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Going from one child to two. Regrets?
62 replies to this topic
Posted 17 September 2019 - 07:30 PM
It’s a cliche but having the second one was the best decision we ever made. I am a much better parent to 2 kids than I was to one. I overthought everything with one kid, with two I just got stuck in. I achieved more in a day with a toddler and a baby than I’d ever managed with only one.
We have a 17 month age gap and I wouldn’t have done it any differently. I grew up the youngest by 4 years and I hated it! I see so many benefits for all of us in having the kids close together.
Posted 17 September 2019 - 07:40 PM
DH wanted two and I wanted one. I just kind of went along with it because I felt pressured and thought it may take a while at my age. I ended up getting pregnant immediately after going off the pill and not really getting used to the idea. I didn’t have the greatest pregnancy either.
I think these combined with the fact I am naturally an over thinker and DH spending a lot of time away from home contributed to PND. However I think that was more about the fact I was a going through a crazy emotional and sleep deprived time had more to do with that than my beautiful second son.
My advice be at peace with the decision before the roller coaster. From my perspective.
However lots of families have surprises and roll with it. Now I have two beautiful boys less than two years apart and wouldn’t swap it for the world. They are very close and best friends 95 percent of the time.
Posted 17 September 2019 - 07:45 PM
Becoming the parent of a second has been a much bigger struggle for us than the first. It may be personality, but suddenly we’ve gone from sort of somewhat successfully managing one between us to both being absolutely completely stretched juggling two. And it feels like neither kid gets the best of us. I was busy with the first but sort of still had time to breath. I mourn the brilliant relationship I had with my first. He has had to take a back seat, and that is hard. But the second also gets a raw deal as well. Despite that, they really do adore each other, and the first tells me he prefers being a brother to being an only. Not sure it’ll always be that way!
Posted 17 September 2019 - 07:57 PM
Those two minutes between going from one to two just did not give me enough time to form an opinion on having a single child.
Posted 17 September 2019 - 08:24 PM
I'm going from 1 to 3
Ask me in January how that's working for me...
Posted 17 September 2019 - 09:43 PM
Life was so much easier with one!
Maybe when my youngest is a bit older I'll feel differently. I really hope so anyway!
Posted 17 September 2019 - 10:01 PM
We dont regret it, but it was definitely quite a shock for me and especially DH.
I think it was also because our first DS was an incredibly easy baby. He just slept all day and was always happy. Dont think ive heard him make a sound until he was like 6months old. He never cried, was always smiling and calm. Literally the only difficult thing was, that he wanted to feed every 2h day and night until i weaned him at 1 year. Other than that he was so perfect.
DH and i just thought babies are so incredibly easy and we are doing everything right.. then DD arrived.. oh boy, she just turned our world upside down.
She didnt sleep well, when she was awake she was usually crying. Always had to be carried, but hated every baby carrier. Hated the pram, hated the car, hated everyone but me for a while. It was sooo exhausting! And DS also started acting up when he was about 2 and realised that his sister is getting all the attention with her 'bad' behaviour.
It was a rough first 3 years, but DD is 3.5 years now and things have finally calmed down. She is a bit more reasonable and so is DS. Also DS is in kindy all day, maybe that helps
Its beautiful to see the 2 of them stick up for each other and play happily together for hours.
But yes, it was hard at first. After DS we decided we should have 3 or 4 children, since we make such good ones! DH got a vasectomy when DD was about 1 year old 😂
But we are glad we have the 2 of them and would do it all over again
Posted 18 September 2019 - 02:16 PM
I noticed that too, but also that everyone so far with a biggish gap (4 years plus) thought the gap was awesome, irrespective of whether it was planned.
My dream was a two year gap. In honesty, I think it might have broken me if that had eventuated. Six years has been awesome.
So far a 6 year gap is great for me and Im finding it much easier parenting wise, but I worry that DS will be left out because my older 2 are close together in age. If money was no object I would probably go again!
Posted 18 September 2019 - 03:45 PM
Regret the closeness in age.
Edited by newmumandexcited, 19 September 2019 - 06:05 AM.
Posted 18 September 2019 - 09:56 PM
I sometimes regret having 2 - mainly when one of them has an extended visit to their Grandparents place and I am reminded how much easier life is with just one! How much more time you get to yourself with 2-adult 1-kid ratio.
The sibling jealousy drives me batty sometimes too. The mediation and negotiation of their conflicting wants gets exhausting. But then they'll have a sweet moment together.
Posted 19 September 2019 - 09:47 AM
We don't regret having 2 but sometimes feel the age gap was too close (25 months). I've spent the past 4 years pregnant or breastfeeding without a break, cosleeping with each child. It's taken a toll on DH and I relationship. A massive toll. Having said that our 2 absolutely adore eachother, I am so happy they have eachother and we have both of them.
We always said we'd have 3 but I can't see that happening anymore.
So no regrets but it has been very difficult.
Posted 19 September 2019 - 10:10 AM
Going from 0-1 for me was without doubt the hardest transition. A life when I only had to think of myself and (sometimes my husband) a career which I had exactly where I wanted it to be instead of being at the beck and call of a baby.
Going from 1-2 just over a year later was a breeze. I had motherhood in the bag by then and I was not nearly as stressed about getting it done perfectly as I did first time around. She just fitted in, they often had naps at the same time so I had some time out.
Going from 2-3 another year and a bit later was also easy and #3 was my easiest baby.
Going from #3-4 and then 4-5 is an entirely different story
I will admit that my view on matters may have been altered if I had a child with special needs.
Posted 19 September 2019 - 10:11 AM
Not going to lie, going from 1 to 2 was hard. But I have absolutely no regrets.
Am now pregnant with 3
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