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Unhappy at current high school, options?


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#1 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 08:37 PM

Hello

We are somewhat pushing for the campus transfer to go ahead (was disapproved) while looking at other colleges.
Not too fussed about moving, but would like to know if we have any rights for this to happen? Kid missed 1st week of Term 4 and going 3rd week without anything happening. She's 8th grade.

We had been to meetings at her school about this 3 times now she has cried on all visits and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Nor see a specialist.



Backstory...
Basically, they call it "friendship problems", blew up last week of term 3, now this 'conversation' with the School ongoing since.
School offered to change timetable etc I have encouraged the kid to see Child Psych.



Bottom line, kid doesn't want to talk about it anymore/right now (crying each time they met up with School staff to talk).
Going nowhere for 2 weeks(+ Term3 holidays) I proposed the school to move our kid to other campus til they feel comfortable and still continue studies.
What I want to achieve is for the transfer to other campus to happen ASAP. That will give immediate relief.



Name-calling and spreading rumours spanning 2-3 months, by the child's ex-friend.
Only solutions offered are 1on1 consultation with school Chaplain/counsellor, modifying timetable, seeing a Child-psych.
I asked why disapproved, their answer “It will be far more successful moving prior to all types of support programs being explored. crucial that we do everything to ensure that a similar situation does not arise..”



Kid feels it's past the point of no return– that she's been keeping it all in too long to mental breakdowns, now she can't take it anymore!! Had enough which I can understand.
We just want to end her misery immediately and 'move on' to resume her study with a smile, and I proposed the College can still keep an eye on her at new campus.

We had an altercation with her last year (left her feeling betrayed) which I feel are still trying to gain her trust back. And backing her where reasonable – when weighing to change or 'force' her thru this is I believe it is reasonable to move her away.
So it's something else I have to keep in mind.

I'm sure they've had ample time to lay down most the suggestions – but it's the same changing timetable that she is not happy to do.
Nothing is working / happening at the moment. I'm not happy with the school's response at all.

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 08:44 PM.


#2 Heather11

Posted 17 October 2019 - 08:49 PM

What about a new school all together?

#3 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 08:53 PM

<p><span style="color: #2C2C2C">
School won't budge and keep repeating same "solution" over and over - but it's worthless if ultimately the kid doesn't want to say anything or see them at the current moments.

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:33 PM.


#4 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 08:56 PM

View PostHeather11, on 17 October 2019 - 08:49 PM, said:

What about a new school all together?
Yes I have compared to surroundings schools and this campus would be ideal due to ranking/scores, good track record 'new facilities,decently funded,handle bullying etc), diversity, location/travel time, public transport and familiarity  what I noticed

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:23 PM.


#5 lizzzard

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:10 PM

From what you’ve described I would be prioritising an immediate move to a new school over issues like rankings.

#6 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:13 PM

View Postlizzzard, on 17 October 2019 - 09:10 PM, said:

From what you’ve described I would be prioritising an immediate move to a new school over issues like rankings.
Yes but that's just one of the factors, it still ticks a lot of other boxes

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:13 PM.


#7 PatG

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:16 PM

Where are you located and what type of school are you talking about?

#8 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:17 PM

View PostPatG, on 17 October 2019 - 09:16 PM, said:

Where are you located and what type of school are you talking about?
South east burbs Victoria, Public govt schools

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:18 PM.


#9 Lyra

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:18 PM

If the school is doing nothing then I would pull her immediately. I would rather my child be in a low ranking school (whatever that means) and be happy, than in one that ticks all the boxes (whatever that means) and be miserable.

My child is in a bog-standard average government school but when it comes to friendship issues, bullying or any negative behaviour they are all over it like a rash. I would rather that than be miserable in a high ranking school

#10 Heather11

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:34 PM

What does your DD want?  Does she want to move campus or have a fresh start at a new school?

I had to endure bullying in year 8.  I wish my parents had offered me the opportunity to change schools.  It wasn't that they wouldn't have let me but I felt as if I couldn't because all of my siblings went to that school.

I wish I had just been asked what I wanted.

#11 gettin my fance on

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:37 PM

View PostKeeva, on 17 October 2019 - 09:13 PM, said:

Yes but that's just one of the factors, it still ticks a lot of other boxes

If your child is miserable, I can guarantee that no matter how high the ranking of the school, your child will not be performing to the level she is capable of.

#12 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:37 PM

View PostLyra, on 17 October 2019 - 09:18 PM, said:

I would rather that than be miserable in a high ranking school
So the school has no requirement to resolve this amicably? I am powerless can't do anything about it when the Principals sit on their a*se all day typing the same stale response?
Just to transfer one child ?

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:47 PM.


#13 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:40 PM

View PostHeather11, on 17 October 2019 - 09:34 PM, said:

What does your DD want?

Her first preference is to transfer campus too because she has a friend there and it's as close to a fresh start for a first step.
Sorry to hear you went through bullying, at least you have made it well done :)

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:40 PM.


#14 rileys-mum

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:42 PM

Sometimes schools don’t fit.
If you have a choice - move.
All we want is for our kids to reach their potential.
That will not happen in an environment that is so bad your DD cannot go to school.

#15 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:44 PM

View Postgettin my fance on, on 17 October 2019 - 09:37 PM, said:

miserable, I can guarantee that no matter how high the ranking of the school,
Yes the last thing I'd do would let her go to same place when she's sad, but we are asking to transfer other campus first which is better I don't find unreasonable and they are not being considerate of

#16 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:46 PM

View Postrileys-mum, on 17 October 2019 - 09:42 PM, said:

That will not happen in an environment that is so bad your DD cannot go to school.
Thanks all for replies so far..

#17 literally nobody

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:49 PM

View PostKeeva, on 17 October 2019 - 09:44 PM, said:


Yes the last thing I'd do would let her go to same place when she's sad, but we are asking to transfer other campus first which is better I don't find unreasonable and they are not being considerate of

They are tho. They offered help which you’d refused. Who out of the girls started this blow up? What happens if you move her whether it’s the other campus or new school- she finds herself in a similar situation?

#18 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:55 PM

View Postliterally nobody, on 17 October 2019 - 09:49 PM, said:

They are tho. They offered help which you’d refused. Who out of the girls started this blow up? What happens if you move her whether it’s the other campus or new school- she finds herself in a similar situation?
We can't force dd to do anything she doesn't want or drag her - we are still gaining her trust back.  It started with dd making a sarcastic joke that was taken the wrong way and ex-friend retaliated with rumours behind back that went on couple months. I have given mine the 'talk' about this. Just unfortunate.

I have spoken to her and explained that she can, and needs to tell us earlier any issues she's feeling no matter how small in future so we have time to take necessary action with the school help. This is a lesson learnt for us both.

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 09:58 PM.


#19 literally nobody

Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:57 PM

View PostKeeva, on 17 October 2019 - 09:55 PM, said:


We can't force dd to do anything she doesn't want or drag her - we are still gaining her trust back.  It started with dd making a sarcastic joke that was taken the wrong way and ex-friend retaliated with rumour behind back that went on couple months. I have given her the 'talk' about this. Just unfortunate.

I have spoken to her and explained that she can, and needs to tell us earlier any issues she's feeling no matter how small in future. This is a lesson learnt for us both.

Ok i see. Is it possible to get the girls together to talk this out?

#20 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 10:05 PM

View Postliterally nobody, on 17 October 2019 - 09:57 PM, said:

Ok i see. Is it possible to get the girls together to talk this out?
They've somewhat already apologised to each other via txt, but mine just can't get past it and feels very hurt by her friend. She doesn't want to see the other girl at all, not even a glimpse because it gives her bad/sad thoughts reminding her.
She rather remove herself from the equation (that campus), than to talk about this any further with the staff. I don't want them/anyone to keep poking her either until she feels comfortable to open up. Giving her space and time

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 10:09 PM.


#21 PizzaPlease

Posted 17 October 2019 - 10:47 PM

Honestly I can understand the schools concern. It sounds as though the matter has been discussed and everyones actions acknowledged, both girls have apologised and the situation is as resolved as it can be.

If your daughter is still so distressed that three seperate meetings with school staff left her in tears then I think it is understandable that they are pushing for her to see a counsellor or psychologist before moving her on. Sending her to another campus with no additional support in place may just be setting her up to fail, particularly right at the end of the year.

I can understand your desire to be supportive and give her space but sometimes professional help really is needed for a situation to improve. Have you been able to speak privately with the principal to get a sense of what their biggest concerns are?

#22 Keeva

Posted 17 October 2019 - 11:07 PM

View PostPizzaPlease, on 17 October 2019 - 10:47 PM, said:

Sending her to another campus with no additional support in place may just be setting her up to fail, particularly right at the end of the year.

I can understand your desire to be supportive and give her space but sometimes professional help really is needed for a situation to improve. Have you been able to speak privately with the principal to get a sense of what their biggest concerns are?

No trust me she is more than eager to get back into school and loves learning and socialising. Just anywhere but the current campus.
It's really difficult to get her to go even Headspace, and is having the opposite efefct where's she becomes even more reclusive whenever we have any mention of this.
That's when I made the suggestion to transfer her first where she feels more at ease to opening up and accepting help about this problem.

The school and I are speaking thru email, and I felt the few visits same things being repeated with same outcome, no real change. The middle-tier principal said to be relaying same messages... and again.
I have made myself clear enough multiple times that STILL dd is the one missing out and suffering, but my words are unheard.
Their concerns are the same from everyone here basically "...don't/stop running away, you need to face it Now", but we need the ball rolling some how right..!!!

Edited by Keeva, 17 October 2019 - 11:37 PM.


#23 SeaPrincess

Posted 17 October 2019 - 11:49 PM

If you’re not getting the outcome you want, then your next option is to leave the school. Many (most) schools don’t have the option of an alternative campus, and I imagine they don’t want a situation where it becomes an expectation that children are switching and changing between campuses. To you, it’s just one child, but once it gets out that it was even remotely possible, it could become a logistical nightmare.

Edited by SeaPrincess, 17 October 2019 - 11:56 PM.


#24 PizzaPlease

Posted 18 October 2019 - 12:12 AM

View PostKeeva, on 17 October 2019 - 11:07 PM, said:

No trust me she is more than eager to get back into school and loves learning and socialising. Just anywhere but the current campus.
It's really difficult to get her to go even Headspace, and is having the opposite efefct where's she becomes even more reclusive whenever we have any mention of this.
That's when I made the suggestion to transfer her first where she feels more at ease to opening up and accepting help about this problem.

The school and I are speaking thru email, and I felt the few visits same things being repeated with same outcome, no real change. The middle-tier principal said to be relaying same messages... and again.
I have made myself clear enough multiple times that STILL dd is the one missing out and suffering, but my words are unheard.
Their concerns are the same from everyone here basically "...don't/stop running away, you need to face it Now", but we need the ball rolling some how right..!!!

I feel like the key issue here though is what exactly the principal and support staff at her school feel she needs to face or deal with. If she is experiencing depression and anxiety then a fresh start at a new school seems unlikely to help her and may leave her even more vulnerable and alone, especially this late in the year.  

I think it's wonderful that you have approached Headspace and encouraged her to seek help but I wonder if allowing her to opt out of treatment altogether might be placing too hefty a burden on a kid who, I assume, is only 12 or 13. Allowing treatment to become conditional on moving schools/campuses may mean that she is unwilling to pursue it at all for the remainder of the year.

#25 Keeva

Posted 18 October 2019 - 12:14 AM

View PostSeaPrincess, on 17 October 2019 - 11:49 PM, said:

To you, it’s just one child, but once it gets out that it was even remotely possible, it could become a logistical nightmare.
Bit of a lousy excuse if that's the reasoning. As a matter of fact I heard one of dd's girlfriends was transferred from other campus to this (for whatever reason) But I haven't brought it up as I truly believe it should be on a case by case basis of each circumstance.
I think many of the parents would give up already but if it's something within my power I will give it a red hot crack. What's to lose right it shouldn't be this hard to move between campus of one school. Easier to move to new school entirely? They really don't give a rats about the students then




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