Jump to content

Going from one child to two. Regrets?


  • Please log in to reply
63 replies to this topic

#26 Wahwah

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:37 PM

I loved having a newborn and a two-year old. DS was a cruisy baby and toddler and, in a way, I felt that having a second child reduced the intensity of it just being me and him at home together for most of the day.

This might sound weird but having 2 kids helped me recognise  that my older child wasn't just an extension of me, that his personality and identity is unique to him. DD had such a different temperament from the moment she was born, that it made me understand and appreciate who DS is as an individual.

#27 Mose

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:51 PM

 Lifesgood, on 17 September 2019 - 01:13 PM, said:

We also have nearly 5 years between ours (also unplanned due to infertility). The second was so much easier and more enjoyable as some others have said - I was more confident and relaxed, able to enjoy motherhood more. And the kids adore each other and have from day 1. We came so close to not having a second and often shake our heads at what we would have missed out on.

This. But with a six year gap.

#28 Mose

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:53 PM

 WannabeMasterchef, on 17 September 2019 - 01:28 PM, said:

Its interesting the different opinions on the 20 month age gap isn't it!

I noticed that too, but also that everyone so far with a biggish gap (4 years plus) thought the gap was awesome, irrespective of whether it was planned.

My dream was a two year gap.  In honesty, I think it might have broken me if that had eventuated. Six years has been awesome.

#29 Mands09

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:57 PM

22 months between 1 and 2. It was the hardest thing of my life so far (2-3 with 28 month gap was no issue). I think it depends on the kids personalities. My first is very dependent and anxious so it was hard as he was not capable of playing independently whilst I was feeding the baby for example. The baby also slept 4 hours at night and screamed the rest so I was very sleep deprived and had a retained placenta for 3 months following on from pregnancy with preeclampsia and recovering from a csection so I was quite unwell. DH runs a business so never stopped or helped given he was doing my job and his for the business. We got through it but it was less than pretty at the time. Almost destroyed us. I regret it and would do it differently if I had my time over.

#30 annodam

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:11 PM

1 to 2 was easy for me, still is but mine have a 7yr gap.
No way would I have anything under a 3yr gap.

#31 Steggles66

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:45 PM

For me going from 0-1 was obviously a complete change of lifestyle so when number 2 comes along your lifestyle is already changed so there’s not that shock factor. However, I felt that having two is parenting on steroids and I’m “just” mum!! It’s so much more full on than 1. Now if I go anywhere with just one kid it seems so easy and like a little holiday! It may be because I’m still pretty much in the parenting trenches with a 3 1/2 year old and an 11 month old.

#32 Caribou

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:46 PM

I regret not getting assistance with fertility sooner! There’s a 5.5 year gap between my two. I don’t regret him, he slots in perfectly with out family, but boy, did my career clock reset. As my DD ushered into kindergarten I only had 3 months of zero child minding and adult freedom before 2 arrived! And TBH, I really missed how I suddenly was a bit ‘free’ to pursue work etc. but redundant knowing a baby was on the way.

DS is 2 now, he’s in throes of terrible twos but he’s getting older and better and only 2.5 more years until hes at school. If two years flew this fast, the next 2 years will be nothing in comparison.  The second child years go way faster than child number 1

#33 Let-it-go

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:19 PM

I regret not having a larger gap.  We had a very easy no 1 so the jump from 0-1 was minimal.  I was just in this rush for another for no apparent reason other than ‘it was what was expected of me’ and then he came when DD was 2.5 and it was all so horrible and unenjoyable compared to no 1.  Irrational toddler, a newborn who just never got my full attention and a husband working 15hr days.  I wished I’d waited a bit longer, had DD in some form of 2-3day care and been able to actually enjoy no 2.  He was actually a super cute baby but I just always felt so rushed dealing with him.

Edited by Let-it-go, 17 September 2019 - 03:19 PM.


#34 No Drama Please

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:24 PM

Apart from the endless whining about imagined injustices one has performed on the other it’s great:

“He looked at me/she touched me with her foot/he used my bowl/she smiled just to annoy me...

O.M.G

#35 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:25 PM

 VVV, on 17 September 2019 - 11:31 AM, said:

I know there’s been a few posts recently about going from two to three children and three to four children and in these threads I read a mixture of both positive and negative experiences. I’m wondering if anyone really struggled with going from one to two children and regrets (I know we don’t regret our actual children) making the increase from one to two?
None for us.

Except maybe that a 3-4 year age gap might have been easier in the early years. But it is what it is and we managed to get through it, all good now.

#36 Chchgirl

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:33 PM

 28 Barbary Lane, on 17 September 2019 - 03:24 PM, said:

Apart from the endless whining about imagined injustices one has performed on the other it’s great:

“He looked at me/she touched me with her foot/he used my bowl/she smiled just to annoy me...

O.M.G

Jeez that sounds like my sister and me as kids!  

We like each other now though !

#37 Moukmouk

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:35 PM

I have a 3 year gap which was lovely. I was never that keen to have a second, but I'm not unhappy that I did. It's nice having two personalities, and they get on really well. Number 2 is generally more chilled, and although he has his challenges I think I deal with them better as number 2. As they get older they are pretty fun to do things with. I am so happy to not have 3 though. I couldn't have vomited for 9 months again.

#38 born.a.girl

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:35 PM

 JoanJett, on 17 September 2019 - 11:52 AM, said:

Yes and no.  The yes is the timing - my two are 2 years apart and my second was an incredibly unsettled baby, and my firstborn "lost" me for a year at a pretty critical time.  Given that we were in a new city with no supports, it was really hard on him, me and our relationship, and I think it did affect his social development.

The definitely no is all the rest - the little person my second son is, the joy of seeing siblings who are best friends and the fact that I think I'm a better parent for having two.


Too dangerous for me to have a second, but I used to think I'd get right all of the things I got wrong the first time. My brother said nah, you're so busy avoiding the mistakes you made the first time, you make new ones.   :)

#39 Ellie bean

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:37 PM

I regret the 12 month age gap but nothing else.
Actually I’m not even sure I regret that as if we’d waited maybe I wouldn’t have had a second
So, it was hard but I don’t regret it

#40 born.a.girl

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:39 PM

 Mose, on 17 September 2019 - 01:53 PM, said:

I noticed that too, but also that everyone so far with a biggish gap (4 years plus) thought the gap was awesome, irrespective of whether it was planned.

My dream was a two year gap.  In honesty, I think it might have broken me if that had eventuated. Six years has been awesome.

Niece has a six year gap.  Only issue came one day when the older one came home from school and announced she'd be looking after the baby in her room for a few hours.   Um...

#41 Ellie bean

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:39 PM

 28 Barbary Lane, on 17 September 2019 - 03:24 PM, said:

Apart from the endless whining about imagined injustices one has performed on the other it’s great:

“He looked at me/she touched me with her foot/he used my bowl/she smiled just to annoy me...

O.M.G
Yep “he looked out my window”...
Me for the eleventy billionth time- Car windows are for EVERYONE children!

#42 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:41 PM

 Ellie bean, on 17 September 2019 - 03:39 PM, said:

Yep “he looked out my window”...
Me for the eleventy billionth time- Car windows are for EVERYONE children!
I love this one
"She's breathing my air!!!!!"

:rofl: :rofl:

#43 Mooples

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:45 PM

For me I think it depends on the kids. Ds1 was and still is pretty cruisy. 2y3m later ds2 came along and he is a fire cracker. Always on the go, climbing, getting into mischief, constantly keeping us on our toes. We’ve decided if we have number 3 we will have a bit of a bigger gap (3-3.5y) so I’m not trying to look after a newborn while he’s a terrible two year old. If ds2 was first I’d say there would be a bigger gap between the two we have.

#44 Pip_longstockings

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:46 PM

 Ellie bean, on 17 September 2019 - 03:39 PM, said:

Yep “he looked out my window”...
Me for the eleventy billionth time- Car windows are for EVERYONE children!

This is a common one for us too!!

And "he looked at me". Your having a tantrum of course he looked at you

#45 Grrrumbles

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:47 PM

A lot of these posts are about the early years. We had a four year gap so managing the baby and toddler years were okay but for us it hasn’t got easier as they got older.

DS has had a rough year and it has been hard to meet the needs of 2 very different children.

I don’t want to be a downer, things do mostly get easier as they get older but if you are dealing with mental health or other special needs it might not. I have had to accept that my parenting journey is quite different to what I thought it would be.

There are a few members with teenagers with challenging behaviours who have posted about their struggles managing the needs of their families recently.

#46 Ellie bean

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:56 PM

 Pip_longstockings, on 17 September 2019 - 03:46 PM, said:



This is a common one for us too!!

And "he looked at me". Your having a tantrum of course he looked at you
Oh yes I have on constant repeat “we are allowed to look at you in the lounge room, if you don’t want to be looked at goto your own room”

I have to say parenting my adorable dd has been hard at every stage but that’s nothing to do with the age gap and I do try to see it as a privilege because she is such a wonderful (and bloody difficult “ little person! She was first too so not having a second wouldn’t have helped, actually having my second (more cruisy) has reinforced for me that none of it is my fault :)

Edited by Ellie bean, 17 September 2019 - 03:56 PM.


#47 AmazonBabe

Posted 17 September 2019 - 04:01 PM

I gave birth to two kids, 2 yrs 4 months apart.  When they were little, it was exceptionally easy.  DS1 was diagnosed with ASD and multiple MHI when he was 10.  I've been a single parent since they were 3 and 1.  It's been incredibly hard at times.  They're now 16 and almost 14 and, while it's easier sometimes now, it's also more difficult.

Small children, small problems... big children, big problems.

I've also raised my DSD (now 27) from when she was 6.  And also ended up with another DSD (now 18) from another subsequent relationship.  So I have 4 kids.

Even if you only give birth to two kids, you might end up with more.  Just keep loving all the kids you end up with.  Give them all the support and kindness and care that you can.  That's what makes you the best parent you can be.

I have no regrets.

#48 3rd time lucky

Posted 17 September 2019 - 04:39 PM

I seem to be different to many here... I found 0-1 easy, and 1-2 sucked!
Some factors - 1st was easy, 2nd not so easy!
2 year gap - a 2yo and newborn is all kinds of hell!
I was so clucky with my first, with our second it was more a decision that we wanted to have 2 eventually, and we may as well get baby/ toddler years done in one hit! Kinda wished I’d waited til I was clucky again if that makes any sense?

I feel like I’d be s better parent and life would be simpler with one. But who really knows - I may be spending my time then thinking life was simpler if my kid had a built in playmate ie sibling??

Good luck with your decision!

#49 3rd time lucky

Posted 17 September 2019 - 04:41 PM

That’s lovely Amazon Babe 😊

#50 Freddie'sMum

Posted 17 September 2019 - 04:56 PM

I found going from 1 to 2 really, really hard. I had the usual 2 year gap and I didn't cope at all with a toddler and a newborn.

I also had very bad PND after the second baby.  I was so in love with DD#1 and I was desperate for another baby - just like her - plus my age (I was 35 / 36) and was terrified of missing the boat fertility-wise.

Looking back I wish I had left a 4 year gap between the two of them.  I would have had DD#1 going to pre-school and been home by myself with the new baby.

Life would have been so much easier if we had stopped at one.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.

 

Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.