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Head vs Heart - How did it play out?

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#26 Bugster

Posted 22 August 2019 - 10:40 AM

My heart won out but while I would never give them up I do sometimes think I should have listened to my head.

#27 hunter4

Posted 22 August 2019 - 11:16 AM

My heart definitely said yes to a 3rd but my head and DH said no.  So we went with no and just stuck at 2 and for a long time I thought longingly of that 3rd.

But fast forward, my two are now 10 and 12 and I am definitely happy that we stopped when we did.  The logistics are just so much easier - everything that my head told me was true and I've gotten over the longing.  I still coo like mad when I see little babies but if I was given then chance tomorrow no way would I change my decision.

#28 Kreme

Posted 22 August 2019 - 11:26 AM

It has been really refreshing to read the honest responses here instead of the usual trite rubbish about only regretting the children you don’t have.

#29 Crombek

Posted 22 August 2019 - 11:33 AM

Head and heart said 3, so 3 it is. I’ll let you know in 20 years how it went. There’s a lot of days I think we should have stopped at 2, but I’m not certain it’d be my 2 oldest I’d choose!

Edited by Crombek, 22 August 2019 - 11:33 AM.

#30 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 22 August 2019 - 01:04 PM

View PostKreme, on 22 August 2019 - 11:26 AM, said:

It has been really refreshing to read the honest responses here instead of the usual trite rubbish about only regretting the children you don’t have.

That is my pet peeve. I know many who have regretted that one more.

#31 Chicken Pie

Posted 22 August 2019 - 01:10 PM

definitely head and glad it did as i acknowledge now i would not have coped and likely not been a good mom (assuming i am one lol)

#32 Kallie88

Posted 22 August 2019 - 01:28 PM

Still struggling with this. Thought we were done at 3, would love another. Dh started saying no, but now he's flip flopping so I dunno. Head says maybe better to quit while we're ahead, and i don't want to go ahead if dh isn't sure. But geez the heart wants another

#33 doubledelight

Posted 22 August 2019 - 01:42 PM

I initially listened to my head and was done after two boys although my then DH was keen for another I knew we were on shaky ground so as much as heart said yes my head saved me.  Fast forward 10 years later I repartnered to someone who wanted to be a parent again.

I listened to my heart and fell pregnant with number 3 which actually turned out to be #3 & #4.  I adore the people they know are but every now and then I look at my friends, most of whom have children the age of my older two and dream of that level of freedom whilst I am in the grip of the teenage years again.

I think sometimes we romanticise things to fool ourselves.

#34 Amica

Posted 22 August 2019 - 01:54 PM

My 4th is not quite a year old and I want a 5th, but I can't. I'm too old and the last 2 literally almost killed me. I was rushed to intensive care twice with the last one, and my organs were in bad shape and didn't recover for months. I hate that my body has failed me, because I want another, we have room for another, and we can afford another.

This is a case of head says yes, and my heart (and other organs!) say no. Heart wins.

Edited by AliasMater, 22 August 2019 - 01:56 PM.

#35 lalalove

Posted 22 August 2019 - 02:17 PM

I always wanted 3. Head said stick with 2. Heart kept saying 3. DH wanted 2.

I am now pregnant with number 3. Yet to see how it will pan out.

I knew I would forever regret not having another. I know this will definitely be my last.

#36 Ellie bean

Posted 22 August 2019 - 02:27 PM

View PostCrombek, on 22 August 2019 - 11:33 AM, said:

Head and heart said 3, so 3 it is. I’ll let you know in 20 years how it went. There’s a lot of days I think we should have stopped at 2, but I’m not certain it’d be my 2 oldest I’d choose!
Ha I have 2, my eldest at about age 5 kept telling me I should have just had one child until I said to her “what makes you think you would be the one we chose”- that put a end to that line of argument ;)

#37 Superduperlucky

Posted 22 August 2019 - 02:46 PM

Heart said #3, head said to stop at #1 & #2 (who are twins).

God I'm glad we listened to our hearts. #3 is a treasured gift who we cannot imagine life without.

No regrets whatsoever.

#38 froglett

Posted 22 August 2019 - 02:53 PM

Heart said 3, head said 2. I was struggling to convince DH to go for #2, so no way was I ever going to convince him for #3.

I still ever so occasionally get pangs for #3, but mostly not anymore (youngest is a threenager!).

We work for ourselves and both kids were/are very intense (ADHD intense). Stopping at 2 was totally the right decision. I now can't imagine going back to newborn land.

#39 Silverstreak

Posted 22 August 2019 - 03:21 PM

My heart said two at one point, but I was pretty much done by one. Now DS is seven and I enjoy just having the one: I have quite a bit of free time when DS is in school, I work part time, money doesn't have to stretch as far as it would if we had two kids and I feel like I have a good work/life balance.

I'm sure there's an alternate universe somewhere where I have ten kids and am blissfully happy, but in this universe I have finite amounts of money and energy and a tendency to stress over things. So, on the whole, I'm content with having listened to my head and stopped at one child.

#40 South Coast

Posted 22 August 2019 - 03:27 PM

I desperately wanted a second - and had  perfect embryo on storage...  time went by, tried naturally, more miscarriages, got half way through IVF and DH lost his job day before tranfer - so I cancelled.

Never had another baby....

Now DS is 7, he's our only - I absolutely don't want another one and am glad we didn't!!!

DS has never wanted, nor asked for a sibling..

I got over it eventually and now enjoying working, DS at school and happy, saving money and 9 hours of sleep a night (I like my sleep)...

#41 alwayshappy

Posted 22 August 2019 - 03:57 PM

We didn't feel done at two, so we had a third.
In hindsight, we definitely should have stopped at two.
Something that can't be anticipated is the risk of disability.
The impact of having a child with a behavioural disability has been significant in our family - our other children, our marriage, us as parents individually, and mostly, our child.
Husband and I both say that if we had known then what we know now, we would not have had a third. Obviously, our child could have been born without the challenges he has, and we would probably be saying "go for it". But I think I'd rather two in the hand than three in the bush, particularly when I see the distress our youngest experiences because of the anxiety and consequent behavioural issues he lives with every day. And this will be his lot for the rest of his life.

Stick with what you have, to minimise the risk of this happening to you.

#42 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 22 August 2019 - 03:59 PM

I had planned and wanted a big family. I loved being a mum to one. I loved having our second.
But I had a 50% success rate for pregnancies.  Both kids have disabilities and require lots of support and therapies.

I cannot have another pregnancy. Losing it or Adding another child to this mix would send me over the edge. Despite wanting one. I’m blessed to have both my kids.

#43 premmie

Posted 22 August 2019 - 04:03 PM

I was very content and feeling done when my boys were 3 & 5. Then quite out of the blue my heart wanted another. It absolutely freaked me out for several weeks, check my post history it there :). I told DH who said nothing for a few days and then was very keen. He was turning 40 the following year and didn't want to consider it after that point.

Fast forward, my third son is 3 in October and has been a wonderful blessing for us, his siblings and the extended family. I won't lie it's hard work. I'm back at work part time and life is busy, often stressful and hectic. Its a big juggle. There are moments where I think 2 definitely would have been easier. But watching the sibling relationship grow has been wonderful. His brothers adored him from the minute he was born.

Heart won, and I'm very happy with the decision. But i am absolutely done now. Happy to moving onto the next phase of life with older children. DH went for a vasectomy a year ago.

That being said we didn't have issues with finances or fertility/age being a factor. I think the decision would have been different if it had. We also decided to try for 6 months and not seek out any assistance if nothing happened in that time. I hadn't had issue prior but was 4 years older and didn't know what would happen. As luck would have it I was pregnant within 6 weeks.

Edited by premmie, 22 August 2019 - 04:07 PM.

#44 premmie

Posted 22 August 2019 - 04:11 PM

View PostVeritas Vinum Arte, on 22 August 2019 - 01:04 PM, said:

That is my pet peeve. I know many who have regretted that one more.
I hate hate that saying too.

#45 Squeekums The Elf

Posted 22 August 2019 - 04:46 PM

Head and heart for me
I knew I was one and done from the second dd was born
I was never going through that again

If dp had his way we would have a 2nd, I've told him all well and good, but he needs to advance science so men gestate. Not so keen to advance science.....

#46 Squeekums The Elf

Posted 22 August 2019 - 04:48 PM

View PostKreme, on 22 August 2019 - 11:26 AM, said:

It has been really refreshing to read the honest responses here instead of the usual trite rubbish about only regretting the children you don’t have.

I HATE that saying
Complete b.s. used to guilt women into having kids they don't want or can't handle

#47 Summer81

Posted 22 August 2019 - 05:42 PM

Head said 2, heart said 3. #3 is currently 9 months old and emptying the plastics draw while I cook dinner and her brothers play lego.

No regrets going with our heart!

But... you need to acknowledge that life will be harder, more stessful at times and you'll be poorer (financially). If you can do that and still think you'll be happy with it then maybe you're not crazy.

Our third enriches our lives more than we could have ever guessed. She's also at probably the cutest stage she will ever be. I might think differently when she's 3! Or a teenager!

#48 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 22 August 2019 - 05:56 PM

I wanted 3. Having 3 was really, really hard. Then we had a surprise #4 and that was very, very hard! I couldn't get DH to the vasectomy clinic fast enough. I was SO done. Then my youngest started school and I find myself thinking I have this parenting business down so well, I could have had another! That is completely mad and at total odds with how I felt for the last 10 years.

#49 Sharalanda

Posted 22 August 2019 - 06:49 PM

Heart is saying 3 and my head is saying stop at 2. Husband is very keen to have one more. For the first year after having number 2 I couldn’t stop thinking about having #3. Now that he’s off to Kindy next year I can see things are starting to get a bit easier. I think that ship has sailed but then again.....

#50 bakesgirls

Posted 22 August 2019 - 07:02 PM

My head said to stop at 2. My heart wanted more. I have 4 now and it's the best thing I ever did. I wouldn't have it any other way and I'm so glad I went with my heart.

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