Jump to content

Getting mad at my kids about (sort of) trivial stuff


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:45 AM

We have quite a lot going on in our lives at the moment, sick family member type thing and I have a refluxy baby and a few health issues.

Im finding Im getting out of proportion annoyed at my kids over things like losing their school jumper, leaving ooshies in the lounge room.

They are trivial things but then they aren't. My baby will be crawling soon and the rule is no ooshies in the lounge room only your bedrooms and if they come in the lounge room Ill have to chuck them out. Its a safety issue and they understand that.

But I feel like I shouldn't actually do it as the kids are having a hard time now too and I don't want to unnecessarily upset them and make them resent the baby.

I don't shout at them but I find myself having a bit of a rant about the jumpers (well shes left 3 in a row at school) but they have so much going on at school too and DD has a couple of learning issues so I know its not deliberate.

Other things are losing library books, losing homework etc. Trivial but it does still matter!

Any tips on how to manage everything and not lose your cool at your kids?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:48 AM

Don’t think you’re alone in doing this. I feel like everyone does at one stage or another.

With losing your cool, it helps me to actually say to them.. “I can feel myself getting furious right now, I’m going to my room to cool down. When I come back out, we will come up with a plan to solve x”

Edited by Riotproof, 20 August 2019 - 11:55 AM.


#3 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:50 AM

View PostRiotproof, on 20 August 2019 - 10:48 AM, said:

Don’t think you’re alone in doing this. I feel like everyone does at one stage or another.

With loosing your cool, it helps me to actually say to them.. “I can feel myself getting furious right now, I’m going to my room to cool down. When I come back out, we will come up with a plan to solve x”

Time out for Mum,  I like that idea :)

#4 123tree

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:54 AM

I did a short course years ago on parenting. One of the things they discussed was what triggers you to get cranky.

For example I hate it when my kids make a mess or create a disaster zone that I have to clean up. I feel like they don’t value me and almost like they do it on purpose so I don’t get down time. When I step back from this it is irrational so thinking about this objectively helps.

Also it stems from me feeling undervalued by the adults in my life and taking it out on the kids if I be truely honest.

Other triggers are when they break something or loose it when we are really broke. It is that heightened level of stress. But I need to adjust my expectations to their ages.  When we are going ok finically I don’t loose it over this.

#5 EPZ

Posted 20 August 2019 - 11:03 AM

I get like this too OP,   especially with  busy times, doesn't have to be something wrong, just a lot on at work and at home.

I love the idea of time out for mum...... I am doing this.

I feel like everything in life is so rushed, I get annoyed things cannot slow down sometimes.

#6 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 20 August 2019 - 11:26 AM

View Post123tree, on 20 August 2019 - 10:54 AM, said:

I did a short course years ago on parenting. One of the things they discussed was what triggers you to get cranky.

....

. But I need to adjust my expectations to their ages.  

Good advice.  

I think one of the things Im struggling with is that they were doing a lot better with this stuff (losing books etc) before the baby was born. So I feel like its my fault. I know eventually they will get over it when we get through our rough patch and go back to being more responsible.

#7 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 20 August 2019 - 11:52 AM

View PostRuntotheRiver, on 20 August 2019 - 11:03 AM, said:

I get like this too OP,   especially with  busy times, doesn't have to be something wrong, just a lot on at work and at home.

I love the idea of time out for mum...... I am doing this.

I feel like everything in life is so rushed, I get annoyed things cannot slow down sometimes.

I love this idea too, tried it a few times, but the littler kids follow me into my time out.

#8 Ellie bean

Posted 20 August 2019 - 11:58 AM

With the ooshies, another option is to say “if you leave it in the lounge room it goes in X cupboard (up high where kids can’t reach) and you can’t have it till Sunday.” I find that better as it’s easier for me to follow through

#9 EPZ

Posted 20 August 2019 - 12:00 PM

View PostWTF_SM3, on 20 August 2019 - 11:52 AM, said:

I love this idea too, tried it a few times, but the littler kids follow me into my time out.

This made me giggle a bit :lol:

#10 ali-song

Posted 20 August 2019 - 12:33 PM

View PostEllie bean, on 20 August 2019 - 11:58 AM, said:

With the ooshies, another option is to say “if you leave it in the lounge room it goes in X cupboard (up high where kids can’t reach) and you can’t have it till Sunday.” I find that better as it’s easier for me to follow through

We call this ‘toy time out’ - if it’s a particularly obnoxious toy you’re looking to get rid of, they often forget about it after 10 minutes, allowing for easy disposal. ;)

#11 Dianalynch

Posted 20 August 2019 - 12:53 PM

We also do toys in the cupboard, on a particularly tough day the shelf has filled up...

#12 mayahlb

Posted 20 August 2019 - 01:01 PM

We do the toy in the box thing. I call it the toy jail. Then again, rather then put the big kid of mine in time out, give a consequence, I put his favorite, most beloved toy in "jail". Works much better then anything else.

But yes for me it is the balance of my expectations and their ages, and feeling like I am the only one who does anything at home, and is undervalued at home. You know the attitude "oh I won't bother doing that, mum/my wife" will do it.

Mum time out is wonderful if the kids don't follow you. I have a sign I stick on the bedroom door which basically says, "Enter at your own risk"

#13 Ellie bean

Posted 20 August 2019 - 01:29 PM

 WTF_SM3, on 20 August 2019 - 11:52 AM, said:



I love this idea too, tried it a few times, but the littler kids follow me into my time out.
I remember hiding in the walk in wardrobe holding the door shut and sobbing while 2yo dd hammered on the door... fun times and not my proudest parenting moment! DH was actually with her do I wasn’t abandoning her lol

We’ve all been there OP, you’re not alone so don’t be too hard on yourself

#14 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 20 August 2019 - 01:46 PM

 mayahlb, on 20 August 2019 - 01:01 PM, said:


But yes for me it is the balance of my expectations and their ages, and feeling like I am the only one who does anything at home, and is undervalued at home. You know the attitude "oh I won't bother doing that, mum/my wife" will do it.


Good point. I think its actually my own expectations too. I feel like Im not at work therefore I should do everything around the house, and I had a lot of things to work on that I had put aside for maternity leave

(bwahaha)

because we need to finish renovating this house so that we can sell it and move before the eldest is in high school.

#15 robhat

Posted 20 August 2019 - 02:36 PM

It helps to have a place for things that you don't want lost or cluttering up space.

We have a book rack from IKEA (bit like a magazine rack) which is where library books go. It's next to the couch and after some persistence both my kids will return their books there when they aren't reading them. They don't get lost then!

Similar with homework. Both kids have a desk in their rooms, that's where homework belongs! If you don't have desks you could have a special box or magazine holder thing or whatever.

You can even do this with the Ooshies. Have a basket they go in and encourage the kids to put them there.

You do have to remind them a lot when they are little, but over time kids can learn to be more organised and to manage their stuff.

Losing school jumpers doesn't have much of a solution though!

#16 Mollycoddle

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:00 PM

 Ellie bean, on 20 August 2019 - 01:29 PM, said:


I remember hiding in the walk in wardrobe holding the door shut and sobbing while 2yo dd hammered on the door... fun times and not my proudest parenting moment! DH was actually with her do I wasn’t abandoning her lol


I go into the main bathroom as it's the only one with a lock. The issue is that the light's on the outside so they turn it off on me!

#17 Jenflea

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:21 PM

Mum used to go for a walk to the letterbox and cry, then come back
3 kids under 2(one set of twins) and it was hard!

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:29 PM

 WannabeMasterchef, on 20 August 2019 - 11:26 AM, said:

I think one of the things Im struggling with is that they were doing a lot better with this stuff (losing books etc) before the baby was born. So I feel like its my fault.

This is an important insight. Sometimes a trigger to anger is what it brings up in us, in this case some guilt. I know sometimes I'm unable to sit with my son when he's upset if I feel blamed somehow for it - which is not because he's blamed me but because I feel I could have prevented it by doing something different, so I feel it's my fault in some way. So I go out of my way to prove to him that it shouldn't be an issue.

What has helped me was paying more attention to my emotions and separating them from his - so I am feeling guilty I try to partition that off, and remind myself that whatever I did/didn't do was understandable, and we are all learning, etc. And separately, react to him and his emotion/issue without loading it with my stuff. Easier said than done but practice builds awareness.

#19 Freddie'sMum

Posted 20 August 2019 - 10:34 PM

Let's see - when our girls were younger - I hid in the pantry and cried and ate chocolate.

On other occasions I said "Mummy's going to my room now to have a time out" and cried and ate chocolate.  

I have sat in the car crying and eating chocolate.  

(you get the drift)

This morning I had an argument with Miss-11 about shoes and I am so sick and tired of arguing with her I ended it by saying "I don't want to have this conversation any more.  You are right.  Leave me alone".

Parenting sucks.

The end.

#20 Pooks Combusted

Posted 21 August 2019 - 08:02 AM

Antidepressants, lowered standards, and occasional escape.

#21 cinnamonnutmeg

Posted 21 August 2019 - 08:55 AM

I get cross a fair bit. I am also naturally a very loud person. I'm also a stay at home mum with no baby sitters, no childcare and a husband who works long hours. It's hard.

I find when I'm getting cross, especially unreasonably I tend to rant and carry on. I also used to feel like I was backed into a corner, like I was being hysterical and couldn't stop. So when I see that I am doing my shouty voice, I turn into the Angry Chicken. I cluck and turn my ranting into something silly. Then I pretend to peck the kids. It's stupid but it helps break the cycle from me. The kids laugh, I feel better and then I either explain whats annoying me (I told you to put Anna in the front room 3 times. If you can't put her away, I'll put her in time out).

If that doesn't help I go to a different room, have a small cry or carry on, then come back.

#22 MoreCoffeePlease

Posted 21 August 2019 - 09:07 AM

 robhat, on 20 August 2019 - 02:36 PM, said:



Losing school jumpers doesn't have much of a solution though!


I had the same issues with jumpers so I confiscated the OOshies and have her one jumper for the week. If she still had it on Friday she got the ooshies back. Worked a treat

#23 Evelyn Smith

Posted 21 August 2019 - 10:25 PM

I always try to think that they are just children and they don't understand what they are doing, it doesn't always work, but still...

#24 lizzzard

Posted 22 August 2019 - 02:42 PM

I don’t know if this will help but my kids are preteens now and I rarely get mad at them anymore. I was feeling really bad earlier this year reflecting on how hard I felt i had been on the kids when they were younger - I was a classic for yelling over small things and definitely have some moments I am not proud of. But then my daughter said to me ‘mummy, you’re such a chilled mum. I love that about you!’ I was surprised she percieved  me that way and it made me realise things can change - just because it’s tough now it won’t always be that way and your kids won’t necessarily see you as short tempered in the future :)

#25 Silverstreak

Posted 22 August 2019 - 03:09 PM

Haven't read all the replies, so not sure if it's been mentioned, but consider getting your thyroid checked, if you haven't already, just in case. I didn't realise, but mine was shot to pieces after having a baby and I was very stressed and anxious.

Not saying you don't have other stressors in your life, but thyroid conditions can exacerbate things. Just a thought, as you mentioned you have a baby.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.

 

Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.