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Visitors after cesarean

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#1 Chamomile

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:02 PM

Hi EB,

I have a cesarean booked in for 6pm. (It's a terrible time and I would have liked earlier, but I'm accepting it).

Visiting hours at the hospital are 11am-1pm and 4pm-8pm.
I am under pressure to have visitors asap. They are complaining they will not be able to see the baby the day they are born. (Apparently everyone else has visitors on the same day as the birth). But it's simply not possible. I thought I was being helpful managing their expectations on this. But apparently that's my first strike.

Do you think I will be ready for visitors at 11am the next morning?

I am grateful that I have family who want to be involved. But I am very stressed.

Edited by Chamomile, 09 October 2019 - 10:05 AM.

#2 gracie1978

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:10 PM

Hopefully the baby so be asleep when they come. If not put the baby on the boob.

I had mine at 8.30 am and my friend came at lunchtime.
Just make sure they keep visits short.  Let the midwives know your concerns and they might offer to boot the inlaws out for you after 15 min.
I had a visitor who wouldn't leave and I called the nurses and told them I was feeling dizzy, they moved her own for me :)

By day 3 you'll probably be keen for company!
Good luck x

#3 Chamomile

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:11 PM

Thanks Gracie. I’m not comfortable bf’ing in front of visitors :(

#4 Lunagirl

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:13 PM

Oh, that sounds awful. I'm so sorry.

None of us can answer the question of when you will be ready for visitors because recovery can really vary between people. I wouldn't be booking people in for specific times. Just tell them you will let them know when you are ready. I would.also let your DP handle communications to avoid you getting stressed out.

Once you're on the ward, let the midwives know that you're stressed about pushy relatives. They might be able to come in and dispense some advice about not passing around the baby while the relatives are there - maybe they will listen more to a professional?

#5 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:13 PM

Tell them your doctor is very strict about visiting, and if your mum is likely to be helpful get her in at 11am. Get her to bring some nice food for lunch (my mum brought me the best sandwiches). In-laws, tell them you will see how you and the baby are going and you will call them with a time the next day. My first was an emergency c-section at 7pm, no one knew I was in. We called our parents the next day, as it was quite late by the time baby and I were back in our room. So if you haven’t told them the date and time, then don’t! Or even tell them it’s been moved to a day later. If family are making you stressed, so what you need to clear a space for you.

ETA - newborns need to be on the boob a lot. Can your DH make sure they leave so you can do the next feed? Don’t hold off a feed, kick the family out. Your DH needs to advocate for you, and keep doing it forever more.

Edited by 22Fruitmincepies, 08 October 2019 - 06:16 PM.

#6 gracie1978

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:15 PM

Then get the nurses onboard, they will help you.

That time in hospital the baby is attached to you or sleeping.

Also 6pm is a great time.  You'll only have to have the catheter in over night rather than a day and a night.

#7 Prancer is coming

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:20 PM

I think that sounds like a great time for a Caesar - it means no visitors that day!  It is hard to know how you will feel.  You might be tired/sore/overwhelmed and not up to it.  Or you might be on a high and want to show baby off.

I would be inclined to get them to come in 30-60 minutes before visiting finishes so they cannot stay long.  With baby, if it is asleep, tell them they cannot pick baby up as it’s sleeping.  Or have baby in your arms and say you are not ready to let go yet.  I think it is hard to say no, so at least keep visits short or get your partner and nurse on side.  Definitely get the nurse to kick your visitors out.

#8 Chamomile

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:22 PM

Thanks all. Seems like 11am and 4pm visits the next day are do-able.
I just felt like I was being unfairly blamed for not having visitors on the day of the birth. But that’s just the reality of the 6pm Caesar, not a personal choice or failure.

#9 onetrick

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:32 PM

Oh, giving birth is hard enough without other people's expectations!
I had bub at 6pm and had my mum and my parents in law visit very briefly an hour and a bit later (it was actually lovely- neither live overly close so they both spent much longer driving than visiting, and would have been in the hospital maybe 20 mins?). They couldnt hold bub as he was in special care (so neither could I...), and they were visiting me as well as DS.
The next day, I was happy for visitors as I was bored but didnt have the brain capacity for much, so visitors were great (not many- mum, MIL, FIL and my brother and his fiance... that's it spread out over the day- benefit to having a baby Sunday night when people have to work Monday!). I mostly held DS, and offered him to others if he was settled. It wasnt 'pass the baby'(that happened later so I understand the doctors hesitation- our first family lunch outing with extended IL family everyone wanted to hold him and it was so frustrating!!).
I also agree with PPs that mentioned talking to your midwives. They were great. They can and will.kick people out, enforce your rules, and are there to support YOU. It's amazing. Just let them know your concerns ahead of time.

#10 JK4

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:48 PM

Hi OP, I think this may be one you just have to decide on the day. With my first, emergency c section just before 6pm, I had my mum then DH’s mum then his dad (separate visits as they are divorced) between 7:30 & just after 8. They each just came for 10 minutes to see the baby and us. That was fine, I was on a birth high and happy for them to briefly meet the baby. My second was another emergency c section (but early morning) with the baby then rushed to special care - we didn’t contact anyone until much later in the day and as such family were much later in meeting the baby.

#11 Blue Shoe

Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:57 PM

They’re “complaining” they don’t get to see the baby in the day it is born?? Uh oh. That’s not a good sign..
Really, it depends on how keen YOU are to have visitors. If you don’t like feeling pressured to see them within the first twenty four hours, then don’t. Be vague for now, don’t lock in any specific visiting times with anyone. Say stuff like “We’re just going to wait and see how everything goes. We’ll let you know when we’re up for visitors.” Then if you’re up for it, you can invite everyone to come at their leisure, or you can selectively invite people and lock in times that suit you.
If you’re not up for it, don’t give anyone your room number until you are ready to see them - that way they can’t rock up unannounced. If there’s a chance they’ll come anyway, let the nurses/desk know not to let them know your room number and that you are not to be disturbed by visitors.

#12 400

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:00 PM

This is totally your time and your call. Don’t for a second feel pressured to have visitors until you are ready, it’s not about them, no matter what they say. The baby will still be there and tiny and squishy the next day, waiting a little never hurt anyone!

#13 Lallalla

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:03 PM

I can’t answer the question of what is right for you, but my Dd was born via (emergency) c-section at 8.50pm - despite visiting hours my hospital allows my mum, sister and MIL to come meet her around 10:30pm - it didn’t worry me, but if it had been literally anyone else I couldn’t have coped. But I also hadn’t slept in forever at that point.

I think there doesn’t have to be a blanket rule -‘it’s ok to be comfortable with your mum before others etc.

also does there have to be a before birth decision? My 2nd c-section was planned and we didn’t have a pre-birth idea of when everyone could come down. We just messaged them when we felt ready (which was later than expected as I had serious complications).

#14 Sweet.Pea

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:04 PM

Let them know the hospital has said from 4pm the next day. Then ask the nurses to not allow visitors until after 4pm the next days.

It's important for the baby to bond with parents in the first hours, no one else.

A ceasar is painful too. So you will want to deal with that too.

#15 MoreCoffeePlease

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:05 PM

Don't commit to anything yet. You have no idea how your birth/c section will go

I had 1 emergency c section and happily had visitors a few hours later and one planned c section that had me extremely ill and couldn't even hold my baby for 6 hours after (and wasn't ready for visitors till late the next day)

Just let them know you will call when ready. Its about you and your baby NOT what they want

#16 Silverstreak

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:11 PM

Yep, don't commit to anything!

After my caesar I was on paid meds for a couple of days, hunched over on the first day after the operation (was fine walking around by day two or three), learning to express and breastfeed, DS was in special care and I just wanted to spend time with DH and DS. I wasn't in any condition to "entertain" anyone or pass the baby around for lengthy amounts of time.

In the end, the only people I allowed to visit were immediate family. I waited until I was home and settled for a week before I had any more visitors.

Good luck!

#17 Silverstreak

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:15 PM

Oh yeah, some people can be really pushy when it comes to new babies, like a work colleague of mine. After I stupidly told them which hospital I was going to, they proceeded to get put through to my room and demanded updates just before I went into labour omg. :ph34r:

The less other people know, the better. Unless you want them to know. It's totally your choice.

#18 Freddie'sMum

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:18 PM

I agree with the PPs.  Do not feel pressured to have visitors when you are not ready.  Tell the midwives that you are worried / nervous about visitors and ask for their help to stop people demanding to see the new baby.

Best wishes OP.

#19 Lady Gray

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:19 PM

You don’t have to accept any of this.  I felt awful in hospital and said no to visitors.  Even immediate family, I just wasn’t ready for it despite a straight forward birth.  I said I’d see people at home when I was ready.

Gosh, it’s such a special time for the parents and so overwhelming in a lot of respects.  Anyone who doesn’t respect that or tries to bully you into visitors is awful.

#20 PuddingPlease

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:22 PM

I'm not sure if you have other children but if this is your first then it is possible that after the birth you will find the hospital staff pushy and overbearing and be grateful to see your family.
In my experience hospital staff often play up the idea that everyone's family is demanding and that every new mother just wants to be left alone but it was never really my experience.

I also think the doctors advice about not passing baby around is a bit paranoid. Newborns feed and sleep at that stage and baby will probably be largely unaware of what's going on. If baby becomes distressed, pass back to mum for a feed and a cuddle and maybe family could get a coffee while this is happening. The important thing is that you are comfortable and happy with anything that is taking place but I don't see why you need to make any firm decisions now.

#21 Ollie83

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:24 PM

Oh, golly. I had a 9am cesarean and band everyone for 48 hours. Best move ever!

But I get where you’re coming from, definitely stick to your guns with your plan. It’s quite likely the next morning they’ll be unhooking you, getting you up and showered etc it’s very draining on energy so just keep that in mind too.

Honestly keep all hospital visitors to the bare minimum, especially if you intend to breastfeed that is such important bonding time to establish that. It’s also about the safety of the baby, germs etc.

#22 GingerbreadWoman

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:28 PM

I had a c section (emergency) at 3pm and we didn’t even tell people that the baby had been born until the next afternoon, never mind have visitors to meet the baby! So no, not everyone has visitors the same day.

In my case there were complications with the birth (which are much less likely with a planned c-section so don’t worry), but there was no way I was ready for visitors until at least 24 hours after.

You are absolutely not being in any way unreasonable if you ask people to wait until you let them know that you are ready. Ask your partner and the midwives to support you.

Don’t tell people the date you are booked, or if they persist in asking tell them a day or two later... then ‘surprise’ baby came early :)

#23 Charli73

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:30 PM

My hospital screened all calls and wouldn’t put anyone through then passed the message on. They were super strict on visitors also, it was wonderful knowing people couldn’t just wander in.

I would think the next day you would be ok for a short visit but the same night, not a chance!

#24 a letter to Elise.

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:44 PM

I refused all visitors other than my sister, who was already there while I was in labour anyway. No way way I letting my in-laws into the room, while I was bleeding, wasted on morphine with a cathedar in. Don’t agree to anything yet, just wait and see how you feel. It’s a very vulnerable time.

As for the timing, it’s a blessing. By the time you have the surgery and spend time in recovery, visiting hours will be over!

#25 Di-NO-ZO

Posted 08 October 2019 - 07:46 PM

With your surgery booked for 6pm and visiting hours finishing at 8pm, it may not even be an option to have visitors that evening.

I had an emergency followed by planned c-section and both times it was about 2 hours between start of surgery and me making it to the ward - I spent a fair bit of time in recovery following both births due to suffering from side effects of the drugs used - nothing major just had to wait for it to pass.

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