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Feeling like a terrible mum

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#1 Lallalla

Posted 11 September 2019 - 10:31 AM

I changed my mind about play group this morning when we were halfway there (it’s a 5-10 minute walk away) because one of my twin 3 year olds was being such a pork chop about everything (just the usual disagreeable tantruming of a 3 year old, but relentlessly). So of course all 3 kids were crying.

Then an old lady walking down the street in the opposite direction asks me if they’re ok and I just said they’re fine, and she said but the little girl, my only response was she’s just 3!

Now I feel like a terrible mum. My other 2 kids missed out when they were being good just because I couldn’t handle their siblings antics this morning :-(

#2 Drat

Posted 11 September 2019 - 10:45 AM

Don't be so hard on yourself.
Three year olds are hard work, and you have two of them! Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle and stress!
I'm sure the kids will have forgotten it by this afternoon. Hope your day gets better.

#3 ineedmorecoffee

Posted 11 September 2019 - 10:52 AM

It happens to the best of us, we make decisions in the heat of the moment.

Everyone is safe and unharmed, it will blow over.

#4 Popper

Posted 11 September 2019 - 10:58 AM

Oh OP it was the best course of action. What a powerful lesson with immediate consequences. I bet you don't have the same behaviour next week. As for the siblings they witnessed you follow through on bad behaviour and would have their eyes open to the consequences. Well done. I hope the day gets easier!

#5 katpaws

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:06 AM

It sounds like that the woman who asked you how things were was asking in a caring way...I am sure she didn't mean to cause any offense.

It is hard enough dealing with one crying child, let alone three, and especially when one is throwing a tantrum (etc). It sounds like you coped with the situation as best as you could, responded in a logical way, and i don't think you can criticize yourself for it.

I hope your day gets better.

#6 Soontobegran

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:07 AM

The consequences of the siblings missing out and being angry will often affect future behaviour of the 'naughty' kid.
It's probably a bit early yet but it sure worked for me.

You did what you needed to do, the others will live and one day they will understand.
Self preservation.....it is important.

#7 SeaPrincess

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:17 AM

It happens. Don’t worry about it. I can think of several examples with my children!

My mum told me it was wrong to punish all of mine for something only one had done. When I told my BFF, she said she’s sure we were all punished or excluded from things for something one of my siblings had done. We couldn’t think of any specifics though.

#8 IamtheMumma

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:26 AM

You're not a terrible mum. It happens. I've experienced it. You can only deal with so much and you just know it will get worse.

#9 Freddie'sMum

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:32 AM

Oh you are so NOT a terrible mum !!  Everyone has been there when a 3 year old carries on like a pork chop and the best response is to quit / cancel what you are planning on doing and packing everyone up and heading home.

I've done it.  I'm sure lots of other parents have too.  One time when our kids were that age, we had decided to try and "go out" for a breakfast with them (it was the weekend).  When we got to the cafe, the youngest (who would have been around 3) kicked up such a stink, I just looked at DH and said "we are going home" and we all did !!

I think you did the right thing OP.  Here's hoping the 3 year old learns that if they push Mummy too much - there are consequences.

#10 Manicmum

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:44 AM

I don’t think it’s bad at all. A family is a team and one persons actions do affect the others. That’s life.

#11 Ruby red shoes

Posted 11 September 2019 - 11:57 AM

I think you did the right thing. I know when my kids are behaving similarly often they just need some downtime at home.

#12 Mooples

Posted 11 September 2019 - 12:06 PM

Not a terrible mum at all, at least you had a very valid reason not to go to playgroup. Last week I could just not be stuffed taking my little one to playgroup then a friend asked me for a coffee which immediately seemed like a better option.

#13 Lallalla

Posted 11 September 2019 - 12:08 PM

View PostRuby red shoes, on 11 September 2019 - 11:57 AM, said:

I think you did the right thing. I know when my kids are behaving similarly often they just need some downtime at home.

I am starting to think maybe she is more of a home body than the rest of us. She’s been totally fine since she stopped crying about not going out.

#14 skicat

Posted 11 September 2019 - 12:56 PM

Years ago on Mothers Day, we were all going on a shortish nature/bushwalk followed by fish and chips in Manly.

My 7 year old had a massive tantrum because she refused to wear suitable shoes for the walk- dad and son went for the walk , when they returned to the car, the lunch was cancelled because of her behaviour and we all went home. So that was a memorable day.

#15 gracie1978

Posted 11 September 2019 - 01:18 PM

Totally reasonable, home was a solid choice.

I was thinking today, the only reason I survived 2 and 3 was because I went to work full time...
Being part time for four has been delightful.

#16 blueskies12

Posted 11 September 2019 - 01:53 PM

I think you sound like a wonderful mother. I hope that I can act as calmly and rationally and also follow through on consequences.

#17 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 11 September 2019 - 02:24 PM

haha yes you will want to use that peer pressure from their silbings for good in the future ;)

They aren't going to grow up and remember that ONE time that Mum turned us back because little Jane was being a jerk. Or if they do, they will laugh about it and tease Jane. ;)

#18 maryanneK

Posted 11 September 2019 - 02:39 PM

you're not a terrible mum!

Sounds like you did 100% the right thing

a 'terrible' mum would have threatened to take the kids home if the tantrum didnt stop, then given in and taken them anyway because it was easier than enforcing consequences

glad your day has improved

#19 MsLaurie

Posted 11 September 2019 - 03:07 PM

“She’s just three” is a totally complete sentence regarding a meltdown in public!

It was definitely the right call to head home. None of you would have been able to enjoy playgroup anyway as you would all have been riled up by the time you got there.

#20 (feral)epg

Posted 11 September 2019 - 03:13 PM

Having been the person who's pushed on with the playdate when child has been hideous....................you did the right thing!

#21 Lallalla

Posted 11 September 2019 - 08:00 PM

View Postblueskies12, on 11 September 2019 - 01:53 PM, said:

I think you sound like a wonderful mother. I hope that I can act as calmly and rationally and also follow through on consequences.

Who said I was calm? I really wasn’t, I had to put her in her room when we got inside so I could calm down. And then again later in the day when she not only did not eat her dinner she flung it all over the table and deliberately tipped her water over.... we’ve had a hell of a day here.

#22 blueskies12

Posted 11 September 2019 - 08:12 PM

View PostLallalla, on 11 September 2019 - 08:00 PM, said:

Who said I was calm? I really wasn’t, I had to put her in her room when we got inside so I could calm down. And then again later in the day when she not only did not eat her dinner she flung it all over the table and deliberately tipped her water over.... we’ve had a hell of a day here.

Sounds like my day! I may have laughed in that deliriously crazy sort of way to myself (it was that or cry) going down an escalator when my 4 year old was making a run for the doors and my 21 month old sat was riding the escalator like a ride at the fair....

I think you sound great because when you got home, you put her in her room and calmed yourself down. That in itself counts as a win in my book. Although, I am not the calmest person, so may not be the best judge...

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