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Visitors after cesarean

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#26 Soontobegran

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:19 PM

Your C/S is booked for 6, it will probably be later. By the time you've had the surgery, you've been in recovery and got back to the ward it will probably be about 10.
This is far too late for visitors to stomp around a hospital. You need to tell them they are not permitted until the morning.
Please do not feel pressured.

#27 eponee

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:21 PM

View Post22Fruitmincepies, on 08 October 2019 - 06:13 PM, said:

Tell them your doctor is very strict about visiting, and if your mum is likely to be helpful get her in at 11am. Get her to bring some nice food for lunch (my mum brought me the best sandwiches). In-laws, tell them you will see how you and the baby are going and you will call them with a time the next day. My first was an emergency c-section at 7pm, no one knew I was in. We called our parents the next day, as it was quite late by the time baby and I were back in our room. So if you haven’t told them the date and time, then don’t! Or even tell them it’s been moved to a day later. If family are making you stressed, so what you need to clear a space for you.

ETA - newborns need to be on the boob a lot. Can your DH make sure they leave so you can do the next feed? Don’t hold off a feed, kick the family out. Your DH needs to advocate for you, and keep doing it forever more.

Advice of the year!!!

#28 Funwith4

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:30 PM

To be honest, I was so out of it on medication that it didn't bother me too much when visitors came - I was on cloud 9 and happy to have company.

Maybe ask them to bring you things like chocolate, lemonade, a magazine etc. Most visitors are very respectful in my experience.

Edited to add - I just remembered I had a 6pm c/section too! It was scheduled for 3pm but there were delays and my baby was born at 6pm. Our other three children, and both sets of our parents popped straight in when I got back to the room, had a quick cuddle and left after 20 mins. We all loved it.

Depends on your relationship with parents and IL's but I was more than happy for them to all come in.

I would be very sad to think my children don't tell me they've had a baby until the next day, but again, I suppose it depends on your relationships.

Edited by Funwith4, 08 October 2019 - 08:59 PM.

#29 Amica

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:31 PM

All of my kids went straight to SCN/NICU but I was up for family to visit straight away... directly after. I would have hated not seeing people til the next day or whenever. I never ever felt that need for private time. Everyone is different and do what it best for you.

#30 sahmie

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:39 PM

Be very firm, and tell them you’ll call when you’re ready.

You most likely won’t be back on the ward in time for visits that night, and the following day you might want to get the catheter out, have a freshen up shower, be learning to bf, settling bub, enjoying your bubble, or you might want to show bub off straight away, you might be bored and need the company. You can’t know this before, so don’t let them lock in solid plans. You call the shots, and they can wait until you’re ready.

#31 Hands Up

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:41 PM

I’d lie about the due date personally or simply say it’s major surgery and I’ll let you know how I’m recovering on the day. I wouldn’t give my own parents preferential treatment over in laws. I’m either ready to introduce the baby to all grandparents or none.

#32 IamtheMumma

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:43 PM

For a 6pm c-section, I think you'd be lucky to make it back to the ward before 9pm. Thinking upon it, I think that is a great time. You'll get visitor free time to learn how to breastfeed bub and just get yourself comfortable. Hopefully you'll get some 1:1 time with a midwife as well.

By 11am, you'll be up, showered and dressed with no catheter. You'll feel so much better for it.

If your family are really on your case, lie. Tell them the hospital had to change things and your date is now a day later. Then call your family on that new date and say bub is here. When they ask why it was earlier, tell them you wanted time with bub and people weren't respecting your wishes.

#33 Magnolia2

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:45 PM

Just came in to repeat what others have said here. I'd keep your options open (delay delay delay!) - unless you're desperate to see people.

By the time you're actually wheeled in to theatre, by the time you're back in recovery (and where a midwife might try to help you latch bub etc), by the time you're back in the room... it'll be too late for visitors on the first night.  Be aware too that some babies need to go to SCN after a CS for observation (mine did) over night the first night due to fluid on the lungs... so your guests might not even be able to see the baby for a while anyway.

I'd be telling them that I'd message when I was good and ready, probably at the earliest the arvo after!

#34 dreamweaver80

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:49 PM

The 11am sounds reasonable though I agree with others in that it's best not to lock in visiting times before the birth. I had a caesar at 9am and I would not have been able for visitors the next day. The operation and recovery itself was fine but bub had trouble latching so he was on me constantly for pretty much the first two days, meaning I didn't really sleep.  I couldn't care less who would have seen me breastfeeding but if a visitor happened to come in whilst my baby was sleeping and I couldn't then sleep as well, I would have been murderous!
That being said, we have no family in this country so there was no visitors to the hospital anyway with our first. I'm having my second in a few weeks and my mother will be here this time, as long as baby doesn't come too early. I'd honestly let her visit as soon as she wanted because that's my mother and she'd do what's best for me anyway. I'm sure you know yourself what you might be able for in regards to your own family/in laws but they should respect your wishes ultimately.
I don't know if you're considering same day visitation but if you're having a caesar at 6pm you will definitely not be able to have visitors that day. I was booked in for 6.30am, had him at 9am and then it was probably 11am before we were out of recovery. Remember you won't have eaten all day to prepare for surgery and you'll be absolutely wrecked by the end of the day. Definitely wait for the next day at the bare minimum.

#35 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 08 October 2019 - 08:51 PM

I had a 5pm emergency cs and 3 grandparents visited that nite around 9.30pm for maybe 10-15 mins. DH told them I was going for emergency Cs on the phone, then forgot to call them for 4 hours. My mother was not that happy - they all assumed it had gone badly when it was actually very straightforward from that point! So it was a bit of guilt that I said they could come in briefly.

I had an 8.30am planned cs and didn’t even have the older kids in to visit until the next day. Felt too sick.

Every birth is different and you have the right to have it how you want. You are the one having the baby!

If you can rely on your partner to do it your way, tell him to run interference and calls, but otherwise the nursing staff are well used to booting out or preventing unwanted visitors.

#36 Jingleflea

Posted 08 October 2019 - 10:03 PM

It's your body and your baby.
You get to decide who visits and when.
You need to look out for yourself and your new family unit first, and stuff the rest of them!

Most parents(grandparents) are pretty good if they're told it's for medical reasons. Not many will go against a dr's orders and the midwives and nurses on staff are EXCELLENT and heading off unwanted visitors!

Yes they can be excited about visiting, but you need to be firm and stand up for your rights. You're the patient who's just had major surgery. Not them. They won't die if they don't see the baby for 24 hours or so.

#37 Murderino

Posted 08 October 2019 - 10:09 PM

I’ve not read all the answers because I think it’s such an individual thing.

My emergency caesar was at 5:30pm and my mum was in the waiting room from about 5pm! She was settled into my room holding the baby when I came back from theatre.

I was fine with that, others wouldn’t be - I know this as I got plenty of horrified reactions when they found out my mum held my child before me (I don’t count the 3 seconds she was put near my chest before being rushed off to check breathing).

I’m almost positive my then DH’s parents might have come that evening too - I’m not 100% sure it wasn’t the next evening, I remember they were there for the meconium poo.

She came back first thing the next morning with my sister and dad.

Every visitor held her and I was fine with that as I think she was, they all watched me b/f her - all of it.

BUT how I, or others, felt doesn’t matter if you feel differently.

#38 Prancer is coming

Posted 08 October 2019 - 10:26 PM

Also OP, do you have any idea what you would like to do with the baby once born and when you are out of recovery.  I know for me straight after the birth I wanted baby to just be in my chest for ages and have that precious bonding time with Bub and DH.  I did not want anyone removing baby from my chest until I was ready.  And I was still naked from the birth and would not have felt comfortable with anyone else in the room.

Breast feeding was something important to me and being my first I had no idea what I was doing.  I would not have felt comfortable with an audience, and you cannot really make baby wait!

#39 PocketIcikleflakes

Posted 08 October 2019 - 10:43 PM

I'd just stick to the fact that if visiting hours are over then the HOSPITAL won't allow visitors until the next day. Not your rule, the HOSPITAL'S. Definitely put the blame on the hospital, hospitals don't care about that stuff.

And then say you'll be happy to have visitors the next day assuming you are well. They allows you to see how you are feeling, how the pain medication affects you. I was high as a kite on mine. Plus you can see how your baby is going.

#40 Luci

Posted 09 October 2019 - 06:24 AM

I have had 3 C-sections, one of which was at 6pm. DD was born at 6.36pm but I didn't get back to the ward until about 10pm, so far too late for visitors. With a C-section booked for 6pm you might well be delayed if they are running behind schedule, could easily be much later than 10pm.

The other 2 were both in the morning, around 8am. I didn't have any visitors those days, when DS was born I felt great but with DD I was exhausted and had nausea and vomiting.

Would it work if you were to tell your family that the Dr said short visits only the day after the birth, and word up the midwives beforehand that you might need help encouraging them to leave?

#41 Wahwah

Posted 09 October 2019 - 07:36 AM

Yeah, I really doubt that you'd be back on the ward before official visiting hours are over. I had a planned c-section at 1pm and got back to the room after 3pm. My first visitor was my mum who bought my 2 year old in at 5pm for a short visit.

Just tell everyone that you won't be back in the room for hours and then need to feed and rest.

#42 jesse083

Posted 09 October 2019 - 07:50 AM

I've had 2 Csections both back in my room by 2 pm. I had a strict no visitors until after 11 the following day. That first day was for myself and partner to spend with baby.
Giving birth is no a spectator sport. Give them a time to visit that works for you.
We called parents the next day and gave them their time slot to visit.

Best of luck!

#43 Dianalynch

Posted 09 October 2019 - 07:55 AM

if you haven't already, remind the grandparents of the need for whooping cough vaccination so they can safely visit baby

#44 GingerbreadWoman

Posted 09 October 2019 - 08:02 AM

View PostFunwith4, on 08 October 2019 - 08:30 PM, said:

I would be very sad to think my children don't tell me they've had a baby until the next day, but again, I suppose it depends on your relationships.

If this was directed at me, it wasn’t a deliberate decision not to tell anyone, due to complications it was that long after the birth until I was capable of telling anyone.

#45 Soontobegran

Posted 09 October 2019 - 08:23 AM

View PostPizzaPlease, on 08 October 2019 - 07:22 PM, said:

I'm not sure if you have other children but if this is your first then it is possible that after the birth you will find the hospital staff pushy and overbearing and be grateful to see your family.
In my experience hospital staff often play up the idea that everyone's family is demanding and that every new mother just wants to be left alone but it was never really my experience.

I also think the doctors advice about not passing baby around is a bit paranoid.

Interesting take on the reality of the hospital staff. FTR there are rules to keep all people safe and happy, they also respond to the requests of patients and many tell us " please do not let our visitors stay" and as for the suggested paranoia about passing a baby around.......are you really serious?

#46 lost_eb-er!

Posted 09 October 2019 - 08:28 AM

Just for a different perspective -

Slightly different situation as my family and ILs live interstate. I asked that no one book their tickets until DD1 was born, and that DH and I needed two weeks. So, no one met our DD1 for two weeks. No one grumbled to me at the time (although I"m sure there was much grumbling between them about it) but now DD1 is 4 years old and both sets of grandparents have a great relationship with her and our DD2. It didn't do any harm to have them wait.

The reasons I wanted that time were super personal. Firstly, I wanted to breastfeed and I knew that DD1 needed all hours access to establish that. I was not comfortable breastfeeding in front of anyone in my family (in public yes, in front of friends yes, but not in front of my parents or ILs).

Secondly, I am terrible at being a nice person when I'm tired and in pain. If I felt in any way 'put upon' there is NO WAY I could have been pleasant to people.

Thirdly, I suck at being taken care of (and frankly, my parents and in ILs would suck at taking care of me).

Fourthly, I knew I wasn't going to want to get out of bed and shower on someone else timetable.

Just wanted to give you an alternative, and also someone to point at and say 'see, I'm not that bad!'.

Edited by lost_eb-er!, 09 October 2019 - 08:28 AM.

#47 Beanette

Posted 09 October 2019 - 08:48 AM

View PostOllie83, on 08 October 2019 - 07:24 PM, said:

Oh, golly. I had a 9am cesarean and band everyone for 48 hours. Best move ever!

But I get where you’re coming from, definitely stick to your guns with your plan. It’s quite likely the next morning they’ll be unhooking you, getting you up and showered etc it’s very draining on energy so just keep that in mind too.

Honestly keep all hospital visitors to the bare minimum, especially if you intend to breastfeed that is such important bonding time to establish that. It’s also about the safety of the baby, germs etc.

I agree with this.
I had no visitors at all until day three for both babies, but my DH was staying with me in the hospital. Those first few days are so precious and so fleeting!

View PostIamtheMumma, on 08 October 2019 - 08:43 PM, said:

By 11am, you'll be up, showered and dressed with no catheter. You'll feel so much better for it.

Just on this, I had my last csection at 8am and was still bed bound at 12 noon the next day, my BP kept dropping very low every time I tried to stand and they had to call the MET.  So no guarantees that OP will be able to get out of bed! Just take your time and don't rush your recovery, much better to not feel any pressure to be "presentable" for visitors.

#48 Lady Sybil Vimes

Posted 09 October 2019 - 08:56 AM

Tell your midwife on the ward that you are feeling pressured and don’t want any visitors until they next day. My experience is that midwives are awesome at dealing with these things tactfully.

Edited by Lady Sybil Vimes, 09 October 2019 - 08:56 AM.

#49 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 09 October 2019 - 09:16 AM

I had a 7pm scheduled CS. Then I had a lovely shaking reaction to the drugs. I shook violently the entire time in recovery, returning to my room and for 2 hours after that. The nurses actually wrapped my body and my head with warm towels. I couldn't hold or fed my baby, DH actually had to give him formula. No way anyone could of visited us then. And apparently the shakes are quite common.
The next morning was better but my parents actually didn't arrive until day 2 afterwards. They actually took bubs upstairs to the cafe so I could have a sleep.

#50 Bigbaubles

Posted 09 October 2019 - 09:20 AM

Emergency c-section at 8pm. My parents and sibling rushed to the hospital to see that I was ok (and bub). They all saw her (and my brother & hubby held her) before I did while I was sent to recovery alone :(
I was actually totally fine with it, everyone was so scared (hubby and mum were in tears) and so the fact they waited until I was ok and just saw the baby. Mum was insistent that no one other than hubby hold the baby (brother only ended up holding her as I got stuck in recovery for hours and hubby needed a wee!).

Second c-section was at 7am and I think my parents were there by 9. I was fine with it. I happily breastfed half naked in front of my brother, so I never had an issue with feeding etc.

However, you do you!

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