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Older ladies TTC
26 replies to this topic
Posted 20 August 2019 - 02:18 PM
I have 2 wonderful children but ache for another. I’m 39 and I find myself so stressed thinking about the risks (mainly chromosomal and multiples) that we are probably leaning towards not TTC. However I’m so worried that I’m being too risk adverse and will I always regret not just going for it. If we don’t conceive I’d be ok, its the fact we haven’t tried.
Anyway wondering if anyone was in the same boat and decided to go for it?
Posted 20 August 2019 - 02:35 PM
I was 42 when we started trying. Got pregnant after six months of trying (apparently that makes me a bit of a freak because women over 40 aren't supposed to get pregnant naturally within six months). We had all the tests you could think of once we knew I was pregnant. Costs money but it was hugely reassuring. Luckily everything was fine and I now have a healthy, happy four year old.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 03:54 PM
I guess TTC is a leap of faith at any stage. I had mine at 38 and 40. I just kind of figured what happens happens, and sadly there can be risks and problems at any time, not just as you get older. We also did all the tests once pregnant.
Luckily it worked out fine, but if it hadn’t that’s another factor you need to steel yourself for, and maybe have an idea of how you might move forward if the results weren’t what you’d hoped for. Best of luck if you decide to go ahead.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 04:09 PM
My 'only' was born two weeks before my 39th. Sister's fifth was born when she was 44, conceived straight way (you'll have to take my word on that one), friend's daughter born when she was 43 conceived the month she went off the pill.
Obviously there are all the other stories about people who were infertile by the time they were 35, too. My MIL and SIL reached menopause early 40s and would have been infertile well before that.
The truth is women are not an average. Ten percent of women can still conceive within a year at 45. I would have been one of those, not reaching menopause until late fifties (and had frequently pituitary tests for an unrelated condition).
So much improved testing now, if that's what worries you. If you're feeling the urge, I'd say go for it. I'd have not hesitated until 45, if it hadn't been for an undiagnosed tumour giving me stratospheric blood pressure, which caused quite the drama after our only one was born.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 04:26 PM
I recently had my 3rd baby at 42. No chromosomal issues or other pregnancy health issues.
Some of the pregnancy related issues are less common if its not your first child. Obviously chromosomal issues are related to age, of both the mother and the father.
You can test for the most commonly occurring ones non invasively now, as you are likely aware.
Surprisingly my 3rd pregnancy and labour were by far easier than the other 2. Breastfeeding is going well.
Im certainly finding it a juggle with 3 but if anything being older is probably easier as I had more money behind me for a couple of emergencies that cropped up!
Posted 20 August 2019 - 04:37 PM
I also think a lot of the science used to back up the current thoughts on fertility over 35 and the risks involved need a massive update. Some of the studies used in the debate around fertility are quite old but it's not something that's going to make money so no one is really interested.
My very-unsubstantiated position is that the science is quite wobbly.
If you really, really want to try, do it. If you do get pregnant and you've got the money, get all the tests done. We're in a much better position now to find out what's what.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 05:08 PM
I wasn't 'trying' but ended up pg with my second at 40, he was born healthy just before my 41st birthday. Like you I was worried about the higher risks associated with the pregnancy and chose to have full chromosomal testing at 12 weeks.
You just need to decide whether you would terminate if there was an abnormality, and if you can accept that risk. It isn't something to take lightly (which I'm sure you wouldn't - just meaning to think it through carefully before).
Posted 20 August 2019 - 05:51 PM
Another aspect to consider is not just whether you want a baby now, but if you are successful, do you want to be supporting a 20 year old when you're 60? Go for it if you want, I just have a vivid memory of a colleague saying to me "I'd be retired by now if we'd stopped at 2" - they had a big gap between the first 2 and number 3.
Posted 21 August 2019 - 08:57 PM
I seriously can not believe I am writing this post.
Older ladies TTC! I don't feel old, but am 37.
When I turned 30 I told my DH it was too old to have another baby.
We have a 16 year old. My DH always said he didn't want another baby.
I went of the pill in Jan to help try and lose weight. I lost 18 kgs in 5 months.
I gave it one last try asking DH and said it will never happen. I told him we can try for 6 months then I'd stop. No IVF.
Would you believe it, we fell first month of trying!!! I timed DTD based on apps but didn't pin point O.
6 weeks yesterday! Still can't believe it .
There's hope for everyone yet
Posted 21 August 2019 - 09:19 PM
I had one at 40.
25 words or less version:
Awful awful pregnancy. 8 hospital admissions, 11 met calls, premature delivery, 2 trips to intensive care (myself), toxic liver injury, kidney damage... and absolutely no regrets.
Posted 16 October 2019 - 03:22 PM
I’m 43 and trying for #3 - my DS is 24 and my DD is 21!
Posted 16 October 2019 - 03:49 PM
I had a surprise pregnancy at 42. I was terrified of something being wrong. I’m a Heartfelt photographer and coordinator, so I know what can go wrong. I decided to have a CVS at 12 weeks to make sure, and thankfully, I got great results. I didn’t relax until I had a breathing baby in my arms though.
The genetic counsellor told me that if the CVS was ok, then my risks for the rest of the pregnancy went down to what they were in my 20’s. He told me to stop worrying.
Posted 16 October 2019 - 03:53 PM
With trying to conceive I find that my stress is way worse
When I was 20 and TTC my first that it was all rainbows and and lolly pops and every month I thought I was going to get preg and now all theses years later staying positive is way harder than it used to be
I wish I could just decide to have a bub and bam Im preg
Posted 17 October 2019 - 06:10 PM
I’m so glad I found this. I’m 39 and TTC number 2. I was giving myself another year. I’ve already Had 4 m/c before my darling miracle baby. Makes me sad that he might be my only child but also so grateful and blessed to have him
I know the success rate drops significantly at 40
Posted 18 October 2019 - 04:54 AM
Bob - thanks for the good news story, it certainly helps to hear some positives out there!
Mandi!21 hang in there... our success rate is reduced mainly due to the quality of our eggs at that age but it only takes one good egg and there is so much testing and assistance out there - I wish you luck on your journey and hope you have a second miracle!
AFM I have two frozen embryo’s that are currently being tested... fingers crossed we have no chromosomal issues and they’re healthy. We should have results within the next two weeks!
Posted 24 October 2019 - 01:02 PM
Thanks miss DC any word back on your embryos ??
Well I got a positive OPK this week so been BD like catch. Now let the 2WW begin!!
Posted 24 October 2019 - 02:32 PM
No word as yet - tomorrow marks the 3 weeks... I'm getting really edgy waiting for the response! I'm not real good at waiting for anything! haha
Posted 24 October 2019 - 02:33 PM
Oh honey I hope you don’t have to wait too long. I’m the same. I am soooo impatient. I just want to know already 😭
Posted 24 October 2019 - 02:38 PM
If they come back no good, I don't know what I'm going to do! My body clock is running out of time - How old is too old???
Posted 24 October 2019 - 02:43 PM
I started TTC #4 when I was 40 yrs old. Had three miscarriages and gave up. I am still sad that we weren't successful.
Posted 24 October 2019 - 02:58 PM
Sorry to hear that Jackrabbit!
There are so many stories, positive & negative, for women over 40.
I've had two miscarriages in the past 12 months, they were both conceived naturally - this is my first IVF round, just hoping I'm one of the lucky ones.. fx!!
Posted 29 October 2019 - 02:21 PM
I am 40 trying TTC #2 with new partner I have low egg count had one failed IVF round but not giving up yet. I still feel young enough to have another child plus partner would love a child. It is certainly a very emotional rollercoaster as you feel like your a failure but I still have hope we are both fit & healthy. Good luck for everyone else in the same boat 🤗☘️
Posted 29 October 2019 - 03:44 PM
Geriatric mother here! First at 37, currently 12 weeks with No. 2 at 39. Just Paid $425 for the NIPT and $180 for the nuchal scan. Expensive but worth it. As others have said, you just have to be prepared for the cost and what your decision would be should something not be right. I say go for it. Better to try than regret not trying.
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