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DD13 watching Love Island


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36 replies to this topic

#1 Lifesgood

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:40 PM

No idea why she suddenly started watching this show last week - I guess her friends must have told her about it. She has been watching it every night last week and again this week. Normally she (and we) barely watch TV at all!

It seems like trash which I'd prefer she didn't watch, but the main problem is how late it is on until. She has been staying up past her bedtime each night to watch it. Her usual bedtime is 9.30 but this show goes until later than that some nights.

She got increasingly tired and cranky last week and the same is happening this week.

Thing is when we tell her to turn it off and go to bed she absolutely flips out, gets almost hysterical, tears, shouting at us that we are the worst in the world etc. Sigh. We really try to pick our battles, not sure about this one.

WDYT? Let her be or put our foot down?

#2 Meepy

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:48 PM

Put your foot down I reckon.  Probably a good show not to watch at that age as it contains very vacuous adult behaviour.

#3 ajo

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:49 PM

Due to the fact the show is a very poor representation of relationships with people jumping from one person to the next I would not permit her from watching it as I wouldn’t want my DD to think this kind of behaviour is normal

#4 Bereckii

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:50 PM

Can she watch on catchup? (ie at another time, not so late)

Or is the problem that she "needs" to see it when it's broadcast so she can "keep up" with what everyone else is talking about?

#5 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:50 PM

I wouldn't let her watch it.  It is absolutely vile and the way they speak and act is degrading to both gender's.

She's a kid, you are the adult and whilst it might annoy her and she might carry on like a tantruming 2 year old it might be the best thing for her.

#6 Leslie Knope

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:55 PM

Let her be, I reckon. She probably gets so upset as her friends watch it and she doesn’t want to feel left out.

The show is a poor representation of relationships as stated by a PP, but it’s young people having fun, and that’s what some of them do. It doesn’t necessarily mean that is what your DD will do.

#7 Lifesgood

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:56 PM

Yes I think it is on catch up as well.

She said she finds it funny and that she thinks the behaviour of the contestants is terrible. It sounds like car crash TV - so bad she can't look away.

#8 Freddie'sMum

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:57 PM

Absolutely put your foot down !  One, the show is just trash and two, she's carrying on like a pork chop because she's staying up late to watch this trash.

#9 Riotproof

Posted 31 October 2019 - 08:58 PM

When does it finish? Could she do all her bedtime stuff earlier I’m the adds

#10 -Emissary-

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:01 PM

Put your foot down. I don’t think the show is a kid’s appropriate show.

DS is not allowed to watch anything after 8:30 pm unless it’s sport. Even then he would only be allowed to stay up on the weekend.

#11 Prancer is coming

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:06 PM

It would not be what I would want my 13yo watching.  However, if you are ok with it I would absolutely tell her she can watch it, but it is too late so she would need to tape it.  Teens need lots of sleep.  And sounds like this is in multiple nights, so not like it is just one late night for the week.

#12 Jenflea

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:13 PM

If she MUST watch it(and I'd be against it at that age, more like 17 or so if at all) then record it and she can watch on the weekend.


Though to be honest I'd not let DD watch it at 13 ,it's so sleazy and revolting from the bits I've seen.

#13 ytt

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:17 PM

You are the adult, you decide.

If you allow her to watch it watch it when you want her to. Don't pander to her tantrums at 13.

Personally I refuse to watch reality TV so my ideas are probably not the norm...

#14 ipsee

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:24 PM

I would watch an episode and see what you think. I don't think it is good tv for young teens. There is a lot of sexual behavious.

If she does watch it I think you need to have some chats about how these are not realistic relationships.

#15 Bereckii

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:26 PM

I think it has an MA rating.

http://www.classific...es/Parents.aspx

#16 RabbitHash

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:32 PM

I wouldn't let her watch it for many reasons.

#17 Expelliarmus

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:40 PM

DD19 was watching that the other night and it was complete trash. I walked out to some F words and a gallery of bare bums.

It’s not something I’d want my 13yo watching at all but I do know the power and seduction of watching what your friends are. I didn’t have a TV at 13 and it was incredibly exclusionary to not be watching what the other girls were. I’d talked my parents into getting a TV before I was 15.

It won’t be easy to put your foot down but I’d would try really hard on both the fact it’s trash and the lateness.

#18 Jersey Caramel

Posted 31 October 2019 - 09:49 PM

Not something I would be letting a 13yo watch, it's not the sort of behaviour I would want normalised.  Therefore if you do decide to let her continue watching it,  I would sit and watch it with her.  Firstly,  because it's always awkward watching sex(ual) scenes with your parents,  so it may lose some of its appeal! And secondly,  so you can basically provide a running commentary calling out all the shallow/objectifying/bullying/sexist/etc behaviour as it happens.

If she is not coping with the late nights (there is a reason this show is on late,  btw - it is meant for adults), then watching the next day on catch up is most likely an option... this doesn't help if she is wanting to keep up with her friends though.

#19 literally nobody

Posted 31 October 2019 - 10:27 PM

With those tantrums I would not let her watch it or let her get any of her way. I reminded my DD who is 11 in a few weeks after she had a tantrum that Im the parent and she’s the child and if she’s going to behave that way then be prepared for a whopper of a battle.

Choose your battles op. Firstly it’s inappropriate for a 13 year old to watch, 2 - she will work out that behaving that way will get her what she wants. What will she be like with the next thing?

If anything id have turned the tv off and announced its bedtime.

#20 MooGuru

Posted 31 October 2019 - 11:58 PM

I wouldn't let her watch it at night because of the impact on her behaviour.

I'll go against the grain and say that I think reality tv can be a great tool for steering conversations about healthy relationships, behaviour that might make you feel uncomfortable and how to respond to that etc etc. Especially in an environment where all her friends are talking about it.

I have rewatched some shows that I loved as a teen and what I viewed as romantic or loving then now looks controlling/stalkerish/generally red flag central. But they were the relationships we gushed and swooned over at school. The sort of relationships we wanted.
One incident stands out - we were about 14 - the high school sweethearts of our year (who I was not friends with) semi broke up and he was at school giving her the cold shoulder and she was crying. She wasn't ready to have sex and he'd walked out of their date the previous night because he was and had procured condoms for their one (?) Month anniversary date. Literally all the girls (me included) were like "oh he cares so much! He wanted their first time to be special and went to so much effort... poor him."
Anyways they had sex the next night (he told everyone). Her motivation was being inundated with friends telling her she should've had sex because he obviously loved her so much.

I've only seen a few minutes of Love Island but the scene I did see involved a woman who I bet gets written off as a bimbo saying something like "I'm not going to be his second choice. If he can't decide whether he wants me then he doesn't want me enough and I'm not getting into a competition with my friend to prove I'm more worthy of him than she is. We're both f***ing worthy. We both deserve better."
I kinda wish my 14 year old self heard that or had an adult to dissect some of the relationships I was idolising.

**haven't seen enough of it or know your dd to be able to assess the appropriateness of this show for her obviously.

Edited by MooGuru, 31 October 2019 - 11:59 PM.


#21 Nasty Poobah

Posted 01 November 2019 - 06:14 AM

View PostMooGuru, on 31 October 2019 - 11:58 PM, said:

I wouldn't let her watch it at night because of the impact on her behaviour.

I'll go against the grain and say that I think reality tv can be a great tool for steering conversations about healthy relationships, behaviour that might make you feel uncomfortable and how to respond to that etc etc. Especially in an environment where all her friends are talking about it.

I have rewatched some shows that I loved as a teen and what I viewed as romantic or loving then now looks controlling/stalkerish/generally red flag central. But they were the relationships we gushed and swooned over at school. The sort of relationships we wanted.
One incident stands out - we were about 14 - the high school sweethearts of our year (who I was not friends with) semi broke up and he was at school giving her the cold shoulder and she was crying. She wasn't ready to have sex and he'd walked out of their date the previous night because he was and had procured condoms for their one (?) Month anniversary date. Literally all the girls (me included) were like "oh he cares so much! He wanted their first time to be special and went to so much effort... poor him."
Anyways they had sex the next night (he told everyone). Her motivation was being inundated with friends telling her she should've had sex because he obviously loved her so much.

I've only seen a few minutes of Love Island but the scene I did see involved a woman who I bet gets written off as a bimbo saying something like "I'm not going to be his second choice. If he can't decide whether he wants me then he doesn't want me enough and I'm not getting into a competition with my friend to prove I'm more worthy of him than she is. We're both f***ing worthy. We both deserve better."
I kinda wish my 14 year old self heard that or had an adult to dissect some of the relationships I was idolising.

**haven't seen enough of it or know your dd to be able to assess the appropriateness of this show for her obviously.

While I think 13 is definitely too young for Love Island I think you've pretty much nailed it.

Love island doesn't take itself particularly seriously but the voiceovers are actually very good at pointing out unattractive behaviours (such as gaslighting).

It's not really a show about finding love -- more about building a social media profile. And there are some very articulate strong young women on this year's show. And they'd need to be given what's coming out of the mouths of the pack of young men at the moment.

#22 Lifesgood

Posted 01 November 2019 - 07:20 AM

Thanks for all the considered responses, it has helped a lot.

FWIW, I hate reality TV and Love Island is no exception. I'm also all for age-appropriate viewing but I think there is often a double-standard when it comes to sex vs violence, with one being considered far more pervasive and "acceptable" viewing for young kids. My personal view is that I more strictly control viewing of violence than sex where my kids are concerned.

I also think that DD is getting some value from watching Love Island - she acknowledges the ridiculousness and negative behaviours. It has opened some healthy conversations between us already.

Putting that to one side, I've had a chat with her this morning and told her that she isn't allowed to watch it at all for the next two weeks as she has a lot of school assessments over that period and she needs the study time and sleep. We will talk about whether she can watch it on catch-up TV after that. She was ok with that.

#23 seayork2002

Posted 01 November 2019 - 08:39 AM

View PostLifesgood, on 01 November 2019 - 07:20 AM, said:

Thanks for all the considered responses, it has helped a lot.

FWIW, I hate reality TV and Love Island is no exception. I'm also all for age-appropriate viewing but I think there is often a double-standard when it comes to sex vs violence, with one being considered far more pervasive and "acceptable" viewing for young kids. My personal view is that I more strictly control viewing of violence than sex where my kids are concerned.

I also think that DD is getting some value from watching Love Island - she acknowledges the ridiculousness and negative behaviours. It has opened some healthy conversations between us already.

Putting that to one side, I've had a chat with her this morning and told her that she isn't allowed to watch it at all for the next two weeks as she has a lot of school assessments over that period and she needs the study time and sleep. We will talk about whether she can watch it on catch-up TV after that. She was ok with that.

I would have put it badly but this is what I was going to say this morning when back at a keyboard

as DS is getting older we are loosening what he is allowed to watch

It was unintentional but he watched most of the recent BBC Les Miserable series with us, there were some scenes I was not happy with him seeing but we all watched it together and spoke of it as it went along

I had my open tv as a child and my parents had no idea what I was watching - some pretty serious stuff late at night!

Personally I could not watch a show like love island but if DS wanted to watch and could see the silliness & ridiculousness of it all I would have no problems (and yes if was my daughter instead I would be the same)

Edited by seayork2002, 01 November 2019 - 08:40 AM.


#24 Wot*A*Lot*Of_____

Posted 01 November 2019 - 10:47 AM

DD15 said some of her friends watch it. She is into watching Mortal Instruments, Legacies and Lucifer on her iPad.
She looked at the people on the Love Island adverts and said none of them were that attractive and prefers the  people on H&A.

#25 Bel rose

Posted 01 November 2019 - 11:40 AM

I think I’d be more concerned about her reaction than what she was watching. I wouldn’t let my child continue watching if they behaved in that way.




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