though, and would far prefer to suck it up and ignore someone and rant about them later. It sounds like this bloke, while maybe overreacting to the snoring itself, didn’t do anything to actually hurt the snorer so I definitely would have left it alone (and tuned his annoyance out with aforementioned headphones).

[BadCat]

I would have had done precisely nothing about either of them.  Not my business if they guy misses his stop, his snoring wouldn't particularly bother me, and as long as angry dude didn't get violent it's also none of my business.

[kimasa]

I've woken people on the train, but only because missing your stop sucks.

But the snoring wouldn't bother me, it's not being done intentionally.

[-Emissary-]

This is honestly would be my worst nightmare.

I’m a snorer and I also can occasionally fall into very deep sleep on the train. I travel to work with my DH but he wears noise cancelling headphones so he would never ever hear me.

If someone taps me on the shoulder gentler just to wake up me, I’d be really grateful as I’ll be so embarrassed that I’ve been snoring. However, I’m never bothered by other noises as I’m usually pretty good with tuning them all out. The only thing that really annoys me is rowdy drunk passengers or teenagers who muck around too loudly on the train but I don’t ever say anything as it’s a public space.

If someone was carrying on and being rude about a crying baby I’d step in and tell them their carrying on is a lot more annoying than a crying baby and to invest in some noise cancelling headphones. That’ll be the only time I intervene.

I’m quite assertive but would only intervene if I feel someone was being intimidated and unfair treated.

Edited by -Emissary-, 17 November 2019 - 07:37 AM.

[Ivy Ivy]

I've always thought that the most annoying thing about public transport is that the public are on it.

[lisazee]

sorry but snoring wouldn't bother me (its completely unintentional) the most annoying thing on public transport is people sniffing......

[casime]

Still better than the person one day who opened his pants and peed all over the floor and the seat.

[Freddie'sMum]

DH and I caught a train into work one morning and we n
both fell asleep.  The poor man sitting next to us (he had the window seat) had to wake us up to get out.  I was so embarrassed and apologised.  I hope to God we weren't snoring but we will never know.

I've also been on trains where other people have fallen asleep - and snored - and I haven't felt the need to interfere.  I would have done nothing OP, either to the snorer or the angry man.

[Lunafreya]

I’d be annoyed at anyone who woke me up on a train if I was sleeping. When I used to commute early I’d deliberately set an alarm on my phone to go off at the time we went to the stop before mine so I wouldn’t sleep through it.

And when you get the train THAT early, like 4am early, there’s plenty of people asleep on the train, some even with blankets.  It’s very quiet and it never occurred to me to wake anyone up.

[IamzFeralz]

No, I think waking someone up for snoring is over the top.  If it sets you off then move away or don’t take public transportation.

The public can’t cater for everyone’s personal annoyance or trigger. I find a jovial crowd in a rail carriage on their way to the beer festival annoying but I’d never dream of telling them to be quiet. It’s just a cost of taking public transport.

Edited by IamzFeralz, 17 November 2019 - 08:47 AM.

[Ellie bean]

I think the angry dude was out of line. I would not have challenged him though, I consider myself a very assertive person generally but I wouldn’t put my safety st risk by challenging an angry guy on a train (unless I had to stick up for a young woman or child or something in which case I really hope I would speak up), I think that’s just commonsense OP

[Lucrezia Borgia]

i wouldn’t have woken the snoring guy up, nor would i have confronted angry dude. i just would have removed myself entirely from the situation. different seat, different level, different carriage.

[gracie1978]

I'll trade you for the girl squeezing her boyfriend's back pimples

[Lucrezia Borgia]

 gracie1978, on 17 November 2019 - 09:21 AM, said:

I'll trade you for the girl squeezing her boyfriend's back pimples

god no.....really? that is absolutely gross. do people have no filter? how could you possibly think that is acceptable public behaviour.

[gracie1978]

 Lucrezia Borgia, on 17 November 2019 - 09:25 AM, said:

god no.....really? that is absolutely gross. do people have no filter? how could you possibly think that is acceptable public behaviour.

It was one of my last trips before mat leave and I really really didn't want to give up my seat, but it was so gross.
I got home and told DP I'd be taking taxis for the last few days.

[Soontobegran]

I never cease to be surprised.

I would have done nothing, I certainly would not have woken the poor guy to have him embarrassed for the rest of the trip.

That does not mean it would not have annoyed me......we can choose between sucking it up and acting on it.

[BadCat]

 lisazee, on 17 November 2019 - 08:09 AM, said:

sorry but snoring wouldn't bother me (its completely unintentional) the most annoying thing on public transport is people sniffing......

Sniffing is also unintentional for many of us.

But that's OK.  I am a pariah for many reasons and I will continue to not care that people want to kill me for a variety of petty reasons.

Edited by BadCat, 17 November 2019 - 09:50 AM.

[EsmeLennox]

I’d do what I do for all unpleasant noises on a train...ignore it.

If it’s something that really annoys me, I move.