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Terrible twos

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#1 Caribou

Posted 06 September 2019 - 07:47 PM

Have a cold, DH stayed home to hang out with DS. DH had to take DD to a sporting event so I had DS for afternoon until bed.

Well I know he was happy with DH. Didn’t hear a peep of crying. However I come into picture? Full on screaming. Demanding I hold him. Refusing dinner he picked himself. Refusing to drink and refusing to sleep. It was like a switch was flicked.

I mean he’s always been a challenging 2yo, and more so in recent times, but tonight took the cake. It was horrible. I was crying by the end of if and DS was screaming at me to stop crying. I told him I’d stop if he ate his dinner but that ensued more screaming from him and demanding to be held.

It was exhausting. Especially since I get screamed by him on a daily basis. I’m terrified of feeding him now. Because whatever I get out, even if I give him two options results in screaming he doesn’t like it.

Whereas if DH gives him breakfast, no crying, no screaming. Pure silence. It’s like he reserves it for me.

I’m mentally broken. Is this a 2yo phase? My 7yo was milder and more reasonable than DS!

Edited by Caribou, 06 September 2019 - 07:47 PM.

#2 Daffy2016

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:04 PM

I really, really feel for you. DD is just two and is similar, although she sounds less intense than your DS, you poor thing.

DH is always asking what I’m doing wrong and why don’t I do it like him. I am, she just saves all the horrible for me! He doesn’t see it though.

#3 Blue Shoe

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:10 PM

I’m sorry OP. That sounds exhausting.
Not a good long term solution, but in the interests of getting through what is hopefully a phase, can you resort to bribery? What is his currency - will he eat dinner if he is allowed to watch x amount of TV afterwards, or get a star on a reward chart to earn a new toy etc? Anything that calms everything down, and then you can gradually reintroduce firmer/higher expectations?

#4 Caribou

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:24 PM

View PostBlue Shoe, on 06 September 2019 - 08:10 PM, said:

I’m sorry OP. That sounds exhausting.
Not a good long term solution, but in the interests of getting through what is hopefully a phase, can you resort to bribery? What is his currency - will he eat dinner if he is allowed to watch x amount of TV afterwards, or get a star on a reward chart to earn a new toy etc? Anything that calms everything down, and then you can gradually reintroduce firmer/higher expectations?

Oh yes. I’ve tried currency. So much I’ve bribed biscuits for dinner and once I tried those sparkle wands.

He does not respond to currency. I’m sure he hears the desperation and resignation in my voice. I know it’s coming. Like a freight train and I’m tied to the tracks. There’s no getting out of this.

#5 Paddlepop

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:29 PM

Sounds like DH needs to finish work early for a week or two to get dinner time back on track with DS. Personally I'd withdraw from it and leave them to it, then gradually reintroduce myself to DS's dinner routine. DH can do breakfast too. That leaves only one main mealtime for you to deal with during the week, and DH can do the weekend lunches too.

#6 Staying Strange

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:40 PM

My kids were a bit like this ... But I don't have a problem with them screaming - in that I font6get embarrassed or flustered by it etc. We have a screaming/wailing/noisy area, where I would calmly put the kids and where they can be as loud as they like. Then return to where the other kids were. The deal in this house -for boundary testing (not meltdown) yelling/screaming from the kids is done in the noisy space only. And if they come out they are to be quiet or go back if they still want to be noisy. Sometimes I have to sit in the doorway t stop them leaving....but it reduce d the screaming we got.

Good luck OP. Sounds exhausting

#7 Blue Shoe

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:41 PM

Wow. He sounds very full on. I know what it’s like to feel like you’ve tried everything. There’s only so many times you can pick yourself up to try yet again!!
I’m guessing if you went for the natural consequence of letting him go to bed hungry (after refusing food), it would backfire as he would wake up (more) overnight?
Otherwise, does he like going out for walks? Could you put him in the stroller with some finger food breakfast/lunch/dinner in a bowl and he might be distracted enough by things around him that he eats without a fuss as you’re walking? I find often just getting them out of the house can help a lot, even if it’s just for a walk around the block.
Otherwise, if he wants you to hold him - what happens if you do? (Even though you would probably rather throw him out the window because he’s driving you crazy!!) If you treat him a bit like a needy newborn that just wants to cluster feed non stop - accept it as a “this too shall pass” phase, grit your teeth and give him what he wants until that neediness in him is met and his behaviour normalises a bit again? Even if it means ignoring housework etc because you’re stuck holding him for long periods?

#8 Silver Girl

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:52 PM

I feel for you, OP. Having an unsettled, Velcro toddler nearly killed me.

#9 Drat

Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:57 PM

I have noticed that my daughter plays up massively for my husband at dinner because he is often a push over, and he will let her muck around and sit on his lap or play with toys etc.

She doesn't try it with me because she knows I won't put up with it. It doesn't mean that she will eat her dinner (as most nights she doesn't) but she knows that she sits at the table with us, and isn't silly. I make dinner, she decides how much to eat (I don't make other meals). So if she doesn't eat then she goes hungry.

He's now realising this, and is starting to be a bit more firm with her at dinner.

It might not be the case for you, but is there something that you are doing differently to your husband?

Btw, hang in there. You are obviously his safe person, and he can let out frustrations/upset/anger out on you. It's awful, but he obviously knows that you love him unconditionally. 2 year olds are hard! Hang in there

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