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#1 bakesgirls

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:42 PM

I'll try to keep this short. I think I should say something, DF thinks I should let it go.

DD2 was invited to a birthday party that was after school today. No worries, I let her go, bought a suitable gift and sent her on her way. I was initially told that pick up would be around 5.30pm. Then I received a message asking if she could stay longer because all the girls were having pizza. No worries, I said ok and asked what time DD2 should be picked up. I was told around 7pm but she'd get back to me. She didn't get back to me, so a contacted her again and asked what time I should pick up DD2. She responded by saying that she was so sorry and she felt really mean, but the party had turned into a sleepover and there was no room for DD2. There were 6 girls there including DD2 and the birthday girl. DD 2 was the only one who was told she had to go home. The child's mother said DD2 could stay over another night in a few weeks and that she'd told DD2 it wasn't personal.

DF went and picked her up. When she got home, she was sobbing, I mean heaving sobs. She's gutted that she's the only one excluded, and TBH I don't blame her. It seems exceptionally mean to me to do this to a child. I know it's her home and she can have who she wants, but I really think in this situation the invitation should be for all, or for none rather than leaving one kid out who knows she's the only one being told they can't stay.

I feel like she should know how this has affected my kid. It's not innocent in my books, it's cruel and was totally unnecessary. DF thinks I should ignore it, but I also think he's a wuss who never stands up to anyone for the sake of peace.

What do the wise people of EB think I should do?

#2 chillipeppers

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:46 PM

Let it go

#3 hills mum bec

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:46 PM

Oh wow, that’s horrible!  Surely if you fit 4 extra girls then you can fit 5?  And how did they decide who to exclude.  I’m not sure what you can do about it but I agree that it’s a horrible thing to do.

#4 luke's mummu

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:48 PM

Weird, but I would let it go. Assuming she still wants to be friends with the kid, it’s not worth creating  a fuss.

#5 Mands09

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:49 PM

Let it go and have as little to do with them as possible going forward. How awful.

#6 taters

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:50 PM

What an awful thing to happen. I think you have to let it go but maybe you could do something special with your daughter tomorrow to show her how special she is to you? Thats so so sad they did that to her.

#7 But seriously

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:50 PM

Awful thing to do - particularly so obviously. I know not everyone can come to every party but to do it front of everyone like that. urk.

But I would let it go because i dont think saying anything would assist the situation

Edited by But seriously, 13 September 2019 - 07:51 PM.


#8 ~J_F~

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:51 PM

That’s frigging horrible. If you can fit 4, you can fit 5. Kids that age don’t mind sharing beds.

I’m sorry your DD had to go through that.

I am not sure what I would do, I think would need to say something. Its such a crappy thing to do!

Edited by ~J_F~, 13 September 2019 - 07:54 PM.


#9 FeralAndIKnowIt

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:52 PM

I’d definitely say something and I probably wouldn’t be nice about it.

#10 bakesgirls

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:56 PM

Well IRL, I'd like to tell the mum to shove the invite for a sleepover at a later stage up her a*se, but I won't. I just really want her to know that he actions have absolutely devastated a child and were downright mean. DD2 is my placid child, and everyone knows it. I feel she gets taken advantage of sometimes, because she never makes a fuss. But she held it in until she got home.

I honestly don't want her to be friends with this kid anymore and to have nothing to do with them.

#11 Funwith4

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:56 PM

Now that it’s done I think you should let it go - unless that mother brings it up again and then I would tell her how upset your child was. However I think if that was my child I would have said something at the time. Something along the lines of “such a shame you couldn’t stay too DD but never mind, it’s a bit sad though isn’t it?”

#12 spr_maiden

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:57 PM

That's really sh*tty. I'd let it go unless sleepover was brought up in conversation by one of her parents. Tbh though, I'd judge them for it and be mindful this is how they are in future invites etc.

#13 NastyGal

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:57 PM

Not okay OP, not on any level. That's simply cruel! There's no other word for it. And like a PP said, they decided one girl couldn't stay, and so chose your DD? I actually can't imagine how an adult could allow that to happen. To go from four kids to five is doable in most scenarios, even if it's a doona on some cushions on the floor!

I'd personally have trouble ever looking that mother in the face again, and I'd be encouraging my daughter to find other friends.

#14 bakesgirls

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:57 PM

I even typed out a message, but thought I should check before I sent it. It's actually very polite but leaves
no room for misinterpretation about how DD2 is feeling.

#15 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:58 PM

That is so extremely weird.  

There must be some back story to this, maybe some parents said no to original 530 pickup due to work/other kid logistics and rather than have no party it morphed into a partial sleepover.  And then that got out and the other kids glommed on.  

Still it’s super mean, and the mum knows it.

#16 laridae

Posted 13 September 2019 - 07:59 PM

A have to say. It's sounds like it may have always been going to be a sleepover and your DD wasn't invited to that part. She probably just didn't want to leave and the parent didn't want say no so let her stay for pizza etc.
I know it can be really hard to get my DD1 to leave her friends houses too.
I would let it go.

#17 ~J_F~

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:01 PM

I just don’t get how you can magically fit 4 extras but not 5.

I would be trying to navigate my kid towards other friends after that - as much as I could.

If you are ok with the what might happen after the message, send it!

#18 bakesgirls

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:04 PM

View PostFeral-as-Meggs, on 13 September 2019 - 07:58 PM, said:

That is so extremely weird.  

There must be some back story to this, maybe some parents said no to original 530 pickup due to work/other kid logistics and rather than have no party it morphed into a partial sleepover.  And then that got out and the other kids glommed on.  

Still it’s super mean, and the mum knows it.

This is what I was told by the mum tonight via text.

Apparently it was initially a sleepover but no one could make it, so it turned into a day party. Then apparently everyone said they wanted to sleepover, so it was organised and DD2 was told there was no room for her. We didn't know about how it was originally a sleepover until it wasn't and then it was again, until tonight.



View Postlaridae, on 13 September 2019 - 07:59 PM, said:

A have to say. It's sounds like it may have always been going to be a sleepover and your DD wasn't invited to that part. She probably just didn't want to leave and the parent didn't want say no so let her stay for pizza etc.
I know it can be really hard to get my DD1 to leave her friends houses too.
I would let it go.

Then you make that clear at the beginning when invites go out and you don't spring it on a 10 year old and think that saying 'it's not personal' makes everything better. What 10 year old wouldn't take that personally.

That above scenario in the quoted post isn't what happened...I can assure you.

ETA- there's no issues with the friendship, no issues between mum and I (until this), no issues with the behaviour of DD2.

Edited by bakesgirls, 13 September 2019 - 08:15 PM.


#19 ~J_F~

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:04 PM

Jesus it’s even worse with the backstory...

#20 Ozquoll

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:04 PM

It is mean - I'm sure all the kids could have been squeezed in somewhere. I wouldn't say anything to the Mum though, it might turn an awkward situation into something worse.

#21 -Emissary-

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:04 PM

Wow that is horrible! I hope your DD feels better soon.

I’d personally be very angry and be tempted to say something but it’s probably not worth it. If she suggests a sleep over next time I’d declined.

Not sure if you should make your DD stop being friends with this kid unless there has been other issues. It might not have been the kid’s fault that your DD wasn’t asked to stay. If there is other problems with the friendship then that’s a different story and I agree you should probably encourage your DD to keep a distance.

#22 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:07 PM

What a horrible thing to do. I'd probably let it go for now, but if given the chance to drop it in to conversation I'd tell them.

#23 Madeline's Mum

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:10 PM

That’s so cruel and horrible. I would find it very difficult not to say anything.

I would then take my DD out to have a special 1:1 date tomorrow, nails, ice cream and a walk together.

#24 laridae

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:13 PM

View Postbakesgirls, on 13 September 2019 - 08:04 PM, said:



This is what I was told by the mum tonight via text.

Apparently it was initially a sleepover but no one could make it, so it turned into a day party. Then apparently everyone said they wanted to sleepover, so it was organised and DD2 was told there was no room for her. We didn't know about how it was originally a sleepover until it wasn't and then it was again, until tonight.





This isn't what happened...I can assure you.

ETA- there's no issues with the friendship, no issues between mum and I (until this), no issues with the behaviour of DD2.

So they were all just going to stay over with no toothbrushes, no pjs, no clothes for tomorrow and they had enough beds and pillows for 4 extras? It just seems unlikely is all.

#25 aace

Posted 13 September 2019 - 08:19 PM

I would probably say something tbh. I am usually a let it go person. Something along the lines like "I understand that numbers for parties can be tricky but DD was very upset being the only one excluded. Perhaps next time if you don't have room for amother child to sleep over it would be kinder not to invite them at all"
Your poor DD. I hope she is OK..




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